Why Talking About the End‑of‑Life Might Be One of the Healthiest Things We Do
It may feel grim, but preparing for the end of life is one of the most meaningful acts of clarity, courage, and love we can offer ourselves and the people who will one day carry out our wishes.
Ok, grim subject, I know. Yet an important one that seems to get glossed over quickly.
A recent Washington Post article details the process of a group of women who meet regularly to discuss the end. What a brilliant idea. First, you get to take yourself seriously and really think about this. We are all going to die, and so far, none of us has come back, though some have frozen their bodies, or parts thereof, for that very event. But that is another essay.
Back to the ladies. Their discussions provide a safe space and real feedback on a range of end‑of‑life topics. Who do you pick as the decision maker if you are not capable? How and where do you want to be buried? What kind of service do you want and why? There are tons of questions like these to face when looking at the end of your life.
There are also numerous decisions to be made as you head toward the end of your life. Do you stay in your present place or move? Do you want extraordinary measures taken to keep you breathing, or not? Who do you want to oversee your estate after you die? Why would you choose this person over that person? What if you do not have children, or they are not capable? Who steps into the decision‑making position then?
I mean, the issues can get right down to: What do you want to wear in your casket? Do you want a casket? If you are cremated and turn into ashes, what becomes of them?
One thing is for certain. All of us will die at some point and in some way. If we are fortunate enough to live a long life and make it into our 80s or 90s or beyond, how will we spend those last years? I know friends who want to travel to the end and die with their boots on. I know friends who want to snuggle up on the couch with a good book and go headfirst into the pages. I even know a few who are stockpiling lethal medicines so they can take themselves out at any point in time. We all have our desires.
The point is that sharing those desires is a great idea. These ladies, who have made themselves vulnerable by sharing their stories with a journalist, have real courage. Not many of us invite the public into our private lives. I admire them and thank them for making discussions about end‑of‑life decisions normal.
We are all headed there, so why not talk about it and be more planful? Why not get input from trusted friends, just like you did when planning your wedding or celebrating the birth of your first child? Why do this end‑of‑life planning alone? This is a real thing, so let us talk about it.
Want to explore more about end‑of‑life planning, emotional preparation, and meaning‑making? Visit Psychology Today’s reflections on aging and transitions and Greater Good’s research on mortality, purpose, and connection.
If thinking about these questions brings up emotion, uncertainty, or a desire for clarity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support reflection, planning, and emotional peace.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
