Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

VULNERABILITY: WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

Dependence, Connection, and the Power of Being Seen

Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s the heartbeat of human connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how vulnerability affirms our interdependence, deepens relationships, and anchors us in compassion.

When I write that, I automatically think of the song “War” by Edwin Starr. Remember that punchy beginning? WAR! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Now I bet you remember it.

I admit that my brain can make funny associations, and I have learned to run with them to see where they go. Our brains are fascinating, and their storage capacity seems endless. Following a thought or a thread is always interesting. So, let’s go with this one.

Vulnerability, what is it good for? We are born as vulnerable creatures. Unlike other animals, we cannot stand or walk around right away. That might sound like a cool idea, but it’s not how humans develop. We cannot seek out food on our own. So, we are DEPENDENT on the environment around us. That is true vulnerability. So, what is it good for?

Our vulnerability stirs compassion and protectiveness in others around us. Take a baby anywhere, and the adults will be immediately aware and drawn to this dependent creature. The vulnerability of the infant stirs the adult to orient themselves, attend to, and provide for the baby. Infants are immediately the focus. The instinct to protect and engage kicks in automatically. Even the adult who wants to keep their distance still recognizes that automatic instinct to protect and provide.

So, as humans, we automatically want to protect and provide. We are connected to each other through instinct, whether we act on it or not. That means we are definitely social beings, and we thrive in that context. Vulnerability is good for affirming our social nature and guaranteeing that we continue a social order.

Our families are our first experience of social order. As our parents care for our basic physical needs, we learn that we are valuable. We are wanted, and in the connection with mother and father, we relax and learn to value being dependent. As adults, we rarely think about our dependence as valuable. Many of us are so focused on being independent that we lose track of the importance of our connections and dependence on others.

Take a moment and reflect on who you lean into. How often in the day are you dependent on someone else? When we are brutally honest, we are constantly dependent on others. A team made the computer I am using to write this. The paper I will print this on started out as a tree! Need I keep going? We are so interdependent, that it is crazy. We will never see or meet most of these people, but they serve us in thousands of ways. We are interwoven with so many others worldwide, and we rarely stop to reflect on how dependent we indeed are.

That dependence is vulnerability. If my computer goes on the fritz, I depend on Omar to schedule a time to fix it and get it running again. If my car battery dies, I rely on the tow truck sent by AAA to bring me a new battery and install it safely. You get the picture. We are all vulnerable from day one.

What is it good for? Absolutely everything.

Want to explore how vulnerability and interdependence shape emotional health and connection? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to healthy interdependence, PSYFORU’s breakdown of emotional vulnerability and relationships, and Resilience and Rigor’s insights on authentic communication.

If you’re reflecting on emotional connection, dependence, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and relational strength.