Category: Blog Posts

Featured Podcast Conversation on The Advisor

Hello,

I wanted to share a recent podcast conversation I joined on The Advisor with Stacey Chillemi titled Your Childhood Wound Is Still Making Decisions for You.

In this episode, we explore how early emotional experiences continue to influence adult life in subtle but powerful ways. Many of the reactions people experience in relationships, work, and daily stress are not only responses to the present moment, but also reflections of earlier emotional patterns that were formed in childhood.

A key focus of my work is helping individuals recognize these patterns so they can respond from awareness rather than repetition. When people begin to understand what belongs to the present and what is being activated from the past, it creates space for real change in how they think, feel, and relate to others.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• How childhood emotional experiences continue to shape adult behavior
• Why everyday situations can activate old feelings of rejection, abandonment, or pressure
• How to distinguish between present‑day reality and past emotional triggers
• The role of reflection, curiosity, and self‑awareness in breaking long‑standing patterns
• Practical ways — including writing, movement, and observation — that help uncover emotional origins
• How early family dynamics can contribute to patterns such as people‑pleasing or emotional withdrawal

We also explore what becomes possible when people stop reacting from old emotional templates and begin responding from the present moment.

You can listen to the full podcast here:
Your Childhood Wound Is Still Making Decisions for You Podcast

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on emotional development, identity, and healing early patterns, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating old emotional patterns, relationship challenges, or the impact of early wounds, therapy can offer clarity and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

The Steady Rhythm, the Hidden Science, and the Global Story Behind a Rainy Day

Rain feels ordinary. until you pay attention. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the beauty, necessity, and global significance of rainfall, from houseplants to worldwide water scarcity.

When I woke up this morning around 7 a.m., it was raining. It has been raining all day. The interesting thing about this rain is that it falls at the same pace hour after hour, as if it has no intention of stopping. I think of it as rainforest rain that just keeps coming.

We need the rain. My husband keeps track of this, and I clearly do not. He reports that we have been without rain for six weeks, and the trees, shrubs, and plants need the nutrients falling from the sky. If I were in charge of the sky, I would produce rain every evening after sunset for a couple of hours, then shut it off during the day so the kids could play in the yard and I could go out for a walk without getting drenched.

I am learning that rainwater is fascinating. Houseplants love rainwater, but few people have the ability or patience to collect it. However, if you have a large number of houseplants, the collection of rainwater pays off in tons of blooms. Rainwater is full of interesting nutrients. As the rain falls, it gathers various nutrients from the atmosphere. Harvesting rainwater is practiced worldwide and can be used for human consumption and for plants and gardens.

I am learning about a global rainwater management organization dedicated to managing rainwater worldwide. Sustaining the planet and its people requires abundant water. Fortunately, those supplies are readily available if we harness the natural flow of rain.

According to the United Nations, over 2.2 billion people lack safely managed drinking water. Climate change is only exacerbating this crisis. Managing rain is becoming a critical industry. Unless you live in areas of the United States that are clearly threatened, you probably do not pay much attention to the water you use. Those living in California have a heightened sense of the threat. They are losing their water table rapidly. People are advised not to run faucets. Brush your teeth with a few drops of water. Never let the faucet run. Crop irrigation is depleting the water table. Unless you live in a part of the country where the water shortage is front‑page news, you don’t think about it.

As I pay attention to this, I am fascinated by the various systems one can use. We are all familiar with the rain barrel fed by the downspout to catch water from the house roof. There are also systems you can bury in your front yard, where a lovely‑looking pond can serve as a catchment, and gallons upon gallons of rainwater can be stored underground and filtered for fresh use. You could live in the city and get off the grid. Who knew?

Want to explore more about water, climate, and sustainability? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on how nature shapes well‑being and Greater Good’s research on environmental awareness and emotional health.

If this reflection sparks thoughts about resilience, balance, or mindful living, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, grounding, and emotional well‑being.

From Arrival to Farewell: The Spaces That Shape Our Life

Life unfolds in rooms, each one holding its own lessons, memories, and meaning. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how the spaces we inhabit mark our growth, our relationships, and ultimately, our legacy.

