Category: Podcasts

Why We Don’t Come Into the World With Emotional Disconnection, We Learn It

We don’t come into the world disconnected from our emotions.
We’re taught to leave parts of ourselves behind.

I recently joined Born Without a Choice, hosted by Victory Igberase, for a conversation about what really happens when boys grow up learning to suppress what they feel—and how that pattern follows them into adulthood.

This episode is especially meaningful because it speaks directly to younger generations who are trying to make sense of identity, pressure, and emotional confusion in a world that rarely explains any of it.

In this episode, we explore:

• Why emotional disconnection in men is learned, not inherent
• How early messages like “be strong” or “don’t cry” shape identity
• What happens when emotions are suppressed instead of processed
• Why many men struggle with expression, connection, and relationships
• How awareness creates the opportunity to change those patterns
• Where to begin if you feel disconnected from your own emotions

When boys are not given permission to feel, they don’t lose emotion—they lose access to it.

And that loss doesn’t stay in childhood. It shows up later in relationships, in communication, and in the quiet feeling of not fully knowing yourself.

The good news is that what was learned can be understood, and what is understood can be changed.

🎧 Listen to the full conversation:
Born Without a Choice – Full Episode

For more reflections on boys’ emotional development, identity, and the psychology of early experience, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If this resonates with you—or with someone in your life—therapy can help you understand where emotional disconnection began and how to rebuild access to your inner world. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity, connection, and healing.

Understanding Men’s Emotional Lives and Why It Matters

Dear Friends,

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Jed on the podcast Winning with Jed for a conversation that begins with a simple question—one that is often answered incorrectly—do men have feelings?

Of course they do. The more important question is why so many men appear not to express them.

In this episode, we talk about what psychology actually tells us about boys’ and men’s emotional lives, how early socialization narrows boys’ natural emotional range, and why this often leads to men who shut down, withdraw, or struggle to communicate what they are experiencing internally.

We explored:

• How men process emotions, and why it often looks different from what people expect
• The early messages boys receive about crying, tenderness, and vulnerability
• How emotional suppression can show up in the body, in stress, and in relationships
• Why many men only begin exploring their emotional lives during times of crisis
• Practical first steps men can take to reconnect with their emotional awareness privately and safely

We also discussed something I have observed repeatedly in my clinical work: many women genuinely want men to open up, yet unintentionally miss the brief moments when men actually try. Learning to recognize and stay present in those moments can transform a relationship.

If you have ever felt misunderstood, or have struggled to understand the men in your life, I believe this conversation will offer clarity and perhaps a new perspective.

🎧 You can watch the full episode here:
Winning with Jed – Full Episode

For more reflections on emotional development and human connection, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

For those who want to go deeper, I also share resources during the conversation—including my downloadable feelings sheet and information about my book, Read, Reflect, Respond: The Three R’s of Growth and Change. You can find these tools at drvanderhorst.com, along with details about individual therapy in Maryland and DC and therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth for men, couples, and families.

Connection is not automatic. It is something we build, moment by moment, with curiosity, patience, and courage.

Warmly,
Gloria Vanderhorst, PhD
Psychologist | Author | Specialist in Human Connection

How Emotional Shutdown in Boys Begins in Childhood, and Follows Boys Into Manhood

I recently joined Avik Chakraborty on the podcast Healthy Mind, Healthy Life for a conversation about a quiet but deeply consequential issue: the emotional shutdown of boys and how it follows them into adulthood.

We began with a simple question: What does a boy learn when he is taught that tears are weakness? From there, we explored how early childhood environments, often unintentionally, begin narrowing a boy’s natural emotional range. A subtle reaction from an adult, a shift in tone, a dismissed feeling, or a joke at the wrong moment can teach boys which emotions are safe and which must be hidden.

In our discussion, we explored:

• Why boys are not born less emotional, but often become less expressive over time
• How behaviors labeled as aggression, restlessness, or defiance can actually be misunderstood emotional distress
• The concept of the “emotional desert” many men describe living in, and why it is a learned survival strategy, not a personality trait
• Why women and men alike often need support and education to receive male emotion in healthier ways
• Practical steps parents can take now, including building emotional language early and responding differently when boys cry or withdraw

We also talked about where men can begin if they recognize themselves in this pattern. Reconnecting with emotional awareness does not require dramatic change. It often begins with something as simple as learning the language of feelings, journaling, or working with a therapist who understands the unique ways boys and men are socialized.

If you work with children, are raising boys, or are reflecting on your own emotional history, I believe this conversation offers both clarity and hope.

🎧 You can listen to the full episode here:
Listen to “What We Don’t Tell Boys”

For more reflections on emotional development and family well‑being, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

I also shared resources during the episode, including my downloadable feelings sheet, available at drvanderhorst.com. You can also learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC and therapeutic approaches that support emotional awareness in boys, men, couples, and families.

Helping boys grow into emotionally healthy men begins with small, intentional moments, moments of curiosity, patience, and presence.

Why Men Deserve Emotional Freedom, and How They Can Get There

Men are not emotionally broken, they are often emotionally undernourished. With the right support, they can reconnect with their feelings, strengthen their relationships, and live fuller, healthier lives.

