HOW DO WE KNOW WHO WE ARE?
Curiosity, Environment, and the Journey of Self-Understanding
Knowing ourselves isn’t a destination—it’s a lifelong exploration. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early experiences, relationships, and creative freedom shape our evolving sense of identity.
Is that a silly question or a powerful challenge to self-understanding?
We come into the world with a unique personality. As we interact with the family around us, we modify that personality. If we are fortunate to live in a loving family, those modifications will be supported and explored. Infants are, by nature, very curious people. They are excellent observers and read the environment around them accurately. They have brilliant instincts, as this is their survival mechanism. Oh, to recapture that talent.
The people around us shape our personalities. When we are safe, we will explore. When we are in danger, we retreat or protest. Think of an infant as having infinite possibilities. The easiest way to demonstrate this is to think of “language.” We come into the world with the ability to speak any language. The environment determines which one or more we speak and understand. My parents speak English, so I speak English. If one of my parents had been Chinese and spoken that native language, I would have been bilingual. Our brains are capable of so much, and the early stages of exposure are critical.
Think about your early stages and your language, music, art, and knowledge exposure. I remember a client describing a special treat at his grandfather’s house. To occupy the toddler, Grandfather presented him with a volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Now, you might think that to be quite odd and dangerous as well, given that Grandfather would not have liked the books to be torn or drawn in. However, Grandfather took some precautions. The boy felt the privilege of being trusted with these large volumes of pictures and illustrations that made him curious. His love of books and knowledge began with this early privilege. A scholar was born in the den of his grandfather.
Many children are exposed to music and art early on. Remember finger painting? Finger painting is a messy endeavor, so many parents skip this craft. However, putting your hands in paint and feeling the wet, oozing substance move across the paper is well worth the mess. I have this image of a kindergartener moving that paint across the page, onto the table, and down the table leg. Many teachers would have stopped the exploration. Fortunately, this child had a wise and insightful teacher who was curious about the exploration and facilitated a conversation about touch and color and, eventually, about water and clean-up rags. How we relate to young children is critical.
Think of the difference between: “Oh, the paint has taken you off-road and down the table leg.” OR “Stop, what are you doing? You’re supposed to stay on the paper!”
How many of us have learned to “stay on the paper”? Going off-road is the way we learn who we are.
Want to explore how self-understanding supports emotional growth and authenticity? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to knowing yourself, Positive Psychology’s breakdown of self-knowledge and identity, and Psych Central’s creative approaches to self-discovery.
If you’re reflecting on identity, early experience, or emotional insight, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support self-awareness and personal growth.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
