Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

Why Your Strongest Reactions Often Come From Parenting Triggers

What if the moments that trigger you most as a parent are not really about your child?

What if they are connected to something much older, something still active from your own experience?

In this conversation on Rediscovering Childhood with Mireia Lopez, we explore how emotional patterns formed early in life continue to shape the way we respond, especially in parenting.

Most of this happens outside of awareness.

But once you begin to see it, you can begin to change it.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why naming an emotion is one of the most powerful things you can do for your child’s development
• How boys are often taught to suppress emotion—and the long‑term impact of that pattern
• What your parenting triggers may be revealing about your own unfinished emotional history
• How well‑intentioned parents can unintentionally limit a child’s emotional range
• Practical ways to create emotional safety and connection at home, starting now

We also talk about what this looks like in real life.

A parent who reacts quickly to a child’s emotion may not be responding to the moment, but to something unresolved from their own past.

A child who cannot name what they feel is not lacking ability—they are lacking language.

And a boy who is encouraged to “move on” instead of being understood learns to disconnect, not regulate.

These patterns are not fixed.
They are learned.
And anything learned can be revisited, understood, and changed.

If you are raising a child, navigating a relationship, or simply noticing reactions in yourself that do not feel aligned, this conversation offers a place to begin.

🎧 Listen here:
Rediscovering Childhood – Full Episode

For more reflections on emotional development, parenting, and the psychology of early experience, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are noticing patterns in your own reactions—or want support creating emotional safety at home—therapy can help you understand where these responses began and how to shift them. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support parents, children, and families.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

HOT

Fire, Climate, and the Longing for Cool

Heat isn’t just a temperature—it’s a memory, a warning, and a longing. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores our fascination with fire, the discomfort of rising temperatures, and the emotional imprint of climate change on everyday life.

Remember when you were a little kid and were told not to touch the stove because it was hot, or to stay away from the fireplace so you wouldn’t get burned? Perhaps, your parents had a bonfire on the beach when you were on vacation or burned some stuff in an oil drum in the alley behind your place. Keeping your distance was the watchword. However, the lure of the fire was always more potent than the admonishment.

Every kid wants to get a stick and poke the fire. This seems so natural. And, doesn’t it make sense? You want to see the sparks fly and curl their way into the sky. You want to feel the heat and dance away from the floating embers so your clothes will not get burned.

We are fascinated by fire. For many years, a live fire was the only way to keep warm in the winter. I remember my uncle’s farmhouse had a very large potbelly stove in the living room. It had these dull glass panes in the front where you could watch the redness of the coals burning as the warmth exuded from all sides of that potbelly. The stove magically disappeared in the summer and that must have been a chore to move that heavy old thing but out it went.

Then we had to cope with the summer heat. I thought those summers were bad until the last few years. With global warming the summer seems to start much earlier each year and the heat is actually visible this year. I love spending time outside and we have some very pleasant places to relax. The deck has been cooled by an awning. The porch has been screened in and the garden has benches and large stones for sitting. None of that is in use with this heat.

So, the indoors must do while we gaze at the potential out there. Longing to escape becomes the experience of each day. Of course, I am grateful for the modern convenience of air conditioning and worry about those who do not have this luxury. I remember the farmhouse with every window open in hopes of catching a breeze. I also understand why the farmhouse had these big covered porches where you had the promise of shade and the hope of a breeze. Or you could make your own breeze by pumping the porch swing. That was pure luxury.

Today, luxury would be a break in this heat. Perhaps, if we did not live in the swamp of Washington, D.C. the scene would be different. I mean that literally.

Washington, D.C. was built on a swamp that was drained in order to make a city. I know what you were thinking!

Want to explore how fire and heat shape climate adaptation and emotional resilience? Visit Nature’s breakdown of extreme fire seasons and climate adaptation, MDPI’s strategies for managing fire in a changing climate, and Georgia Tech’s research on wildfire and global climate impact.

If you’re reflecting on climate stress, sensory memory, or emotional adaptation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and environmental resilience.

How Summer and Expectations Shaped Our Childhood, and Still Shapes Us Now

I remember the night before our family left for summer vacation. Everything was packed and stowed in the car. The back seat was fitted with blow‑up mattresses folded into the wells so the kids had a place to lie down and sleep, if we could. We were sent to bed, though no one truly slept, and then carried to the car around midnight to begin the long journey to the lake.

