Category: Blog Posts

SCAMS

Deception, Vulnerability, and the Emotional Toll of Being Fooled

Scams aren’t just financial—they’re emotional invasions. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how scams exploit trust, trigger shame, and fracture relationships, and why emotional recovery is just as vital as financial repair.

Ahh! That is no doubt a familiar word. They are everywhere. We are all familiar with the phone calls where a robotic system dials hundreds of numbers, and a bank of humans sits at the ready to pick up a call and convince you to buy something or frighten you into believing that a dear friend or relative is in trouble. The latter version is truly cruel. I have never been caught in the trap, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t be. Anyone with an attachment to a child, relative, or friend can become a victim.

I know several people who have given up their landlines for this very reason. The robocalls come daily. The phone company has managed to identify a few of these and block them before the call is answered. I wonder how they do that and why they can’t block them all. I also wonder why the United States of America cannot figure out how to protect us from this insanity. I honestly believe they could, but I guess the value of that protection is not high enough to give us priority.

Perhaps there is some logic to this insanity. Humans do like to be fooled sometimes. We pay to see magicians pull rabbits out of hats and pull coins from behind our ears. This entertainment is fascinating. We want to learn how they do it, and we take pleasure in the show. We are particularly fascinated by the girl who gets cut in half and then magically appears whole again. Do not try this trick at home!

We play tricks on each other. We use an entire holiday to do that. April Fool’s Day is fun, whether we are talking about short-sheeting someone or making the office coffee maker explode. We like to fool people. Hopefully, these things are done with a light spirit and not intended to harm another. I know what you are thinking…the office coffee machine is a bad idea!

However, we do not want to put our friends and relatives in a situation that could cause permanent damage. Giving a scammer access to your bank account or sending money to a supposed loved relative, only to find out you have been tricked, is truly cruel. This is also expensive. Recovering the loss and untangling the mess can take a long time, cost money we do not have, and lead to emotional distress that undermines us and our relationships. I know that some relationships have not been able to recover from this trap. These scams truly victimize us.

You can register for the Do-Not-Call list, and that can be somewhat helpful. You can report scams to the Federal Trade Commission. You can report scams to the Federal Communications Commission. You can even make reports to the FBI Internet Crimes Complaint Center when you suspect the call originated from another country. The bottom line is about trust. Do not trust anyone unless you really know them. Sad, but true.

Want to explore how scams affect emotional health and recovery? Visit Verywell Mind’s guide to emotional recovery after scams, AARP’s reflections on mental health and fraud, and BeScamAware’s support for scam victims.

If you’re reflecting on emotional vulnerability, trust, or recovery after deception, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and emotional clarity.

When No One Prepares Us To Parent, The Most Important Job We Do Come With the Least Training

Parenting shapes generations, yet most of us enter it with nothing more than instinct, memory, and whatever modeling we absorbed, healthy or not, from the adults who raised us.

When you think about it, parenting is the most critical role you will ever have. Yet the preparation for this role is either completely absent or distorted by our untrained parents.

I remember a high school exercise from the ’60s in which teens were given an egg or an apple and told to care for it as though it were an infant. Teens were paired up as father and mother, and the “baby” required 24/7 monitoring. The eggs broke fairly quickly, and the apples were bruised and battered. A few of the apples had big bites taken out of them. Actually, this was a pretty realistic experiment. Our children do get bruised and battered by their parents, and parts of them appear to be damaged.

We require hours of supervised training before we allow a teen to drive. In Maryland, where I live, the teen, or potential driver of any age, must pass a 30‑hour course with at least six hours behind the wheel. Honestly, those six hours sound scary to me. A potential driver must pass a written test on the rules of the road and a practical skills demonstration before they get a license. Yet they can produce children as young as 12 without a single bit of scrutiny.

We know that parenting classes are beneficial. We send abusive parents to classes where they learn to manage their emotions, understand the process of guiding children, and develop skills for problem‑solving and building emotional connections with their children. However, to participate in one of these classes, you have to be court‑ordered after committing a crime of child abuse. Now, think of that.

Why don’t we prepare our teens to parent? I think we have this stodgy sense of parenting as though it is boring, mundane, or tedious. We see ourselves as meant for something grand. I will admit that parenting, like any job, has boring parts and parts that we want to avoid. Yet our character is built in this process, one interaction at a time. Think of the potential for greatness if we prepared our parents to understand developmental processes, to know about emotional development, and to have a way to encourage character building in their children.

