Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

How the View Through a Window Can Reflect the Soul, Season, and Ourselves

Throughout the long winter, our windows are closed. Branches of nearby trees and bushes brush against the glass from time to time, reminding us that they are there, waiting to show off their beauty. The windows are double‑paned to protect us from the cold, and the mullions provide visual interest as we watch the snow fall, the wind whirl, and bundled walkers head for the bus stop.

In spring, the windows are raised or cranked open, and a beautiful breeze swirls throughout the room. The screens keep the flies and critters from assaulting us, but they allow pollen to join us in its irritating way. The pollen coats the car in a dirty yellow, like sifted flour. I know it will coat me as well if I spend much time outside. Fortunately, I am not allergic, but I can imagine the torture for those who are. That stuff is everywhere.

The pollen coats the windows too. That is why we schedule the window cleaners at the same time every year. That is a job we no longer want to do ourselves. We are long past climbing ladders and leaning over the edge. I am grateful for these cleaners. We can wash the screens—they can be pulled inside—but we leave the windows to the professionals.

The windows bring in the scent of the cherry blossoms as they bloom first, before the garden wakes up. Then the bulbs and ground covers appear, providing a colorful display, though most are not fragrant. The “eye candy” makes up for the lack of scent. Soon the flowers in the garden bloom, offering a lovely mix of fragrances depending on which side of the house you frequent.

I love the jasmine and the climbing roses, as well as the forsythia that bends over the fence. Perhaps my favorite is the clematis. We have three of them. One is quite large, having climbed up the pole for years. The other two are fairly new and need coaxing to stay on the trellis and get busy blooming. As the perennials open and the roses plump up, the garden becomes the place to be. Of course, there is plenty of work to keep you busy out there, but the joy and reward are worth the effort.

Sometimes I think the garden is the window to the soul.

For more reflections on seasonal renewal, emotional awareness, and the psychology of everyday life, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating your own season of change or seeking clarity during a transition, therapy can help you understand what to nurture and what to release. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth and renewal.

THE BACKPACK

Childhood Trauma, Emotional Survival, and the Weight We Carry

Some backpacks hold more than clothes—they carry the invisible weight of fear, memory, and resilience. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how childhood trauma shapes emotional survival, and how healing begins with being seen, heard, and held.

She is twelve years old. Her parents have been fighting for as long as she can remember. One image seems emblazoned in her brain. She was five and huddled in the corner of the hallway outside the farmhouse kitchen. This is her favorite house. This is her third house in 3 years, and she remembers each one. Her parents have jumped from one state to another, and now they have landed in Arizona. It is hot here. Blazing hot. The bushes are not bushes; they are pincushions that will stab you if you get too close.

Her parents are fighting again. They seem to fight all the time now. She can’t quite remember when it started. She doesn’t remember shouting in the Indiana house, and she liked the snow in the winter. She and her Dad made a giant snowman that winter and the neighbors came out for a snowball fight. That was fun. Dad took the city bus to work, and Mom made jams that she sold at the local farm market. That was a good house, the smell of jam filled the downstairs. Strawberry was my favorite smell, and blueberry tasted the best.

Florida was a struggle. She knows many people look forward to going to Florida, but she has sworn she will never set foot in that state again. That’s where the fighting got intense. At first, they would wait until I was in bed, and the intensity would start in the living room. The concrete block house made the sound bounce from one wall to another. The living room was down this long hall, but the sound seemed to bounce from wall to wall all along the hall until it wound its way into her room, where it again bounced from wall to wall. She remembers hiding her head under both of her pillows and biting her lower lip to transfer the pain.

Here in Arizona, the fights have gotten worse. Things are thrown and get broken. The sound is intense. The threats are violent. Sometimes, Mom has bruises. Grabbing my knees and cowering in the corner feels like the only way to be safe. I will be safe if I can scrunch myself up and get smaller. Or maybe I will disappear like the girl escaping the witch in the movie. I wish to disappear. No place is safe. No one is safe. My backpack is stuffed with my PJs and George, the lion with his fur almost rubbed off, a pair of underwear, extra shorts, and one T-shirt. No socks, as I hate socks.

