Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

PATTERNS

How Routines and Relationships Anchor Our Lives

Patterns aren’t just stitched into fabric—they’re woven into our emotional lives. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how routines, relationships, and rituals offer comfort, structure, and resilience. From feed sack dresses to morning coffee, patterns help us feel grounded and connected.

My granddaughter is an excellent seamstress. That is a talent that may be a lost art. My mother was taught by her mother for pure necessity. Sewing was necessary in the rural farm country where she grew up. The clothes of the older children were modified for the younger ones in turn. The suits of men were recycled into quilts and comforters. Sometimes they actually used feed sacks to make dresses. Now, I bet you thought that was an old wife’s tale, but I can tell you for sure that not so long ago, feed sacks were definitely recycled into clothing, though never comfortable.

As human beings, we need patterns. Patterns provide comfort and a sense of stability. If you look at your life, you will find many patterns that provide structure. Our daily routines are a form of structure. Recently, I heard a friend describe her enjoyment of a morning cup of coffee. Even in the heat, she would take her cup onto the balcony and enjoy those early morning sights and sounds.

Routines provide anchors for us. We are born connected to another, and we spend our lives seeking connections and places to anchor ourselves. Sometimes, we anchor ourselves with others. You may have a friend who plays that role for you. This person you call when you have news to share or just need a listening ear can be a wonderful anchor. You may have an activity that provides an anchor. The early morning workout in the gym, the after-dinner stroll around the block, or the hike on the trail are all examples of anchors.

Because we are born connected to others, we thrive in relationships and need emotional connection to stay healthy. I have heard several stories of lifelong partners, who when one person dies, the other is soon to follow despite being seemingly in good health. Connection is powerful and precious. Reach out to those who serve this role for you and let them know they are valued.

If you’re exploring the patterns that shape your emotional life, therapy can help you reflect and realign. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional connection and resilience. For insights into how routines foster emotional well-being, see Upscale Living’s guide to identifying emotional patterns.

HIGH HEELS…..

From Persian Cavalry to Runway Status Symbols

High heels weren’t always about fashion—they began as tools of war. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection traces the surprising history of high heels, their cultural symbolism, and how footwear can shape our sense of presence, power, and connection.

I have a recent interest in fashion. Not current fashion, but some of the history of fashion, particularly as it relates to men. High-heeled shoes were originally designed for men! They were a sign of wealth and stature. Of course, they made the man taller, and the stress on the calf made them look stronger as well. The lore of the shoe states that they were first designed and used in Persia in the 10th century. The horse brigade of the Persian Army in the 10th century is credited with the invention of the high-heeled shoe to help the horsemen keep their feet in the stirrups. Brilliant!

If you have ever ridden horseback, the importance of keeping your feet in the stirrups will immediately be evident. The heels will also help your feet come out of the stirrups should you fall off the horse. You will not be dragged across the field with your foot caught in the stirrup. The high heel is a very thoughtful invention, indeed. A recent celebration of the shoe took place in 2022 at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City.

So, how do high heels migrate from a man’s fashion statement to a woman’s? Leave that to the courts of Europe. As men in court began to wear these high heels to make them taller and appear more powerful the natural transition to women desiring similar attention took place somewhere between the 1600s and the 1800s. By the 1800s, the transition was complete, and men were back on the ground while women were teetering on skinny heels in the air. The skinny heel is symbolic of position. Look at me. I don’t have to move fast or carry heavy things or work for a living. I can just teeter around and be served by others.

The high-heeled shoe has always been a symbol of status. From men on horseback to women on runways, the shoe has garnered attention and helped the wearer feel a sense of heightened importance. Yet, the oldest shoe in existence is a moccasin, a working man’s shoe to walk long distances, move swiftly and quietly while hunting prey and be able to feel your foot on the ground. I think we should go back to moccasins to stay grounded and in touch with things happening around us.

The moccasin lets you feel reality and respond to it appropriately. Somewhere along the way, we have lost the ability to be present in the moment and connect with the world and the people around us. We need to hit pause and spend time on the ground, touching our family and friends and truly being present for them. Perhaps we need to go barefoot!

If you’re exploring identity, symbolism, or the stories behind everyday objects, therapy can help you reflect with clarity and purpose. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and cultural awareness. For a deeper dive into the history of high heels, see Fashion-Era’s timeline of high heels.

