Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

THE HEAT, THE HEAT!

Facing the Temperatures Outside—and the Ones Within

Extreme weather can feel overwhelming, but sometimes it mirrors the emotional heat we carry inside. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how oppressive temperatures and childhood memories both challenge us—and how facing them can lead to healing and relief.

I don’t know where you live, but in the Washington, DC area the heat has been constant and oppressive. I have this great deck and patio, and they stand empty, day after day, because it is too hot to sit outside. I am convinced that global warming is real. Also, when I see the huge floods and storms in the Midwest, I know the climate is changing. This is not the first time that the weather has been devastating. Remember the dust storms of the 1930’s? The pictures of walls of dirt traveling across the Plains are frightening. Houses were buried, and people died when they could not outrun the walls of dust and dirt or find safety in their homes.

What are you trying to outrun or avoid? We all do it.

One of the most common things to outrun is our childhood history. Before we reach puberty, our brains think in binary terms: yes/no, right/wrong, good/bad. We divide our experiences into absolute opposites. That means that early life experiences get stuck in that place of absolute negative or absolute positive. Each of these can lead to problems later on. For now, I want to focus on the absolute negative.

When the first child in a family is replaced by the second, danger lurks. The sense of loss and rejection that can overwhelm the first child is akin to a form of panic. When you move from receiving the full attention of both parents to having to share that attention, the hurt and loss are real. Many times, parents do not realize how powerful this loss is, and they fail to find ways to continue the older child’s experience of being special. When we are replaced by another, we are in pain. The accompanying confusion and grief are disorienting. The older child is destabilized.

That sense of “I can be replaced” stays with you even if it is buried in your memory bank. The fear and instability associated with that thought can cause us to fear connection or overreach for connection and importance. When we fear connection, we miss out on opportunities to build friendships and support networks. When we overreach for connection, we alienate others and become burdens. Facing the early childhood injury can help us to reorient and change our view of ourselves and others.

We all carry early childhood memories with us, and they influence how we behave in the present. We cannot outrun them, but we can turn and face them without the fear of being buried. Understanding our early experiences and their influence on the present opens us up leading to cooler times.

If you’re ready to explore the emotional heat you’ve been carrying, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity and healing. For more on the connection between climate and emotional stress, see Psychology Today’s reflection on The Heat and connection.

Baseball

Memory, Emotion, and the Mental Game Behind America’s Pastime

Baseball isn’t just a sport, it’s a soundtrack, a ritual, and a mirror for emotional resilience. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection on transistor radios, childhood giggles, and the ups and downs of pitching reminds us that the game is as much about heart as it is about skill. This post explores how baseball shapes memory and how emotional coaching might just be the next great strategy.

I have always liked baseball. I have no idea why. Maybe it was the invention of the transistor radio. The transistor was invented in 1947, and I would not have been old enough to know what it was. But by 1957, when the transistor radio was invented, my parents might have been able to afford one. The radio at that time would have been expensive and truly a luxury item at about $130. I know we had one.

How do I know? My sister and I shared a room, and we managed to sneak the radio in at night and listen to the ball games under the covers. I don’t think we really understood the game itself, but the sneaking was great fun. “Settle down, girls!”. “Don’t make me come up there!” would echo up the stairs and lead to more giggles under the covers. I do not remember my Dad ever following through on those threats, but they sounded serious.

The baseball announcer was a hoot. Big voice with lots of crescendos and excitement, and I remember an organ playing at certain times. Of course, they played the National Anthem at the beginning and “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”. The 7th inning stretch was usually “God Bless America” so we learned all the words by heart. George Steinbrenner is credited with making it a tradition as he instructed the organist to play it at every ball game for the New York Yankees until other clubs adopted it. Of course, we all wanted to sound like Aretha Franklin. Watch her on YouTube and tell me if it does not make you cry.

As an adult, my husband and I lived in Baltimore, and it was easy to find a balmy night to go to the park, and at that time, it was cheap to get box seats on the first base line and watch Jim Palmer pitch. Sometimes I think about how a pitcher needs to be trained to handle the ups and downs of performance. I think I would like to be an emotional trainer for high school pitchers. I would sit on the sidelines and yell, “Great pitch” when they are doing well, and “You stink” with the throw one way outside. I think that would be good training and serve them well in college and beyond. The pitcher has to take in the good stuff and let it fill him up and strengthen him and sluff off the bad at the moment but not forever. The pitcher needs to hold a place for the bad stuff, like putting it in a spot behind home plate where it can be picked up later but not affect his game. Later he can sort through it for the good stuff to work on.

