Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO?

Memory, Meaning, and the Emotional Attachment and Weight of Objects

We don’t just collect things—we collect stories. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how grief, attachment, and memory shape what we keep, what we release, and what we need others to hold when we cannot.

Do you collect anything?

Sometimes we enjoy watching Antiques Roadshow and seeing the things that people collect or keep for various reasons. What are you holding on to?
We tease our children that all of this will be theirs someday, and they cringe at the thought of it. They imagine bringing a semi-trailer and a group of strong guys to haul it all out and head for the city dump. But wait. Aren’t these treasures worth a look?

Great-grandmother’s China Bowl that came out for special Sunday dinners still boasts the original painted flowers and scalloped edges. This bowl is beautiful. Surely you are not thinking of hauling it to the dump.

What about all of the Limoges boxes we have picked up over the years? Some are from trips to France, and some are from trips to the local jeweler. Each one has a story to it, and they are exquisitely painted. I don’t imagine you will throw those away.

There are original watercolors from famous artists and a new item from a painter that I know will one day be famous and have a show in the Guggenheim. You cannot possibly discard this painting even though you think it is odd.

My husband collected baseball cards. You know. Those cardboard things the size of a playing card with the faces or poses of every baseball player known to man. His chest of drawers in his boyhood bedroom in his parents’ home was filled with them. They were all very well organized and preserved. After his father died, his mother was doing what many widows do.

She was cleaning out, or shall we say purging. Purging is a common act following a loss. The purge helps to reset your life. Except this purge went far beyond throwing out her husband’s old shirts and slippers. Every well-preserved baseball card landed on the trash pile, picked up by the garbage collector with no warning or opportunity for reprieve. No call of “Do you want these baseball cards? I am purging.

Grief does funny things to us. Our minds go off the rails for a while, and we are not responsible or connected to the world around us. We become “other” for a while. For a moment, we may hold onto nothing and want to let go of everything. In those moments, we need someone to hold onto us.

Want to explore how grief and attachment shape what we keep and what we release? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to attachment styles and grief, NeuroLaunch’s reflections on grief through attachment theory, and The Practice of Therapy’s insights on grief and emotional detachment.

If you’re reflecting on grief, memory, or emotional attachment, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and emotional clarity.

The Power of Play and Why Families in Maryland and DC Play Board Games

Remember board games? The ones gathering dust on a shelf or tucked away in a closet? Or maybe you’re one of the rare adults who still loves a good game night and keeps one spread out on the dining room table.

Why am I encouraging you to bring back board games? Because board games are one of the most powerful, and overlooked, ways for families in Maryland and Washington, DC to reconnect. In busy households, gathering around the table is rare, but board games make it possible. They create the kind of face‑to‑face interaction that strengthens emotional bonds and builds healthier family communication.

The dynamic of being in the car is vastly different from being at the table. I often advise parents to take a car ride with their child to encourage more open communication. Children tend to share more freely when they are not facing you. Without having to read your expression, they can speak more openly. Riding in the car offers this advantage. However, today’s families are overprogrammed, so gathering everyone around the dinner table is often a challenge.

This is why I believe families should embrace board games at home, they create valuable, in‑person interactions. Board games are designed for all ages, and playing together is a chance to connect through both conversation and nonverbal cues. These shared moments encourage real conversations you do not want to miss.

Board games also reveal pieces of one’s personality. Think of the Monopoly games you played with your siblings. Who decided to buy up all the houses and never buy hotels? That strategy leads to a slow death for everyone else. Or remember the Scrabble game where one sibling always seemed able to make a word out of every impossible set of letters. How does she do that? She must have tiles in her pockets.

Beyond connection, board games offer personal growth. Every game, from Monopoly to Scrabble, is an exercise in competition, learning rules, and managing both wins and losses. These are valuable life lessons, making board games a real‑life training ground for children, teens, and adults in Maryland and DC.

For more reflections on emotional connection and family well‑being, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If your family is struggling to reconnect, or if you want support building healthier communication at home, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that strengthen emotional connection and family relationships.

The Quiet Creep of Clutter, And Why Science Says It’s Normal

Have you ever noticed how quickly things can get messy?

You come in from work and put your keys, papers, and other things on the counter or perhaps a small table by the door. If you leave them there, then others follow suit and put their stuff there. Soon, the counter or table is messy, full of a muddle of things that have been dropped there. The mail that you meant to open right away can be buried for days.