WATCHING THE WIND

Resilience, Flexibility, and the Wisdom of Trees

River Birch trees don’t just sway—they teach. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection draws inspiration from nature’s quiet strength, reminding us that resilience isn’t about resistance—it’s about movement, recovery, and grace under pressure.

My thanks to a client for giving me this phrase as it applies to looking into the future. We have two beautiful River Birch trees in our backyard, and I love the way the wind moves through them. With a breath of a wind, the leaves tend to wiggle, reminding me of a hula skirt. As the wind picks up, the branches sway as though inviting one to dance. The big gusts bend the branches, and they are limber enough to bounce back with ease. I envy that tree.

That tree models the flexibility that we should all aspire to. The winds of life can be gentle or rough, and we all need to learn how to wiggle, dance, and bounce back. Think about the stressors and pressures that face you. Some are coping with irritation of minor changes or needs. The clock in the kitchen that hangs above the sink needs a new battery. That means climbing on the step ladder to remove the clock and making sure we have the right battery. Do I want to do this chore? No. Do I want the clock to work? Yes. Out comes the ladder.

Taking care of my health is important, and the New York Times reminds me that there are three vaccinations that are required before winter. Do I want to get shot in the arm three times? Can I get them altogether, or do I need to make separate trips? Will there be side effects with these shots? I really would like to say “Pass”. However, I don’t want to be taken down by any one of these nasty things, so I will make the time, find the places, and tolerate the side effects.

I admire that Birch tree’s ability to take deep bends and return to normal. Some parts of life are just heavy, and they push us to our limits, and then we discover that we still have a little bend left. The tree’s resilience is in its core, and so is mine and so is yours. We are stronger than we think. Our cores are made of the kindness of our friends, the support of our families, the lessons from past struggles, and our desire for the future. So, bring on the wind.

If you’re navigating life’s gusts and seeking steadiness, therapy can help you build emotional flexibility and resilience. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support growth through change. For more on nature-inspired resilience, see The Palm Tree Model of Resilience by Amy Sweezey.

PINK IS FOR…..​

Color, Culture, and the Emotional Coding of Gender

Pink may seem like a simple color, but its history is anything but. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how pink has shifted from a symbol of masculine strength to a marker of femininity—and what that says about our cultural expectations for boys and girls.

For most of the time that I have been alive, the color pink has been associated with feminine character. In fact, I just bought a pink baby swing for the cherry tree in the front yard, hoping to entice the many young families that walk through the neighborhood to stop and swing their little girls in the baby swing. Of course, boys are welcome too, but my family is full of girls, sooooo…..

A friend of mine recently told me that Pink was originally associated with boys. That was a shocker, so I had to research this. The history makes sense when you hear it. Red is a masculine color standing for strength and courage. The association to blood on the battlefield is real as fighting for territory and survival was common. Soldiers wear their “red badges of courage” with pride. The thought was to prepare little boys for the “red life” of courage by dressing them in pink.

In the 17th century, boys wore pink in preparation for taking their place in the adult world of battle and mayhem. The association of pink with boys lasted for centuries. Then in the 1920s, in the United States, a type of Department Store war broke out. Some stores kept the tradition of associating pink with boys, and some made the switch to associating pink with girls. The motivation for this is unclear though I would venture to say that any controversy in marketing is likely to draw attention and lead to higher sales. Mothers across America were no doubt purchasing pink clothes to assert their preference.

I sort of wish the pink for boys would have stuck because then we might have a better opportunity to help boys see that they can be soft sometimes as well as bloody. Our boys have lost the ability to use the softer parts of their psyche, and maybe “color coding” is a part of that. If we had made them “green”, would they be more grounded? More interested in growing things than destroying things? Or, more environmentally aware? Or, if we had made them “orange”, would they be aspiring to more complicated and juicy ways of solving problems? Or, have the ability to blend more aspects of life together and not be so rigid.

“OOPs!” did I offend with that last musing? Boys and men are emotionally limited and narrowed by our social norms. Just watch the news. How many mass shootings are committed by boys? By girls? Maybe clothing and color coding have nothing to do with it; however, something in our culture is creating this desire to explode and to finally “be seen”.

Buy your boys pink shirts!

If you’re exploring gender norms or emotional expression, therapy can help unpack cultural expectations and support personal growth. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support identity and emotional resilience. For a deeper dive into the history of pink and gender, see Wikipedia’s overview of gendered color associations.

