Category: Blog Posts

Emotional growth starts with safety and understanding.

For individuals in Maryland and DC, this conversation explores how boys learn to express themselves and how parents, especially moms, can nurture emotional fluency through everyday connection.

Good to see you,

Why do boys sometimes shut down, act out, or struggle to express what they feel?

This week, I joined the Mothers of Boys Survival Guide Podcast to share insights from my years of work with young boys and their families. We talked about how boys develop emotional awareness, why they often communicate differently than girls, and what parents can do to help them turn frustration into connection.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Encouraging boys to express feelings instead of acting out
• Turning meltdowns into meaningful moments of understanding
• Supporting emotional development through safety and play
• How movement and physical space help boys learn and communicate
• Why moms play such a vital role in modeling emotional openness

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering how to help your son “use his words,” this conversation offers empathy, research-based tools, and simple, real-life strategies for nurturing emotional growth.

🎧 Watch the full episode: Helping Boys Grow Emotionally | Mothers of Boys Survival Guide

Want to explore how boys develop emotional intelligence and resilience? Visit Psychology Today’s article on helping boys develop emotional awareness and Greater Good’s guide to supporting emotional growth in boys.

If you’re navigating parenting challenges or seeking tools to support your son’s emotional development, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, connection, and emotional growth.

The Festival of Lights and the Miracle of Connection

Hanukkah is more than a holiday, it is a reminder of resilience, light, and the miracle of human connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the deep tradition of Hanukkah and how its lessons extend into everyday life.

Eight days of celebration bring family and friends together. This celebration honors the Second Temple in Jerusalem, and it dates from the second century BC. That is a deep tradition. Hanukkah is called the “Festival of Lights.”

One day’s supply of oil for the lamp lasted for eight days. The people celebrate this miracle as a sign of their own longevity. This miracle of light is clearly a sign of value. G-d looks down on His people and announces their value through the continuation of light.

Valuing each other and celebrating the miracle of life is available to all of us. Each of us is uniquely made. If you set up a workshop to accomplish this, you would not have enough staff to complete the task. We celebrate the birth of a child because we are amazed. How is this person created? How complicated is a single baby? How many parts are there?

We are born connected to another person. We have lived inside another person for over nine months, and at birth, we have all the cells necessary to enter the world fully formed and capable of life. Of course, we will need help. That is why it takes two others to create us. We will be cared for, loved, and supported as we grow into unique individuals. Even if I have an identical twin who enters the world at approximately the same time, I am unique. The fact that I come first or second will affect me forever.

Hanukkah is eight days of celebration and giving thanks for a place of worship, the growth of a people, and the miracle of being sustained by forces beyond our control. No matter how much science, invention, or exploration we do in the universe, we will never catch up to the miracle of our existence.

As the holidays unfold and celebrations are planned, let us be grateful for life. I know that life is not easy. I know that surprises cause you to change course, injuries limit your next steps, and people get in the way of progress. No matter. Each of us will hit roadblocks, disappointments, and complex curves. We have been given resilience to adjust and to try new ways. We have been given signs that cannot be easily explained so that we will experience wonder and know that power exists beyond ourselves. We have been given family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers to remind us that we are not alone and that we were born connected to another.

We spend the rest of our lives seeking connection, enjoying company, and holding each other. As you light a candle this holiday, remember that connection is the key to life.

Want to explore more about the meaning of Hanukkah? Visit Psychology Today’s article on the meaning of Hanukkah and Greater Good’s guide to how Hanukkah fosters resilience and connection.

If you’re reflecting on traditions, resilience, or ways to deepen connection this season, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, compassion, and emotional growth.

MARTHA STEWART TO THE RESCUE

Garlic, Grit, and the Art of Reinvention

From kitchen hacks to cultural comebacks, Martha Stewart reminds us that resilience is a recipe worth mastering. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how everyday frustrations and life’s deeper setbacks call for community, courage, and a little creative flair.

Whatever you may think of Martha Stewart, you must agree that she is resilient. She seems to have nine lives, just like your favorite cat. And she has all kinds of tips for the cook, the gardener, the hostess, and the guests.