I know how this will go. The screaming will stop; the kitchen will be a mess; the father will collapse on the couch; the mother will go to her room and cry. I will sneak out the back door, down the alley, and three blocks later, I will be at the bus stop: the big one. I will disappear on the Greyhound. They will probably not even notice I am gone.

Want to explore how trauma shapes emotional development and survival strategies? Visit Dr. Christina Watlington’s guide to the invisible backpack of trauma, Resonance Ed’s reflections on trauma-informed care, and Resilience.org’s insights on emotional burdens and healing.

If you’re reflecting on childhood trauma, emotional safety, or healing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and recovery.

What Bridges Teach Us About Connection, Work, and the Repair of Relationships

What comes to mind when you see that word?

If you are from the older generation, you might recall your dentist and the hardware in your mouth. If you have young children, you may picture the Lego Bridge Building Challenge and the thousands of little bricks scattered across your family room floor. As a traveler, you may think of the gorgeous structures you’ve seen, like my granddaughter walking the Brooklyn Bridge, which was a thrill. If you’ve been alienated from a friend or family member, you may be thinking about bridging the gap between you. And then there are the romantics remembering Beau Bridges, the actor and award‑winning director.

Bridges connect us, physically and emotionally. Building and maintaining these bridges is essential to forming and sustaining relationships.

Bridges are strong, and their supports run deep. I remember reading about the construction of the Brooklyn Bridge, when manual labor was required to set and secure the base. Rudimentary breathing apparatus made it possible to work underwater, but the death of some workers was inevitable. That magnificent structure cost the lives of 20 to 30 men. When you realize the construction took about 14 years, you have to marvel at both the engineering and the labor.

The metaphor is clear: bridges take time to build, require careful planning to last, and must be maintained and repaired.

Some repairs are extensive, with old parts scrubbed and new ones designed. This applies to friendships as well. Old injuries must be named, processed, and removed for genuine repair—work that demands effort and maturity. Repair is a labor of love and persistence, while maintenance means staying vigilant for damage and wear. Friends have sensitive spots, and once a wound is opened, it must be tended carefully until strength returns.

Bridges must also be appreciated for their value. Crossing the East River is an amazing time‑saver and far safer than taking a river boat, especially in winter. Friendships deserve appreciation too. Knowing important events in your friends’ lives allows you to honor them and draws you closer.

Express your appreciation for your friends. Your effort to strengthen these bridges defines their importance.

For more reflections on relationships, emotional repair, and human connection, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating a strained relationship or hoping to rebuild a bridge in your own life, therapy can help you understand the history, the hurt, and the path toward repair. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional healing and stronger connections.

Insight, Autonomy, and the Roots of Real Transformation

Change isn’t a favor—it’s a journey. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores why lasting transformation begins with personal insight, not external pressure, and how understanding our emotional history unlocks authentic growth.

Have you ever asked a friend, family member, or spouse to change their behavior or attitude? You really want them to do this. The change would ease your mind, improve your experience, and save you time, energy, or worry.

They hear your request and seem to understand the motivation behind it. If you’re fortunate, they may even empathize and appreciate that you’ve made the request. They see the value in change and know that the dynamic between the two of you will improve.

Then you wait.

And you wait.

Sorry. You asked, they said they would, but they cannot do it. They know it makes sense. They know you will be more relaxed if they make the change. They can see a benefit to making the change. They still can’t do it.

What is happening?

We are capable of change, and often we spend time developing ways to change and improve ourselves. Sometimes we spend money on change. Frequently, we devote time to change. Mainly, we change when we are ready to change.

Oh, it’s our marvelous brains again. This organ is such an interesting storage unit. I believe we keep everything and can clean out parts of our history when we put the time and energy into understanding the roots of specific thoughts and behaviors. Do you hear the message? Understanding happens when we do the work.