Parenting is the most meaningful job on earth. The character we nurture will make the decisions that shape our old age and the end of our lives. The character that we nurture will make decisions that impact the future for generations to come.

Why don’t we have a training ground for parenting?

For more reflections on emotional development, parenting, and family systems, visit Psychology Today’s insights on raising emotionally healthy children and Greater Good’s research on parenting and empathy.

If you’re navigating the challenges of parenting—or healing from the parenting you received—therapy can offer clarity, grounding, and practical tools. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth for parents and children alike.

Why Real Love Requires Choice, Real Commitment, and Courage

I know that you feel love, and that the sensation is thrilling when it happens. There is the immediate attraction to someone who throws you for a loop and makes your heart pound. There is the joy of seeing your child for the very first time. These feelings are automatic and dramatic. Your heart swells, and you are certain you have never felt like this before. Some describe it as “floating on air” or “being bowled over.” These are delightful feelings, but they tend to be short‑lived.

Then there is the deeper emotional commitment you make—one that comes with joy and sorrow woven together. This kind of love requires choosing to love again and again. It challenges you and rewards you. It takes time to mature and will stretch you emotionally. You will discover new parts of yourself and of your partner. This love is an investment, not just a feeling.

You may have chosen well, and your partner may be a good match, but there is still work to be done. As the infatuation wanes, reality brings adjustments and sometimes serious conflict. You discover things about each other you did not know before. You want to be transparent, but you are used to doing things on your own and in your own way. Now, your partner must be factored in—or left out. Your decision here will impact the future in ways you may not be able to imagine.

Do you take the risk of being transparent? Let’s hope you do, because a discovery months or years down the road can be devastating. It is better to be honest and make adjustments now.

Joy and sorrow can be close companions. Consider the birth of a child alongside the fear of a medical problem. Your boy looks perfect and cries beautifully. Then the doctor reports that his heart is not working properly. Joy and sorrow merge into determination and courage as you take the next steps toward finding the right surgeon to perform the repair. You will travel anywhere and do what is necessary to give him a healthy heart.

Multiple decisions must be made, and priorities shift. The new car you were about to buy is put on hold. The 401(k) you were building may be significantly reduced. And one day, your boy will run around the playground as though nothing ever happened.

Decisions reveal your character and shape your future. How you choose to love yourself, your partner, and your children reaches to your very core.

For more reflections on emotional development, relationships, and the psychology of love, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating relationship challenges or seeking deeper emotional clarity, therapy can help you understand your patterns and make intentional choices. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth, relational honesty, and long‑term connection.

Why Clearing Space, Inside and Out, Feels So Good and Brings Emotional Renewal

Check your emotional reaction to that title. Some people respond with enthusiasm, eager for warmer weather, open windows, birdsong, and the ritual of sorting closets. I recently examined my own closet—not to clean it, but because I was tired of wearing the same dresses repeatedly. In doing so, I discovered new outfits and combinations I had not worn before. I felt like a new woman. Why does finding a new outfit lift the spirit?

I also have drawers crammed with scarves. I love wearing them. A scarf is like cake decoration, delicious on its own, but the embellishment makes it even more inviting.

Now I’m on a roll, and spring cleaning begins without my intent. Sorting through dresses to send some off to the local charity, adding a scarf or two that hasn’t seen daylight in years, it all feels like a good idea. Even the sock drawer gets a once‑over. I love decorative socks: some elegant, some funny. Some are past their prime, others simply no longer interesting. As the pile grows, my husband brings a large trash bag that will eventually make its way to the Goodwill store.

I remember this season from my childhood. My mother was intent on spring cleaning, drawers, closets, cupboards, nothing was off limits. Some things were saved for younger cousins who would wear the dresses and skirts. Others became rags for dusting and cleaning less savory places. A few were perfect for shining shoes, a task we did weekly before going to church.

My own spring cleaning as an adult is lacking. Mother would be distressed. Most of my work happens outside, not inside. The deck chairs and deck itself need scrubbing after a winter of feeding birds and squirrels burying nuts in the pots. The screened porch needs washing, seat covers cleaned, cobwebs swept, and the big scarves on one screen washed.

