I WANT TO BE SEEN
Visibility, Connection, and the Emotional Need to Matter
To be seen is to be known—and to be known is to belong. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional visibility shapes our earliest experiences, our relationships, and our sense of self-worth.
Has this thought ever popped into your mind? This desire to be known, to be seen, is natural. We all crave attention. Our early survival depends on this. We come into the world completely helpless. I don’t know of any other creature as impotent as a newborn human. We could examine this fact at some other time, but right now, we want to focus on this desire to be seen.
When we are seen, we have the opportunity for connection. We are born connected to another human being and spend our lives seeking connection with others. When you realize this, you understand we are all connected and interdependent. Few of us can survive without this connection. You may read about the occasional hermit found deep in the forest and living off the land, but that guy is weird. And yes, I hear your question. It is a guy. There have been recorded cases of female hermits, but most are isolated for religious reasons.
Humans naturally seek connection with others. Physical survival is the initial need, yet well-known cases show that physical care is insufficient. The Spitz babies are a clear example: physically cared-for infants died for lack of social/emotional connection. We all need an emotional connection with others. The Spitz research on well-cared-for infants who die because of a lack of emotional connection is classic.
One piece of information that needs more focus is the fact that mothers have an emotional connection with the fetus. As this person grows inside, the mother pays close attention and is engaged in the emotional and physical care of this ever-developing being. Most of our focus has been on the physical care necessary for the fetus to thrive; however, this growing being needs and benefits from emotional care as well. Our bodies are truly sensitive to emotional care. Research with adults in medical situations shows that the presence of a loving spouse or friend speeds up physical healing. The mother’s interest in and connection to the fetus has a significant impact on this little being in utero. From the first awareness of a pregnancy, this little being is known and seen. Mothers and fathers communicate with the fetus and spend emotional energy focusing on this growing person. The fetus hears music from headphones placed on the mother’s belly. The fetus has stories read to it. Fathers’ attention is present in physical touch and verbal messages sent to this growing being.
You were seen long before you were visible.
Want to explore how emotional visibility and human connection shape well-being? Visit Halos Counseling’s reflections on being seen, NeuroLaunch’s guide to human connection psychology, and Psychology Today’s insights on emotional interdependence.
If you’re reflecting on visibility, emotional connection, or relational healing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and belonging.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
