Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

SITTING AND NOT WANTING TO LEAVE

Connection, Grace, and the Gift of Lingering

Some moments ask us to stay. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how deep friendships and shared presence remind us that emotional connection is not just a need—it’s a sacred experience.

I hope you’ve had the experience of sitting with friends and not wanting the moment to end. We are born connected. How many times have I repeated that phrase to myself and in my writings? We are born connected and spend the rest of our lives seeking connections with others. A connection is such a natural thing. As an embryo, the connection is a lifeline that feeds, nurtures, and assures us that more connections will come. As we float in amniotic fluid, we hear the sounds of another world beyond the one we inhabit. Perhaps the sounds are muffled, but they are interesting and intriguing, and we long to know more about them. We want to explore the outer world and discover what lies beyond.

As we sit with friends, we feel the connection and the desire to remain connected. Too many days and weeks have passed since we last saw each other. We love each other, and we want to nurture our love and respect for one another. We trust each other and know our words will be respected and cherished. We laugh at stories of the past and present. We delve into histories that are joyous and tragic. We understand. We respect. And most of all, we cherish these pieces of each other as though they were precious gems to be honored and carefully placed in our jewelry boxes, safekept in our hearts. We love each other.

That love does not gush all over the room. Our love is gentle and tender. We deeply respect each other and want each other to flourish and be healthy. We respect the limits inherent in each of us and offer assistance. We know it will one day be reciprocated.

The place where we gather expects us to be there on a regular basis. They allow us to linger, acknowledging that we haven’t been together for some time. They are patient and gracious as we stay, laugh, and tell more stories. The laughter rises in the room and spills across the balconies on the second floor. Fortunately, the place is clearing as the lunch crowd exits. We can see the staff clearing the tables and readying the place for the dinner crowd that will appear within two to three hours. Yet, we are not ready. We linger and are accepted as truants. Just a patient acceptance and recognition of the importance of this meeting. Grace is precious.

Friends are perfect!

Want to explore how emotional presence and connection shape well-being? Visit Dr. Vanderhorst’s original post on Sitting and Not Wanting to Leave, Psych Central’s guide to emotional presence and abandonment, and Psychology Today’s insights on relational energy and emotional fatigue.

If you’re reflecting on connection, emotional presence, or relational healing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and interpersonal growth.