Maybe we all need hecklers and cheerers for that very reason.

If you’re exploring emotional resilience or want to coach others through performance highs and lows, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional regulation and growth. For insights into the mental game of baseball, see The Mental Game of Baseball from OurBallSports.

THE FED HAS RAISED INTEREST RATES

What Economic Shifts Can Teach Us About Personal Balance

When the Federal Reserve raises interest rates, it’s not just about inflation, it’s about restoring equilibrium. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this moment offers a metaphor for personal reflection. Just as the economy adjusts to new pressures, so can we. This post explores how financial policy mirrors our need for emotional and relational balance.

This week the Federal Reserve decided to raise interest rates in an effort to stave off rising inflation. The process goes like this. When prices are climbing, a rise in interest rates makes purchasing those things more difficult. The idea is that as purchasing goes down, the producers of things will lower prices so more things will be bought. The ebb and flow of the economy depends on this balance. How is this balance maintained? How is it helpful?

Balance in the economy is important and perhaps critical. The same is true for our lives. Balance is life-giving. When we are out of balance, we are in trouble. We are at risk for falling. Who or what will be there to catch us? The Federal Reserve trusts that when they raise interest rates, there will be a corrective response, and prices will adjust and come down, consumers will start buying again, and then interest rates can come down, and the merry-go-round continues.

This is all about balance. How do you put balance into your life? If we were to do a factual report of your time for the past week, what would we see? Take that challenge and lay out a timeline on the page. Where did you go? What did you do? Who did you experience? What drew your attention? What did you accomplish? How we invest our time can give us clear information about our priorities.

You say you love your family, and your calendar shows that you never made it home for dinner in the past week. You missed your daughter’s swim meet for a client call. You value your physical health, and the treadmill in the basement is a place to hang coats. You fancy yourself an intellectual, but you have not read a book in the past 6 months, and you fall asleep in front of the television every night.

How would you rate your interest in you? Your family? Your spouse? Your children? Your health? Your intellect? Examine these carefully. It is time to raise your own interest rates.

If you’re feeling out of balance, therapy can help you recalibrate. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity and intentional living. For more on how interest rates affect your financial life, see Forbes’ explainer on Fed rate hikes.

CAN’T SLEEP?

Why Sleep Routines Matter—For Children and Adults Alike

Sleep is essential for physical and emotional health, yet many struggle to get enough of it. For families in Maryland and DC, this post explores how early sleep routines shape lifelong habits, and how intentional rituals can help both children and adults find rest.

Our bodies need sleep for a variety of reasons: development, energy conservation, brain waste clearance, modulation of immune responses, cognition, performance, vigilance, disease, and psychological state. That is quite a list. In fact, that is intimidating enough to keep you awake!

Think of everything that is going on in your body while you sleep. Yet, many of you have trouble falling asleep and cannot figure out why. One would think that this is a simple task. Lie down. Close your eyes. Count sheep. Remember the mattress commercial that had all those sheep jumping over fences? Seems simple enough.

Sleep training takes place very early in life. If you have children, you remember this process vividly. You feed the baby, rock the baby, and gently put the baby in the bassinet. Voila! Well, almost. For some parents this process is easy, and the baby cooperates. For others, this process is its own nightmare followed by various attempts, conversations with the relatives, and feelings of utter failure. Each of us has our own story.

Helping your child find a sleep routine is important. The key here is routine. Children benefit from repetition. The order of events is not as important as the fact that there is an order: a ritual that can be depended on. There are only a few don’ts: no screens at least one hour before bedtime, no overstimulation prior to bedtime, and no conflict prior to bedtime. There are some really important do’s: do the same thing every time in the same order, do spend time so that your child feels your attention and interest, do relax and expect your child to cooperate, do calming activities, do make it special for you and your child.

Here is a simple example: start with a bath because they probably need one and good conversations happen; keep the same hygiene routine of tooth brushing, hair brushing, etc.; talk, read a story, sing a song; have a special way of saying good night; leave!

Your child does not have to fall asleep. A mistake that many parents make is that they stay until the child falls asleep. That teaches a child that they must have you nearby to fall asleep. Your message should be that you are a grown-up, and you now need time off from being a parent. They do not have to fall asleep. They do have to stay in their bed so that you can have time to yourself, time with your partner, time to work or play or just do nothing.

Sleep training is an important responsibility and can serve your child for a lifetime. You would be surprised how comforting it is to have a routine that leads to sleep regardless of how old you are!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

If sleep struggles are affecting your family, therapy can help. Explore therapy for adults and families in DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support healthy sleep routines and emotional wellness. For practical tips, see Restful Solutions’ guide to things to do when you can’t sleep.