We enjoy a few magazines, and most of them arrive weekly. Of course, we cannot get to all of the articles in the time allotted before the next edition arrives. Soon, the magazines pile up and are being moved from the sofa to the chair to the ottoman until there seems to be no place to sit anymore. Of course, they are not ready to be recycled yet because we have not read them, so they must stay.

And don’t get me started about the mail. More catalogs, ads, and junk arrive every day. The recycle bin is thrilled, but the coffee table and lamp tables seem to be growing these things. I am not interested in all of them, but how do I know which ones are interesting unless I look at each one? I don’t have time right now, so they must wait.

And do not get me started on the shoe collection by the door.

What is happening? Fortunately, one of my magazines has appeared with an explanation. Quantum theory to the rescue. A rule of reality is that “things get messier over time.” Wonderful. I am scientifically correct. When I look at the piles of books, the magazines falling out of the wooden buckets, the shoes marching along the hallway, and the keys and junk piled by the door, I am scientifically correct! Things do get messier over time.

Apparently, this is a principle of thermodynamics. All things eventually thermalize. That means that all things eventually mix together to form averages — the average number of keys on the counter, the average number of shoes in the hall, the average number of magazines on the tables, the average number of flyers and pieces of mail on the table. Oh good, I am scientifically correct. I am thermalized!

So, we are not messy after all. We are scientifically correct and in line with quantum reality.

For more reflections on daily life, emotional patterns, and the psychology of everyday habits, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating overwhelm, cluttered routines, or the emotional weight of “too much,” therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

SCAMS

Vulnerability, Outrage, and the Emotional Cost of Exploitation

Scams don’t just steal money—they erode trust, dignity, and emotional safety. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how aging increases vulnerability, why systemic protections fall short, and how outrage can fuel advocacy and healing.

What is it about aging that makes one such a lovely target for scammers? What is it about our government that tolerates these invasions? Our government knows where most of these originate. They probably have eyes on the call centers themselves and surely the technology to block these ugly scams.
Scammers target the older population with great frequency. One of my relatives had her bank account wiped out. I recently almost fell into the whole myself when a potential “client” wanted to send me a hefty sum for treatment in advance, if I would only give them my bank account number and routing number. Who do you know who has been fooled by the “grandson in trouble” call?
Why do we have to put up with these evils? I know we have “do not call lists,” but honestly, we have been on that list for decades, and the number of calls flowing into the house has not decreased. We can build telescopes that circle the globe for decades. We can send people to the moon. We can support a space station for over a quarter of a century. Don’t tell me that we cannot protect our aging population from these predators.
The Federal Trade Commission statistics from 2024 state that Americans lost 12.5 billion dollars to scammers in 2024. They say this is a 25% increase over last year. Really! Last year!
We can develop weapons that wipe out populations in an instant. We can circle space until we are blue in the face. We cannot protect our population from idiots. What are we thinking? Why are we spending money on protective military domes when we cannot protect our hard-working citizens from being impoverished in a second by a scammer?
Who is working on stopping the travesty? Why should our elderly, who have worked and saved and contributed to our well-being, end up in this position of vulnerability?
You know, many people like to play tricks on their peers. Who hasn’t experienced being short-sheeted in an overnight or camping experience? Why do they still sell so many “whoopee cushions”? Who hasn’t seen the explosive Mentos and Diet Coke gag? We love to play pranks on each other.
Why are we tolerating the systematic destruction of security established by hard-working citizens who built the country that we enjoy? Why is my government more interested in an invisible dome than the security blanket we have worked hard for?

Want to explore how scams affect emotional health and why older adults are targeted? Visit Verywell Mind’s guide to emotional recovery after scams, AARP’s reflections on mental health and fraud, and BeScamAware’s support for scam victims.

If you’re reflecting on vulnerability, outrage, or emotional recovery, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and advocacy.

Birth, Biology, and the Emotional Gamble of Connection

From the moment we enter the world, relationships are both instinctive and unpredictable. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how birth sets the stage for relational complexity, and why emotional attachment is both a biological drive and a lifelong challenge.

Think about the way you came into the world. Here are the possibilities. Your mother went into labor, or your mother went into surgery. As far as I know, those are the only two possibilities. So, let’s take them one at a time.