Summer was a season of expectations. School was over, and if you were lucky, you had no assignments to complete. Yes, there was always the reading list for September, but you had all summer to ignore it and cram those novels into the last two weeks of August. With summer’s arrival, everything felt glorious. Vacation was coming. Freedom was coming. The freedom to ride your bike, roam the neighborhood, and get into just enough mischief to feel alive.

Now, as summer approaches again, what are your expectations?

Think back to those childhood summers. Maybe you looked forward to sleep‑away camp, or perhaps you had a neighbor who ran a day camp where you could run wild, scream to your heart’s content, make water balloons, battle with other campers, create beaded necklaces or bookmarks, put on plays, and turn everything into a contest with your friends.

Looking forward to summer was a treat in itself.

After all, summer symbolized freedom. No more waking up at dawn to meet the bus. No more homework after dinner. No more rigid schedules. Summer was different. You could go to the barn and spend the morning building a fort out of hay bales. You could wander to the creek, stir the water with a stick, and dig for tiny creatures. You could ride your bike to your friends’ houses and gather a gang to play baseball in the open field or hide‑and‑seek across the neighborhood.

If you were really lucky, you found a place to swim and spent the day moving in and out of the pool. At some point, you gathered the courage to try the high dive and prayed your friends weren’t watching that first attempt—because it was almost guaranteed to be a belly flop. But eventually, you were shouting for their attention as you leapt off the board, slicing through the water like a knife and touching the bottom before popping back up for air.

Summer is coming again, bringing its promise of freedom, adventure, and new memories.

Enjoy!!

For more reflections on memory, childhood experiences, and the psychology of anticipation, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are exploring how past experiences shape your present expectations—or how to create more joy and freedom in your life—therapy can help you understand and deepen those connections. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, resilience, and growth.

Summer Is The Season of Freedom, Memory, and the Chance to Begin Again

Remember when you were a kid and school was just about to end? Looking forward to summer was a thrill. NO MORE SCHOOL! You did not have to get up early. You did not have to run to catch the bus. You did not have to get in trouble for forgetting your homework. You did not have to do homework at all. FREEDOM! All of these joys made summer feel truly special.

You could go to the pool or splash in the kiddie pool at the neighbors’. You could ride your bike all around, provided you respected the boundaries and were home for dinner. A bunch of kids would meet on the vacant lot to play ball, red rover, or any other game we could make up. These unstructured days were so memorable.

You could sleep in late or get up extra early. As long as you did your chores, you could plan your own day — and that was real freedom. Even if you had a summer reading list or homework, you were in charge of when you would do it. Of course, if you put it off for weeks, the consequences would accrue. But if you were smart, you would do bits and pieces so your parents would not nag you. This independence even extended to responsibility.

If you were old enough, you could make some extra money by doing errands for the neighbors or babysitting. You were especially popular if you had taken the CPR class offered by the local firehouse. These experiences gradually showed us what being independent meant.

I often wondered how my parents viewed summer. Now I know. Summer is just another workday. Adults do not get summers off — unless you are a teacher, and even then, you often need extra work to pay the bills. Wow. Being a grown‑up is no fun. The pace of work does not really change. If I were in charge, I would give everyone summers off. Actually, Europe has a great idea. They often take August off and, if necessary, close up shop to go on holiday. That is the spirit. It makes me think about how we all need a break now and then.

Everyone needs to experience some freedom and recharge. Summer is the perfect time to review your year and make plans for changes and improvements. Perhaps you cannot take the summer off. Still, taking time to review the year and plan for the next phase of your life is important. Everyone needs time to recharge and dream. So even if it is not the carefree days of childhood, you can create your own moments of pause.

Find a moment to recharge, reflect, and dream — preferably with a lovely view.

For more reflections on memory, renewal, and the psychology of seasonal transitions, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating life transitions, burnout, or the need for renewed purpose, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support reflection, resilience, and emotional well‑being.

DUCK OR RABBIT?

Perception, Ambiguity, and the Art of Seeing Differently

Reality isn’t fixed—it’s filtered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how optical illusions like the duck-rabbit image reveal the fluid nature of perception, and why embracing ambiguity can deepen empathy and insight.

This morning, I was reading about optical illusions and thought this one was a good example. I immediately saw the duck and then the rabbit. Now, I am trying to see each of them simultaneously. One duck, one rabbit. They keep changing places. Fascinating.

