Category: Podcasts

Unlearning What We Inherited and Making Space for Emotional Truth About Masculinity

We rarely stop to ask where our ideas about masculinity actually come from.

We inherit them, from family, from culture, from school, from silence, from what was rewarded and what was discouraged.

I joined The James Finochio Show for a conversation that goes straight to the root question: Who told us what a man should be, and what happens when that definition leaves no room for emotional truth?

With over fifty years of clinical experience, I’ve seen the same pattern again and again in boys and men across generations: emotional suppression that begins early, is reinforced socially, and eventually becomes internal identity.

This episode explores what that actually looks like in real life, and what it costs.

In this conversation, we discuss:

• How boys begin learning emotional restriction in early childhood
• Why anger is often the only “allowed” emotion for men
• What gets pushed down when sadness, fear, or vulnerability are not accepted
• How parenting and culture shape emotional development over time
• Why many men feel disconnected from their own internal experience
• The long‑term impact of emotional suppression on relationships
• What changes when men are finally given permission to feel

One of the core truths in this episode is simple:

Much of what we call “masculinity” is learned behavior, not inherent identity.
And anything learned can be re‑examined.

This is not about blaming individuals. It is about understanding systems, and recognizing that many men are carrying emotional limitations they never consciously chose.

When we shift the question from “What is wrong with men?” to “What were men taught?” the entire conversation changes.

🎧 Watch the full episode:
The James Finochio Show – Full Conversation

For more reflections on emotional development, masculinity, and the psychology of learned patterns, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you or someone you love is navigating questions about identity, emotional expression, or long‑standing patterns learned in childhood, therapy can help create space for clarity and change. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, healing, and growth.

With appreciation,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

Change Feels Hard And It’s Not About Willpower, It’s About Your Nervous System

We often think change is about willpower.

Try harder. Push through. Be more disciplined.

But in reality, change is often blocked by something much deeper: the patterns our nervous system learned long before we ever had language for them.

I recently joined Adulting With Autism, hosted by April Ratchford, OTR/L, for a conversation about what makes change feel so difficult, especially for autistic, ADHD, late‑diagnosed, or burned‑out adults navigating life with an overwhelmed nervous system.

This is not just a conversation about autism or ADHD.
It is a conversation about how all of us carry learned emotional patterns, and how those patterns quietly shape everything from our relationships to our ability to cope with stress.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why introducing change can feel threatening to the nervous system
• What “high‑functioning anxiety” can look like in adult life
• How overthinking, avoidance, and shutdown are often protective patterns
• Why grief is not only about loss through death, but also lost versions of self
• How childhood coping strategies stop working in adulthood
• Why naming emotions is one of the most powerful regulation tools available
• A simple starting point for reconnecting with what you feel inside

One of the most important reminders from this conversation is simple but profound:

If you can name it, you can begin to work with it.
If you cannot name it, it tends to run the system.

We also talk about emotional regulation, burnout, executive function challenges, and why healing is not about forcing change, but learning how to stay present with what is already happening inside you.

This episode is especially meaningful for anyone who has ever felt stuck, overwhelmed, or like they are constantly trying to “figure themselves out” without a clear starting point.

🎧 Listen here:
Adulting With Autism – Full Episode

For more reflections on emotional patterns, nervous system responses, and the psychology of change, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating burnout, overwhelm, or long‑standing emotional patterns, therapy can help you understand what your nervous system has been protecting — and how to move toward change with compassion. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support nervous system regulation, emotional clarity, and sustainable growth.

What Has Changed—and What Parents Can Still Do

Hi everyone,

I recently joined Lisa Urbanski on The Advisor with Stacey Chillemi for a thoughtful and honest conversation about why so many children are struggling emotionally today—and what parents can do to help.

Over the past several decades, I have watched anxiety, emotional overwhelm, and disconnection appear in children at younger and younger ages. In this conversation, we explored what has changed, how modern family life impacts emotional development, and why connection matters far more than perfection.