Preparing for warm weather and time outdoors is hard work, but well worth it. Sunshine and cool breezes flow through the screens while bugs stay out. The porch swing brings back childhood memories—my Uncle Johnny’s wraparound porch at the farmhouse, cool evenings, old stories, and welcome breaks. Spring cleaning becomes worthwhile.

For more reflections on seasonal renewal, emotional clarity, and the psychology of everyday life, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are doing your own version of “inner spring cleaning”, sorting memories, habits, or emotional patterns, therapy can help you make sense of what to keep and what to release. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional renewal and personal growth.

Why True Strength in Boys Begins With Connection, Not Toughness

What if emotional strength in boys has nothing to do with toughening them up?

What if it begins with helping them stay connected to themselves?

In this conversation on Advisor with Stacey Chillemi, I sit down with Lisa Urbanski to explore a pattern that has shaped generations of boys—and the men they become.

This is not just a parenting conversation.
It is a cultural one.

Because when boys are taught to suppress emotion, they do not become stronger. They become disconnected—from themselves, from others, and from the relationships that sustain them.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why boys are often taught, directly and indirectly, to suppress emotion
• How emotional disconnection shows up later in relationships, conflict, and communication
• What true emotional strength actually looks like
• How parents can begin building emotional vocabulary at home
• Why fathers and male role models play such a critical role
• What to do if you feel like you have already made mistakes

We also talk about what this looks like in real life.

A boy who is only allowed to express anger grows into a man with a very limited emotional language.

A child who is told “you’re fine” instead of being comforted learns to question his own experience.

And a home that is always busy, distracted, or focused on logistics can unintentionally lose the very connection children need most.

Emotions are not meant to isolate us.
They are meant to connect us.

And when we begin to treat them that way, everything changes—how boys grow, how men relate, and how families function.

If you have ever wondered how to support a boy, or a man, in becoming more emotionally connected, this conversation offers a place to begin.

🎧 Watch the full episode:
Advisor – Full Episode

For more reflections on boys’ emotional development, parenting, and cultural patterns, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are raising a boy, supporting a partner, or noticing emotional patterns in yourself that you want to understand more deeply, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional connection, resilience, and growth.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

How Tuning Into Your Emotional Frequency Shapes Connection

Many of you will be familiar with this. You’re driving down the road. If you are alone, you get to put the radio station anywhere you want. If the passenger seat is occupied, a negotiation begins, and sometimes the radio simply goes off. If the backseat is also occupied, it’s anybody’s game. Conflict will probably ensue.

Now imagine we’re not talking about driving, but about functioning in the world around you. You may be traveling through life by yourself, with a partner, or within a family or group. The radio becomes your range of emotions. In different times and contexts, we dial into different parts of ourselves and experience emotions, and emotional needs, differently.

Emotion is the radio of attachment.

What is your system?

The HAM Radio Operator
This person is an enthusiastic communicator, eager to connect with people all over the world. They thrive on a broad range of interactions. The act of being connected is the core need. The more the merrier. Yet they may struggle to go deeper. They need variety, not necessarily depth.

The Radio Scanner
This person tunes into stress, problems, and even danger. They get an adrenaline boost from urgency. They can be excellent listeners and often show up powerfully in a crisis. But once the crisis passes, their interest fades. This is the relative who flies in, takes charge, and disappears when things calm down.

The Car Radio With the Scan Button
This person can go deep into a “station” or bounce lightly across many. They have a flexible emotional range. They can explore feelings, challenge themselves, and be curious about others’ experiences. They can take a deeper dive when needed and also enjoy the surface-level moments. They tend to have a strong emotional vocabulary and a willingness to connect meaningfully.

Finding the right station within each of your relationships is key to connection.

For more reflections on emotional awareness, attachment, and the psychology of connection, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are trying to understand your own emotional “frequency” or navigate the patterns within your relationships, therapy can help you tune in with clarity. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional connection and relational insight.

Living Through Rising Temperatures and a Record‑Breaking Summer

Today is the start of a heat wave. The temperatures are predicted to reach 110 degrees or higher. These heat waves are definitely happening more frequently. As a kid, I would be hard‑pressed to remember even one day that hit 100 degrees. The hottest year on record so far is 2024. If you doubt that global warming is real, just read the stats. The past 11 years have been the warmest on record, with records dating back to 1881. That means we are heating up, folks. These temperatures will keep rising if we continue to treat our planet as we are now. At this point, I see no trend in the opposite direction.

