Skip to content

Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

Parenting Triggers | How Your Past Shapes Your Reactions Today

Why Your Strongest Reactions Often Come From Parenting Triggers

What if the moments that trigger you most as a parent are not really about your child?

What if they are connected to something much older, something still active from your own experience?

In this conversation on Rediscovering Childhood with Mireia Lopez, we explore how emotional patterns formed early in life continue to shape the way we respond, especially in parenting.

Most of this happens outside of awareness.

But once you begin to see it, you can begin to change it.

In this episode, we explore:

  • Why naming an emotion is one of the most powerful things you can do for your child’s development
  • How boys are often taught to suppress emotion—and the long‑term impact of that pattern
  • What your parenting triggers may be revealing about your own unfinished emotional history
  • How well‑intentioned parents can unintentionally limit a child’s emotional range
  • Practical ways to create emotional safety and connection at home, starting now

We also talk about what this looks like in real life.

A parent who reacts quickly to a child’s emotion may not be responding to the moment, but to something unresolved from their own past.

A child who cannot name what they feel is not lacking ability—they are lacking language.

And a boy who is encouraged to “move on” instead of being understood learns to disconnect, not regulate.

These patterns are not fixed.
They are learned.
And anything learned can be revisited, understood, and changed.

If you are raising a child, navigating a relationship, or simply noticing reactions in yourself that do not feel aligned, this conversation offers a place to begin.

🎧 Listen here:
Rediscovering Childhood – Full Episode

For more reflections on emotional development, parenting, and the psychology of early experience, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are noticing patterns in your own reactions—or want support creating emotional safety at home—therapy can help you understand where these responses began and how to shift them. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support parents, children, and families.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

related blog post by Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

Read more of my stories and reflections

A person sitting in a tree thanks to the nice weather on a hot day, symbolizing emotional connection and a sense of belonging in Maryland and DC

Hot

HOT Fire, Climate, and the Longing for Cool Heat isn’t just a temperature—it’s a memory, a warning, and a longing. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores our fascination with fire, the discomfort of rising temperatures, and the emotional imprint of climate change on everyday life. Remember when
Read My Post
An emotional woman camping and relaxing next to daffodils blooming beside a butterfly bush on a high visibility day, symbolizing seasonal expectations, renewal and emotional reflection in Maryland and DC.

Expectations

How Summer and Expectations Shaped Our Childhood, and Still Shapes Us Now I remember the night before our family left for summer vacation. Everything was packed and stowed in the car. The back seat was fitted with blow‑up mattresses folded into the wells so the kids had a place to
Read My Post
Woman lying in a field in summer, symbolizing renewal and emotional growth and memory and meaning in Maryland and DC.

It’s Summer

Summer Is The Season of Freedom, Memory, and the Chance to Begin Again Remember when you were a kid and school was just about to end? Looking forward to summer was a thrill. NO MORE SCHOOL! You did not have to get up early. You did not have to run
Read My Post
A person discussing the classic Duck or Rabbit? drawing online with her AI friends in her Maryland office

Duck or Rabbit?

DUCK OR RABBIT? Perception, Ambiguity, and the Art of Seeing Differently Reality isn’t fixed—it’s filtered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how optical illusions like the duck-rabbit image reveal the fluid nature of perception, and why embracing ambiguity can deepen empathy and insight. This morning, I was
Read My Post