We discussed:

• Why anxiety is now showing up in children much earlier than in previous generations
• How screens, AI, and constant stimulation are reshaping childhood and emotional development
• Why over‑scheduling children can unintentionally increase stress and emotional exhaustion
• The importance of boredom, creativity, humor, and unstructured time in healthy development
• Why children’s meltdowns are often signals of overload—not “bad behavior”
• The powerful role grandparents and emotionally available adults can play in a child’s life
• How relationship stress and family tension quietly affect children’s sense of emotional safety
• Why emotional presence matters more than trying to be a perfect parent

One of the most important messages from this conversation is simple:

Children do not need flawless parents. They need emotionally available adults who are willing to slow down, listen, repair, and reconnect.

If you have ever wondered whether you are doing enough, felt overwhelmed by modern parenting, or simply want to better understand what children truly need emotionally, I believe this episode will resonate with you.

🎧 Watch the full conversation on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/-alxt4KQtbg

📝 Read the companion newsletter article:
Parenting Just Got Harder—Here’s Why

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
Psychologist, Author, and Speaker
www.drvanderhorst.com

For more reflections on emotional development, parenting, and the psychology of connection, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating parenting challenges or want to better understand your child’s emotional world, therapy can offer clarity, support, and practical guidance. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that strengthen emotional connection and resilience.

How Expectations Shape Us, and How Self‑Discovery Sets Us Free

Good to see you,

How much of your life has been shaped by what others expected of you?

That question became the center of a recent conversation I had on the Relatable Wisdom podcast, where we explored what it truly means to discover your own path rather than simply following the one handed to you.

So many people move through life carrying inherited expectations, from family, culture, relationships, or even their younger selves, without ever stopping to ask: What do I actually want?

In this episode, we talk about the process of self‑discovery, emotional growth, and the courage it takes to step outside familiar patterns.

Some of the themes we explored include:

• How family expectations quietly shape identity and decision‑making
• Why self‑doubt often blocks exploration and growth
• The importance of paying attention to your actual life experiences—not just external pressure
• How trying new things opens unexpected emotional and creative pathways
• Why growth is possible at any age
• The difference between living intentionally versus simply following momentum

I also shared stories from my clinical work, including one about an 80‑year‑old client who discovered a renewed sense of vitality and purpose through photography—proof that growth and discovery do not end at a certain age.

One of the most important ideas in this conversation is this:

Self‑understanding requires exploration. We cannot discover who we are without giving ourselves permission to try, reflect, respond, and sometimes even fail.

Life does not unfold through certainty alone. It unfolds through curiosity.

If you’ve ever felt disconnected from your own direction, or wondered whether you are living according to your own values or someone else’s expectations, I believe this conversation will resonate with you.

🎧 Listen to the full episode:
Are You Living Your Life or Someone Else’s?

Rooting for your growth,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on identity, emotional development, and the psychology of self‑discovery, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating questions about identity, direction, or personal meaning, therapy can offer clarity and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that help you reconnect with your values and your authentic path.

Why We Don’t Come Into the World With Emotional Disconnection, We Learn It

We don’t come into the world disconnected from our emotions.
We’re taught to leave parts of ourselves behind.

I recently joined Born Without a Choice, hosted by Victory Igberase, for a conversation about what really happens when boys grow up learning to suppress what they feel—and how that pattern follows them into adulthood.

This episode is especially meaningful because it speaks directly to younger generations who are trying to make sense of identity, pressure, and emotional confusion in a world that rarely explains any of it.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why emotional disconnection in men is learned, not inherent
• How early messages like “be strong” or “don’t cry” shape identity
• What happens when emotions are suppressed instead of processed
• Why many men struggle with expression, connection, and relationships
• How awareness creates the opportunity to change those patterns
• Where to begin if you feel disconnected from your own emotions

When boys are not given permission to feel, they don’t lose emotion—they lose access to it.

And that loss doesn’t stay in childhood. It shows up later in relationships, in communication, and in the quiet feeling of not fully knowing yourself.