I know that there are experts on climate change speaking their truths across the globe. I know that sophisticated men and women are listening and showing concern. However, the man on the street, or the native who needs to clear ground to plant crops to feed the family, is not listening and cannot imagine why he should.

If you take the 1950s as a baseline, when I was running around as a kid, and make that 0, today the average temperature has increased to 1.5 times that, which is a huge jump. This increase is also holding steady, indicating it is not a fluke but a trend. The Earth is getting hotter, and we are doing nothing to reverse this trend. Greenhouse gases are forming a layer in the atmosphere that traps heat. Forests are being cut down, causing the “cleansing” of the air to falter. Arctic sea ice is melting, causing sea levels to rise.

Today I am heading to the shore with plans to go sailing. I am not concerned about the breeze. There is almost always a breeze on the Chesapeake. I am concerned about the heat. Sailing is a pleasant, fairly slow mode of transportation. However, you are solidly in the sun unless you take your boat out at night, which is not likely. Even then, the temperature may not drop much.

Of course, you think of sailing as a leisurely skimming across the water. That is true for the passengers, but the sailor is working the entire time, vigilant about the direction of the wind, the depth of the bay, with sandbars as surprises, and cautious about the motorboaters whizzing by. Of course, sailing is pleasant, but it is also work.

Perhaps I will rethink this sail and wait for a cooler day. But, oh wait, the days are getting warmer, not cooler. Perhaps I will take up an indoor hobby. Pottery, anyone?!

Explore related reflections:
climate reflections
environmental change
seasonal experience

Learn more from trusted climate science sources:
NOAA Climate.gov
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC)
NASA Climate Change

If you are navigating stress, overwhelm, or emotional transitions, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

CRACKED SOMETHING OPEN

Memory, Metaphor, and the Courage to Break Through

Some shells protect. Others imprison. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how cracking open childhood memories mirrors the effort of breaking into a walnut—messy, stubborn, and ultimately nourishing.

That phrase brought to mind a picture of a small group of children in the backyard, their hands and skirts full of walnuts. Walnuts are beautiful. They have a toasty brown color with fantastic swirls and grooves. They are two perfect halves, and the edges of the halves have a raised ridge that goes all the way around the walnut. Inside, there is a beautiful, toasty brown nut that is delicious. But getting in there is a real challenge.

The shell is super thick. You cannot squeeze it and expect it to give. You cannot throw it on the sidewalk and expect it to open. You could try stomping on it, but that is not likely to be successful. Cracking this thing open is not easy. I suppose this shell is a reflection of the tree that bears it. Walnut trees can grow up to 150 feet tall. Let’s put that into perspective. We are talking 14 to 15 stories tall. That is a giant tree. Get the picture in your head of standing next to this monster. I, 5 feet tall, am more than dwarfed by this beauty. The spread of the limbs can range from 75 to 150 feet. Compare that to a football field. We are talking about a spread that spans from the one-yard line to the 50-yard line! This guy is a monster. No wonder it produces a fruit with an iron-clad shell.

However, we have to get inside of this thing. The treasure is worth the effort. We could retrieve the walnut cracker from the attic, but we’re not sure if it would work. We debate whether it is a real nutcracker or just a toy. We decided not to risk breaking Mother’s nutcracker. Off to the garage to pilfer some of Father’s tools. Hammer and chisel in hand, we are good to go. This brown little safe will soon give up its treasure.

WHACK! Yea!! The sweet meat of the walnut is our reward, and the stain on the sidewalk will surely wash away, eventually. Cracking this thing open is a triumph.

Cracking my history open is equally tricky. We carry life experiences and memories from a very early age. We have memories from the last trimester in our mother’s womb! We have memories from our day of birth forward. Yet, they can be hard to access. Our brain holds them in ways that are not easy to tap. They are in sight, sound, motion, and touch at a bare minimum. Our brains hold them, and I suppose the reason for that is that they have to. Like it or not, that folded mass of tissue under your skull holds onto everything; you might think of this organ as made of super glue. Have you ever had a tussle with super glue? That stuff is awful!! Our brains function just like that. They hold onto everything. I mean EVERYTHING!

Now, this can be a good thing. Because in early childhood, we can only think in absolutes: right/wrong, good/bad, etc. So, suppose our early experiences lead us to conclude that we are evil, mean, ugly, or numerous other negative things. In that case, we get stuck in that place and carry those negative feelings and thoughts into adolescence and adulthood. We will need help to understand how this happened and to assist our brain in making changes and bringing the truth up to date. As adults, we no longer live in absolutes. We understand gradations and nuances. That gives us the capability of experiencing grace for ourselves and others.