Labor: Hours of being squeezed by your mother’s strong tummy muscles, followed by being forced through a tunnel much smaller than you are, and then pushed into an environment that is loud, bright with light, and cold. Welcome to the world. Come on. This is not what you bargained for. You were happy. You were floating in a comfortable sea, protected and insulated from noise, motion, and all sorts of invasive experiences. Yikes. Who wants to leave that space?

Surgery: Here, you are comfortable in your little liquid bubble, just floating around. Then a knife soars across your mother’s stomach and barely misses you as it cuts through your cocoon. Some giant character rips you out of the safety pouch you have been enjoying and passes you into a scratchy piece of fabric, then puts you under a heat lamp. Come on. This is not fun.
Ok, your parents are happy to see you in person. The doctor is relieved that you do not require any special attention. The nurse is content to wrap you up and carry you to another room.

But, come on. This is not what you bargained for.
From this point forward, everything is a crapshoot.

I get it. You did not ask for this life. They decided to make you and have you and take care of you and guide you and… ok, there are endless possibilities here. The point is that you did not select this, and now you have to adjust to it and live with it. At a bare minimum, you have to develop a relationship with each of these DNA donors. Maybe they knew what they were doing, maybe they did not. Either way, you are stuck with them. Biology rules.

If you are lucky, they like you and are excited. They pay a lot of attention to you and are constantly talking to you, touching you, or rocking you. Wow. Some of that feels good. If you are not lucky, they ignore you or pass you along to a new couple who have never known you before. Either way, you get fitted into a family.

The family could be a real crapshoot. Whether they are your biological family or your adoptive family, you still have to fit in, develop connections, and build relationships. Relationship building is hard. You were born connected to a person, and you naturally want to continue to connect to others. You reach out, hoping that they will reach back.

Want to explore how early experiences shape emotional connection? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to bonding and birth trauma, Center for Child Counseling’s breakdown of ACEs and attachment, and NAEYC’s insights on early brain development and relationships.

If you’re reflecting on family dynamics, attachment, or emotional connection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and relational clarity.

How One Small Memory Can Open the Door to an Entire Era

What ever happened to the poodle skirt?

Funny how a single memory can suddenly return and open the door to an entire era. In this reflection, I revisit the poodle skirt, sock hops, transistor radios, and the remarkable way our minds store pieces of the past we thought were long forgotten.

It’s a story about memory, invention, change, and the strange beauty of watching the world evolve while still holding close the things that once made us smile.

Sometimes the smallest memories remind us who we were — and perhaps who we still are.

For more reflections on memory, nostalgia, and the psychology of how we carry the past, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are exploring how your own memories shape your identity — or noticing how past experiences still influence your present — therapy can help you understand and integrate those stories. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, healing, and growth.

Featured Podcast Conversation on The Advisor

Hello,

I wanted to share a recent podcast conversation I joined on The Advisor with Stacey Chillemi titled Your Childhood Wound Is Still Making Decisions for You.

In this episode, we explore how early emotional experiences continue to influence adult life in subtle but powerful ways. Many of the reactions people experience in relationships, work, and daily stress are not only responses to the present moment, but also reflections of earlier emotional patterns that were formed in childhood.

A key focus of my work is helping individuals recognize these patterns so they can respond from awareness rather than repetition. When people begin to understand what belongs to the present and what is being activated from the past, it creates space for real change in how they think, feel, and relate to others.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• How childhood emotional experiences continue to shape adult behavior
• Why everyday situations can activate old feelings of rejection, abandonment, or pressure
• How to distinguish between present‑day reality and past emotional triggers
• The role of reflection, curiosity, and self‑awareness in breaking long‑standing patterns
• Practical ways — including writing, movement, and observation — that help uncover emotional origins
• How early family dynamics can contribute to patterns such as people‑pleasing or emotional withdrawal

We also explore what becomes possible when people stop reacting from old emotional templates and begin responding from the present moment.

You can listen to the full podcast here:
Your Childhood Wound Is Still Making Decisions for You Podcast

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on emotional development, identity, and healing early patterns, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating old emotional patterns, relationship challenges, or the impact of early wounds, therapy can offer clarity and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.

The Steady Rhythm, the Hidden Science, and the Global Story Behind a Rainy Day

Rain feels ordinary. until you pay attention. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the beauty, necessity, and global significance of rainfall, from houseplants to worldwide water scarcity.