Room 1: The Delivery Room

Over time, this room has welcomed fathers and, occasionally, other family members. Once a place of pain and isolation, it has transformed into a space of careful comfort and celebration. This room welcomes each of us into the world with joy.

Room 2: The Nursery

Prepared with care and expectation, this room is painted, decorated, and filled with comfort. The rocking chair waits to soothe cries, and the mobile above the crib entertains and fascinates. It is a room of beginnings and tender care.

Room 3: The Classroom

This room challenges the mind to memorize, invent, and problem-solve. Here, ideas spark curiosity, and stories of far-off places inspire dreams. Some lessons come easily, others with difficulty, but all shape the journey of growth.

Room 4: The Dorm Room

Independence begins here. New people, new ideas, risks, and experiments fill this space. Love and heartbreak, success and disappointment, all converge as paths for the future are chosen.

Room 5: The Apartment

Responsibility takes root. Work, chores, meals, and relationships define this room. It is a place of self-discovery, where friendships deepen and identity begins to solidify.

Room 6: The Home

Here, you join society more fully, building a future with someone you love. Responsibilities abound, but so do laughter and tears. This room is filled with family, connection, and the rhythms of daily life.

Room 7: The Retirement Place

Long anticipated, this room may be a sailboat, a mountain chalet, or a stateroom on a ship. It is a place of reflection, adventure, and savoring the rewards of a life lived.

Room 8: The Hospital Room

A room often avoided, yet inevitable. Noisy, odd-smelling, but hopefully filled with kindness. Visitors gather here because you have loved deeply and broadly, and they come to offer comfort.

Room 9: The Funeral Home

The final room. Friends and acquaintances gather to share memories, tears, and laughter. They hug, remember, and long for one more conversation. This room reminds us that love and connection endure beyond goodbye.

Want to explore how life stages shape emotional growth and resilience? Visit Psychology Today’s article on life stages and emotional growth and Greater Good’s guide to reflection and wisdom.

If you’re reflecting on your own journey through life’s rooms, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, connection, and emotional resilience.

The Quiet Joy of Early Spring in Maryland and DC

Ahh, we can get outside again. Just when the four walls begin to feel unbearable, the temperature rises, and the lure of the garden wins. Daffodils appear everywhere, trumpeting their beauty and variety. Who knew there were so many kinds? There are more than 32,000 daffodil varieties; the shape of each flower distinguishes them. It is hard to imagine so many, and growers create more each year.

Since the yard cannot hold them all, we have chosen three or four to brighten the borders, fence line, and areas under the trees. Watching them turn their cups toward the sun and offer shelter to bees is fascinating. Bees seek shelter, not nectar, since nectar is often hybridized out. The flower cup becomes a tiny bus‑station shelter—a place to rest before the journey continues.

The phlox is up, arriving in many colors. It forms a carpet under the Japanese maple, as if the two are familiar companions. The tree shelters the blooms from the sun; the phlox provides a soft carpet of color reflected in the tree’s dusty leaves.

Vinca—also called periwinkle—fights for space in the beds. Its palette of pink, white, red, lavender, purple, and burgundy brings delightful options to any garden. Your backyard can embrace the full range with ease.

As the daffodils fade, tulips arrive with a splash of new color. Tulips come in reds, yellows, whites, oranges, and purples. They stand tall and attract deer, so you may need to choose planting spots carefully. They tend to survive longer in the fenced‑in backyard than in the front garden beds.

You have worked hard to plant this colorful palette. Take a moment to sit and enjoy it. Even though an Adirondack chair is lovely, try lying in the grass for just a moment.

For more reflections on seasonal renewal, emotional awareness, and the psychology of everyday life, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating your own season of change or seeking clarity during a transition, therapy can help you understand what to nurture and what to release. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth and renewal.

The Shifting Landscape of Care, Memory, and Connection in Growing Older

Growing older is never just about the person aging. It reshapes families, memories, roles, and the ways we stay connected to one another.