Cracking the childhood code (another metaphor!) of absolutes helps us to understand ourselves and give ourselves grace.

Want to explore how early memories shape emotional growth? Visit Verywell Health’s guide to repressed childhood trauma, Colorado State University’s reflections on rewriting your story, and Psychology in Action’s breakdown of trauma and memory.

If you’re reflecting on childhood experiences, emotional healing, or memory integration, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and grace.

Why Childhood Joy, and Friendship, Still Matters in Adulthood

Remember these when you were a kid? They came in bright colors, especially those screaming yellow ones. I suppose they didn’t actually call them “screaming yellow,” but they might as well have.

They were sturdy too. You could stomp on puddles, rocks, and mud, and they would take it all. Every kid should have screaming yellow rain boots. Oh, to be a kid again and feel that freedom—getting dirty without a care in the world.

One of the things adults miss out on is getting dirty, unless you do the Tough Mudder 5K challenge. Have you heard about this? This is much more than rain boots. You run through electrical shock wires, climb the Mudder Horn, plunge into the Arctic, and scale the Monster, to name just a few obstacles.

What is the point of all this? To make it all the way through, you have to be intense, in great shape, and either know a friend or make one, because some obstacles require cooperation. At the end, you may be exhausted and covered in mud, but you will hug your buddy and talk about doing it again next year.

Just like splashing in the rain with your yellow boots is more fun with a buddy, so is Tough Mudder. Where else do you need a friend?

Friends are the rain boots of life. They protect us from harm. They have fun with us. They keep us safe. And they are a bright spot in our lives.

Take a moment and reflect on your friends.

One of my friends is an excellent protector. She sees ahead and prepares for what will come next. As she sees me in the present, she knows exactly what I need to be considering, preparing for, or researching. I am grateful for this forward‑looking friend.

One of my friends is pure fun. She loves to laugh and recall old stories that bring smiles. She sends funny things to my phone and knows just when I need a laugh.

One of my friends is cautious and researches things I might otherwise overlook. That information has saved me more times than I can count.

One of my friends seems to be in a good mood no matter what. She finds humor in unexpected places and carries a sense that all struggles have a purpose for my benefit.

These are the people I would love to put on big yellow rain boots with and go splashing around.

For more reflections on friendship, emotional well‑being, and the psychology of connection, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are exploring your own support system or seeking deeper emotional clarity, therapy can help you understand the role relationships play in your life. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that strengthen emotional resilience and meaningful connection.

A Conversation on Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys Who Don’t Shut Down Emotion

There is a quiet misunderstanding that continues to shape how we raise boys.

We assume they are less emotional. Less expressive. Less in need of connection.

After more than 50 years in practice, I can tell you with certainty: that is not true.

In this conversation on the You’re Worthless Podcast with Nic Nierras, we take a deeper look at what is actually happening beneath the surface—and why so many boys grow into men who struggle to access, understand, and express what they feel.

This is not about weakness. It is about what has been allowed, and what has been taken away.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why boys are not less emotional, but often less permitted to express emotion
• How early experiences begin shaping emotional restriction
• The growing impact of technology on emotional development and human connection
• Why emotional intelligence develops differently in boys and girls
• The critical role fathers play in helping boys access their full emotional range
• How cultural expectations quietly train boys to suppress rather than process
• What we can begin doing—right now—to support healthier emotional development

We also talk about what this looks like in real life.

A boy who learns not to cry does not stop feeling.
He learns to redirect those feelings—often into frustration, withdrawal, or behavior that gets misunderstood.

A child absorbed in a screen is not just “occupied.”
They are missing repeated opportunities to practice reading faces, tone, and emotional nuance.

And a father who has never been given access to his own emotional life cannot easily model it for his son—unless he chooses to begin that work himself.

This is how patterns continue across generations.
But it is also how they can change.

The goal is not perfection.
It is awareness—and a willingness to do something different.

🎧 Watch the full conversation:
You’re Worthless Podcast – Full Episode

For more reflections on boys’ emotional development and family connection, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you want support helping boys—and the men they become—access their full emotional lives, learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that strengthen emotional awareness and connection across generations.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst