Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

PARENTS

Transitions, Reflections, and the Power to Rebuild

Parenting doesn’t end—it evolves. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the emotional complexity of launching children while caring for aging parents, and how personal growth and connection remain possible at every stage of life.

Many of you have aging parents and are in that space in life where you are launching your children and losing your parents. Perhaps you have looked to your parents for wisdom or support and are now realizing that soon they will be gone. You will be the generation expected to provide wisdom and support. This is an interesting transition for many reasons.

If you are fortunate to have parents that you love and admire, you will be soaking in their wisdom, reminiscing, and enjoying their company. If your parents have been difficult, you will be managing and negotiating around responsibility and obligation while preserving your own sanity. That is not an easy role to play. If your parents have been distant, you will probably be in avoidance mode, hoping that someone else will pick up the end-of-life responsibilities. Regardless of your role, this is not an easy time.

In this space, you look to your resources, both internal and external. When you reflect on your history and look for your emotional strengths and social supports, what do you find? What are the principles of relationships that sustain you? How have you built connections with others? What is your support system? We seem to address these areas of our lives in crisis times. Yet, we have the opportunity to be proactive and thoughtful about these areas of our lives. Even if you have not been proactive previously, you can start now.

Perhaps you have been self-contained, kept to yourself, or related only to your pet or your favorite cocktail. Moving forward does not have to be a re-run of the same. Look at your resources. Decide to make changes and take risks. I celebrate the people who look at their lives to date and decide to make changes that will better meet their needs. Maybe you have been abused or taken advantage of and used that as a reason to withdraw and avoid relationships. Yet, if you examine the past you will see that you could have made different choices and better choices. You can make a change. Join your local bridge club and build new relationships. Take water aerobics at your local YMCA and build connections with fellow water lilies!

Life has opportunities at every turn. You are not bound by the structures that your parents set up. You can start a new path, a new direction at any point in time. The key is being thoughtful about the direction you want to take. You can make changes in your life at any point in time.

Want to explore how to navigate aging parents and emotional transitions? Visit Care Indeed’s guide to coping with aging parents, Montana State University’s tips for speaking to aging parents, and BetterHelp’s strategies for managing changing dynamics.

If you’re navigating this transition and seeking clarity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and relational growth.