Recently, I was talking with a friend who has an elderly mother. She and her mother have been close throughout her life. When I listen to their stories, I can hear the joy and tenderness in her voice. They have enjoyed shopping together. Even as a little girl, they went on shopping sprees. Decades ago, department stores had tea rooms. All of the ladies shopping during the day would take time to go to the top floor and enjoy the tea room. Taking your daughter to tea was a special treat. My friend remembers the smocked dresses she used to wear and how “grown up” she felt with the little teacups.

Her mother is now in assisted living, and there are no tea rooms. These facilities tend to do a very good job of providing “step‑down” care. The older person starts in an independent apartment with several amenities. They can go to the dining room for meals or cook for themselves. There are game rooms, pools, art rooms, and invited speakers and entertainers. The companies running these facilities have been careful in their design.

When you can no longer function independently, you move to a new level of care in which more is done for you. You are no longer really making your own meals, and someone else is cleaning and tidying your place. You are free to focus on family and friends, provided you have some who come to visit.

As your memory declines and even self‑care becomes a problem, you will move to the memory care section of the building. Here, almost everything will be done for you. With declining memory function, you will not really know what is being done and what is not.

The view of this gradual decline is mixed. I hear some aging adults declare that they will never leave their homes and go to a facility. I hear others really appreciate the process and understand the need for care. This is particularly true for those without an extended family to help. The majority of people who watch television ads for these places will never have the resources to enter one of these step‑down facilities. They are expensive.

We also do not have the extended family systems that we used to have. Family members are scattered across the country, and funds are not readily available. In my parents’ generation, caring for their parents was a family affair. As their parents aged, the children made space for them in their home. Since my mother was a nurse, our home was the last stop for my grandparents. My mother’s skill and kindness made their last days comfortable and supportive.

Growing older is not just a personal journey—it is a family journey, a cultural journey, and a logistical one. How we prepare for it, talk about it, and support one another through it shapes the experience for everyone involved.

For more reflections on aging, caregiving, and emotional connection, visit Psychology Today’s insights on aging and family relationships and Greater Good’s research on compassion and caregiving.

If you are navigating the complexities of aging—your own or a loved one’s—therapy can offer grounding, clarity, and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that help families move through these transitions with steadiness and compassion.

Why Your Strongest Reactions Often Come From Parenting Triggers

What if the moments that trigger you most as a parent are not really about your child?

What if they are connected to something much older, something still active from your own experience?

In this conversation on Rediscovering Childhood with Mireia Lopez, we explore how emotional patterns formed early in life continue to shape the way we respond, especially in parenting.

Most of this happens outside of awareness.

But once you begin to see it, you can begin to change it.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why naming an emotion is one of the most powerful things you can do for your child’s development
• How boys are often taught to suppress emotion—and the long‑term impact of that pattern
• What your parenting triggers may be revealing about your own unfinished emotional history
• How well‑intentioned parents can unintentionally limit a child’s emotional range
• Practical ways to create emotional safety and connection at home, starting now

We also talk about what this looks like in real life.

A parent who reacts quickly to a child’s emotion may not be responding to the moment, but to something unresolved from their own past.

A child who cannot name what they feel is not lacking ability—they are lacking language.

And a boy who is encouraged to “move on” instead of being understood learns to disconnect, not regulate.

These patterns are not fixed.
They are learned.
And anything learned can be revisited, understood, and changed.

If you are raising a child, navigating a relationship, or simply noticing reactions in yourself that do not feel aligned, this conversation offers a place to begin.

🎧 Listen here:
Rediscovering Childhood – Full Episode

For more reflections on emotional development, parenting, and the psychology of early experience, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are noticing patterns in your own reactions—or want support creating emotional safety at home—therapy can help you understand where these responses began and how to shift them. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support parents, children, and families.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

HOT

Fire, Climate, and the Longing for Cool

Heat isn’t just a temperature—it’s a memory, a warning, and a longing. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores our fascination with fire, the discomfort of rising temperatures, and the emotional imprint of climate change on everyday life.

Remember when you were a little kid and were told not to touch the stove because it was hot, or to stay away from the fireplace so you wouldn’t get burned? Perhaps, your parents had a bonfire on the beach when you were on vacation or burned some stuff in an oil drum in the alley behind your place. Keeping your distance was the watchword. However, the lure of the fire was always more potent than the admonishment.