I had a wonderful conversation on the Maintaining You: Health is Wealth podcast about something I care deeply about, helping men reconnect with their emotional lives.

For generations, many men have been taught, directly or indirectly, to narrow their emotional range. Strength was often defined as silence, distance, or control. But emotions are not weaknesses. They are essential signals that help us understand ourselves, build intimacy, and navigate life in healthy ways.

In this episode, we explore what happens when men grow up in what I call an emotional desert, a place where important feelings are discouraged, dismissed, or ignored. Over time, that emotional disconnection can shape identity, relationships, and mental health in ways that are rarely discussed openly.

The good news is that emotional awareness can be relearned. When men begin to reconnect with their feelings, it opens the door to deeper self‑understanding, stronger relationships, and more honest communication with the people they love.

If you care about healthier relationships, emotional growth, or supporting the men and boys in your life, this conversation offers insight, hope, and practical guidance.

Listen to the full episode:
Breaking the Emotional Desert – Maintaining You: Health is Wealth Podcast

For more reflections on emotional development and personal growth, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you or someone you love is navigating emotional disconnection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional awareness and healthier relationships.

How Maryland and DC Fathers Can Become Emotional Anchors for Their Children

If you’ve ever felt your child’s chaos rising, only to realize your own frustration is about to meet it head‑on, you are not alone. In my latest conversation on The Fatherhood Challenge podcast, we explore why a father’s ability to regulate his own emotions is the single most powerful gift he can give his child.

I talk with Jonathan Guerrero about how a father’s calm presence acts as an external regulator for a child’s developing brain. Emotional intelligence isn’t about being soft, it’s about having the tactical restraint to lead your family out of the fire instead of into it.

In this episode, you’ll hear me discuss:

• How responding to a child’s chaos with anger only escalates tension, and what to do instead
• The long‑term effects of emotional suppression in boys, including impacts on the body, mind, and relationships
• Real stories from my work with children and fathers, including a kindergarten boy who described his bottled‑up tears as “rocks”
• Practical strategies for fathers to validate emotions without enabling misbehavior
• How being physically present and calm at eye‑level creates safety for toddlers and teens alike
• Tools to strengthen emotional awareness, including downloadable feeling sheets and exercises for reflection

Every father has the power to become an emotional anchor. By modeling calm, presence, and curiosity, you teach your child that they are safe—even when their emotions feel overwhelming.

🎧 Listen to the full episode:
Beyond the Outburst – The Fatherhood Challenge Podcast

For more reflections on emotional development and parenting, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you want additional support, including my free feeling sheet and tools to help fathers reconnect with their own emotional histories, visit drvanderhorst.com. You can also learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that strengthen emotional awareness in fathers, couples, and families.

Your calm in moments of chaos isn’t just patience—it’s a blueprint for resilience and emotional strength that your child will carry into adulthood.

How Maryland and DC Families Can Understand, and Change, Emotional Patterns

Most of what we think of as “just who we are” is often something we learned, adapted, or carried forward from earlier experiences.

In this conversation on Four Titles, One Truth, I sit down with the hosts to explore how the past quietly shapes the way we react, relate, and move through everyday life.

This is not about blame. It is about awareness. Because once you can see a pattern, you finally have a choice about whether to keep it.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why your reactions today are often rooted in earlier experiences
• How relationship patterns form—and why they tend to repeat
• The difference between your core self and what you learned to survive
• Why so many of us suppress emotion instead of processing it
• What it actually takes to interrupt patterns and create change

We also get into the moments that feel confusing in real time, like:

• Reacting more strongly than a situation seems to call for
• Getting stuck in the same arguments or dynamics in relationships
• Feeling like you “know better,” but still responding the same way

These are not signs that something is wrong with you. They are signs that something in your history is still active. And that means it can be understood.

If you’ve ever found yourself asking, “Why do I keep reacting this way?” this conversation will give you a place to start.

🎧 Watch the full episode here:
Four Titles, One Truth – Full Conversation

For more reflections on emotional development and relational patterns, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are ready to understand your own patterns more deeply, you can explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn about therapeutic approaches that help individuals, couples, and families build emotional awareness and create meaningful change.

Fatherhood today carries both profound longing and quiet fear.

Fatherhood today carries both profound longing and quiet fear. For many men, the desire to raise emotionally healthy children collides with the reality that they were never taught how to understand or express their own emotions.

Hello,

Fatherhood today carries both profound longing and quiet fear. Many men want to raise emotionally healthy children, yet were never given permission to fully understand their own emotions.

I recently joined AJ for an in‑depth conversation about the emotional lives of boys, the cultural messages that shape them, and what fathers can do differently to raise sons who are strong, connected, and self‑aware.

With fifty years of clinical experience working with preschoolers through adults, I have seen how early emotional experiences shape identity, relationships, and resilience. Boys are not born emotionally limited. In fact, research shows they often arrive with a broad emotional range. What changes is how we respond to that range.