Sometimes, she must be a horticulturalist. She seems to know how to grow everything from fruits to finances. But today, I am interested in her little tricks for success in the kitchen. Today’s tip is getting that awful garlic smell off your fingers. Of course, you are good to go if you use a garlic press and never touch the stuff. But if you are a purist and insist on chopping your garlic, your fingers will forever be stinky. Surely, you do not want to shake hands with your special guests and leave them smelling like garlic. Martha to the rescue. Run warm water in your sink, place your chopping knife under the faucet so the entire blade is covered with flowing water, and run your garlic fingers across the blade’s entire length. Voila! The scent is gone. I guess you could say it gets transferred to the blade.

What other stinky things can we think of that can be magically transferred to safety if we know the right recipe? What can wash away the sense of rejection when your friend neglects you? When the article you have poured over and revised multiple times is not accepted for publication, what can wash away the feeling of futility? When the job you were so excited about suddenly gets cut from the budget, what can ease the fear that you will not be able to support yourself or your family?

Where is the Martha Stewart solution when you need it?

Tragedy is honest and always surprising. Given this truth, one must ask if there is a way to prepare for tragedy. Yes and No. We must realize that we prepare for daily tragedy in how we live our lives. Tragedy requires community, resilience, and fortitude. Take out a piece of paper and put a circle in the middle. That is you! Now position others on the page using distance from you to note your relationship with others. That is your network of support. That is your community. Nurture them. Now, look at your history and the struggles that have naturally come your way. Every one of us has a history of struggles. They hurt us, test us, and grow us. Your struggles build your resilience. Reflect on those and remember how you have changed and grown. And now for fortitude. What the heck is that? Fortitude is courage used to face pain. Pain is inevitable. Sometimes, I think of it as a honing tool. Much like Martha would sharpen a knife, we, too, get sharpened by the rough parts of life. As we experience pain and let it run through us, we change. Our struggles make us sharper and stronger. Even when they stink, we can use their challenge to strengthen our resolve or change our direction. Life will always call us to rescue ourselves and hone different parts of our personality. Just remember to remove the stink.

Want to explore how Martha Stewart’s story reflects resilience and reinvention? Visit Dr. Anna Cabeca’s reflections on Martha’s journey, WebMD’s guide to emotional resilience, and Mint Arrow’s podcast on Martha’s inspiring comeback.

If you’re reflecting on resilience, emotional growth, or personal reinvention, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and strength.

Admiration, Safety, and the Call for Reflection

The early morning walker has discipline and resilience. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection admires the dedication of walkers and joggers while raising an important reminder about safety and visibility.

First, let me say that I admire you. You are up early, and that cannot be easy for all of you. My husband is an early riser, and I have never understood the concept. However, in the winter, I will say that I love the benefit. By the time I get up, the coffee is made, and on cold winter days, there is a fire in the fireplace. So, I love the early morning riser.

Except twice a week, I am up early to go to exercise class. That puts me on the road in the dark. The sun will not be up for more than an hour, so I need the headlights to make my way to the gym. Then there is the early-morning jogger or walker. As I said, I admire you out there in the cold.

I am in my warm car, sweat suit on, headed to a hot, steaming gym. But the jogger/walker is hoofing it down the blacktop in their black running suit with NO REFLECTIVE VEST. What are you thinking? You blend in with the blacktop. The headlights do not pick you up until it is almost too late. Really, WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

I get it. Those reflective vests are for the guys and gals who work on road crews and hold those rotating STOP or YIELD signs. You are not a road worker. But please, it is dark. Headlights have only so much range. You are invisible until it is almost too late. I do not need the surprise to wake me up. You do not need to leap to the side of the road in fear. Wear a vest!

The best example of this was not an early morning encounter. My example is from a late-night adventure. On the way home from a friend’s house after dark, a woman in all black with a black hat on was out for a late-night stroll. As the headlights finally picked her up, she was halfway into the driving lane, waving her arms furiously and shouting something that could not be heard inside the car. REALLY?

She sees these headlights traveling toward her and decides to confront the beast rather than leap to the sidewalk. I do not get it. Of course, the necessary swerve saved her from becoming roadkill. But really? What is with these joggers and walkers? Do you like taking risks with your body? Are you really that dense? Are you harking back to your caveman ancestor and hoping to slay the powerful beast?

Wear a reflective vest or stay on the sidewalk! Even then, you are going to have to cross a street at some point, unless you want to cruise back and forth in front of your house. Seriously, waving your arms at an oncoming car in the dark while you are dressed to blend into the blacktop is not cool.