Every kid wants to get a stick and poke the fire. This seems so natural. And, doesn’t it make sense? You want to see the sparks fly and curl their way into the sky. You want to feel the heat and dance away from the floating embers so your clothes will not get burned.

We are fascinated by fire. For many years, a live fire was the only way to keep warm in the winter. I remember my uncle’s farmhouse had a very large potbelly stove in the living room. It had these dull glass panes in the front where you could watch the redness of the coals burning as the warmth exuded from all sides of that potbelly. The stove magically disappeared in the summer and that must have been a chore to move that heavy old thing but out it went.

Then we had to cope with the summer heat. I thought those summers were bad until the last few years. With global warming the summer seems to start much earlier each year and the heat is actually visible this year. I love spending time outside and we have some very pleasant places to relax. The deck has been cooled by an awning. The porch has been screened in and the garden has benches and large stones for sitting. None of that is in use with this heat.

So, the indoors must do while we gaze at the potential out there. Longing to escape becomes the experience of each day. Of course, I am grateful for the modern convenience of air conditioning and worry about those who do not have this luxury. I remember the farmhouse with every window open in hopes of catching a breeze. I also understand why the farmhouse had these big covered porches where you had the promise of shade and the hope of a breeze. Or you could make your own breeze by pumping the porch swing. That was pure luxury.

Today, luxury would be a break in this heat. Perhaps, if we did not live in the swamp of Washington, D.C. the scene would be different. I mean that literally.

Washington, D.C. was built on a swamp that was drained in order to make a city. I know what you were thinking!

Want to explore how fire and heat shape climate adaptation and emotional resilience? Visit Nature’s breakdown of extreme fire seasons and climate adaptation, MDPI’s strategies for managing fire in a changing climate, and Georgia Tech’s research on wildfire and global climate impact.

If you’re reflecting on climate stress, sensory memory, or emotional adaptation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and environmental resilience.

How Summer and Expectations Shaped Our Childhood, and Still Shapes Us Now

I remember the night before our family left for summer vacation. Everything was packed and stowed in the car. The back seat was fitted with blow‑up mattresses folded into the wells so the kids had a place to lie down and sleep, if we could. We were sent to bed, though no one truly slept, and then carried to the car around midnight to begin the long journey to the lake.

Summer was a season of expectations. School was over, and if you were lucky, you had no assignments to complete. Yes, there was always the reading list for September, but you had all summer to ignore it and cram those novels into the last two weeks of August. With summer’s arrival, everything felt glorious. Vacation was coming. Freedom was coming. The freedom to ride your bike, roam the neighborhood, and get into just enough mischief to feel alive.

Now, as summer approaches again, what are your expectations?

Think back to those childhood summers. Maybe you looked forward to sleep‑away camp, or perhaps you had a neighbor who ran a day camp where you could run wild, scream to your heart’s content, make water balloons, battle with other campers, create beaded necklaces or bookmarks, put on plays, and turn everything into a contest with your friends.

Looking forward to summer was a treat in itself.

After all, summer symbolized freedom. No more waking up at dawn to meet the bus. No more homework after dinner. No more rigid schedules. Summer was different. You could go to the barn and spend the morning building a fort out of hay bales. You could wander to the creek, stir the water with a stick, and dig for tiny creatures. You could ride your bike to your friends’ houses and gather a gang to play baseball in the open field or hide‑and‑seek across the neighborhood.

If you were really lucky, you found a place to swim and spent the day moving in and out of the pool. At some point, you gathered the courage to try the high dive and prayed your friends weren’t watching that first attempt—because it was almost guaranteed to be a belly flop. But eventually, you were shouting for their attention as you leapt off the board, slicing through the water like a knife and touching the bottom before popping back up for air.

Summer is coming again, bringing its promise of freedom, adventure, and new memories.

Enjoy!!

For more reflections on memory, childhood experiences, and the psychology of anticipation, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are exploring how past experiences shape your present expectations—or how to create more joy and freedom in your life—therapy can help you understand and deepen those connections. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, resilience, and growth.

