A Reflection on Love and The Beauty, Chaos, and History Behind Saying “I Do”
First, when you reflect on your own wedding, what feelings come up? I hope a smile crosses your face, bringing a sense of joy and contentment, followed by a chuckle about that one thing that went wrong.
Weddings are complicated. Historically, the bride or groom’s family arranged matches to advance the family’s fortunes. A proper match could legitimize a family in a new station. A proper match could mean financial gain and security. A proper match could mean continuing a lineage of importance. A proper match could open new horizons. A proper match could heal family rifts from long ago.
With more economic advancement in the culture, weddings became reflective of the mixed social classes. Weddings moved across classes. The farmer’s daughter could marry the doctor’s son, and no one had a negative thought about it. Today, weddings cross class and gender. The boy from the lower class can catch the heart of the girl from the upper class, and suddenly the distance is bridged. We accept a full range of matches. Today, the man can select a man and the woman can select a woman. We have made love universal.
Most weddings have their highs and lows. The cake shows up with a missing letter. The minister gets sick, and the substitute is someone you really don’t know. The flower girl steals the show by wandering and spinning as she makes her way down the aisle. One of your bridesmaids starts to faint and is rescued by your father in the first pew. The doves that were supposed to swoop toward the sky are sluggish, and one dead one falls to the sidewalk. A gray sky clouds the sandy beach. Oh, all kinds of things can go wrong.
That is not the point! The point is that you have decided to put your lives together and see what happens. You ride off to your honeymoon destination with a light heart and high expectations for the future. The family is on a high as they are excited for you, and while you are gone, they get to open all of the wedding presents and organize them in your new space.
You can breathe! You got tons of compliments on the flowers. The band played just the right tunes and for just the right length of time. The caterer served the food before everyone got wild with hunger. The first dance that you had practiced over and over went off without a hitch. And your new husband did not turn into a jerk and shove cake in your face. To top it off, your best friend caught the bridal bouquet just as you had hoped.
You are married. Your husband is handsome. Your future is bright.
Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches
Learn more from trusted marriage and relationship resources:
The Gottman Institute
Psychology Today – Marriage Counseling
American Psychological Association – Healthy Relationships
If you are navigating relationship transitions, communication challenges, or emotional shifts, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful growth.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
