Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

SQUIRRELS

Persistence, Frustration, and the Art of Coexisting

Sometimes the squirrel is just a squirrel—and sometimes it’s a mirror. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how squirrel behavior reveals emotional persistence, how frustration arises from mismatched communication, and how we learn to share space with what we don’t understand.

At this time of year, the backyard is busy with several squirrels looking for places to hide food for the winter. At this point their favorite food comes down from the walnut tree like small, dangerous meteors. No joke. First, the walnut tree is tall. An old walnut tree can grow to 150 feet and this guy has obviously been here for an exceptionally long time. Those green bombs come hurtling down like grenades! Trust me, do not set your picnic blanket up under a walnut tree in the Fall.

I am not sure if I see the same squirrel but for purposes of this essay, I am going to assume it is the same guy. He is desperate to hide these tennis ball sized green covered walnuts in my flowerpots. Now there is barely room in the pot for the roots of the plant, but this guy just will not give up. I have a gardenia plant sunning itself outdoors and this bozo keeps trying to bury walnuts in the pot. Let us leave aside the fact that I fear his weight will tip the pot and destroy it altogether and just look at the basics. The roots of this plant fill the pot. If I am honest, the gardenia is due to be transplanted into a much larger pot but the gardener in me is just not up to the task right now. The squirrel, digging, hanging on the edge of the pot, and failing to find any space for the walnut will just not give up. He fails.

In some ways, he is a model for all of us who need to learn persistence. Failure does not deter him. Day after day he comes back. He must be learning something but for the life of me I cannot imagine what he takes away from the gardenia pot. I might design a sign that says, “the pot is full” or “cut it out stupid.” You see, I can take my frustrations out on the squirrel!

How do you release your frustrations?

I am sure you are familiar with the term, Squirrely. The meaning is varied. We use the term for someone who is odd and makes us feel uncomfortable. We use it to describe someone who is fidgety or restless in a way that makes us uncomfortable. The term is really about our discomfort more than the behavior of the other. What is happening? The demeanor or character of the other impacts us in a way that we are frustrated and uncomfortable. What is the frustration about? It is about the squirrel! The other has come into our space and the behavior grabs our attention in a way that creates discomfort. The communication between us is just not going to work. The squirrel does not speak my language, and I do not speak his. We are at odds and no resolution is available to either of us. We just do not match. Yet, we share the same space and need to respect our differences.

Want to explore how squirrels model persistence and emotional frustration? Visit Berkeley News’ study on squirrel frustration and problem-solving, PBS News’ feature on what squirrels teach us about frustration, and Journal of Comparative Psychology’s full study on squirrel persistence.

If you’re navigating emotional frustration or mismatched communication, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.