Category: Blog Posts

Emotional Insight – The Lesson Calculus Couldn’t Teach

Featured Interview on an Unexpected Path Toward Helping People Grow through Emotional Insight

Hello,

I wanted to share a recent interview I was part of titled The Lesson Calculus Couldn’t Teach: How Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst Built a Career Helping People Grow.

In this conversation, I reflect on the unexpected path that led me into psychology — beginning with a planned career in mathematics and a turning point during Calculus II that redirected my direction entirely. What seemed like a setback at the time became the foundation for decades of work in psychology, family systems, and emotional development.

Much of my career has centered on understanding how emotional patterns form early in life and how they shape relationships, communication, and well‑being across the lifespan. In particular, I have spent many years working with children, families, and men, which has given me a broad perspective on how culture influences emotional expression and development.

In the interview, we explore several themes that have been central to my work:

• How early emotional conditioning shapes adult relationships and mental health
• Why emotional restriction in boys often has long‑term relational and psychological consequences
• What decades of clinical work have revealed about family systems and development
• How success can be understood through growth, insight, and change rather than external achievement
• Why writing and teaching have become an important part of my work and legacy

I also share reflections on entrepreneurship — not as a focus on business growth alone, but as a process of supporting human growth and meaningful change over time.

You can read the full interview here:
The Lesson Calculus Couldn’t Teach Interview

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on emotional development, identity, and lifelong growth, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating life transitions, early‑life patterns, or questions about purpose and direction, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

A Reflection on Love and The Beauty, Chaos, and History Behind Saying “I Do”

First, when you reflect on your own wedding, what feelings come up? I hope a smile crosses your face, bringing a sense of joy and contentment, followed by a chuckle about that one thing that went wrong.

Weddings are complicated. Historically, the bride or groom’s family arranged matches to advance the family’s fortunes. A proper match could legitimize a family in a new station. A proper match could mean financial gain and security. A proper match could mean continuing a lineage of importance. A proper match could open new horizons. A proper match could heal family rifts from long ago.

With more economic advancement in the culture, weddings became reflective of the mixed social classes. Weddings moved across classes. The farmer’s daughter could marry the doctor’s son, and no one had a negative thought about it. Today, weddings cross class and gender. The boy from the lower class can catch the heart of the girl from the upper class, and suddenly the distance is bridged. We accept a full range of matches. Today, the man can select a man and the woman can select a woman. We have made love universal.

Most weddings have their highs and lows. The cake shows up with a missing letter. The minister gets sick, and the substitute is someone you really don’t know. The flower girl steals the show by wandering and spinning as she makes her way down the aisle. One of your bridesmaids starts to faint and is rescued by your father in the first pew. The doves that were supposed to swoop toward the sky are sluggish, and one dead one falls to the sidewalk. A gray sky clouds the sandy beach. Oh, all kinds of things can go wrong.

That is not the point! The point is that you have decided to put your lives together and see what happens. You ride off to your honeymoon destination with a light heart and high expectations for the future. The family is on a high as they are excited for you, and while you are gone, they get to open all of the wedding presents and organize them in your new space.

You can breathe! You got tons of compliments on the flowers. The band played just the right tunes and for just the right length of time. The caterer served the food before everyone got wild with hunger. The first dance that you had practiced over and over went off without a hitch. And your new husband did not turn into a jerk and shove cake in your face. To top it off, your best friend caught the bridal bouquet just as you had hoped.

You are married. Your husband is handsome. Your future is bright.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted marriage and relationship resources:
The Gottman Institute
Psychology Today – Marriage Counseling
American Psychological Association – Healthy Relationships

If you are navigating relationship transitions, communication challenges, or emotional shifts, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

Risk, Preparation, and the Future of Raising Boys

Remember Philippe Petit? Can you dig that name out of your brain’s storage locker? If I mention the Twin Towers, does that do it for you?

Yes, he put a tightrope between the Twin Towers in New York City and walked across it.

Why do I bring this up today? He was a man who took risks, prepared well, and succeeded.

That is the hope we have for all of our boys, that they will reach manhood with the ability to take risks, prepare well, and succeed. That is the dream.

Today, when a couple becomes pregnant, they often throw a “gender reveal” party to disclose the sex of their unborn child. As you can see, these are recorded and posted on YouTube and other platforms. You would think that having a boy was equivalent to winning millions of dollars in the lottery. Really! I have seen the father‑to‑be jump up and down, scream, and go wild with excitement.

