GRAY WHALE
Extinction, Passage, and the Power of Memory
When a gray whale swims into the Atlantic after centuries of absence, it’s more than a biological anomaly—it’s a metaphor for resilience, rediscovery, and the emotional journeys we all undertake. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how unexpected returns—whether of whales or memories—can stir healing and transformation.
Did you see the excitement on the news over the Gray Whale spotted swimming in the Atlantic? This whale was thought to be extinct in the Atlantic and rare in the Pacific. Imagine! Extinct means gone! Dead! Disappeared! Nada! Then suddenly, there it is, swimming leisurely in the waters of the Atlantic. Where has this guy been? How did this whale get to the Atlantic? Thanks to global warming and the melting of the polar ice cap, scientists believe that it could have come through the Northwest Passage, which previously would only have been accessible to a submarine.
The first submarine to travel this path had to go deep under the ice with the fear that a way back to the surface may not have been found. Imagine that experience! Or have you already had that experience? Our lives can sometimes take us into deep, dark places where we question whether we will surface again. Losses can put us under the sea. A friend of mine recently gave a speech about her loss of a child. Just hearing the story came close to putting me under the sea, and she lived it. The loss of a child shakes us to the core. This is not the way that life is supposed to go.
The natural path of life is to be born, cared for, released to be on our own, grow up, grow old, and then leave. That is the natural order of things. When that natural order is disturbed, we are thrown off course. Some manage to find a new passage, and some are lost forever. That new passage may take many different forms. We hear on the news about parents who have lost a child and started a charity to help other families with similar problems. We see scholarships dedicated to others who have been lost or memorials established as reminders of those we love.
Remembering those we have loved is powerful and important. That person may be a part of your family, a friend that you depended on, or a colleague that you truly admired. Memories are powerful. They can give us comfort. They can spur us to action. They can surround us with love.
Who are the ones that you have lost? How do you honor them? In what way are they swimming back into the present and stirring you to act? You may not have traversed the North Pole, but the loss you have experienced has shaken you to the core. Honoring that loss is important. Recently, I helped a family honor the loss of a loved one. When we lose someone we love, we need to process that loss. This can be an exceedingly challenging task. I asked the family to collect things that reminded them of their attachment and place those things together in a prominent place in the house. They chose a small table in the front hall. One by one, they brought things to place on the table: pictures, rocks collected on a hike, a wooden spoon, and old birthday cards.
As the collection grew, their conversations grew as well. The pain of loss was being replaced by the stories of engagement, prowess, and silliness. A healing process was unfolding.
Want to learn more about the gray whale’s return to the Atlantic? Read about the recent sighting near Nantucket in ABC News.
If you’re navigating grief or seeking ways to honor someone you’ve lost, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support healing, remembrance, and emotional resilience.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