There are all kinds of optical illusions out there, and they are fun to examine and play with. There is one in particular that I cannot figure out or make work. The Confetti Sphere 5 will not “work” for me. This one is a presentation of wavy lines with balls distributed across the page. The spheres appear to be of different colors, but they are all beige in color. Not for me, folks. Those balls are always different colors.

My difficulty in seeing this differently has prompted me to think about perceptions of all kinds. When our eyes are fooled into seeing things in different ways and missing things as well, we are vulnerable. The “eyewitness” can be so sure of what they saw and still be wrong. Each of our senses can be fooled or confused in some way. Yet, we depend on them and trust them to provide us with reality. That makes me wonder, “What is reality?”

Reality can vary from person to person. There is an excellent illustration of this involving people touching an elephant. As each person stands in a different place and touches the elephant, their immediate responses are quite different. The person at the tail experiences a rope. The person at the trunk experiences a hose. The person at the leg experiences a pillar. Life is like this as well. We observe from our vantage point and then persuade the other that our perspective is correct.

My brain can fool me. My witness may be off base. I may need to listen to others more than I think I need to. I may need to trust the perspective of another.

Duck or Rabbit. It does make a difference. Now, I could eat either one. But, I am more likely to keep a rabbit as a pet.

Want to explore how perception and ambiguity shape cognition and creativity? Visit Philosophy Terms’ breakdown of the duck-rabbit illusion, The Independent’s reflections on creativity and perception, and Psychology Tips’ guide to bistable images and interpretation.

If you’re reflecting on perception, ambiguity, or emotional insight, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, empathy, and perspective-taking.

TEACHERS

Guides, Mirrors, and the Architects of Tomorrow

Teachers don’t just teach—they shape futures. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how educators serve as emotional anchors, role models, and catalysts for transformation in the lives of children and communities.

I saw a television show this week where the host was interviewing a teacher. That made me think about some of my teachers from my childhood. Teachers are so important to children. You spend a considerable chunk of your day with a teacher. They can make your day glorious or miserable. I hope that for most of you, the teachers made your day a glorious one.

I think about my favorite teacher of all time, and the image of a large, plump woman comes to mind. Her makeup was flawless, and her clothing was both conservative and stunning. She taught middle school. That dreaded place where you are between being a child and a teen. That time when your skin breaks out, your breasts start to develop or don’t, your testicles descend or don’t, your underarms stink, and you are supposed to use deodorant or don’t. The time when your way of dressing and combing your hair irritates your parents, and you are glad it does.

I digress. I was talking about teachers.

These individuals are put in place to serve as models for us. Yes, they have a job to educate us, test us, and grade us. However, their core influence is to serve as models. As we interact with them and observe how they function in the world, we are to emulate them. They become a light that is supposed to show us the way forward in the world. After all, they have been down the path and are successful. They should be able to show us the way and guide us to go further down the path.

Think of the responsibility a teacher carries. That preschooler who experiments with different colors of Play-Doh and makes a mess could become a famous sculptor. The little bookworm who won’t come out of the reading corner may be destined to be a famous author or playwright. And the one on the jungle gym pushing past others to summit the top could lead our troops to charge forward and overcome the enemy.

Teachers watch these future adults and either encourage them or demean them. I wonder how often a teacher sees the class as the future. Those children will be making decisions when we are aging and needing someone of intelligence and care to choose the best path forward.

Want to explore how teachers shape future generations? Visit Education Impact’s guide to the role of teachers, English Plus Podcast’s reflections on guiding future generations, and Teachers of Tomorrow’s breakdown of why educators matter.

If you’re reflecting on mentorship, emotional development, or educational impact, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and growth.

Family Adventures, Lakeside Memories, and the Joy of Being Outdoors

Hello, outdoor lovers! Are you going camping? Have you been camping this year? Do you have a favorite spot?

Camping is an inexpensive way to entertain the entire family. As a kid, my family vacationed this way every year. It was wildly fun and exciting! We had this favorite place we loved to go to—a crystal-clear lake, perfect for boating and skiing. There was a sandy beach with a gradual slope to the lake bottom so that small children could have fun playing in the water. You had to walk a long way to the boat, anchored in the deeper part of the lake, but it was worth it for the safety of the younger kids.

