A Conversation for Maryland and DC Families About Boys’ Emotional Development
I recently joined Atul Raj on the Genius Talk Podcast to discuss a topic that has shaped my work for more than fifty years: how boys are taught to manage their emotions, and how those lessons follow them into adulthood.
During our conversation, I shared a moment from my clinical practice that has stayed with me. A preschool boy once told me that when he cried, he swallowed his tears and they turned into rocks in his stomach. Eventually, those “rocks” would come out as anger and throwing things. His words captured, in a child’s language, what emotional suppression looks like in real time.
In this episode, we explored several important themes:
- How boys’ natural energy and need for movement are often misunderstood as behavioral problems in structured environments like classrooms
- The subtle but powerful differences in how adults comfort crying girls versus crying boys
- Why boys are frequently discouraged from expressing sadness, tenderness, or fear, and how anger becomes the only socially acceptable outlet
- How these early experiences shape men’s ability to form close relationships, communicate in marriage, and connect emotionally with their own children
- Practical tools adults can use to rebuild emotional awareness, including reflective journaling and using a feelings vocabulary sheet
We also discussed how fathers can build healthier relationships with their sons by first reconnecting with their own emotional lives—something many men were never given the chance to develop growing up.
If you are a parent, partner, educator, or simply someone interested in understanding boys and men more deeply, I believe this conversation will resonate with you.
🎧 Listen to the full episode here:
Why Boys Are Taught to Swallow Their Tears – Genius Talk Podcast
For more reflections on emotional development and family well‑being, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.
If you want tools to support boys’ and men’s emotional growth, including my downloadable feelings sheet, visit drvanderhorst.com. You can also learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC and therapeutic approaches that help families build emotional awareness and healthier communication.
Helping boys grow into emotionally healthy men begins with small, intentional shifts, moments of curiosity, patience, and presence.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