Sure, we want to please others. Many times, we will go out of our way to please another. When you look at these times, I believe you will see that we make changes when they make sense to us, not just because someone has asked for them.

In the latter case, we often try, fall back into old habits, and try again, but we are not really changing. We are placating. We do as the other asks because they asked and because they have some power that we respect or fear. The amount of time we can sustain the change depends on whether we respect or fear.

Neither of those is a fundamental change. Real changes come with insight. We understand how we developed that behavior, and we learn about the parts of ourselves that were well served by those behaviors. We learn to go deeper into our history and ask difficult questions about how we acquired certain behaviors, habits, and beliefs.

Then we can change. We change for ourselves, and those around us get the benefit. Changing for another does not seem to hold.

Want to explore how insight leads to lasting change? Visit Psychology Today’s article on self-directed change and Greater Good’s guide to lasting transformation.

If you’re navigating relational tension, emotional habits, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, autonomy, and emotional clarity.

MUSIC

Emotion, Memory, and the Case for Classroom Harmony

Music isn’t just entertainment—it’s nourishment. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how music shapes emotional wellbeing, cognitive function, and why its presence in schools is essential, not optional.

Our souls respond to music. The endless variety lets people find the tunes and rhythms that touch them deeply. We were born with an attraction to music. Some mothers-to-be even place headsets on their abdomens so their unborn babies can experience music. Within the brain, receptors for music are found throughout, and our music memory is truly stable. People with Alzheimer’s and other debilitating brain disorders still have memories of music, especially early nursery rhyme tunes.

I love a variety of music. I will spend money to hear a harpsichordist play. I have a Sonos playlist of classical music. I know all the lyrics to country songs from the ’60s, and when I was a teen, I also memorized every Beatles song. Of course, there are hymns that I know from church. I avoid heavy metal. Apologies to all of the heavy metal fans out there.

The point is that every one of us is musical. We come preprogrammed to seek out music and experience its nurturing qualities. Sit outside on a warm summer day and close your eyes—the music of nature or the music of the streets is all around you. Take a breath. Let the music settle around you. Pay attention to how your body responds. You were born to attend to and absorb music. Take time to experience the sounds around you.

Given the critical nature of music, why are our public schools systematically removing music from the curriculum? They claim that the cuts are necessary to meet the budget. I do appreciate that budget cuts require change. Yet, looking at the importance of music in our lives, I believe that finding ways to integrate music into the classroom is essential. Okay, the school saves money by not hiring the music teacher and not having instruments that students use. Of course, sheet music costs can mount up, but the choice to eliminate music is wrong.

Classrooms can find a way to integrate music into the curriculum. Playing music during an exam can calm a student’s anxiety and help the brain find information stored away. Incorporating music into the lecture can increase motivation and reduce anxiety. Inviting students to bring their instruments to play for the class can build confidence and appreciation for the skill and dedication necessary to master an instrument. Sitting on the playground, we notice the music of the world around us, which has value.

Are you still sitting outside? Have you noticed that your breathing and heart rate have changed? Music encourages the release of neurotransmitters that affect memory and emotion. The release of dopamine can regulate emotion, resulting in a reduction in anxiety as a sort of built-in mood regulator. Every student will benefit from that.

Want to explore how music supports emotional wellbeing and education? Visit Neuroscience News’ guide to music and student wellbeing, EducationHQ’s reflections on music as a wellbeing strategy, and Music Will’s insights on music education and mental health.

If you’re reflecting on emotional regulation, creativity, or educational equity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and harmony.

Why This Dialogue Matters for Parents, Couples, and Anyone Raising Boys and Men’s Emotional Development

Today’s conversation is one I believe many families, couples, and parents will find both eye‑opening and deeply validating.

I recently joined Mr. Whiskey on the podcast Couple O’ Nukes to talk about men’s health through a lens that is often overlooked: emotional development. We explored how boys are conditioned from an early age, how that conditioning shapes men as husbands and fathers, and why emotional suppression does not simply disappear with time. It often shows up in the body, in stress responses, and in the way men navigate relationships.