In this episode, we explore how subtle parental reactions, cultural expectations, and misplaced discipline can narrow a boy’s emotional world—and how fathers can instead cultivate empathy, accountability, and connection.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why boys’ emotional expression is often unintentionally restricted from infancy
• How suppressing sadness can later turn into anger and disconnection
• The difference between praising achievement and valuing effort
• Why fathers must model emotional awareness, not just strength
• How to teach boys accountability without shame
• Practical tools for helping men expand their emotional vocabulary
• What true emotional leadership looks like inside a family

We also discuss common parenting dilemmas—from sports commitments to discipline, affection, alcohol, and financial responsibility. The heart of each question remains the same: Are we guiding boys toward emotional maturity, or away from it?

This conversation is ultimately about courage. The courage to examine our own history. The courage to express attachment openly. The courage to stay present when a child is struggling rather than shutting him down.

When fathers learn to recognize and name their own feelings, they give their sons permission to do the same. That permission can change a life.

You can listen to the full episode here:
Navigating the Challenges of Fatherhood

Or watch the live stream here:
Awaken, Align, Ascend (The True North Show)

I hope this conversation offers reassurance and practical guidance to fathers, mothers, and anyone committed to raising boys who can feel deeply and live responsibly.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria K. Vanderhorst
Psy

Healing, Connection, and the Courage to Grow

Loneliness and trauma leave deep marks, but they do not define the rest of your story. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional awareness, connection, and intentional healing can open the door to a happier, more grounded life.

Hi Friends,

I recently joined the Behind the Shades Show to talk about something very close to my heart: how to create happiness after loneliness and trauma. We explored how early experiences, isolation, and unmet emotional needs shape who we are and how we connect with others.

We talked about isolation and how it affects people of all ages. Adolescents withdrawing from friends and adults spending long hours alone can be warning signs of deeper struggles. Left unchecked, isolation can lead to depression or worse. That is why reaching out, showing someone that they matter, and staying connected is so important. Even small gestures can make a big difference.

We also discussed the lingering effects of COVID. Children and teens missed out on critical social experiences, and adults have struggled with loneliness too. Relationships, both old and new, need attention, empathy, and sometimes deliberate effort to rebuild after periods of separation or change.

Emotional growth and self‑awareness are key to moving forward. As we grow, we change—and not everyone in our lives will grow at the same pace. That is okay. Letting go of old patterns and embracing new parts of ourselves is not only natural, it is necessary.

If you are on your own healing journey, remember: we are born connected. We are capable of incredible emotional depth and of thriving in relationships. Embracing your emotions, seeking support when needed, and connecting with others are essential steps toward a happier, healthier life.

🎧 Watch the full episode:
Behind the Shades – Finding Happiness After Loneliness and Trauma

Want to explore more about loneliness, healing, and emotional connection? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on how loneliness affects emotional health and Greater Good’s research on how connection supports healing.

If this conversation resonates with your own journey, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth, resilience, and meaningful connection.

Silence doesn’t happen overnight. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this conversation explores how boys learn to shrink their emotional world, and how we can help them reclaim it.

Good to see you,

This week, I joined Father Talks for a deep and honest conversation about the emotional development of boys and men. We explored how early messages teach boys to narrow their emotional range, how those lessons follow them into adulthood, and why so many men struggle to feel safe expressing what they feel.

In this episode, we discuss:

• How boys learn to shut down emotionally, often without anyone realizing it
• The powerful role fathers play in shaping emotional literacy
• Why men need safe spaces to express feelings without shame
• How journaling supports emotional awareness and growth
• Why younger generations are beginning to shift toward greater emotional openness

This conversation is about understanding how silence forms, how it affects relationships and well‑being, and how we can begin to create space for healthier emotional expression in boys and men.

🎧 Watch on YouTube: Father Talks – Breaking the Silence

Rooting for your growth,
Gloria Vanderhorst

If this conversation sparks reflection about emotional expression, parenting, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and deeper emotional connection.

Books can do more than entertain, they can help us grow and connect with the people we love.

Books open doors, to emotion, insight, and connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this conversation explores how reading and reflection can deepen relationships and support emotional growth in both children and adults.

Good to see you,

Have you ever noticed how a book can open your mind, spark reflection, and deepen connection with the people you love? That is exactly what I explored this week on Observeday.

I joined the show to talk about my book, Read, Reflect, Respond, and how reading and journaling can help uncover emotions, start honest conversations, and create meaningful growth in both kids and adults. We also discussed how boys actually start life with a wide range of emotions, and how cultural expectations can sometimes limit what they feel and express.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How reading encourages emotional expression, especially in boys and men
• Ways to start meaningful family conversations that build trust and empathy
• The power of reflection and journaling to uncover insight and spark growth
• Practical steps parents, educators, and creators can take to connect more deeply with children
• How books serve as mirrors and guides for personal development

If you want fresh ideas for bonding at home, fostering empathy, or understanding yourself better, this conversation offers gentle guidance and practical steps to start today.

🎧 Listen to the Full Episode: Read, Reflect, Respond | Observeday

Warmly,
Gloria Vanderhorst

Want to explore more about emotional development and connection? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on emotional growth and Greater Good’s research on empathy and relationships.

If you’re reflecting on parenting, emotional literacy, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and connection.