Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

THE OLD MANTLE CLOCK

Time, Togetherness, and the Stories That Bind Us

Some heirlooms tick louder in memory than in sound. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how shared objects become emotional anchors, and how laughter, love, and legacy are wound into the gears of everyday life.

We have this old wooden mantle clock shaped like a wave. On the face of the clock, there are two winding mechanisms: one for controlling the movement of the hands and one for controlling the striking of the bell. Of course, you can shut the bell off if you wish. Many guests in our home have requested that change after trying to sleep through the night while the bell sounds every 15 minutes. It is funny how we have adjusted to this and do not even hear it.

That clock was an early purchase in our marriage. We made two significant purchases in our first year, and the mantle clock was the first. One of our favorite pastimes was visiting antique shops and live auctions. We have acquired many things in our home through auctions. There was one particular auction house that we used to frequent on Friday nights once a month. Over time, we became friendly with the auctioneer. On one particular night, we arrived late, and the place was packed. There were no seats together, so we split up and sat on opposite sides of the hall. When the clock came up, the bidding was slow at first, so I raised my paddle to place a bid. A couple of other bids increased the price, and I bid again. Then, there appeared to be a contest between me and someone on the other side of the room. Yep. You guessed it. The auctioneer let this go on for a couple of rounds and finally asked if I wanted to outbid my husband again. The house erupted in laughter. That is part of why the clock remains. It is a reminder of how easily we come together.

What brings you together with those that you love? Shared stories of fun, adventure, and silliness are good glue for any relationship. When meeting new couples, I enjoy hearing their stories of how they met and what holds them together. We are born connected and spend our lives seeking connection with others. If we are fortunate, we can find one person for a lifetime of connection. We build stories together. These are the glue that holds us together and brings joy to ourselves and others we meet.

I hope you have your own “Old Clock Story.”

Want to explore how heirlooms and shared memories foster emotional connection? Visit Heirloomed’s story of a namesake mantle clock, Living Life Retired’s reflections on a father’s clock and legacy, and Heirloom Explorer’s journey through vintage clock history.

If you’re reflecting on connection, memory, or emotional legacy, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational healing.

DUNCH

Connection, Creativity, and the Joy of Shared Time

Dunch isn’t just a clever portmanteau—it’s a celebration of friendship and flexibility. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how mealtime improvisation fosters emotional connection, storytelling, and the rituals that keep relationships strong.

And you want to know what that is? Have you not heard? Dunch is the meal you have between lunch and dinner. When your calendar is busy and you want to spend time with a friend, you have to improvise. I am only free between 2 pm and 4 pm, so we will meet for food at our favorite place and call it Dunch.

I love the cleverness of my friends. This dear woman has invented an entirely new meal that we will no doubt enjoy this week and for weeks to come.

Getting together with a friend to share a meal, to break bread, to spend time together over food and drink is always a delight. People have been doing this for decades and will continue this tradition for years to come.

Food tends to bring out the best in us. Of course, a glass of wine may also contribute to the pleasure.

While Dunching with my friend, we will explore our families and bring each other up to date on their adventures. We will share stories about our friends and how they have been traveling over the summer or hunkering down in their air-conditioned spaces through this blasted heat. We will no doubt venture into politics and then feel the red-hot sting of putting your hand right on the burner and withdrawing quickly before your skin falls off. We will look forward to the coming Fall events and getting dressed up for lunches and parties with our hats and gloves that only come out for special occasions. I will wear my white necklace, given to me spontaneously by a friend, as I admired her wearing it and thought fondly of that loving gesture.

Dunching will bring us closer together as we reminisce about the past and look forward to the future. After all, we are on a journey together. We travel in the same circles. We enjoy good conversation and read great books. We laugh at ourselves and our colleagues. We support each other and volunteer ourselves as needed.

At some point, Dunch will be over. We will pay the bill, remember the good times, and promise each other that the time between will be shorter next time. Staying connected is essential, and this new method of Dunching has been perfect!

Thank you, friend.

Want to explore how mealtime creativity fosters connection? Visit DishPairing’s guide to mealtime fusion and social rituals, Simply Synonyms’ breakdown of Dunch and linner, and Emory University’s lexicon of everyday neologisms.

If you’re reflecting on friendship, emotional connection, or creative rituals, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, joy, and belonging.