What Is In My Genes

Exploring Emotional Inheritance and Generational DNA

Genes carry more than physical traits—they may also hold emotional echoes from generations past. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how ancestral experiences shape our sensitivities, reactions, and even our fears. Understanding your genetic story can offer insight into your emotional landscape.

Ok. I know when you hear that you are not certain about whether I am asking about your Jeans or Genes. Rest assured that I am asking about the genetic makeup of your being. GENES. Did you know that your genetic makeup has a generational history? Approximately three past generations are present in your current genetic makeup. So, if I trace this for myself. On my father’s side, I am looking at an English pauper farming to sustain his family who put himself on a boat hoping for a better opportunity, an American farmer who found working the dirt in the Midwest as a good gig and a machinist son who left the farm to find his way in the city.

Three past generations are present. What does this mean? I am not just talking about physical characteristics, family stories, or traditions though those are important. I am talking about emotional experiences that get embedded in our DNA and then find their way into the next generation. Studies of DNA have shown that emotional experiences modify the DNA and that these modifications get inherited and can be found to travel forward for at least three generations. Ever wonder why you are afraid of snakes and your neighbor has one as a pet? Given my father’s heritage, I should be a pretty good gardener, and guess what? I am!

Your temperament, reactivity to different stimuli, expression of feelings has a genetic history to it. The more we know about that history in terms of the emotional experiences of our ancestors, the easier it is to address our own emotional habits, reactions, and sensitivities. Perhaps my neighbor’s great-grandfather was a snake charmer!
Yes, I said three past generations. Research has shown us that our genes get modified by experience and that the modification gets passed down to future generations. We can look at this in two directions: the past and the future.

First, let’s examine the past.

How much of your family’s history do you really know? Today we all have the opportunity to learn about past generations through these systems where you spit in a tube and mail it off to receive a detailed description of your ancestry. Researching your family history can be fun. This research can also help you understand yourself and your emotionality. Do you have any old documents gathering dust in the attic? Can you find one of your parent’s report cards? Do old photos stir some emotion for you?

Think about the emotional sensitivities that you have. Have you ever been curious as to why certain people and characteristics get a rise out of you when others do not? I seem to have a vivid, intense reaction to narcissistic qualities, while numerous others can enjoy the flamboyance and not be negatively affected. Hmmm. What lurks in my gene pool? I guess I should spit in a tube and find out.

If you’re curious about your emotional inheritance or family history, therapy can help you explore it with insight and compassion. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional awareness and generational healing. For more on inherited trauma, visit Psych Central’s guide to genetic trauma.

Chinese “New Year”

What the Zodiac Teaches Us About Belonging and Vulnerability

Sometimes, the smallest moments, like learning your Chinese zodiac animal, can reveal deeper truths about connection, identity, and the discomfort of not knowing. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection invites us to embrace curiosity and recognize the universal longing to belong.

Ok, ok. I know it is not Chinese New Year. However, I was just thinking about it And, even though it is out of sync, my brain is going there. Trust me, it will make sense.

During the month of Chinese New Year, I had the privilege of being with a group of elementary school children. Oh! To be in elementary school again. I remember so clearly the square brick building with the concrete playground. The teeter-totter was my favorite spot. The thrill of going up and down was worth the bone crushing bump on the tailbone when you struck the concrete on the down stroke. What shocked me as I spent time with these children, and I do mean “shocked me” was that each of them knew their Chinese animal, and I had no clue of my own. How could this be!

Have you ever been in that place where the “other” knew so easily and comfortably the thing that you should have known and did not?

In just that moment, you are isolated. They know, and you do not.

What next?

Of course, I looked up my animal. The Chinese Zodiac calendar rotates in 12-year cycles. So being born in 1946 makes me a “dog”.

Now, I grew up in a family that always had a dog. There are stories of me as a toddler and the Great Dane that lived with our family. The story goes that he would drag everyone around the block on walks, but if I came along and they put the leash in my hand the giant beast would modify his stride to walk along side of me no matter the distraction. Such a powerful sign of protection. The year of the dog stands for; loyalty, sincerity, and honesty. You may already know your animal, or you may look it up. No matter.

The point is that we all have the experience of being with others who know things that we don’t know. A feeling of fear and shame wells up in us. What happens when you feel afraid in this way? Left out of the loop? Less informed than the others? How do you respond?

One of the hardest things for people to do is to acknowledge that they do not know. In that moment, we experience ourselves as “outside” or “other”.