The good news is that what was learned can be understood, and what is understood can be changed.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation:
Born Without a Choice – Full Episode

For more reflections on boys’ emotional development, identity, and the psychology of early experience, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If this resonates with you—or with someone in your life—therapy can help you understand where emotional disconnection began and how to rebuild access to your inner world. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity, connection, and healing.

Understanding Men’s Emotional Lives and Why It Matters

Dear Friends,

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Jed on the podcast Winning with Jed for a conversation that begins with a simple question—one that is often answered incorrectly—do men have feelings?

Of course they do. The more important question is why so many men appear not to express them.

In this episode, we talk about what psychology actually tells us about boys’ and men’s emotional lives, how early socialization narrows boys’ natural emotional range, and why this often leads to men who shut down, withdraw, or struggle to communicate what they are experiencing internally.

We explored:

• How men process emotions, and why it often looks different from what people expect
• The early messages boys receive about crying, tenderness, and vulnerability
• How emotional suppression can show up in the body, in stress, and in relationships
• Why many men only begin exploring their emotional lives during times of crisis
• Practical first steps men can take to reconnect with their emotional awareness privately and safely

We also discussed something I have observed repeatedly in my clinical work: many women genuinely want men to open up, yet unintentionally miss the brief moments when men actually try. Learning to recognize and stay present in those moments can transform a relationship.

If you have ever felt misunderstood, or have struggled to understand the men in your life, I believe this conversation will offer clarity and perhaps a new perspective.

🎧 You can watch the full episode here:
Winning with Jed – Full Episode

For more reflections on emotional development and human connection, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

For those who want to go deeper, I also share resources during the conversation—including my downloadable feelings sheet and information about my book, Read, Reflect, Respond: The Three R’s of Growth and Change. You can find these tools at drvanderhorst.com, along with details about individual therapy in Maryland and DC and therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth for men, couples, and families.

Connection is not automatic. It is something we build, moment by moment, with curiosity, patience, and courage.

Warmly,
Gloria Vanderhorst, PhD
Psychologist | Author | Specialist in Human Connection

How Emotional Shutdown in Boys Begins in Childhood, and Follows Boys Into Manhood

I recently joined Avik Chakraborty on the podcast Healthy Mind, Healthy Life for a conversation about a quiet but deeply consequential issue: the emotional shutdown of boys and how it follows them into adulthood.

We began with a simple question: What does a boy learn when he is taught that tears are weakness? From there, we explored how early childhood environments, often unintentionally, begin narrowing a boy’s natural emotional range. A subtle reaction from an adult, a shift in tone, a dismissed feeling, or a joke at the wrong moment can teach boys which emotions are safe and which must be hidden.

In our discussion, we explored:

• Why boys are not born less emotional, but often become less expressive over time
• How behaviors labeled as aggression, restlessness, or defiance can actually be misunderstood emotional distress
• The concept of the “emotional desert” many men describe living in, and why it is a learned survival strategy, not a personality trait
• Why women and men alike often need support and education to receive male emotion in healthier ways
• Practical steps parents can take now, including building emotional language early and responding differently when boys cry or withdraw

We also talked about where men can begin if they recognize themselves in this pattern. Reconnecting with emotional awareness does not require dramatic change. It often begins with something as simple as learning the language of feelings, journaling, or working with a therapist who understands the unique ways boys and men are socialized.

If you work with children, are raising boys, or are reflecting on your own emotional history, I believe this conversation offers both clarity and hope.

🎧 You can listen to the full episode here:
Listen to “What We Don’t Tell Boys”

For more reflections on emotional development and family well‑being, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

I also shared resources during the episode, including my downloadable feelings sheet, available at drvanderhorst.com. You can also learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC and therapeutic approaches that support emotional awareness in boys, men, couples, and families.

Helping boys grow into emotionally healthy men begins with small, intentional moments, moments of curiosity, patience, and presence.

Why Men Deserve Emotional Freedom, and How They Can Get There

Men are not emotionally broken, they are often emotionally undernourished. With the right support, they can reconnect with their feelings, strengthen their relationships, and live fuller, healthier lives.