THE COLOR OF FALL

How Autumn’s Palette Reflects the Beauty of Friendship

Fall isn’t just a season—it’s a metaphor for transformation, connection, and appreciation. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection draws parallels between the changing leaves and the enduring qualities of friendship. As nature turns vibrant, so do the relationships that color our lives.

I live in a part of the country where the chill of fall brings the leaves on the trees to change to beautiful colors of yellows, oranges, and reds. The display is quite smashing, and one must be careful not to crane your neck while driving and run off the road. I love the colors of fall. In fact, I cannot imagine living in any part of the country or the world where these changes would be missed.

Then I think that these trees are quite marvelous. For months, they are green with leaves that blow in the wind and provide cooling shade. Some bear beautiful flowers, like the pink cherry tree in the front yard. When the breeze comes, the pink petals flow to the ground like tiny pink snowflakes. Some trees drop fruit and nuts to feed the squirrels and other creatures. And then, as the temperatures drop, the leaves turn and delight us with a range of colors.

Sometimes, I think people do the same thing. They are steady and predictable. They bring beauty and sustenance into our lives. They care to cover us when we need it, just like the shade of the tree. They drop hints to benefit us and help us to change and grow. They rustle us up when we just want to wallow and know we should not. They will drop everything for us when we need it and rake through their resources to be sure we get what we need.

Sometimes, they can flare up and turn red with anger or embarrassment. Or they may chicken out and disappoint us. Sometimes, they just surprise us by appearing around a corner to delight and distract us. Our friends are flexible just like the trees, and grow along with us throughout our lives. If you are fortunate enough to have a friend who has been planted in your life for some time, take a moment to marvel at them and appreciate them as fall continues to color your world.

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HUMMINGBIRDS

Migration, Memory, and the Call to Connection

Hummingbirds may be solitary by nature, but their visits often spark reflection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how these tiny creatures prompt us to consider our own rhythms, relationships, and readiness for connection. Whether migrating or rooted, we all seek meaningful movement.

Every summer, we put out a hummingbird feeder. It is positioned so that we can see it from the kitchen table. The interesting part is that it always takes them a few weeks to find the thing. Once they do, they are regular visitors. They are predictable. As the summer comes to a close, they frequent the feeder more often. I understand they are “bulking up” for their migration. They will soon be headed to the Caribbean, and I truly envy them.

This morning, one of them came right up to the sliding glass door and hovered there staring at me as if to say: “Why are you sitting still? Why don’t you get ready?” Then, I had to wonder what am I ready for? I no longer go to school, so I can’t get ready for that like all the kids in the neighborhood. I am not migrating anywhere. In fact, I am likely to be planted here forever, like the giant Sycamore tree in the yard. I have deep roots and am not likely to move any time soon. So where does this bird expect me to go?!

Where do I expect myself to go? I am old, so my “go machine” may be rusty. Then I remembered that I go for connection. I want to be with others and enjoy their company. I want to laugh and tell stories and share the books I have been reading and the places I have been. I may not be headed to the Caribbean, but I am surely headed toward friends and comradery.

I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating. We are born connected to another person, and we spend our lives seeking connection to others. We are social beings, and we need connections to strengthen ourselves and prepare for the journey ahead. Our connections with others energize us, comfort and sustain us. We are social beings.

I am guessing that my curious hummingbird is also a social being, and just wanted to see if his inquiry would stir me to action.

If you’re feeling the nudge to reconnect or reflect on your own migration path, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional movement and meaningful connection. For insights into hummingbird behavior and human interaction, see Understanding Hummingbird Recognition.

On the Porch

Reflections, Memories, and the Comfort of Outdoor Retreats

Porches are more than architectural features—they’re emotional sanctuaries. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores the history, nostalgia, and restorative power of porches as places to pause, connect, and unwind. Whether built new or remembered fondly, porches offer timeless comfort.

I love a porch. This extension of the home may have its roots in the Greek and Roman buildings where porticos served a valuable function, providing shelter, gathering spots, and the ever-welcome breeze and escape from the heat inside of the home.