We all long to belong. We want to be connected. We want to know what the others know.

Look up your Chinese New Year animal and let me know!

If moments like these stir feelings of isolation or curiosity, therapy can help you explore them with compassion. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and belonging. For more on Chinese zodiac meanings, visit ChineseNewYear.net.

My Favorite Month

Why April Feels Like a Gentle Invitation to Begin Again

April is more than a month—it’s a metaphor for renewal. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post reflects on how April’s subtle shifts in light, warmth, and community can inspire personal growth and emotional connection. From crocus blooms to sidewalk smiles, April invites us to reemerge with intention.

Do you have a favorite month? Is that a silly question?

I have a favorite month, and April is it. Growing up in the Midwest and now living in the East, the seasons are so obvious as the weather changes dramatically. April brings so much promise of new life with crocus pushing their way through the hard winter ground and proving once again that they cannot be beaten. They have just been waiting for that gentle shift in temperature to soften the soil and remind them to emerge again. They are encouraging.

After a long winter, and the dark days of February and the cruel temptations of March, I need encouragement. Funny, perhaps, to look to the weather for encouragement, yet, the change that takes place in April seems to be more than the weather. People are moving about again. Bicycles are spinning by the house, and people seem to be happier. They stop to chat on their walks around the block, and they wave at each other when passing. The winter posture of head down and plowing forward has given way to a lighter sense of being and an opening to receive from others.

Just like the flowers pushing up out of the ground to greet the sun, the people are opening to engage each other. They stop and chat with the fellow dog-walker. They ask about the baby in the stroller. They wave at each other with smiles and a sense of openness. April brings a sense of connectedness and the promise of new beginnings.

What will be new for you? How will you emerge from the winter and begin a new thing. I know lots of people make New Year’s resolutions that have long ago fallen by the wayside. I tend to avoid those for that very reason. They never lasted long and seemed to come with shame-based experience anyway. But Spring is somehow different. April holds a promise of growth that is gradual, possible. I can poke through old parts of myself and see the potential for new directions and the gradual, steady reach for changes that will have meaning and sustain me moving forward.

April is my favorite month, and that is not silly at all.

If April inspires you to begin again, therapy can help you explore what’s next. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support seasonal renewal and emotional growth. For more spring reflections, see 71 Inspirational Quotes for the Month of April from Good Good Good.

MARCH

Fresh Starts, Forgotten Promises, and the Power of Extra Space

March is more than a month, it’s a mindset. For individuals in Maryland and DC, it’s a time to shake off winter’s weight and lean into possibility. This post explores how March invites us to begin again, reclaim forgotten promises, and make use of the quiet spaces we often overlook.

Isn’t that a great name! MARCH. You can hear it as a command that you must salute or feel it as the potential for change or enjoy it like a parade. March is the teaser for Spring. We can plant some early flowers and bulbs that will delight us with color and texture and scent. You can leave your winter coat behind on most days and consider waking up to travel ideas and making summer plans. March is a beginning.

What will you begin in March? I am planning on starting a new practice regimen for my music lessons. I am waking up early nowadays, so why not use that time! Funny that I never looked at it like that before. It is this extra space that had no purpose, but now it does.

Where are your extra spaces? Maybe you must go into the office, and that commute is a drag. Why not listen to a podcast. Do you know that there are podcasts about EVERYTHING! Want to learn to cook a Flan? Try the French Food Podcast on Apple Podcast. Want to answer your kid’s question about where light bulbs come from? Listen to Curious Kid Podcast, Episode 37, and you will be viewed as a genius when you get home.

In March, many of the 100 bulbs that we planted to create a Moon Garden will poke through the soil and fulfill their promise to delight us in the evening with reflected moonlight. What promises have you made? When will they poke their way back to your consciousness and begin to reflect who you are as a promise keeper? We make promises with apparent ease and then let them slip under our frontal lobe to be buried in the far reaches of our brain. Did you promise to take your son to the basketball court in the park? Do you own a basketball? Did you promise to fix that squeaky door? Do you own any 3-in-1 oil?

Our promises do not always come with the words “I promise”. In fact, most of the time, they do not. Most of the time, we say: “Sure” or “I will get to that tomorrow or on the weekend”. Then time passes, the world pushes other things to the forefront, and……..

Who is expecting something from you? What action has fallen into the far reaches of your brain? Retrieval is easy. Remember that commute we talked about above? Use it to reflect and summon those promises from deep in the folds of your brain. Make a plan: a real plan!

If March feels like a fresh start, therapy can help you make the most of it. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support renewal, reflection, and personal growth. For seasonal inspiration, see March Birth Month Symbols and Fun Facts from Farmers’ Almanac.