I had a wonderful conversation on the Maintaining You: Health is Wealth podcast about something I care deeply about, helping men reconnect with their emotional lives.

For generations, many men have been taught, directly or indirectly, to narrow their emotional range. Strength was often defined as silence, distance, or control. But emotions are not weaknesses. They are essential signals that help us understand ourselves, build intimacy, and navigate life in healthy ways.

In this episode, we explore what happens when men grow up in what I call an emotional desert, a place where important feelings are discouraged, dismissed, or ignored. Over time, that emotional disconnection can shape identity, relationships, and mental health in ways that are rarely discussed openly.

The good news is that emotional awareness can be relearned. When men begin to reconnect with their feelings, it opens the door to deeper self‑understanding, stronger relationships, and more honest communication with the people they love.

If you care about healthier relationships, emotional growth, or supporting the men and boys in your life, this conversation offers insight, hope, and practical guidance.

Listen to the full episode:
Breaking the Emotional Desert – Maintaining You: Health is Wealth Podcast

For more reflections on emotional development and personal growth, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you or someone you love is navigating emotional disconnection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional awareness and healthier relationships.

How Maryland and DC Fathers Can Become Emotional Anchors for Their Children

If you’ve ever felt your child’s chaos rising, only to realize your own frustration is about to meet it head‑on, you are not alone. In my latest conversation on The Fatherhood Challenge podcast, we explore why a father’s ability to regulate his own emotions is the single most powerful gift he can give his child.

I talk with Jonathan Guerrero about how a father’s calm presence acts as an external regulator for a child’s developing brain. Emotional intelligence isn’t about being soft, it’s about having the tactical restraint to lead your family out of the fire instead of into it.

In this episode, you’ll hear me discuss:

• How responding to a child’s chaos with anger only escalates tension, and what to do instead
• The long‑term effects of emotional suppression in boys, including impacts on the body, mind, and relationships
• Real stories from my work with children and fathers, including a kindergarten boy who described his bottled‑up tears as “rocks”
• Practical strategies for fathers to validate emotions without enabling misbehavior
• How being physically present and calm at eye‑level creates safety for toddlers and teens alike
• Tools to strengthen emotional awareness, including downloadable feeling sheets and exercises for reflection

Every father has the power to become an emotional anchor. By modeling calm, presence, and curiosity, you teach your child that they are safe—even when their emotions feel overwhelming.

🎧 Listen to the full episode:
Beyond the Outburst – The Fatherhood Challenge Podcast

For more reflections on emotional development and parenting, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you want additional support, including my free feeling sheet and tools to help fathers reconnect with their own emotional histories, visit drvanderhorst.com. You can also learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that strengthen emotional awareness in fathers, couples, and families.

Your calm in moments of chaos isn’t just patience—it’s a blueprint for resilience and emotional strength that your child will carry into adulthood.

How Maryland and DC Families Can Understand, and Change, Emotional Patterns

Most of what we think of as “just who we are” is often something we learned, adapted, or carried forward from earlier experiences.

In this conversation on Four Titles, One Truth, I sit down with the hosts to explore how the past quietly shapes the way we react, relate, and move through everyday life.

This is not about blame. It is about awareness. Because once you can see a pattern, you finally have a choice about whether to keep it.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why your reactions today are often rooted in earlier experiences
• How relationship patterns form—and why they tend to repeat
• The difference between your core self and what you learned to survive
• Why so many of us suppress emotion instead of processing it
• What it actually takes to interrupt patterns and create change

We also get into the moments that feel confusing in real time, like:

• Reacting more strongly than a situation seems to call for
• Getting stuck in the same arguments or dynamics in relationships
• Feeling like you “know better,” but still responding the same way

These are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are signs that something in your history is still active. And that means it can be understood.

If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why do I keep reacting this way?” this conversation will give you a place to start.

🎧 Watch the full episode here:
Four Titles, One Truth – Full Conversation

For more reflections on emotional development and relational patterns, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are ready to understand your own patterns more deeply, you can explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn about therapeutic approaches that help individuals, couples, and families build emotional awareness and create meaningful change.