Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

The Magic of Summer Friends, the Camp, the Adventure of Youth, and the Sweetness of Short‑Term Bonds

Remember camp? What an adventure! What was yours like?

One version is rustic. The cabins are made of old logs, and you can write on the walls to your heart’s content. Each cabin has a porch where you can catch the breezes because there is no air conditioning. The showers are primitive as well, and yes, there are outhouses instead of restrooms! That is really roughing it. You swim in the dammed-up stream, and the water is as cold as ice until your body adjusts. This is the original summer camp, and these ladies have been running it since their grandmothers were campers here. Yahoo!

Yet, for some reason, you love it. You return year after year and leave your suburban home with the bathroom attached to your bedroom. You pack plenty of mosquito spray in your trunk. Yes, you have a trunk that sits at the end of your bunk bed. Everything must fit in there. No exceptions! No extra luggage.

You climb mountains and love the view from the top. You are not allowed a cell phone, but a Brownie camera will do, and someone catches you sprawled out on the rock, gasping for breath and feeling truly pleased with yourself for making it to the top.

One version is elite. The rooms are like hotel suites, and the dining hall has every food known to man. You could spend the entire summer poring over the kitchen’s offerings. This is a specialty camp, and you had to qualify to be accepted. This is the place you will hone your skills. You aspire to be a tennis player on the grand stage. To accomplish this, you must start early. Eight weeks away from home under rigorous training is necessary if you are serious about your talent. The payoff is that the dining hall has every food known to man, and you can go back in line as many times as you like. Look, you are burning calories by the hour and minute. You need fuel! The peas are your particular favorite this summer, and you have no idea why, but by the end of the session, you have clearly eaten a truckload of peas. The coaches are serious, and this is not play. This is serious training. You are meeting people from all over the world here, and they are just as serious as you are. Wimbledon, here we come!

At the end of practice, your new roommate pulls out her cell phone and grabs some pics of the two of you with rackets in hand. This is the life! Together, you dream about glory on the court and compete with each other with a fierceness that belongs in the jungle. Then, with the match over, you hug and walk back to your room.

Summer friends are sweet. You have a very short time to bond, so the pace is quick, the disclosures are deep, and you feel safe. You may never see each other again, or you may return next summer to do it all over again.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted youth development and camp resources:
American Camp Association
Child Mind Institute – Benefits of Summer Camp
Psychology Today – Child Development

If you are navigating parenting stress, emotional transitions, or questions about your child’s development, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

I Scream – The Sweet Treat That Unlocks a Lifetime of Summer Memories

Raise your hand if you recognize this! In 1927, this little ditty became a classic and a tongue-twister challenge. For me, it brings back great memories associated with this summer treat.

My grandmother’s ice cream churn would be set on the back porch, fresh cow’s milk would form the base, and different children and adults would take turns turning the crank, anticipating a delicious outcome. At home in the city, we would listen for the ice cream truck’s music as it played childhood ditties while slowly rolling through the neighborhood. Actually, there is an ice cream truck that comes through my current neighborhood, and I love the memories it brings back.

Chocolate-coated bars were my favorite. The chocolate coating was hard and thick. If you had a loose tooth, you had to be really careful, as breaking that coating was not easy. The block of vanilla on the inside was worth it, and the chocolate sheets would slowly melt in your mouth just in time for taking another bite before the ice cream started running down your arm to your elbow. No matter. It was all worth it.

Funny how a small treat on a stick can bring back a flood of memories and the feeling of joy. Life is lived in moments, and each of these moments triggers a cascade of other memories. Simple things truly are valuable.

Taking turns on the ice cream churn, mixing your tired arm with your anticipation, was joyous. While waiting for the final turn, Mother would braid my hair to keep it out of the way. Being tidy had importance.

The taste of fresh ice cream is hard to describe. You have watched this treat develop from the warm milk in the bucket, to moving through the strainer in the milk house, to sitting in Grandma’s icebox, which was really an “ice” box with a huge block of ice in one compartment, to resting in the churn and waiting to be whipped into a delicious cold treat. That is the best!