The water was pristine—so clear that even in the deepest parts you could see to the bottom. The lake was large. In fact, to a small kid, it felt huge. You could not see the other side from your campsite. It felt like the lake just stretched to the horizon and disappeared.

The campsites were generous. There were enough trees that you could always string a clothesline or anchor a tent if necessary, and you had to find a spot for the hammock. The perfect camping spot was, of course, right on the water. We always managed to end up there, even if we had to wait for a day or two.

As I talk to families now, I hear that they, too, have their favorite spots in the national parks or along the shore. And tents come in all shapes and sizes. You can put up one that looks like a yurt. There are bell tents and cabin tents, and you can even have a car tent that attaches to the back of your SUV. They come in all sizes as well. You could have a small pup tent for privacy or a giant lodge tent.

Putting them up may be a challenge, especially the really, really big ones. Setup time is the time to head for the water or the lodge, as cursing is sure to be part of the operation. It seems that tents generally do not just pop up on their own.

Once the site is set, the real fun can begin. Sleeping bags and air mattresses come next. Inflating air mattresses can be a pain unless you have a battery-powered pump, which I highly recommend. Then you can inflate other items as well: beach balls, floats, and more. Camping is a great place for water toys of all kinds. If you are lucky enough to have a boat, then skiing is a must—or tubing as well. Blowing up the tube definitely requires a pump. Those things are huge!

Of course, the campfire at the end of the day lets you roast marshmallows and make s’mores. Camping is not camping without the chocolate and marshmallow goo.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted outdoor resources:
U.S. National Park Service
Recreation.gov Camping & Reservations
U.S. Forest Service Camping

If you are navigating family stress, emotional transitions, or a season of personal change, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

National Thread the Needle Day, Really?

National Thread the Needle Day! Come on!

We now have a national day for everything. And I will admit that, as I get older, threading the needle gets harder. In fact, last week, as I was threading the needle on my sewing machine, I was frustrated with the efficiency of my glasses. Threading the needle used to be a breeze. I can also watch my granddaughters do it as though it is an automatic action. Me? I am squinting, getting my head stuck in the take-up mechanism, and, yes, cursing under my breath. But I still have success, even if I have to make several tries.

The public description of this day says, and I quote, “…Threading a needle is, in miniature, a measure of where you are in the arc of a human life.” BRAVO, GLORIA! You are still human; you are even a skilled human!

This small task is critical, as it is a measure of something much bigger. So, come on. Get your needles and thread out and see how you do!

The thread is round. How they do this is a miracle. The eye of the needle is narrow but not round. The eye is oblong. Could they make it any harder? In fact, I think if you measured it, you would discover that it is just barely wide enough for the thread to squeak through. I think that, as I have aged, the needle manufacturers have been challenging me by making that hole skinnier!

The needle is more critical to life than you might imagine. Yes, it is involved in making gorgeous clothing, tapestries, and various other decorations. The needle comes out when you have lost a button and need a repair. The needle comes out when you have snagged a seam and need to close the gap. The needle also comes out for decoration. Of course, it is always necessary for that button that fell off and holds a critical place on your waistband or blouse. My suitcase has a small sewing kit that travels with us and has come in handy numerous times. One never knows when the needle will be called upon. And we will not mention the surgeon’s use of this thing.

The needle is necessary for tasks other than sewing. Remember the splinter that you got from that old front porch rocking chair? The needle to the rescue! I can think of a few other uses that I will not mention here.

Time to practice. You never know when this skill will be called upon, and perhaps one day it will be the measure of competence for all.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted sewing and textile resources:
American Craft Council
Sewing & Craft Alliance
The George Washington University Museum & Textile Museum

If you are navigating stress, overwhelm, or emotional transitions, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

SCAMS

Deception, Vulnerability, and the Emotional Toll of Being Fooled

Scams aren’t just financial—they’re emotional invasions. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how scams exploit trust, trigger shame, and fracture relationships, and why emotional recovery is just as vital as financial repair.

Ahh! That is no doubt a familiar word. They are everywhere. We are all familiar with the phone calls where a robotic system dials hundreds of numbers, and a bank of humans sits at the ready to pick up a call and convince you to buy something or frighten you into believing that a dear friend or relative is in trouble. The latter version is truly cruel. I have never been caught in the trap, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be. Anyone with an attachment to a child, relative, or friend can become a victim.

