Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

A Conversation on Mind Over Habit About Emotional Expression

Hi everyone,

I recently joined a conversation on Mind Over Habit with Moses King, where we explored emotional development, intimacy, and the long-term impact of how boys are taught to relate to their feelings.

🎧 Listen to the full episode:
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In this discussion, I draw on my experience as a psychologist with over fifty years of clinical work supporting individuals, couples, and families. My focus has always been on understanding how emotional patterns are formed early in life, and how they continue to shape relationships, identity, and mental well‑being well into adulthood.

A central theme in this conversation is the emotional experience of boys and men — and why so many struggle with expression, vulnerability, and connection despite a deep internal capacity for all three.

We explore how cultural expectations around masculinity influence emotional development, often limiting access to sadness, fear, tenderness, and uncertainty. These emotions do not disappear when they are suppressed. Instead, they tend to surface later in ways that can affect relationships, communication, and overall emotional health.

Some of the key topics we discuss include:

• How emotional conditioning in childhood shapes adult intimacy and connection
• Why boys often learn to restrict emotional expression long before adolescence
• The difference between emotional suppression and emotional regulation
• How relationship difficulties are often rooted in early developmental patterns
• The role of fathers and caregivers in modeling emotional openness
• Why vulnerability is essential for healthy relationships, not a weakness
• How awareness and reflection create the possibility for change at any age

We also talk about healing as a process that begins with awareness. When people begin to recognize the patterns they inherited, they also begin to see that those patterns are not fixed. They can be understood, questioned, and gradually reshaped.

At the heart of this work is a simple but important idea: emotional connection is not optional for human well‑being. It is foundational to how we build relationships, regulate stress, and experience meaning in life.

If this conversation resonates with you, I encourage you to listen and reflect on how emotional expression was supported or limited in your own experience — and what might be possible moving forward.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst

For more reflections on emotional development, identity, and relational health, explore articles on Psychology Today and research from Greater Good Science Center.

If you are navigating emotional restriction, relationship challenges, or early‑life patterns that continue to shape your present, therapy can offer clarity and support. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight, resilience, and meaningful change.