Porches invite you to pause, to sit awhile, and to contemplate. In home building in the United States, they disappeared in the post World War I era when housing was in high demand for returning soldiers and their families. The brick boxes that went up quickly were focused on efficient completion so they could be occupied and not on aesthetics. I live in one of those 1940s boxes, and trust me, everything was efficient. The goal was to get it done. Make it quick, make it affordable, and get it sold. So, we have added a porch to the back of the house to satisfy the need for this place to relax and enjoy the essence of the outdoors without getting rained on.

My favorite porch memory is of the farmhouse porch on my Uncle Johnnie’s house. That porch followed the walls and turns around five sides of this complicated 7-sided house with gazebo-like structures at the middle corners or turns. As a child, you imagined that the porch went on forever. There were porch swings, rockers, and benches all along the way. The filigree in the railings was filled with spindles and cut-out designs of flowers and leaves. That porch was a marvelous playground. We made cornhusk dolls there, and if you know what a milking filter is, you will recognize the multi-layered dolls made from milking filters with their wide-flowing skirts and corn cob heads.

A porch is a place to retreat and a place to meet with friends. Regardless of the stressors of the day, the porch seems to remove them. Perhaps the breeze that passes through the porch serves to sweep them away. Or maybe the sway of the swing moves them to another place where they will not concern you. I hope you have a porch or a favorite Inn in the countryside where you can retreat to their porch and release the tensions of the day.

If you’re seeking a space to reflect, connect, or simply breathe, therapy can help you create that inner porch. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional restoration and personal peace. For porch design inspiration, see Casolia’s Cozy Porch Ideas.

WEATHER

How External Storms Reflect Our Internal Moods and Attachments

Weather isn’t just atmospheric—it’s emotional. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how our moods mirror the climate around us, and how attachments to people, places, and things shape our emotional forecasts. Just as we prepare for storms, we can learn to navigate our inner weather with care and clarity.

The Weatherman on our local station is quite handsome and seems to be passionate about all things weather. I think he particularly likes this east coast part of the country. Apparently, we are situated to receive all kinds of weather but none so severe as to cause the devastation that we witness in other parts of the country. So that got me thinking about a different form of weather. As humans, we have our own internal weather that we call moods.

As humans, we are capable of a full range of moods. The loss of a loved one can bring us to devastation and fear. What will happen next? How will we be able to keep going and move forward? I believe that each one of us has experienced this mood. Perhaps you were grieving the loss of a spouse or a dear friend. One of the worst losses is the loss of a child. That loss is just out of sync with reality. Children are not supposed to die. They are supposed to live, experience life, enjoy relationships and grow old. The loss of other things that are precious to us can be equally difficult. Losing a pet can be extremely painful. Sometimes, we do not realize how powerful that relationship is until we cannot experience it anymore.

We were born connected to another human being, and we spend our lives continuing to make connections. We get attached to people, places, or things. The point is that attachment is natural and necessary. When we lose our sense of attachment, we lose our will to continue living. We move into a dark storm that can overwhelm us. Look at your attachments. Set some time aside to consider each of those three categories: people, places, things. Write down the attachments that are of value to you in each of those categories.

I find when working with people that their attachments are incredibly valuable. The primary attachment is a bellwether, a leader of their life. The original meaning of bellwether was the bell on the lead sheep in a flock. The leader showing the path ahead is a good way to think about your attachments. Where are you headed? What do your primary attachments do to move you further ahead?

If your emotional weather feels unpredictable, therapy can help you find steadiness. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional regulation and attachment healing. For insights into how weather affects mood, see The Psychology of Weather from the Bureau of Meteorology.

BACK TO SCHOOL!

How Childhood School Memories Shape Our Present

Back-to-school season isn’t just for kids, it’s a powerful emotional marker for many adults. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how early school experiences continue to influence our routines, relationships, and emotional responses. Whether joyful or anxious, these memories matter.

How many of you still organize your year around the school calendar? If you were a good student, the end of August was a time of excitement and a time to gear up for a new year. You looked forward to seeing your schoolmates and telling all the summer tales of adventure.

If you were a not-so-good student, your anxiety started to gear up about mid-August, and you looked for ways to escape. Suddenly your clothes did not fit, and your backpack was nowhere to be found. You prayed for snow, even knowing that the thermometer was in the 90’s.

If you have school-aged children, you need to function on the school calendar. However, many still organize their year around that activity and have a deep emotional response to this time of year. You may be aware of this cycle and take it to heart, or you may be completely unaware and wonder why this time of year is disquieting.

Whether we realize it or not, our early school experiences stay with us in some way.

