Challenging Childhood Beliefs and Finding Meaning in Everyday Habits
We’ve all heard the phrase “April showers bring May flowers,” but have you ever stopped to ask where it came from—or what it really means? For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post invites reflection on the origins of familiar sayings and the unconscious routines we carry from childhood into adulthood. Through humor and insight, it explores how therapy can help us examine inherited beliefs and choose what still fits.
APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS!
Do you remember hearing this when you were a kid?
But do you have any idea of its origin? A bit of Googling will soon uncover the variety of sources that rival the flora themselves. One origin comes from 1157 as a short “poem” by Thomas Tusser reading: “Sweet April Showers Do Spring May Flowers”. A rival notion is that at the end of the fourteenth century the poet Geoffrey Chaucer penned a version that translates as: “When in April the sweet showers fall, that pierce March’s drought to the root and all, and bathed every vein in liquor that has power to generate therein and sire the flower”.
Things that we hear as children really need to be challenged. In therapy, I like to use the example of the young woman preparing to bake a ham. She cuts the ends off the ham before putting it in the oven and her friends ask why she does that. She replies that her mother always did it that way. They go ask the mother who replies that her mother did it that way. Off they go to ask grandmother who replies: “I only had one pan and the ham would not fit unless I cut off the ends”.
How are you cutting off the ends of your ham? We all do some things as we were taught to do them, acting without reflection. Take a moment to find your “ham” stories. One of mine caused tension in the initial stages of my marriage. We ate dinner together and as soon as he swallowed the last bite, I cleared the table to start washing the dishes. My husband complained that he wanted to sit and talk. I replied that we could talk after I finished washing the dishes. Where did this come from?
My mother was whisking plates off the table as you finished your last bite and sometimes even before. I am sure she had her reasons buried in the need to complete a farm chore before dark. But I did not live on a farm. However, the angst of letting those dishes sit was painful. My husband had to make the point by letting them sit overnight! In the end, the lesson was worth the pain. Prioritizing the relationship over the dishes was the right thing to do.
What are your “ham” stories? How have they gotten in the way with your friends and family? If you are struggling to find your stories, ask your family. They know them. Take time to examine your “ham” stories. These routines provide a form of comfort and stability. No matter how whacky they are, our parents and other adults imbed them in us at early ages. Prior to adolescence we think concretely and see the world in those dichotomies of right and wrong, good and bad, etc. While that may be a helpful structure for us at incredibly young ages, the world is more complex. Adjusting our belief systems to the more complex and complicated adult world is a challenge. The only path for meeting that challenge is to confront the source. How did you learn this? From whom did you learn it? Does it really fit the time?
We are all reluctant to challenge these beliefs and systems from our formative years. But wouldn’t you really like to have the whole ham?
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By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
