Why Real Love Requires Choice, Real Commitment, and Courage
I know that you feel love, and that the sensation is thrilling when it happens. There is the immediate attraction to someone who throws you for a loop and makes your heart pound. There is the joy of seeing your child for the very first time. These feelings are automatic and dramatic. Your heart swells, and you are certain you have never felt like this before. Some describe it as “floating on air” or “being bowled over.” These are delightful feelings, but they tend to be short‑lived.
Then there is the deeper emotional commitment you make—one that comes with joy and sorrow woven together. This kind of love requires choosing to love again and again. It challenges you and rewards you. It takes time to mature and will stretch you emotionally. You will discover new parts of yourself and of your partner. This love is an investment, not just a feeling.
You may have chosen well, and your partner may be a good match, but there is still work to be done. As the infatuation wanes, reality brings adjustments and sometimes serious conflict. You discover things about each other you did not know before. You want to be transparent, but you are used to doing things on your own and in your own way. Now, your partner must be factored in—or left out. Your decision here will impact the future in ways you may not be able to imagine.
Do you take the risk of being transparent? Let’s hope you do, because a discovery months or years down the road can be devastating. It is better to be honest and make adjustments now.
Joy and sorrow can be close companions. Consider the birth of a child alongside the fear of a medical problem. Your boy looks perfect and cries beautifully. Then the doctor reports that his heart is not working properly. Joy and sorrow merge into determination and courage as you take the next steps toward finding the right surgeon to perform the repair. You will travel anywhere and do what is necessary to give him a healthy heart.
Multiple decisions must be made, and priorities shift. The new car you were about to buy is put on hold. The 401(k) you were building may be significantly reduced. And one day, your boy will run around the playground as though nothing ever happened.
Decisions reveal your character and shape your future. How you choose to love yourself, your partner, and your children reaches to your very core.
For more reflections on emotional development, relationships, and the psychology of love, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.
If you are navigating relationship challenges or seeking deeper emotional clarity, therapy can help you understand your patterns and make intentional choices. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth, relational honesty, and long‑term connection.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