Couples seem to be so excited about having a boy. What they fail to understand is that raising a boy is exactly like walking a tightrope. However, very few families engage in the preparation that Philippe Petit did.

Raising a boy is not a walk in the park. Raising a boy is hard. We see in numerous “baby reveal” videos where both men and women tend to go bonkers when they discover the sex is a boy. Now, I know not everyone does this, but there are so many videos of boy reveals where not only the parents, but also the crowd, goes wild. There must be something to it.

Perhaps this is a survival mechanism, deep inside us, harkening back to the caveman days when the male bravely faced prey much bigger than himself to provide for his family. The male symbolized the survival of the species. Perhaps that is what is happening. But something surely has gone awry.

Why are most alcoholics male? Why are most drug addicts male? Why are our jails full of men? How did we get from the celebration in utero to the devastating reality that our men are not doing well? Why do men die at a younger age than women? Why are men 50% more likely to die of heart disease than women?

We must be doing something that contributes to these statistics. What exactly is it? I feel like our culture is walking the tightrope of survival.

Why are men four times more likely to commit suicide than women? Men account for approximately 80% of all suicides in the United States. What is going on?

We are walking a cultural tightrope, and we need a balance bar, or we will not make it across. The way we socialize our boys has to change.

Explore related reflections:
Understanding boy socialization
Emotional development in boys
Risk, preparation, and growth

If you are navigating questions about raising boys, emotional development, or family patterns, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

A Farewell to Warm Summer Days, Porch Swings, and the Season That Lets Us Breathe

I know you are thinking the same thing. Summer is OVER! No more sleeping in. No more lazy nights. No more ice cream trucks. No more swimming pool. No more porch swing. No more lazy conversations over the back fence.

Summer. Why, why do you have to go?

I really enjoyed lazing around on the porch, listening to Alison Krauss on Sonos and reading a silly novel. I loved going over the bridge to the Eastern Shore for a change of scenery. I even enjoyed it when the Canadian wildfire smoke blanketed the shore. Why do you always have to end? Do you realize what comes next? Oh, yeah, the fall is lovely. I remember flying to New Hampshire one year and being awed by the colors of the trees. It was a perfect painting as the carpet of color unfolded beneath the plane’s wings. Each ball of color was fringed and blended into the ball next to it. Gorgeous. But then, you know what comes next. Ice, snow, sleet. What is the point?

Summer, please come back.

In the summer, you can hit the shore and walk the Boardwalk with an ice cream or cotton candy. In the summer, you can spread the hammock from post to post on the porch and take a nap. In the summer, you can gather flowers from the garden and decorate your table for dinner with friends. In the summer, you can enjoy the rain as it splashes on the patio. In the summer, you can take your kayak and shoot down the Potomac. In the summer, you can wander in Rock Creek Park and find a rare orchard, which you are tempted to dig up but never will. In the summer, you can open the windows at night and feel the breeze take you to sleep. In the summer, you can take your bike on one of the trails or walk the Capital Crescent. In the summer, you can lay a blanket on the lawn at night and watch the stars. If you are careful, you could see a shooting star or two. In the summer, you can take your time.

I know the summer will return. I don’t want to go through the snow shoveling or being plowed in by the snowplow. You know, they used to take the time to clear driveways rather than plowing them in.

I know you will return. I know we will open the porch again. I know the hammock will be waiting.

I don’t want to say goodbye.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted nature and seasonal‑living resources:
Farmer’s Almanac – Seasonal Living
Rock Creek Park – National Park Service
National Weather Service

If you are navigating seasonal transitions, emotional shifts, or the bittersweet rhythm of change, therapy can offer grounding and clarity. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

The Magic of Summer Friends, the Camp, the Adventure of Youth, and the Sweetness of Short‑Term Bonds

Remember camp? What an adventure! What was yours like?

One version is rustic. The cabins are made of old logs, and you can write on the walls to your heart’s content. Each cabin has a porch where you can catch the breezes because there is no air conditioning. The showers are primitive as well, and yes, there are outhouses instead of restrooms! That is really roughing it. You swim in the dammed-up stream, and the water is as cold as ice until your body adjusts. This is the original summer camp, and these ladies have been running it since their grandmothers were campers here. Yahoo!

