WHAT ARE YOU HOLDING ON TO?
Memory, Meaning, and the Emotional Attachment and Weight of Objects
We don’t just collect things—we collect stories. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how grief, attachment, and memory shape what we keep, what we release, and what we need others to hold when we cannot.
Do you collect anything?
Sometimes we enjoy watching Antiques Roadshow and seeing the things that people collect or keep for various reasons. What are you holding on to?
We tease our children that all of this will be theirs someday, and they cringe at the thought of it. They imagine bringing a semi-trailer and a group of strong guys to haul it all out and head for the city dump. But wait. Aren’t these treasures worth a look?
Great-grandmother’s China Bowl that came out for special Sunday dinners still boasts the original painted flowers and scalloped edges. This bowl is beautiful. Surely you are not thinking of hauling it to the dump.
What about all of the Limoges boxes we have picked up over the years? Some are from trips to France, and some are from trips to the local jeweler. Each one has a story to it, and they are exquisitely painted. I don’t imagine you will throw those away.
There are original watercolors from famous artists and a new item from a painter that I know will one day be famous and have a show in the Guggenheim. You cannot possibly discard this painting even though you think it is odd.
My husband collected baseball cards. You know. Those cardboard things the size of a playing card with the faces or poses of every baseball player known to man. His chest of drawers in his boyhood bedroom in his parents’ home was filled with them. They were all very well organized and preserved. After his father died, his mother was doing what many widows do.
She was cleaning out, or shall we say purging. Purging is a common act following a loss. The purge helps to reset your life. Except this purge went far beyond throwing out her husband’s old shirts and slippers. Every well-preserved baseball card landed on the trash pile, picked up by the garbage collector with no warning or opportunity for reprieve. No call of “Do you want these baseball cards? I am purging.
Grief does funny things to us. Our minds go off the rails for a while, and we are not responsible or connected to the world around us. We become “other” for a while. For a moment, we may hold onto nothing and want to let go of everything. In those moments, we need someone to hold onto us.
Want to explore how grief and attachment shape what we keep and what we release? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to attachment styles and grief, NeuroLaunch’s reflections on grief through attachment theory, and The Practice of Therapy’s insights on grief and emotional detachment.
If you’re reflecting on grief, memory, or emotional attachment, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing, resilience, and emotional clarity.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