In this episode, we discuss:

• Why boys and girls are not emotionally identical in early development
• How messages like “boys don’t cry” narrow a boy’s emotional range
• The long‑term effects this has on marriage, parenting, and mental health
• Practical ways men can begin reconnecting with their emotional awareness
• How partners can create safer, deeper conversations rather than stopping at surface‑level “headlines”
• What parents can do right now to help boys build a healthy emotional vocabulary they won’t have to relearn later

We also talk about real‑world change, not theory. This includes simple, practical steps for men who want to grow emotionally and for couples who want stronger, more honest connection without judgment or avoidance.

If you are raising a boy, loving a man, or working to understand your own emotional patterns more clearly, I believe this conversation will resonate with you.

Listen to the full episode:
Men’s Emotional Development – Couple O’ Nukes Podcast

For more reflections on emotional development and healthy relationships, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you want to go deeper into emotional development—for yourself, your partner, or your family—therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth in men, couples, and families.

Thank you, as always, for continuing to engage in these important conversations.

RESISTANCE TRAINING: WHO KNEW?!

Weights, Willpower, and the Brain’s Unexpected Workout

Turns out, lifting more than your mood might just lift your memory. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how resistance training strengthens not only muscles but also cognitive function, emotional resilience, and longevity.

Today’s bit of news is that resistance training can prolong your life! Who knew?

First, let’s break this down. What is resistance training anyway? I thought I already had plenty of that in my life. I have taken to resisting sweets, though that requires oodles of discipline. The only real way to resist cookies and candies is not to buy them! Or make them! If they are in the house, they will be found. I am grateful for the occasional holiday as an excuse to order chocolate from my favorite vendor. They arrive in these lovely gold boxes with real silk ribbons around them. I devour the chocolate and save the ribbons to repurpose them to make sweet little packages for friends and family.

The younger members of my family tell me that resistance training has a completely different meaning involving weights, repetitions, and slow, steady movements. I do have a set of hand weights. Let me see. They are around here somewhere. A few boxes and drawers later, I find them stowed in a drawer under the couch. Perfect. Five pounds each. I guess I have been resisting them for a very long time.

Now, why was I searching for them? Oh, yes. Resistance training! These little 5-pound weights have a job to do. Slow, steady movement with a weight in each hand is supposed to help my brain improve its capacity to function as a storehouse of memories. I suppose these slow, steady movements are triggering my brain to hunt for something to think about so that I do not get bored to death. Yep, there it goes, searching to entertain me. Memories come tumbling out so that I will not go narcoleptic while making these slow, steady movements.

I don’t know who the winner is. The scientist who has been studying the decline of my brain and discovering that if it is challenged with weight resistance, it will respond by entertaining me with old stories, or the brain that tolerates this science and pulls out stories from as far back as early childhood. Oh, here is a good one. Uncle Johnie rarely leaves the farm and has come to town for Sunday dinner. I guess the cows take Sunday off. And before he leaves, he shoves his hands into his pockets full of coins, grabs handfuls, and throws them up the stairs. The children scramble to collect as many as possible before he waves goodbye and heads back ‘up country’. Who could resist that treasure!

Want to explore how resistance training supports brain health and memory? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to weightlifting and brain health, Newsweek’s insights on resistance training and Alzheimer’s prevention, and Knowing Neurons’ breakdown of cognitive benefits from strength training.

If you’re reflecting on aging, memory, or emotional vitality, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and mental strength.

How Early Experiences Shape the Reactions We Can’t Explain

Conflict leaves an imprint long before we have words for it. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early, preverbal experiences of tension and fear can shape emotional responses throughout adulthood.

Here is an example: Imagine that, as an infant, your parents fought with each other frequently. The scene features yelling and screaming, with numerous threats and curses from each person. You are a babe in arms and a witness to all the shouting and pushing. Of course, you are crying, which only adds to the trauma as your parents blame each other for your meltdown.