I know several people who have given up their landlines for this very reason. The robocalls come daily. The phone company has managed to identify a few of these and block them before the call is answered. I wonder how they do that and why they can’t block them all. I also wonder why the United States of America cannot figure out how to protect us from this insanity. I honestly believe they could, but I guess the value of that protection is not high enough to give us priority.

Perhaps there is some logic to this insanity. Humans do like to be fooled sometimes. We pay to see magicians pull rabbits out of hats and pull coins from behind our ears. This entertainment is fascinating. We want to learn how they do it, and we take pleasure in the show. We are particularly fascinated by the girl who gets cut in half and then magically appears whole again. Do not try this trick at home!

We play tricks on each other. We use an entire holiday to do that. April Fool’s Day is fun, whether we are talking about short-sheeting someone or making the office coffee maker explode. We like to fool people. Hopefully, these things are done with a light spirit and not intended to harm another. I know what you are thinking…the office coffee machine is a bad idea!

However, we do not want to put our friends and relatives in a situation that could cause permanent damage. Giving a scammer access to your bank account or sending money to a supposed loved relative, only to find out you have been tricked, is truly cruel. This is also expensive. Recovering the loss and untangling the mess can take a long time, cost money we do not have, and lead to emotional distress that undermines us and our relationships. I know that some relationships have not been able to recover from this trap. These scams truly victimize us.

You can register for the Do-Not-Call list, and that can be somewhat helpful. You can report scams to the Federal Trade Commission. You can report scams to the Federal Communications Commission. You can even make reports to the FBI Internet Crimes Complaint Center when you suspect the call originated from another country. The bottom line is about trust. Do not trust anyone unless you really know them. Sad, but true.

Want to explore how scams affect emotional health and recovery? Visit Verywell Mind’s guide to emotional recovery after scams, AARP’s reflections on mental health and fraud, and BeScamAware’s support for scam victims.

If you’re reflecting on emotional vulnerability, trust, or recovery after deception, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and emotional clarity.

When No One Prepares Us To Parent, The Most Important Job We Do Come With the Least Training

Parenting shapes generations, yet most of us enter it with nothing more than instinct, memory, and whatever modeling we absorbed, healthy or not, from the adults who raised us.

When you think about it, parenting is the most critical role you will ever have. Yet the preparation for this role is either completely absent or distorted by our untrained parents.

I remember a high school exercise from the ’60s in which teens were given an egg or an apple and told to care for it as though it were an infant. Teens were paired up as father and mother, and the “baby” required 24/7 monitoring. The eggs broke fairly quickly, and the apples were bruised and battered. A few of the apples had big bites taken out of them. Actually, this was a pretty realistic experiment. Our children do get bruised and battered by their parents, and parts of them appear to be damaged.

We require hours of supervised training before we allow a teen to drive. In Maryland, where I live, the teen, or potential driver of any age, must pass a 30‑hour course with at least six hours behind the wheel. Honestly, those six hours sound scary to me. A potential driver must pass a written test on the rules of the road and a practical skills demonstration before they get a license. Yet they can produce children as young as 12 without a single bit of scrutiny.

We know that parenting classes are beneficial. We send abusive parents to classes where they learn to manage their emotions, understand the process of guiding children, and develop skills for problem‑solving and building emotional connections with their children. However, to participate in one of these classes, you have to be court‑ordered after committing a crime of child abuse. Now, think of that.

Why don’t we prepare our teens to parent? I think we have this stodgy sense of parenting as though it is boring, mundane, or tedious. We see ourselves as meant for something grand. I will admit that parenting, like any job, has boring parts and parts that we want to avoid. Yet our character is built in this process, one interaction at a time. Think of the potential for greatness if we prepared our parents to understand developmental processes, to know about emotional development, and to have a way to encourage character building in their children.

Parenting is the most meaningful job on earth. The character we nurture will make the decisions that shape our old age and the end of our lives. The character that we nurture will make decisions that impact the future for generations to come.

Why don’t we have a training ground for parenting?

For more reflections on emotional development, parenting, and family systems, visit Psychology Today’s insights on raising emotionally healthy children and Greater Good’s research on parenting and empathy.

If you’re navigating the challenges of parenting—or healing from the parenting you received—therapy can offer clarity, grounding, and practical tools. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth for parents and children alike.