The Quiet Moments That Shape Who We Become
Kindness is rarely loud, but it is unforgettable. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how small gestures of care become some of the most enduring memories we carry.
When you see that word, kindness, what pictures pop into your head? We think in words, actions, and images. Today, I am asking you to go into your picture or movie storage and see which piece of history comes to mind when you think of kindness. This storage unit could be quite full.
The neighbor who beckoned you onto their front porch when a sudden downpour caught you a block away from home and saved you from getting drenched.
The stranger who stopped to help you fix a flat tire when you were not really sure how to use those metal tools in the trunk.
The friend who gave you a ride when you were recovering from a hospital stay and were not supposed to drive.
The school bus driver who rescued you from being teased and brought some order to the ride to school.
What has popped into your brain? Isn’t your brain a great storehouse? Packed into that small space in your head are movies and tape recorders of all kinds of experiences that you have had. I tend to believe that your brain holds onto everything, and given the right prompts and time, you can access any memory from the past. Past experiences shape who we are in the present. Some small, powerful experiences from when you were very little can resurface in the present and influence how you feel and behave.
Kindnesses are especially important memories.
What motivates us to be kind to someone? The very fact that we are born physically connected to another person is part of this natural tendency. Our connection at birth sets us up to seek connection and value it. Of course, as infants, we are dependent on connection. As our parents or other adults care for us, we are building a storehouse of experiences about connection and caring. Those experiences have to be floating around in our brains somewhere.
We say our heartstrings get tugged when we feel compassion for others. That is a marvelous image. Our hearts have strings, perhaps like streamers you find at parties and celebrations. Or like the soft, melodious strings of a harp, making beautiful music for others to enjoy.
The act of noticing another person and offering help seems universal. We naturally tend to care about our fellow human beings. We may not always be able to act on those feelings, but they seem to flow naturally from us.
Want to explore more about compassion, connection, and the psychology of kindness? Visit Psychology Today’s reflections on empathy and emotional development and Greater Good’s research on the science of kindness.
If this reflection stirs something in you—memories, questions, or a desire to reconnect with your own capacity for kindness—therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth, connection, and well‑being.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
