Raising Boys

If you are a parent raising a boy, you may wonder why you should listen to someone who has not raised one herself.

I have raised a girl — lovely she is. I have two granddaughters — lovely they are.

So why am I talking to you as parents about raising boys? Understanding boys’ development is crucial to supporting them effectively.

Boys and men have taught me what it is like to be a boy in this culture, and I feel compelled to share how these experiences reveal the urgent need for cultural change in the way we raise boys.

My mother would say this is a case of “do as I say, not as I do.” Even though I have not raised a boy, I have been educated in many ways about how boys are and have been raised in this culture. Obviously, the story is not ideal, or they would not have landed in my waiting room. Boys in this culture often get a raw deal when it comes to emotional health. Consequently, many men end up distressed and emotionally overwhelmed.

One would think that, seeing our jails filled with men, we would be more concerned about how we raise boys. Men account for 93 percent of the incarcerated population. Why are we not asking what is happening? How is it that the incarcerated population is almost entirely male?

The answer is simple, yet still beyond our current reach.

What are we doing as parents and as a culture that results in so many men being housed in cells for decades? You might think that is not my boy, my husband, or my brother, so it is not my concern.

But when 93 percent of the jail population is male, it is everyone’s concern.

There is an obvious solution, but as parents we seem reluctant to take it. Why? Perhaps we are stuck in a caveman mentality, thinking our boys must always be brave and ready to fight. So as parents, we may suppress their natural emotions and train them for aggression rather than emotional health. But remember, we do not live in caves. Our world has changed.

Take action now. Encourage the men in your life to visit my website and download the Feelings Sheet. Support their growth by exploring my self‑help books.

Feelings sheet: www.drvanderhorst.com, look under Client Resources Order a book from www.gloriasbooks.com and start your journey toward overcoming emotional restriction immediately.