Understanding the Many Younger Parts That Shape Our Present
You know the lingo. People are talking about their inner child, even on the news! Who is this creature? It sounds a bit weird and alien. Perhaps I have this separate being living in me like a parasite. Now, I know people have parasites and that they really are not desirable. Some of them land you in the hospital and at least in the toilet for long stretches. So, let’s get serious about this kid and figure it out!
This kid can live inside of you in different forms, at different ages. Sometimes the kid is silent and hidden. Sometimes the kid is cranky and noisy. Sometimes he is driving the bus and gets you into trouble.
Now, let me pause here. I keep using the masculine pronoun as a reference. I mean no offense to the male population. It is just that I have been studying the male of the species for such a long time and writing and talking about how to do a better job of raising this guy that I get stuck on the male pronoun. So, please bear with me, and the principles apply to both males and females. Thank you.
Now, back to the truth. We all have different kids at different developmental stages living inside of our brains. Our brains are like that storage locker you acquired in college and have not yet managed to clean out and add to every once in a while. Really! Now, your brain does not hold onto everything, but it does hold onto the critical, interesting, painful, important stuff. Science shows us that it even has memories from in utero and that we have genetic material from at least the three past generations that can throw information into the present willy-nilly. We are complicated!
Now, on with your inner child. This younger part of you holds important memories and will toss them into the present when something triggers it to wake up and show up. This can happen with regularity, like feeling shy at parties and not really understanding where that comes from. This can happen uniquely with a surprise reaction to something that leaves you confused and amazed at the power of your reaction. So, actually, you are a conglomeration of earlier experiences, and you are adding to this collection all along the way.
You might think of yourself as a collage that keeps adding things as you experience new things and meet different people. You are complicated.
The “inner child” is actually many different children. You may have an infant part that was traumatized by a physical problem or a huge fight between your parents. You may have a toddler part that was abused by a sibling or neglected by a parent. Oh, there are plenty of other parts hanging around in your brain. So, why am I talking about these parts? Because they are alive and well and guiding your behavior in the present. They have no choice! They think they are helpful! Unless you get to know them and figure out their job, they will keep doing it forever. Maybe you do not need them anymore! That would be such a relief for you and for them. They have been working hard. FOREVER! Give them a break. Take the time to get to know them so they can figure out if they need to hang around or can go on vacation!
Explore related reflections:
The Right Mindset blog
Seasonal reflections
Therapeutic approaches
Learn more from trusted psychology and trauma resources:
Psychology Today – Inner Child
NIH – Early Development & Memory
American Psychological Association – Trauma
If you are navigating emotional patterns, childhood memories, or personal growth, therapy can offer clarity and grounding. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and meaningful change.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