Today, when the vanilla is pulled out of the freezer and mounted on a sugar cone, those memories fill the kitchen and lead to other stories of adventures on the farm.

The song was written by Howard Johnson, Billy Moll, and Robert A. King. Johnson also wrote “M-O-T-H-E-R, A Word That Means The World To Me,” which you may or may not know. I remember that, as kids, we found ways to use that one that were both complimentary and not so complimentary. Billy Moll wrote “Wrap Your Troubles in Dreams,” which was a Bing Crosby favorite. Robert A. King was a prolific songwriter who also wrote under other names.

As the summer comes to an end, school starts, and we all turn to work, looking back on summers past brings a softness and a comfort. In my experience, an ice cream cone with your favorite flavor is the best, not just for licking or eating, but for filling your heart with memories.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted food‑history and culture resources:
PBS – History of Ice Cream
Smithsonian Magazine – Food & Culture
Serious Eats

If you are navigating emotional transitions, sensory grounding, or the comfort of familiar rituals, therapy can offer clarity and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

How the Shape of a Table Shapes the Way We Relate and Influence Connection and Conversation

Have you ever paused to consider why some tables are round and others are rectangular?

My parents grew up in farming communities where long rectangular tables were the norm — the kind you’d see in boarding school dining halls, college cafeterias, or even Hogwarts. In contrast, the Knights of the Round Table and White House diplomatic dinners feature round tables. The shape itself creates a different experience.

Our kitchen table growing up was rectangular. But when we all left home, my parents switched to a round table. What changed?

For them, the round table marked a new chapter. The rectangular table had been practical for a house full of children — perfect for passing dishes down its length and accommodating the chaos of daily meals. But once the nest emptied, they wanted something different. The round table brought everyone closer whenever we returned home. It invited conversation. It signaled that our roles had shifted. We met as equals now, sharing stories with no one pushed to the far end. It was a move away from structure and routine toward closeness and connection.

Passing things down a rectangular table can be a pain. I sometimes stopped asking for salt because it sat too far away and others were uncooperative. Bland food felt easier than fighting over the salt shaker while my brother stole food from my plate.

Round tables, on the other hand, are symbols of equality. With everyone equally spaced, it’s easier to connect with the entire group. Negotiations, discussions, and camaraderie tend to benefit from this equal footing — even if things feel a bit more crowded.

It makes you wonder how often the shape of the table actually changes the way we converse or negotiate.

I remember a difficult team discussion at work. The meeting was held around a rectangular table, and the dynamic quickly became divided, with people clustering at each end and voices competing. Later, when we reconvened at a small round table in the break room, the mood shifted. Without anyone at the “head,” everyone listened more, shared more, and ultimately reached a compromise. That experience made it clear how much table shape can influence the outcome of a conversation.

I often have lunch at a round table with a group, where eye contact and relaxed conversation come naturally. Hearing others is easier, and equality fills the space. Even with a flower arrangement in the center, everyone remains accessible. That access — that sense of equal presence — matters, because we all bring unique needs and expectations to relationships.

Round tables may require more space, but their equal seating arrangement encourages connection and successful conversations. They can be especially helpful in difficult situations. That said, rectangular tables have their place. They’re practical for larger gatherings, ideal for serving food family‑style, and helpful when structure and tradition matter. Sometimes the occasion calls for the order and spaciousness a rectangular table provides.

Different shapes create different experiences — and sometimes, the table we choose says more about what we’re hoping to create.

For more reflections on communication, connection, and relational dynamics, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are exploring how your own relational patterns take shape — or how to create more connection in your life — therapy can help you understand the dynamics beneath the surface. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support communication, emotional insight, and healthier relationships.

Dolly’s Life of Sparkle, Service, and Unshakeable Values

The celebration of this life is truly appropriate. She was an unusual woman.

When poverty is your beginning, you do not tend to go far. The faith of her family was both an anchor and a hope. One cannot discount the importance of music either. Music lifts us out of our circumstances and gives us both drive and hope. Dolly Parton clearly had a giant amount of each.