Yet, for some reason, you love it. You return year after year and leave your suburban home with the bathroom attached to your bedroom. You pack plenty of mosquito spray in your trunk. Yes, you have a trunk that sits at the end of your bunk bed. Everything must fit in there. No exceptions! No extra luggage.

You climb mountains and love the view from the top. You are not allowed a cell phone, but a Brownie camera will do, and someone catches you sprawled out on the rock, gasping for breath and feeling truly pleased with yourself for making it to the top.

One version is elite. The rooms are like hotel suites, and the dining hall has every food known to man. You could spend the entire summer poring over the kitchen’s offerings. This is a specialty camp, and you had to qualify to be accepted. This is the place you will hone your skills. You aspire to be a tennis player on the grand stage. To accomplish this, you must start early. Eight weeks away from home under rigorous training is necessary if you are serious about your talent. The payoff is that the dining hall has every food known to man, and you can go back in line as many times as you like. Look, you are burning calories by the hour and minute. You need fuel! The peas are your particular favorite this summer, and you have no idea why, but by the end of the session, you have clearly eaten a truckload of peas. The coaches are serious, and this is not play. This is serious training. You are meeting people from all over the world here, and they are just as serious as you are. Wimbledon, here we come!

At the end of practice, your new roommate pulls out her cell phone and grabs some pics of the two of you with rackets in hand. This is the life! Together, you dream about glory on the court and compete with each other with a fierceness that belongs in the jungle. Then, with the match over, you hug and walk back to your room.

Summer friends are sweet. You have a very short time to bond, so the pace is quick, the disclosures are deep, and you feel safe. You may never see each other again, or you may return next summer to do it all over again.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted youth development and camp resources:
American Camp Association
Child Mind Institute – Benefits of Summer Camp
Psychology Today – Child Development

If you are navigating parenting stress, emotional transitions, or questions about your child’s development, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

I Scream – The Sweet Treat That Unlocks a Lifetime of Summer Memories

Raise your hand if you recognize this! In 1927, this little ditty became a classic and a tongue-twister challenge. For me, it brings back great memories associated with this summer treat.

My grandmother’s ice cream churn would be set on the back porch, fresh cow’s milk would form the base, and different children and adults would take turns turning the crank, anticipating a delicious outcome. At home in the city, we would listen for the ice cream truck’s music as it played childhood ditties while slowly rolling through the neighborhood. Actually, there is an ice cream truck that comes through my current neighborhood, and I love the memories it brings back.

Chocolate-coated bars were my favorite. The chocolate coating was hard and thick. If you had a loose tooth, you had to be really careful, as breaking that coating was not easy. The block of vanilla on the inside was worth it, and the chocolate sheets would slowly melt in your mouth just in time for taking another bite before the ice cream started running down your arm to your elbow. No matter. It was all worth it.

Funny how a small treat on a stick can bring back a flood of memories and the feeling of joy. Life is lived in moments, and each of these moments triggers a cascade of other memories. Simple things truly are valuable.

Taking turns on the ice cream churn, mixing your tired arm with your anticipation, was joyous. While waiting for the final turn, Mother would braid my hair to keep it out of the way. Being tidy had importance.

The taste of fresh ice cream is hard to describe. You have watched this treat develop from the warm milk in the bucket, to moving through the strainer in the milk house, to sitting in Grandma’s icebox, which was really an “ice” box with a huge block of ice in one compartment, to resting in the churn and waiting to be whipped into a delicious cold treat. That is the best!

Today, when the vanilla is pulled out of the freezer and mounted on a sugar cone, those memories fill the kitchen and lead to other stories of adventures on the farm.

The song was written by Howard Johnson, Billy Moll, and Robert A. King. Johnson also wrote “M-O-T-H-E-R, A Word That Means The World To Me,” which you may or may not know. I remember that, as kids, we found ways to use that one that were both complimentary and not so complimentary. Billy Moll wrote “Wrap Your Troubles in Dreams,” which was a Bing Crosby favorite. Robert A. King was a prolific songwriter who also wrote under other names.

As the summer comes to an end, school starts, and we all turn to work, looking back on summers past brings a softness and a comfort. In my experience, an ice cream cone with your favorite flavor is the best, not just for licking or eating, but for filling your heart with memories.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted food‑history and culture resources:
PBS – History of Ice Cream
Smithsonian Magazine – Food & Culture
Serious Eats

If you are navigating emotional transitions, sensory grounding, or the comfort of familiar rituals, therapy can offer clarity and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.