Some of us have maintained friends from elementary school. You may not have regular contact, but when you do meet or call, the sense of connection reappears automatically as though you were young again and no time has passed.

Early school experiences can make a deep impression. I remember my second-grade teacher because she put a large wire cage in the center of the room and placed a hen in the cage. We watched in awe as that hen laid eggs and sat on them until these little chicks hatched. We had a lottery to see who would get to take the chicks home. Of course, our parents were not as excited as we were, but that teacher was brilliant. We learned about the circle of life and about caring for another creature. And yes, we were required to clean out the cage!

What school memories stand out for you? As a young child, your school experience can be powerful and set the stage for future experiences and feelings. Take a moment to go back in time and ponder the influences of early childhood on who you are now.

If back-to-school season stirs up old emotions or questions about identity, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal growth. For nostalgic reflections, see Education Elements’ Top 20 Back-to-School Memories.

Anesthesia and Sleep!

How Surgery Reveals the Brain’s Hidden Storage Systems

Sleep after anesthesia isn’t just rest—it’s recovery from a chemical storm. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how anesthesia affects memory, sleep, and the brain’s preferred ways of storing information. From picture reels to lullabies, it’s a journey through cognition and healing.

If you have had surgery recently, you know the effects of flushing this stuff out of your body for a few days afterward. I don’t think that the anesthesiologist does a proper job of explaining what is going to happen in your brain over the next few days. He talks about the potential physical effects, maybe some nausea, drowsiness, or sleeplessness, but he does not tell you that your brain may function differently and will be weird for a few days.

Anesthesia puts you to sleep, but this is not normal sleep. This is a chemical sleep that bathes the cells in your brain in such a way that they are pickled in something new and different. After surgery, this “pickling juice” must be washed out of your brain. No one prepares you for this transition. The IV in your arm is part of this flushing mechanism. Drinking lots of water is an important part of this flushing system, and that plastic breathing thing that you struggle to suck out of is a part of this too.

The interesting part for my brain was the exposure to the system that my brain uses to store information. I did not do much sleeping after surgery. Again, a part of the information you should know is that sleep changes with these chemicals trying to run out of your brain. But when I did close my eyes the show was really weird. I know that I store information in pictures. That has always been my preferred processing format. Ask me if I know someone and their picture pops into my brain. When I try to communicate that I know someone, I see them but cannot find their name. If you could watch this on a screen, you would know immediately who I am talking about. So, with these chemicals activating my brain, the photos of others were wild. I went through a movie screen role of 38mm film of every person I have ever encountered. Trying to sleep, and the pictures just kept rolling. Saw my 3rd-grade teacher and remember that she raised a hen in a cage in the middle of the room all year: “Biddy Hen” but have no idea of the teacher’s name but a great pic.

When I taught college, I made a very strong effort to learn a student’s name on day one. I went around the room and asked everyone to say their name and tell one important or unusual thing about themselves. I could picture them and use the detail to grab their first name. I required them to stay in the same seat all semester. Rolls and rolls of those students went through my head.

Trust me. I am going someplace. I have a sleep system that I have used for decades to quickly and easily put myself to sleep, but it is based on music and not on pictures.

We encode data in 3 main ways: images, sounds, and motion. The first two are easy to understand. The third is something like this: you move through space, and let’s say you are walking someplace, and your brain records the action, or you are learning to swing a bat, and your brain has to focus on the motion and nothing else to make you a good batter.

We each have preferences for the storage of information. As I have said, mine is picture storage. Did you know that emails can be stored as images? Recovering from anesthesia, I close my eyes, and a white circle appears filled with fast-moving images of emails. Come on! Who knew?

My storage systems are first pictures, then motion, and the last is sound. So, of course, the best sleep process for me is the weakest system. If I focus on sound, then the other two busy systems get lulled to sleep. The anesthesia completely blocked my access to the sound system. When that path was opened again, I could drift off to sleep.

Lullabies that my mother sang to me as a child, that I sang to my child, and that she sang to hers. Lovely to know what works. Try figuring out how your brain encodes things and pick the weaker one to start a sleep routine.

If anesthesia has disrupted your sleep or memory, therapy can help you recalibrate. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support cognitive recovery and emotional clarity. For more on how anesthesia affects memory and sleep, see MedicalHubNews’ guide to reversing memory loss after anesthesia.