THE TITANIUM GENERATION

Strength, Focus, and the Endurance to Lead

Titanium doesn’t just build aircraft—it builds metaphors. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how the properties of titanium mirror the emotional resilience, clarity, and persistence needed to lead meaningful change.

Titanium is a naturally occurring element. You can find it in the Earth’s crust, the Moon, and the Sun. Wow! This thing gets around. The name was acquired to emphasize its most significant characteristic: strength. This metal is strong and exceptionally lightweight. The next time you get on a plane, you will be surrounded by it as it is used in the aircraft’s body for its strength and light weight. You may own a set of clubs made with this stuff if you are a golfer. The light weight and strength make it perfect for a variety of applications, from going into space to sending a little round ball flying down the fairway.

We are indebted to a Reverend for the discovery of this element. Reverend William Gregor of England was an amateur geologist and discovered this stuff in a local stream. As he ran an experiment on this black dust, he knew he had found a new element. As all humans do, he wanted to name it after his parish of Menaccan. A second discovery of the same element led to the adoption of titanium in honor of the strength of this metal, like that of the Titans.

Titanium exists on Earth in abundance. It is the ninth most abundant element on Earth. Still, it isn’t easy to extract, but it is well worth the effort. This stuff is everywhere. Look carefully at the ingredients in your sunscreen, and you will find it there. The belly of the airplane you are flying in is made with it. Spaceships and rockets depend on it because of its strength and light weight. The plastic bucket that you carry water in contains this stuff. If you need a hip replacement, you will carry titanium in your body for the rest of your life.

This stuff surrounds us, and there are efforts to find ways to use it to do many other things as well. Someday, we will all be driving cars made of titanium. This combination of strength and lightness is essential, along with the fact that it is not magnetic. That last quality is not magnetic, which means it cannot be drawn off course. The lightness means that it can keep going and not fatigue. Strength means that it can endure pressure.

How do you compare? Can you stay focused on a project or idea and not be drawn off course? Do you have the strength to honor your commitments even when the process thwarts you at every turn? When you get pushback from others, are you able to persist? Can you keep going despite the social pressure to change course?

We need a titanium generation that can zero in on critical issues, persist through difficulties and discouragement, trust that their efforts will pay off, stand up to pressure, and address the issues that matter.

Want to explore how titanium’s properties inspire resilience and leadership? Visit Qinghang Metal’s deep dive into titanium’s strength and limits, Bornupdates’ breakdown of titanium’s durability and atomic structure, and California Metals’ overview of titanium’s versatility and sustainability.

If you’re reflecting on persistence, emotional strength, or leadership, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and purposeful living.

BURY YOUR PHONE

Technology, Disconnection, and the Call to Reconnect

Smartphones were meant to connect us—but what if they’re doing the opposite? For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how the evolution of mobile devices has reshaped communication, and why reclaiming face-to-face connection is more urgent than ever.

Apple is coming out with a new phone, as is their routine. This September, they will release the iPhone 17 with a price tag of at least $1249. Think of it. This thing started as a “shoe phone” or similar. The first iPhone released in 2007 cost $499. The Blackberry phone, which was popular from its release in 2002, cost $549 at the time, and the iPhone soon blew it out of the water. Going further back in the history of these portable phones, we find the 1984 Motorola DynaTAC 8000X selling for $3995. If you have one of those in your dresser drawer, it could be pretty valuable. At the time, you could talk for 30 minutes! Then the battery would die and need to be recharged.

Television popularized the “shoe” phone as a gadget used by the spy Maxwell Smart, played by Don Adams, on Get Smart. In our household, we dubbed the original flip phone a shoe phone. I think we still have one of those.

These devices are robbing us not just of our money but of our humanity as well. When I see two teens sitting next to each other, tapping on their phones and realizing that they are tapping to each other, I am appalled. Communication is not just words in print. Research has shown that 93% of communication may be nonverbal. Our facial expressions, posture, changes in muscle tone, and subtle gestures all make significant contributions to communication.

So, the teens sitting side by side and texting each other are stripping away the majority of the richness of communication. Think about the potential result. The capacity for empathy is diminished. The capacity for understanding is reduced. The capacity for connection is diminished. As a culture, where are we going? We already know that robots will take over most, if not all, of the basic functions in the future. They will do our shopping, cooking, cleaning, driving, etc. That leaves us lots of free time. If that time is consumed with isolating ourselves in a relationship with a smartphone, what happens next?

What happens to our emotional needs? I was thinking that the age of robots would lead to breakthroughs in emotional intelligence and advances in interpersonal development. However, if the next two generations are isolated with their devices, then interpersonal development will not likely be the focus of the future.

Put your phone down. Talk to the person sitting next to you on the couch.

Want to explore how smartphones affect emotional intelligence and social connection? Visit Greater Good’s interview with Sherry Turkle on reclaiming conversation, Psychology Today’s guide to smartphones and emotional development, and U.S. News’ tips for mindful smartphone use.

If you’re reflecting on digital habits, emotional connection, or interpersonal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and reconnection.

I AM BEAUTIFUL, AND HE IS HANDSOME

Memory, Connection, and the Enduring Lens of Love

Beauty isn’t just seen—it’s remembered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how love shapes perception, and how emotional connection outlasts time, vision, and even cataracts.

One of my relatives and her handsome husband were aging, and each had cataracts. Facing eye surgery, they were cautious about moving forward. They loved each other. They fell in love as teens. They now see the other in their memories as beautiful, young, and physically gorgeous. Should the cataracts stay?

What are you seeing in your memories? Where does your mind wander as you sit quietly on the couch or cozy up next to the fire? I hope you have memories of being loved and loving. Some loves are brief and exciting, like the dreamy one you met on a teen vacation. You knew that the two of you would never see each other again. Yet, the excitement was exhilarating and such fun. Your diary entries were wild. Some loves are deep and not romantic, like your love for the little girl that you babysat when you were a teen. You felt so responsible and grown up. Or the love for your favorite relative who always takes time to listen to your stories and go for long walks or sing silly songs at the end of the day. Perhaps you had a teacher who really understood you and guided you through some tough times. That love is strong and supportive.

Love can come in so many forms. The period can be brief, like the summer love at a sleepaway camp, or it can be long, like the college beau who was great fun but would never make a proper husband. It can be generational, like your love for a grandparent or a special aunt. I remember a conversation with a bartender in New Hampshire who spoke so tenderly about her time with her grandmother and how she always felt welcome no matter the time of day or reason. We all long for this type of acceptance. To know that we will be welcome at any time, regardless of the cause, is truly special.

I remember overhearing an elderly couple in a restaurant talking about how they loved to sit on the porch and watch the clouds drift by. Oh, to be so relaxed and so connected that the clouds symbolize your love. We all need to be connected. We are born connected and spend our lives seeking connection with others. Connections can be lifelong. Connections can be brief encounters on a plane. I know some women who are still friends with their kindergarten chums. I know one woman who married her kindergarten sweetheart and lived a long, deep life together. Connection is essential and powerful.

To whom are you connected? How often do you validate that connection? Who is your oldest friend? Who is your most profound friend? Call them. Write them a genuine note and send it snail mail. Check in on them. Remember that you are beautiful, and they are handsome.

Want to explore how emotional memory and lasting connection shape love? Visit Greater Good’s guide to how love alters memory, Psychology Today’s breakdown of emotional memory and bonding, and OpenCounseling’s reflections on communicating enduring love.

If you’re reflecting on memory, connection, or emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and lasting connection.

HOW HARD IS IT TO BE A BABY?

Emotional Radar, Implicit Memory, and the Work of Early Survival

Babies may look carefree, but their brains are working overtime. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how infants absorb emotional environments, store implicit memories, and carry early experiences into adulthood.

In many ways, babies have it easy. They get fed, changed, bathed, rocked, and sung to, and they are easily the center of attention when anyone comes to visit. You get to sleep whenever you want. You get to eat whenever you want. You can command attention at any time of the day or night and expect to get it. You receive gifts and presents on an ongoing basis. Even strangers make a fuss over you. So, how hard can it be to be a baby?

Pretty darn hard!

You see, what we fail to realize is that babies come into the world with one marvelous survival mechanism: they understand the environment perfectly. Let me say that again—perfectly! If you think that is easy, think again. Babies are designed to be accurate assessors of the surrounding environment. They are “mood cops.” They immediately sense the tone in the room and track it perfectly. These creatures are like emotional detectives. You cannot fool them. You cannot schmooze them. You cannot distract them from this chore. They are designed to read the atmosphere continuously, and they do it perfectly.

