Connection, Puberty, and the Risk of Digital Companionship in AI Friends
Friendship is one of the deepest human needs. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how adolescence, technology, and artificial intelligence intersect—and why real connection matters more than ever.
Ok. That may be an oxymoron. AI is not human, though designed and programmed by humans. Friends are real people you can visit, touch, talk to, and argue with. However, if you are a teenager today, you may have more AI friends than human ones.
When we reach puberty, our brain chemistry changes, flooding our bodies with feelings, while our bodies undergo physical changes. Our bodies and brains become an authentic petri dish for the soul.
I remember a college friend describing her summer after starting menstruation. She said she lay in bed the entire summer and grew more than a foot. Her body underwent a metamorphosis, much like a caterpillar becoming a butterfly. The difference being that she could not fly and struggled to own this new body. Puberty is not for the faint of heart.
While your body is betraying you and turning into this thing you do not recognize, your friendships are doing a 180 as well. The kids you played with on the swing sets and monkey bars are now holed up in their rooms, with phones and videos, and odd opportunities to check out content their parents would be appalled at. Close relationships are at risk. If you are fortunate, your childhood friends will remain near, and you may even go off to college together. If you are not, you will be stuck in a surreal world where you feel closer to a computer than to your neighbor.
Remember the movie Her. Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with an AI bot. Movies can sometimes tell stories about the future, and this is one of those. Today, people are falling in love with bots and deciding to marry them. The teenage son up in his bedroom could be falling in love with an imaginary being. The advantage of the imaginary being is that they may never disappoint you. Their program may be so responsive to your needs that you never experience rejection, your ideas are always valued, and your needs are validated.
Interacting with a machine could be nirvana. Then there is the 1968 movie 2001: A Space Odyssey, in which a supercomputer takes over a spacecraft and threatens the crew’s lives. I suppose all things are possible.
My preference would be to help our teens experience each other directly and in a variety of environments. That means leaving the phone behind and making eye contact. Nonverbal cues in communication are truly valuable. Facial expression, body posture, skin tone, gaze, tone of voice, and body movement are just a sampling of the nontextual cues that help us understand the person with whom we are communicating. Building relationships requires connection that goes far beyond the written word.
Want to explore more about teens, technology, and connection? Visit Psychology Today’s article on why teens turn to AI for friendship and Greater Good’s guide to helping teens build real connection.
If you’re reflecting on technology, adolescence, or emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and authentic connection.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