Summer Is The Season of Freedom, Memory, and the Chance to Begin Again

Remember when you were a kid and school was just about to end? Looking forward to summer was a thrill. NO MORE SCHOOL! You did not have to get up early. You did not have to run to catch the bus. You did not have to get in trouble for forgetting your homework. You did not have to do homework at all. FREEDOM! All of these joys made summer feel truly special.

You could go to the pool or splash in the kiddie pool at the neighbors’. You could ride your bike all around, provided you respected the boundaries and were home for dinner. A bunch of kids would meet on the vacant lot to play ball, red rover, or any other game we could make up. These unstructured days were so memorable.

You could sleep in late or get up extra early. As long as you did your chores, you could plan your own day — and that was real freedom. Even if you had a summer reading list or homework, you were in charge of when you would do it. Of course, if you put it off for weeks, the consequences would accrue. But if you were smart, you would do bits and pieces so your parents would not nag you. This independence even extended to responsibility.

If you were old enough, you could make some extra money by doing errands for the neighbors or babysitting. You were especially popular if you had taken the CPR class offered by the local firehouse. These experiences gradually showed us what being independent meant.

I often wondered how my parents viewed summer. Now I know. Summer is just another workday. Adults do not get summers off — unless you are a teacher, and even then, you often need extra work to pay the bills. Wow. Being a grown‑up is no fun. The pace of work does not really change. If I were in charge, I would give everyone summers off. Actually, Europe has a great idea. They often take August off and, if necessary, close up shop to go on holiday. That is the spirit. It makes me think about how we all need a break now and then.

Everyone needs to experience some freedom and recharge. Summer is the perfect time to review your year and make plans for changes and improvements. Perhaps you cannot take the summer off. Still, taking time to review the year and plan for the next phase of your life is important. Everyone needs time to recharge and dream. So even if it is not the carefree days of childhood, you can create your own moments of pause.

Find a moment to recharge, reflect, and dream — preferably with a lovely view.

For more reflections on memory, renewal, and the psychology of seasonal transitions, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating life transitions, burnout, or the need for renewed purpose, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support reflection, resilience, and emotional well‑being.

DUCK OR RABBIT?

Perception, Ambiguity, and the Art of Seeing Differently

Reality isn’t fixed—it’s filtered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how optical illusions like the duck-rabbit image reveal the fluid nature of perception, and why embracing ambiguity can deepen empathy and insight.

This morning, I was reading about optical illusions and thought this one was a good example. I immediately saw the duck and then the rabbit. Now, I am trying to see each of them simultaneously. One duck, one rabbit. They keep changing places. Fascinating.

There are all kinds of optical illusions out there, and they are fun to examine and play with. There is one in particular that I cannot figure out or make work. The Confetti Sphere 5 will not “work” for me. This one is a presentation of wavy lines with balls distributed across the page. The spheres appear to be of different colors, but they are all beige in color. Not for me, folks. Those balls are always different colors.

My difficulty in seeing this differently has prompted me to think about perceptions of all kinds. When our eyes are fooled into seeing things in different ways and missing things as well, we are vulnerable. The “eyewitness” can be so sure of what they saw and still be wrong. Each of our senses can be fooled or confused in some way. Yet, we depend on them and trust them to provide us with reality. That makes me wonder, “What is reality?”

Reality can vary from person to person. There is an excellent illustration of this involving people touching an elephant. As each person stands in a different place and touches the elephant, their immediate responses are quite different. The person at the tail experiences a rope. The person at the trunk experiences a hose. The person at the leg experiences a pillar. Life is like this as well. We observe from our vantage point and then persuade the other that our perspective is correct.

My brain can fool me. My witness may be off base. I may need to listen to others more than I think I need to. I may need to trust the perspective of another.

Duck or Rabbit. It does make a difference. Now, I could eat either one. But, I am more likely to keep a rabbit as a pet.

Want to explore how perception and ambiguity shape cognition and creativity? Visit Philosophy Terms’ breakdown of the duck-rabbit illusion, The Independent’s reflections on creativity and perception, and Psychology Tips’ guide to bistable images and interpretation.

If you’re reflecting on perception, ambiguity, or emotional insight, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, empathy, and perspective-taking.