The professional schedule that she kept would have “deep-sixed” the best of us. Many young stars could not handle the time demands and the public demands. How many times have we read of stars captured by drugs or alcohol? How many times have stars had careers cut short by bad choices in their behavior?

With a very young beginning, what kept her from following any one of these paths? Clearly, her faith played a strong role in keeping her focused on the important and the necessary rather than the sparkle and shine. Yet, sparkle and shine she did! Dolly filled everything about her public appearances with sparkle and shine. She was not the star to hide under hats. She was the star who waved to everyone and spoke to many. That comes from very early training in respect for others.

She used that respect positively throughout her life. She wanted every child to enjoy reading. She met national emergencies and crises with much-needed financial support.

I admire and respect her for her loyalty to her husband. He was not the “glitzy” type. She knew that from the beginning and did not try to convince him otherwise. She respected his choices, lived her choices, and enjoyed a long-term marriage. That is unusual for the common person, let alone the star. I wonder how many marriages would be better off if that type of respect were present.

Whether you enjoyed her music or not, whether you liked her flashy looks or not, you have to appreciate that the values her parents taught her, who had little to offer other than their wisdom, defined her throughout her life. Instilling those types of values—to respect yourself physically and emotionally, to care about the plight of others, to contribute to your community, and to honor your faith—are a model for all of us.

Thank you, Dolly, for all of the lessons.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted culture and biography resources:
Biography.com – Dolly Parton
NPR – Dolly Parton
Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library

If you are navigating personal growth, values, or questions about legacy and purpose, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO?

Memory, Meaning, and the Emotional Attachment and Weight of Objects

We don’t just collect things—we collect stories. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how grief, attachment, and memory shape what we keep, what we release, and what we need others to hold when we cannot.

Do you collect anything?

Sometimes we enjoy watching Antiques Roadshow and seeing the things that people collect or keep for various reasons. What are you holding on to?
We tease our children that all of this will be theirs someday, and they cringe at the thought of it. They imagine bringing a semi-trailer and a group of strong guys to haul it all out and head for the city dump. But wait. Aren’t these treasures worth a look?

Great-grandmother’s China Bowl that came out for special Sunday dinners still boasts the original painted flowers and scalloped edges. This bowl is beautiful. Surely you are not thinking of hauling it to the dump.

What about all of the Limoges boxes we have picked up over the years? Some are from trips to France, and some are from trips to the local jeweler. Each one has a story to it, and they are exquisitely painted. I don’t imagine you will throw those away.

There are original watercolors from famous artists and a new item from a painter that I know will one day be famous and have a show in the Guggenheim. You cannot possibly discard this painting even though you think it is odd.

My husband collected baseball cards. You know. Those cardboard things the size of a playing card with the faces or poses of every baseball player known to man. His chest of drawers in his boyhood bedroom in his parents’ home was filled with them. They were all very well organized and preserved. After his father died, his mother was doing what many widows do.

She was cleaning out, or shall we say purging. Purging is a common act following a loss. The purge helps to reset your life. Except this purge went far beyond throwing out her husband’s old shirts and slippers. Every well-preserved baseball card landed on the trash pile, picked up by the garbage collector with no warning or opportunity for reprieve. No call of “Do you want these baseball cards? I am purging.

Grief does funny things to us. Our minds go off the rails for a while, and we are not responsible or connected to the world around us. We become “other” for a while. For a moment, we may hold onto nothing and want to let go of everything. In those moments, we need someone to hold onto us.

Want to explore how grief and attachment shape what we keep and what we release? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to attachment styles and grief, NeuroLaunch’s reflections on grief through attachment theory, and The Practice of Therapy’s insights on grief and emotional detachment.

If you’re reflecting on grief, memory, or emotional attachment, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and emotional clarity.

The Power of Play and Why Families in Maryland and DC Play Board Games

Remember board games? The ones gathering dust on a shelf or tucked away in a closet? Or maybe you’re one of the rare adults who still loves a good game night and keeps one spread out on the dining room table.

Why am I encouraging you to bring back board games? Because board games are one of the most powerful, and overlooked, ways for families in Maryland and Washington, DC to reconnect. In busy households, gathering around the table is rare, but board games make it possible. They create the kind of face‑to‑face interaction that strengthens emotional bonds and builds healthier family communication.

The dynamic of being in the car is vastly different from being at the table. I often advise parents to take a car ride with their child to encourage more open communication. Children tend to share more freely when they are not facing you. Without having to read your expression, they can speak more openly. Riding in the car offers this advantage. However, today’s families are overprogrammed, so gathering everyone around the dinner table is often a challenge.

This is why I believe families should embrace board games at home, they create valuable, in‑person interactions. Board games are designed for all ages, and playing together is a chance to connect through both conversation and nonverbal cues. These shared moments encourage real conversations you do not want to miss.

Board games also reveal pieces of one’s personality. Think of the Monopoly games you played with your siblings. Who decided to buy up all the houses and never buy hotels? That strategy leads to a slow death for everyone else. Or remember the Scrabble game where one sibling always seemed able to make a word out of every impossible set of letters. How does she do that? She must have tiles in her pockets.

Beyond connection, board games offer personal growth. Every game, from Monopoly to Scrabble, is an exercise in competition, learning rules, and managing both wins and losses. These are valuable life lessons, making board games a real‑life training ground for children, teens, and adults in Maryland and DC.

For more reflections on emotional connection and family well‑being, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If your family is struggling to reconnect, or if you want support building healthier communication at home, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that strengthen emotional connection and family relationships.

The Quiet Creep of Clutter, And Why Science Says It’s Normal

Have you ever noticed how quickly things can get messy?

You come in from work and put your keys, papers, and other things on the counter or perhaps a small table by the door. If you leave them there, then others follow suit and put their stuff there. Soon, the counter or table is messy, full of a muddle of things that have been dropped there. The mail that you meant to open right away can be buried for days.

We enjoy a few magazines, and most of them arrive weekly. Of course, we cannot get to all of the articles in the time allotted before the next edition arrives. Soon, the magazines pile up and are being moved from the sofa to the chair to the ottoman until there seems to be no place to sit anymore. Of course, they are not ready to be recycled yet because we have not read them, so they must stay.

And don’t get me started about the mail. More catalogs, ads, and junk arrive every day. The recycle bin is thrilled, but the coffee table and lamp tables seem to be growing these things. I am not interested in all of them, but how do I know which ones are interesting unless I look at each one? I don’t have time right now, so they must wait.

And do not get me started on the shoe collection by the door.

What is happening? Fortunately, one of my magazines has appeared with an explanation. Quantum theory to the rescue. A rule of reality is that “things get messier over time.” Wonderful. I am scientifically correct. When I look at the piles of books, the magazines falling out of the wooden buckets, the shoes marching along the hallway, and the keys and junk piled by the door, I am scientifically correct! Things do get messier over time.

Apparently, this is a principle of thermodynamics. All things eventually thermalize. That means that all things eventually mix together to form averages — the average number of keys on the counter, the average number of shoes in the hall, the average number of magazines on the tables, the average number of flyers and pieces of mail on the table. Oh good, I am scientifically correct. I am thermalized!

So, we are not messy after all. We are scientifically correct and in line with quantum reality.

For more reflections on daily life, emotional patterns, and the psychology of everyday habits, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating overwhelm, cluttered routines, or the emotional weight of “too much,” therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

SCAMS

Vulnerability, Outrage, and the Emotional Cost of Exploitation

Scams don’t just steal money—they erode trust, dignity, and emotional safety. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how aging increases vulnerability, why systemic protections fall short, and how outrage can fuel advocacy and healing.