How the Shape of a Table Shapes the Way We Relate and Influence Connection and Conversation

Have you ever paused to consider why some tables are round and others are rectangular?

My parents grew up in farming communities where long rectangular tables were the norm — the kind you’d see in boarding school dining halls, college cafeterias, or even Hogwarts. In contrast, the Knights of the Round Table and White House diplomatic dinners feature round tables. The shape itself creates a different experience.

Our kitchen table growing up was rectangular. But when we all left home, my parents switched to a round table. What changed?

For them, the round table marked a new chapter. The rectangular table had been practical for a house full of children — perfect for passing dishes down its length and accommodating the chaos of daily meals. But once the nest emptied, they wanted something different. The round table brought everyone closer whenever we returned home. It invited conversation. It signaled that our roles had shifted. We met as equals now, sharing stories with no one pushed to the far end. It was a move away from structure and routine toward closeness and connection.

Passing things down a rectangular table can be a pain. I sometimes stopped asking for salt because it sat too far away and others were uncooperative. Bland food felt easier than fighting over the salt shaker while my brother stole food from my plate.

Round tables, on the other hand, are symbols of equality. With everyone equally spaced, it’s easier to connect with the entire group. Negotiations, discussions, and camaraderie tend to benefit from this equal footing — even if things feel a bit more crowded.

It makes you wonder how often the shape of the table actually changes the way we converse or negotiate.

I remember a difficult team discussion at work. The meeting was held around a rectangular table, and the dynamic quickly became divided, with people clustering at each end and voices competing. Later, when we reconvened at a small round table in the break room, the mood shifted. Without anyone at the “head,” everyone listened more, shared more, and ultimately reached a compromise. That experience made it clear how much table shape can influence the outcome of a conversation.

I often have lunch at a round table with a group, where eye contact and relaxed conversation come naturally. Hearing others is easier, and equality fills the space. Even with a flower arrangement in the center, everyone remains accessible. That access — that sense of equal presence — matters, because we all bring unique needs and expectations to relationships.

Round tables may require more space, but their equal seating arrangement encourages connection and successful conversations. They can be especially helpful in difficult situations. That said, rectangular tables have their place. They’re practical for larger gatherings, ideal for serving food family‑style, and helpful when structure and tradition matter. Sometimes the occasion calls for the order and spaciousness a rectangular table provides.

Different shapes create different experiences — and sometimes, the table we choose says more about what we’re hoping to create.

For more reflections on communication, connection, and relational dynamics, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are exploring how your own relational patterns take shape — or how to create more connection in your life — therapy can help you understand the dynamics beneath the surface. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support communication, emotional insight, and healthier relationships.

Dolly’s Life of Sparkle, Service, and Unshakeable Values

The celebration of this life is truly appropriate. She was an unusual woman.

When poverty is your beginning, you do not tend to go far. The faith of her family was both an anchor and a hope. One cannot discount the importance of music either. Music lifts us out of our circumstances and gives us both drive and hope. Dolly Parton clearly had a giant amount of each.

The professional schedule that she kept would have “deep-sixed” the best of us. Many young stars could not handle the time demands and the public demands. How many times have we read of stars captured by drugs or alcohol? How many times have stars had careers cut short by bad choices in their behavior?

With a very young beginning, what kept her from following any one of these paths? Clearly, her faith played a strong role in keeping her focused on the important and the necessary rather than the sparkle and shine. Yet, sparkle and shine she did! Dolly filled everything about her public appearances with sparkle and shine. She was not the star to hide under hats. She was the star who waved to everyone and spoke to many. That comes from very early training in respect for others.

She used that respect positively throughout her life. She wanted every child to enjoy reading. She met national emergencies and crises with much-needed financial support.

I admire and respect her for her loyalty to her husband. He was not the “glitzy” type. She knew that from the beginning and did not try to convince him otherwise. She respected his choices, lived her choices, and enjoyed a long-term marriage. That is unusual for the common person, let alone the star. I wonder how many marriages would be better off if that type of respect were present.

Whether you enjoyed her music or not, whether you liked her flashy looks or not, you have to appreciate that the values her parents taught her, who had little to offer other than their wisdom, defined her throughout her life. Instilling those types of values—to respect yourself physically and emotionally, to care about the plight of others, to contribute to your community, and to honor your faith—are a model for all of us.

