What Spring Gardens Teach Us About Childhood, Resilience, and Emotional Growth
The garden is a great place for thinking. You can go there as often as you want. Things change every day and every week. You can look forward to what comes next, enjoy new growth, or deal with new problems.
Our garden is just coming to life after the winter. As I reflect on this, I notice that spring cannot decide whether to stay. Temperatures fluctuate between early winter and early spring. I imagine little flower shoots confused and hurt by the volatility—much like children in an unstable household. One day, the parents are kind and engaging. The next day, they are cruel and raging.
Some garden plants are hardy and adapt to the ups and downs of the weather. The rose bush, tender and small, has not survived, but the clematis stands strong and determined. I am grateful for its resilience and vibrant blooms, especially as the vine flourishes in midspring.
Families can be unpredictable, and children absorb these experiences. As they grow, the wounds from early conflict remain with them. Stress at home shapes their relationships, whether they realize it or not. I’ve heard men talk about violence between their parents as if it were a movie unrelated to them. But violence at home is not easy to ignore. Like frost harms plants, violence quiets parts of us—and that history affects the present.
The garden is also shaped by its past. When preparing the soil, we had to add bags of peat to the heavy clay. Clay is good for staying firm and providing stability, but it is not good for growing soft, delicate plants. Their roots cannot penetrate the hardness, so they give up. The peat was needed—many bags of it. At some point, we decided it was enough. But now, I worry the plants wish we had added more.
Young children need tenderness, careful attention, and interest instilled in them to grow and thrive. The hardness of some parents leads to fear of relationships and rigidity within them. Like clay soil, these children are robbed of the nutrients necessary for emotional growth and connection. They need a ton of peat to open up.
For more reflections on emotional development, childhood experiences, and the psychology of resilience, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.
If you are exploring how your own early environment shaped your emotional life—or noticing patterns that feel rooted in childhood—therapy can help you understand and transform those foundations. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional healing, resilience, and growth.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