You may have no conscious memory of these fights, and your parents may have engaged in repair that led them to stop all of this fighting. There may be no stories about these early fights either. Yet, the impact on you remains. In situations where people begin to raise their voices in anger or tension, you begin to shrink and long to escape. You don’t seem to have the capability of standing up for yourself, even when the action is reasonable and just. This puzzles you, but you can’t figure it out.

Your brain can help you if you give it the right prompts. This memory is stored in images and sounds and not in language. Your language storage unit was not online at the time. Take a piece of plain paper and let your brain provide the shapes, images, and intensity that you experienced in that moment.

I have published two “deep dive” books to help you with this process:

• Read, Reflect, Respond: The 3 R’s of Growth and Change
• Return, Revisit, Renew: The 3 R’s of Deeper Discovery

The books contain essays, and you are free to jump around and select one that speaks to you at the time. The facing pages are blank, giving your brain the freedom to write, draw, scribble, or even be physical with the page and tear it up. The point is that you can access nonverbal memories that help you understand emotional experiences long before you could talk.

With this data, you can explore emotional stress and trauma that have established a “response cluster” that is automatic when faced with similar processes. The term “response cluster” is borrowed from humanitarian crisis work and fits well here. A sudden conflict between parents in front of infants is like a volcanic eruption or a tsunami, leading to definite emotional harm.

Accessing that harm requires tapping into your nonverbal storage. As you allow pictures, movies, feelings—both emotional and physical—and even smells to surface, you will find that your brain will open storage lockers where these early traumas have been housed.

You now have the data to investigate, process, and understand behaviors in the present that have been limiting how you think and function.

Want to explore more about early emotional memory, conflict responses, and healing preverbal trauma? Visit Psychology Today’s reflections on emotional development and Greater Good’s research on trauma, resilience, and the brain.

If this reflection resonates with your own experience of conflict or unexplained emotional reactions, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, insight, and emotional freedom.

FEAR IS AN OPPORTUNITY

Instinct, Insight, and the Courage to Grow

Fear isn’t just a warning—it’s a doorway. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how fear protects us, challenges us, and ultimately invites us into deeper emotional growth and resilience.

Our bodies have an automatic reaction to threats: fear.

We are all familiar with this. The “fight, flight, or freeze” response is ingrained in us. Our brains and bodies come into the world with this program—no one has to teach us this reaction. And we should be grateful for this preprogramming.

I remember watching a demonstration of this with an infant. The infant was placed at the top of a staircase in a crawling position. As she reached the edge and looked down the flight of stairs, she instinctively stopped and went no further. In the actual experiment, a large piece of plexiglass extended beyond the precipice, so she would have been perfectly safe if she had proceeded, but she froze. The freeze was instinctive. We do not need to tumble down a flight of stairs to know where safety ends. Thank goodness!

Our brains are naturally programmed to avoid other dangers as well:

• Falling
• Loud noises
• Snakes and spiders
• Heights
• Separation from caregivers
• Pain

Okay, I know—some of you will be pleased to learn that snakes and spiders evoke a natural fear, while others may be surprised. But it’s true.

However, let’s return to considering fear as an opportunity. Humans have risked and conquered all these fears. Our brains send us into the world with automatic cautions, enabling us to survive, grow, and make informed choices. Some people love playing in loud rock bands and attending concerts. Someone has to become a snake charmer and entertain us! And remember the high-wire feat in 1974 when Philippe Petit walked between the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center? Life would feel quite crowded if we never separated from our caregivers. And how do those performers manage to swallow all those swords?

Fear often challenges us to delve deeper into our psyche, examine our past, and take risks. That risk could be small, like a toddler stepping into a swimming pool for the first time, or massive, like a grandmother deciding to try skydiving. Overcoming fear is a sign of emotional growth.

Each of us faces and overcomes fear. Life happens when we confront our fears. Pride and joy come when we conquer them.

Want to explore how fear can be transformed into growth? Visit Simply Life Tips’ guide to overcoming fear, Reality Pathing’s strategies for personal growth, and Brainz Magazine’s reflections on embracing fear.

If you’re reflecting on fear, emotional resilience, or personal transformation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and courage.