Thank you, Dolly, for all of the lessons.

Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches

Learn more from trusted culture and biography resources:
Biography.com – Dolly Parton
NPR – Dolly Parton
Dolly Parton’s Imagination Library

If you are navigating personal growth, values, or questions about legacy and purpose, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO?

Memory, Meaning, and the Emotional Attachment and Weight of Objects

We don’t just collect things—we collect stories. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how grief, attachment, and memory shape what we keep, what we release, and what we need others to hold when we cannot.

Do you collect anything?

Sometimes we enjoy watching Antiques Roadshow and seeing the things that people collect or keep for various reasons. What are you holding on to?
We tease our children that all of this will be theirs someday, and they cringe at the thought of it. They imagine bringing a semi-trailer and a group of strong guys to haul it all out and head for the city dump. But wait. Aren’t these treasures worth a look?

Great-grandmother’s China Bowl that came out for special Sunday dinners still boasts the original painted flowers and scalloped edges. This bowl is beautiful. Surely you are not thinking of hauling it to the dump.

What about all of the Limoges boxes we have picked up over the years? Some are from trips to France, and some are from trips to the local jeweler. Each one has a story to it, and they are exquisitely painted. I don’t imagine you will throw those away.

There are original watercolors from famous artists and a new item from a painter that I know will one day be famous and have a show in the Guggenheim. You cannot possibly discard this painting even though you think it is odd.

My husband collected baseball cards. You know. Those cardboard things the size of a playing card with the faces or poses of every baseball player known to man. His chest of drawers in his boyhood bedroom in his parents’ home was filled with them. They were all very well organized and preserved. After his father died, his mother was doing what many widows do.

She was cleaning out, or shall we say purging. Purging is a common act following a loss. The purge helps to reset your life. Except this purge went far beyond throwing out her husband’s old shirts and slippers. Every well-preserved baseball card landed on the trash pile, picked up by the garbage collector with no warning or opportunity for reprieve. No call of “Do you want these baseball cards? I am purging.

Grief does funny things to us. Our minds go off the rails for a while, and we are not responsible or connected to the world around us. We become “other” for a while. For a moment, we may hold onto nothing and want to let go of everything. In those moments, we need someone to hold onto us.

Want to explore how grief and attachment shape what we keep and what we release? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to attachment styles and grief, NeuroLaunch’s reflections on grief through attachment theory, and The Practice of Therapy’s insights on grief and emotional detachment.

If you’re reflecting on grief, memory, or emotional attachment, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and emotional clarity.

The Power of Play and Why Families in Maryland and DC Play Board Games

Remember board games? The ones gathering dust on a shelf or tucked away in a closet? Or maybe you’re one of the rare adults who still loves a good game night and keeps one spread out on the dining room table.

Why am I encouraging you to bring back board games? Because board games are one of the most powerful, and overlooked, ways for families in Maryland and Washington, DC to reconnect. In busy households, gathering around the table is rare, but board games make it possible. They create the kind of face‑to‑face interaction that strengthens emotional bonds and builds healthier family communication.

The dynamic of being in the car is vastly different from being at the table. I often advise parents to take a car ride with their child to encourage more open communication. Children tend to share more freely when they are not facing you. Without having to read your expression, they can speak more openly. Riding in the car offers this advantage. However, today’s families are overprogrammed, so gathering everyone around the dinner table is often a challenge.

This is why I believe families should embrace board games at home, they create valuable, in‑person interactions. Board games are designed for all ages, and playing together is a chance to connect through both conversation and nonverbal cues. These shared moments encourage real conversations you do not want to miss.

Board games also reveal pieces of one’s personality. Think of the Monopoly games you played with your siblings. Who decided to buy up all the houses and never buy hotels? That strategy leads to a slow death for everyone else. Or remember the Scrabble game where one sibling always seemed able to make a word out of every impossible set of letters. How does she do that? She must have tiles in her pockets.

Beyond connection, board games offer personal growth. Every game, from Monopoly to Scrabble, is an exercise in competition, learning rules, and managing both wins and losses. These are valuable life lessons, making board games a real‑life training ground for children, teens, and adults in Maryland and DC.

For more reflections on emotional connection and family well‑being, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If your family is struggling to reconnect, or if you want support building healthier communication at home, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that strengthen emotional connection and family relationships.