Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

How Self‑Reflection Helps Us Stretch Beyond Who We’ve Been and Helps Emotional Growth

Are you growing? Not in height, most of us are headed in the opposite direction as the years go by, but in emotional depth, clarity, and self‑understanding.

Are you growing? If you think I am talking about height, I am not. In fact, as we age, we actually begin to shrink. We can lose as much as two inches over time because our bone density changes and our vertebrae collapse. But that is a story for another time.

I am talking about emotional growth. This can happen at any time and is always beneficial. I have seen people grow in this way in childhood, middle age, and even in the end‑of‑life stages. We can always grow taller emotionally.

How does one do this? I suggest using a mirror.

Mirrors come in all shapes and sizes. We have a very large mirror in our living room. It is tall, decorative, and narrow, like the one you might have on the back of your closet door, but fancier. Friends sitting on one end of the couch must view themselves in the mirror. The mirror leans against the wall because, frankly, it is too heavy to hang, and I do not want to challenge the studs and be proven right. Looking at our reflections is sometimes hard and sometimes joyous.

When we face the mirror, we see our physical characteristics, but we also see deeper into ourselves. We question: Who am I? What am I about? Where have I come from? What happens next? We may have many more questions. Check it out the next time you look in a mirror. What questions come up for you? Use them to guide you forward.

Self‑reflection is necessary for growth. When we see aspects of ourselves, we have the opportunity to grow. Without reflection, we are stuck. Reflection can come in quiet moments when we replay experiences or anticipate how we will perform in the future. Reflection can come through confrontation when someone holds us accountable and points out how we treat others. Sometimes we request this experience and truly want another to assess how we are doing. Sometimes it surprises us and throws us off course, requiring us to do some hard thinking and regroup.

However it comes to you, I hope you can be grateful. Emotional growth can be hard. For this reason, we tend to avoid it or deny it. Being open to feedback from others takes a decision. When we decide to grow, the benefits are amazing. We can uncover early childhood experiences that have kept us bound up in ways that are not healthy for us. We can challenge family experiences that have shaped us to be a certain way within the family system so that others can benefit.

Welcome growth, however it shows up.

Want to explore more about emotional growth, reflection, and self‑awareness? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on personal development and Greater Good’s research on resilience and emotional intelligence.

If you’re ready to explore your own emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support reflection, insight, and meaningful change.