When I woke up this morning around 7 a.m., it was raining. It has been raining all day. The interesting thing about this rain is that it falls at the same pace hour after hour, as if it has no intention of stopping. I think of it as rainforest rain that just keeps coming.

We need the rain. My husband keeps track of this, and I clearly do not. He reports that we have been without rain for six weeks, and the trees, shrubs, and plants need the nutrients falling from the sky. If I were in charge of the sky, I would produce rain every evening after sunset for a couple of hours, then shut it off during the day so the kids could play in the yard and I could go out for a walk without getting drenched.

I am learning that rainwater is fascinating. Houseplants love rainwater, but few people have the ability or patience to collect it. However, if you have a large number of houseplants, the collection of rainwater pays off in tons of blooms. Rainwater is full of interesting nutrients. As the rain falls, it gathers various nutrients from the atmosphere. Harvesting rainwater is practiced worldwide and can be used for human consumption and for plants and gardens.

I am learning about a global rainwater management organization dedicated to managing rainwater worldwide. Sustaining the planet and its people requires abundant water. Fortunately, those supplies are readily available if we harness the natural flow of rain.

According to the United Nations, over 2.2 billion people lack safely managed drinking water. Climate change is only exacerbating this crisis. Managing rain is becoming a critical industry. Unless you live in areas of the United States that are clearly threatened, you probably do not pay much attention to the water you use. Those living in California have a heightened sense of the threat. They are losing their water table rapidly. People are advised not to run faucets. Brush your teeth with a few drops of water. Never let the faucet run. Crop irrigation is depleting the water table. Unless you live in a part of the country where the water shortage is front‑page news, you don’t think about it.

As I pay attention to this, I am fascinated by the various systems one can use. We are all familiar with the rain barrel fed by the downspout to catch water from the house roof. There are also systems you can bury in your front yard, where a lovely‑looking pond can serve as a catchment, and gallons upon gallons of rainwater can be stored underground and filtered for fresh use. You could live in the city and get off the grid. Who knew?

Want to explore more about water, climate, and sustainability? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on how nature shapes well‑being and Greater Good’s research on environmental awareness and emotional health.

If this reflection sparks thoughts about resilience, balance, or mindful living, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, grounding, and emotional well‑being.

From Arrival to Farewell: The Spaces That Shape Our Life

Life unfolds in rooms, each one holding its own lessons, memories, and meaning. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how the spaces we inhabit mark our growth, our relationships, and ultimately, our legacy.

Room 1: The Delivery Room

Over time, this room has welcomed fathers and, occasionally, other family members. Once a place of pain and isolation, it has transformed into a space of careful comfort and celebration. This room welcomes each of us into the world with joy.

Room 2: The Nursery

Prepared with care and expectation, this room is painted, decorated, and filled with comfort. The rocking chair waits to soothe cries, and the mobile above the crib entertains and fascinates. It is a room of beginnings and tender care.

Room 3: The Classroom

This room challenges the mind to memorize, invent, and problem-solve. Here, ideas spark curiosity, and stories of far-off places inspire dreams. Some lessons come easily, others with difficulty, but all shape the journey of growth.

Room 4: The Dorm Room

Independence begins here. New people, new ideas, risks, and experiments fill this space. Love and heartbreak, success and disappointment, all converge as paths for the future are chosen.

Room 5: The Apartment

Responsibility takes root. Work, chores, meals, and relationships define this room. It is a place of self-discovery, where friendships deepen and identity begins to solidify.

Room 6: The Home

Here, you join society more fully, building a future with someone you love. Responsibilities abound, but so do laughter and tears. This room is filled with family, connection, and the rhythms of daily life.

Room 7: The Retirement Place

Long anticipated, this room may be a sailboat, a mountain chalet, or a stateroom on a ship. It is a place of reflection, adventure, and savoring the rewards of a life lived.

Room 8: The Hospital Room

A room often avoided, yet inevitable. Noisy, odd-smelling, but hopefully filled with kindness. Visitors gather here because you have loved deeply and broadly, and they come to offer comfort.

Room 9: The Funeral Home

The final room. Friends and acquaintances gather to share memories, tears, and laughter. They hug, remember, and long for one more conversation. This room reminds us that love and connection endure beyond goodbye.

Want to explore how life stages shape emotional growth and resilience? Visit Psychology Today’s article on life stages and emotional growth and Greater Good’s guide to reflection and wisdom.

If you’re reflecting on your own journey through life’s rooms, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, connection, and emotional resilience.