What is it about aging that makes one such a lovely target for scammers? What is it about our government that tolerates these invasions? Our government knows where most of these originate. They probably have eyes on the call centers themselves and surely the technology to block these ugly scams.
Scammers target the older population with great frequency. One of my relatives had her bank account wiped out. I recently almost fell into the whole myself when a potential “client” wanted to send me a hefty sum for treatment in advance, if I would only give them my bank account number and routing number. Who do you know who has been fooled by the “grandson in trouble” call?
Why do we have to put up with these evils? I know we have “do not call lists,” but honestly, we have been on that list for decades, and the number of calls flowing into the house has not decreased. We can build telescopes that circle the globe for decades. We can send people to the moon. We can support a space station for over a quarter of a century. Don’t tell me that we cannot protect our aging population from these predators.
The Federal Trade Commission statistics from 2024 state that Americans lost 12.5 billion dollars to scammers in 2024. They say this is a 25% increase over last year. Really! Last year!
We can develop weapons that wipe out populations in an instant. We can circle space until we are blue in the face. We cannot protect our population from idiots. What are we thinking? Why are we spending money on protective military domes when we cannot protect our hard-working citizens from being impoverished in a second by a scammer?
Who is working on stopping the travesty? Why should our elderly, who have worked and saved and contributed to our well-being, end up in this position of vulnerability?
You know, many people like to play tricks on their peers. Who hasn’t experienced being short-sheeted in an overnight or camping experience? Why do they still sell so many “whoopee cushions”? Who hasn’t seen the explosive Mentos and Diet Coke gag? We love to play pranks on each other.
Why are we tolerating the systematic destruction of security established by hard-working citizens who built the country that we enjoy? Why is my government more interested in an invisible dome than the security blanket we have worked hard for?

Want to explore how scams affect emotional health and why older adults are targeted? Visit Verywell Mind’s guide to emotional recovery after scams, AARP’s reflections on mental health and fraud, and BeScamAware’s support for scam victims.

If you’re reflecting on vulnerability, outrage, or emotional recovery, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and advocacy.

Birth, Biology, and the Emotional Gamble of Connection

From the moment we enter the world, relationships are both instinctive and unpredictable. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how birth sets the stage for relational complexity, and why emotional attachment is both a biological drive and a lifelong challenge.

Think about the way you came into the world. Here are the possibilities. Your mother went into labor, or your mother went into surgery. As far as I know, those are the only two possibilities. So, let’s take them one at a time.

Labor: Hours of being squeezed by your mother’s strong tummy muscles, followed by being forced through a tunnel much smaller than you are, and then pushed into an environment that is loud, bright with light, and cold. Welcome to the world. Come on. This is not what you bargained for. You were happy. You were floating in a comfortable sea, protected and insulated from noise, motion, and all sorts of invasive experiences. Yikes. Who wants to leave that space?

Surgery: Here, you are comfortable in your little liquid bubble, just floating around. Then a knife soars across your mother’s stomach and barely misses you as it cuts through your cocoon. Some giant character rips you out of the safety pouch you have been enjoying and passes you into a scratchy piece of fabric, then puts you under a heat lamp. Come on. This is not fun.
Ok, your parents are happy to see you in person. The doctor is relieved that you do not require any special attention. The nurse is content to wrap you up and carry you to another room.

But, come on. This is not what you bargained for.
From this point forward, everything is a crapshoot.

I get it. You did not ask for this life. They decided to make you and have you and take care of you and guide you and… ok, there are endless possibilities here. The point is that you did not select this, and now you have to adjust to it and live with it. At a bare minimum, you have to develop a relationship with each of these DNA donors. Maybe they knew what they were doing, maybe they did not. Either way, you are stuck with them. Biology rules.

If you are lucky, they like you and are excited. They pay a lot of attention to you and are constantly talking to you, touching you, or rocking you. Wow. Some of that feels good. If you are not lucky, they ignore you or pass you along to a new couple who have never known you before. Either way, you get fitted into a family.

The family could be a real crapshoot. Whether they are your biological family or your adoptive family, you still have to fit in, develop connections, and build relationships. Relationship building is hard. You were born connected to a person, and you naturally want to continue to connect to others. You reach out, hoping that they will reach back.

Want to explore how early experiences shape emotional connection? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to bonding and birth trauma, Center for Child Counseling’s breakdown of ACEs and attachment, and NAEYC’s insights on early brain development and relationships.

If you’re reflecting on family dynamics, attachment, or emotional connection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and relational clarity.