Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

IF YOU ARE EXPECTING A BOY…

Tradition, Transformation, and the Future of Gender Roles

Blue confetti may still fly, but the meaning behind it is evolving. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how gender expectations are shifting, and how raising boys today means rethinking what masculinity truly looks like.

The cannon going off in blue instead of pink is the most popular announcement. We are expecting a boy! Historically, boys would grow up to take on more responsibility in society than girls. Therefore, celebrations that favor boys make sense historically. However, given more recent changes in society, this tradition should begin to fade. Celebrating life, whether it be male or female, is important. We want to continue the family line.

Remember in elementary school when the art teacher showed you how to make a family tree? The drawing and coloring were fun, but more important was the research. Mom and Dad would tell stories about relatives going back generations. “Where was Cousin Ernest?” was a favorite in my mother’s family. The facts were not important because each time the story was told, Cousin Ernest seemed more lost, more in trouble, or more foolish. Trust me, no one else in the family tree was named Ernest! As you learned about your family history and placed the family apples on the tree, you developed a sense of pride in yourself and your family’s legacy.

What are your favorite stories from your family history?
Boys have always featured prominently in these stories. That trend is in the process of shifting as women take on more roles that were previously reserved for men. Look at women’s basketball! A league that started in 1996 has landed on prime-time television, and the competition is fierce. Women are leaders in industry, government, the military, entertainment, and sports. Their traditional role in the family is changing as well. Men are electing to stay home and care for the children, a role once reserved for women and often a source of shame for men. Today, you will even find men’s support groups focused on raising children.

Traditional gender roles for adults are shifting, and previous boundaries are being crossed. Biology no longer defines or limits the roles that either gender can assume. As this happens, what needs to change in how we raise boys and girls to prepare them for a more gender-neutral adulthood? Are the gender roles of the past determined by genetics or by society? Even if they are naturally ingrained, can they be changed? Would making gender roles more flexible be a good thing or a bad thing? These questions form the basis of discussion in various groups. Where do you stand? What will be the long-term effects of a more gender-neutral society?

Could childrearing help men retain the full range of feelings they were born with? What would be the social impact of such a trend?

These are all good questions, and I hope society has an opportunity to answer them all.

Want to explore how gender expectations shape boys and young men? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to gender expectations and emotional development, Simply Psychology’s breakdown of gender socialization, and Counseling Today’s insights on masculinity and mental health.

If you’re reflecting on parenting, gender roles, or emotional development, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and family wellness.