IT’S FEBRUARY!!!????****

Turning the Cruelest Month into a Creative One

February may be short on daylight, but it’s long on opportunity. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post offers a humorous and heartfelt look at how to reclaim the month with intention, connection, and a little imagination. From Groundhog Day to goal-setting, here’s how to make February work for you.

When they call it the cruelest month, they are not joking. January gets the privilege of being the beginning of a new year. We pop balloons, watch The Ball drop, throw confetti, and all that lulls us into this euphoric state that lets January slip by.

Then comes February. If you live in a part of the world where the seasons change dramatically, you know exactly what I mean. February is cold. February is dark. February is emotionally the longest month of the year.

Alright, so it does start out with Groundhogs Day. Much like the movie by the same name, this month is a repeat of the same dreary experience without the humor of Bill Murray, who was very funny.
The Punxsutawney Groundhog Club that keeps this ridiculous tradition going is a real organization with a website and everything. You can have “lunch with Phil” (the groundhog himself) and attend the Gala to jitterbug or waltz the night away.

But even with all of that, it is still FEBRUARY!

Let’s make the most of it by finding things you can do:

1. Revise your holiday card list because you missed a few cousins and gained a new friend or two, so get their addresses ready for next December.
2. Plan your Spring Break vacation. What? You don’t get Spring Break anymore? Well, you can still have fun pretending you get Spring Break, and hey, it is February.
3. Look at your New Year’s resolutions and get realistic. Take off the lose 30 pounds and leave the walk around the block.
4. Call someone you really care about and tell them what they mean to you.
5. Decide to give up something that is hurting you or holding you down: maybe that 4th beer or the bag of Oreo cookies that seems to disappear in one day.
6. Think about how you want to impact those around you and make a plan that you can implement before you finish reading this.
7. Clean out that kitchen drawer or cabinet that has been bugging you for decades: buy dividers or use old cardboard boxes to organize stuff.
8. Look around and find someone you can help. Giving of ourselves is truly satisfying.
9. Shut off the TV for one night a week and use that time to read a book.
10. Write a book! You might as well; everyone else is.

If February has you feeling stuck, therapy can help you reconnect with purpose and possibility. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support seasonal wellness and emotional clarity. For more February folklore and fun, visit The Old Farmer’s Almanac.

ARE YOU A GARAGE GIRL?

Finding Connection, Comfort, and Community in Unexpected Places

During COVID, creativity became a lifeline for connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this story of the Garage Girls reminds us that friendship, warmth, and purpose can thrive anywhere, even in a chilly garage. This post celebrates the power of intentional gathering and the joy of being expected.

Now you must wonder what I am talking about. COVID has brought about some creative ways of meeting our needs for connection and comradery. Imagine four friends with access to an empty garage. In each corner, there sits a chair waiting for a guest. The garage door is open with plenty of air circulation. If it is a bit chilly, then each spot has a small heater and a blanket. One of those tv tables from the ’50s and 60’s sits beside each chair with a glass of water ready to be consumed. As the friends arrive, they have brought their knitting, and soon the needles will be clicking away as the conversation rises and falls.

Laughter will sometimes fill the garage, and some days tears. The Garage Girls have been friends for a long time, and they hold the heart of the other with respect and care. The knitting needles continue to click as the scarves lengthen. Last year they made over 100 scarves for the homeless. What a cozy thought. The warmth they feel for each other warms a stranger.
Where are your Garage Mates?

We all need to make space for each other. When you are expected, a place is set for you, and your friends know what you will need to be comfortable. Maybe a lawn chair in a garage is not your thing. Maybe you prefer a porch swing like the one on grandma’s porch when you were growing up. Maybe you always want the wing chair, or perhaps your parents have provided a little stool for you in front of the fireplace. Knowing that you are wanted is a beautiful feeling.
Are you making time for them?

We all lead busy lives, and we can easily settle into our own places in the world and forget to make time for those we love, admire, and want to grow with. Friends challenge us to be our better selves, to support our positions with real facts and truth, to do our homework as well as doing our best. All of that takes time and energy. Remember the quiz show that gave you the option to “phone a friend” if you didn’t know an answer? When is the last time that you phoned a friend?

The Garage Girls have the right idea. Make it regular. Make it fun. Make it meaningful. Make it with love. Well done, Girls!

If you’re seeking deeper connection or want to create space for meaningful relationships, therapy can help. Explore therapy for adults and families in DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional connection and community. For more inspiration, read Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst’s original Garage Girl post.