Survival for this helpless creature depends on its ability to accurately read the world around it and announce distress when it experiences it. This must be arduous work. No wonder they take tons of naps and get fussy. Monitoring every emotion in the world around you would be exhausting. Gratefully, they lose this skill over time. If we maintained this accurate reading ability, none of us could survive. We would be constantly overwhelmed by the emotional tones all around us: Grandma is uncomfortable because you got her tea too hot; Dad is upset because the ball game has been replaced with the parade; Mom is frustrated because she wants more help in the kitchen; the children are tired of being well-behaved and have started to wrestle with each other. There are just too many emotional things happening to be aware of and responsive to all of them. So, we lose this skill over the first year of life. Thank goodness.

However, we retain all our experiences from that early stage of life. All those memories are packed into our brains. That means they are available for access, and it also means they can pop out and take over at different points in time. Without realizing it, you will be pushed or influenced to repeat an “infant thought or behavior” in the present. You will have no idea that your current behavior is based on infancy. If you were neglected as an infant, you will be sensitive to certain behaviors or voice tones of others and get a flash of irritation or anger that seems out of proportion to the present experience.

These “memories” are important signals of early trauma experiences that need to be addressed. The next time one of those flashes of emotion happens, find some private time to be curious about what you might have experienced as an infant and help that part of you dig deeper.

Want to explore how early emotional experiences shape memory and behavior? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to implicit memory in infancy, Natural Parenting Center’s insights on infant trauma and emotional development, and Evergreen Psychotherapy Center’s breakdown of memory and core beliefs.

If you’re reflecting on early experiences, emotional triggers, or healing from past patterns, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and developmental healing.

SELF LOVE

Knowing Yourself, Remembering Deeply, and Loving Anyway

Self-love isn’t just kindness—it’s curiosity. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional insight begins with knowing yourself, and why the journey inward is both complex and essential.

Help me out. Does anyone know what this really means? I know you can look it up online and get lots of good ideas like being nice to yourself and trusting yourself and taking care of yourself. These all sound terrific. However, to do any of these, don’t I have to know myself? Does anyone realize how hard this is?

To know something means to do a careful study of that thing and to make a deep dive into understanding that thing. You must look at this thing with intent and not just glance. You must examine this thing from a variety of angles. Remember the joke where people are touching different parts of an elephant and deciding that this “thing” is a wide range of different things?

The person at the trunk thinks they are holding a hose. The person at the tail is convinced they have a hold of a rope. The person at the leg is convinced it is a large post. And so forth. Actually, it is none of these things. This is also true for a person. The co-worker thinks you are efficient and sensible. The neighbor thinks you are mean and aggressive. The cousin thinks you are arrogant and stuck up. The children think you are funny. The boss thinks you are devoted and can be told to stay late on multiple occasions. The religious leader thinks you are pious but should be giving more. The school principal thinks your parenting could use a tune up.

We are very complicated beings and at some point in time we may have been all those things and more. The hard part about knowing ourselves is that our brains actually retain all of our experiences. Let me say that again. Our brains retain ALL of our experiences. The problem with that is that many of our experiences are encoded in language that we cannot easily access. Before we learn to speak our brain encodes touch, sight, sound, movement, etc. Those memories are really hard to access. Those memories also have strong influences on the present.

Our brains also have this clever way of “hiding” experiences so that we cannot easily access them. I do not know exactly how they decide what to hide and what not to hide, I only know that our brains perform this function. This can be as simple as forgetting that our spouse told us their schedule for tomorrow or as complicated as forgetting a shameful or frightening experience so as not to retraumatize ourselves.

Knowing myself is not an easy task. I believe that the storage spaces in our brains can be accessed, even those non-verbal experiences from infancy can be unearthed. Doing so, however, is not an easy task. When you go rooting around in memories and mental storage lockers, you need to be prepared, and you need to be supported. I see the value in knowing myself at a deeper level and understanding why looking down a long flight of stairs makes my stomach do a flip, but opening every box in the attic may not be the way I want to spend my summer.

Want to explore how self-love and emotional insight are shaped by memory and self-awareness? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to the neuroscience of self-love, Brainz Magazine’s breakdown of knowing yourself and emotional intelligence, and Calm’s 7-step guide to practicing self-love.

If you’re reflecting on self-awareness, emotional healing, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, compassion, and self-love.