Want to explore more about pedestrian safety and visibility? Visit Psychology Today’s article on why we take risks with our safety and Greater Good’s guide to how small choices build safety and connection.

If you’re reflecting on health, safety, or lifestyle changes this season, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and emotional growth.

GRAY

Emotional Weather, Middle Ground, and the Power of Synergy

Gray isn’t just a color—it’s a state of being. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional grayness mirrors life’s complexities, and how balance, nuance, and synergy can transform heaviness into insight.

Now I could take that one word and go off in a variety of different directions.

Today is a very gray day. The clouds are low and heavy. The undersides are a dark slate gray that fades upwards to a dusty gray. They look like they are closing in on me and have the weight to crush me if they fall. Of course, I know they will stay up there, but the oppression is the same nonetheless.

The pressure is palpable. Can the world really close in on me? I am not alone in this feeling. I imagine that each one of you has had the experience of sensing, worrying, wondering if the world is going to close in on you. The sense of being overwhelmed will bring this up. The fear of impending doom will bring this up. The devastation of loss, whether expected or sudden, will bring this up. The experience of being alone and wondering if anyone cares will definitely bring this up.

The shocking thing about each of these experiences is that they are normal. Yes. I don’t imagine that you expected that, but these experiences are normal. Each of you has at one point in time been in an emotional place that was gray. We think of gray as colorless. However, it sits on the color wheel as a combination of black and white. It can vary in shade and intensity. We think of its components as endpoints: black and white. If these are extremes, then gray forms the middle ground, the very space that we often seek in life.

We do not want to go to extremes. Extremes tend to frighten us and confuse us as we are not sure if we can return from them, so we seek the middle ground. When our friends are arguing with each other, we work to help each one see the flaw in their position and give a little as they move closer to the middle ground. When a couple is at odds with each other, we work hard to help them develop empathy for each other and soften the edges of their divide.

We are not seeking mediocrity. We are seeking synergy. Synergy urges us to see beyond the two separate parts to the potential of a combination. In business, this is a very desirable outcome. When two companies come together and merge their strengths, they also slough off their weaknesses as they build a more vital entity, leading to innovation and profit.

As I continue to face the gray day and the clouds seem to sink lower and lower, I wonder what energy can be drawn from them as they sit outside my window and draw my attention. Can I separate the black and white? Can I find the mixture that will propel me to the next task? Can I blend my strengths and weaknesses into a profitable endeavor?

Want to explore how gray symbolizes emotional balance and spiritual growth? Visit Spiritual With Liza’s guide to gray as balance and neutrality, Spiritual Ark’s reflections on gray and emotional clarity, and NeuroLaunch’s breakdown of gray color psychology.

If you’re reflecting on emotional complexity, balance, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and emotional resilience.

The Health Revolution | December 4 at 1 PM EST

Sometimes schedules shift, but the message remains the same. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this update shares the new air date for Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst’s first TV interview and what viewers can expect.

Hi there,

Quick update: my very first TV interview on The Health Revolution was originally scheduled for today, but it’s now airing on Thursday, December 4, at 1 PM EST.

I’ll be sharing the journey that led me to psychology, what decades of helping people heal have taught me, and why reflection and compassion are essential for emotional growth. Plus, I talk about my new book, How Not to F$%! Up Being a Father, which helps dads raise sons who are emotionally aware, confident, and connected.

Thanks so much for your support, and I hope you can tune in Thursday at 1 PM EST on e360tv.

🎧 See you Thursday!

Want to explore more about emotional growth and parenting? Visit Psychology Today’s article on raising emotionally aware sons and Greater Good’s guide to how reflection and compassion build emotional growth.

If you’re reflecting on parenting, emotional literacy, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and connection.

Tv Interview about Healing, Fatherhood, and the Power of Honest Conversation

Today marks a milestone. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this television debut is a celebration of emotional growth, fatherhood, and the lifelong journey of helping others heal.

Hi friends,

Today is a very special day, my very first television interview is airing on The Health Revolution.

In this episode, I share the journey that led me to psychology, what decades of helping people heal have taught me, and why reflection and compassion are essential for emotional growth. I also talk about my new book, How Not to F$%! Up Being a Father, which helps fathers raise sons who are emotionally aware, confident, and connected.

It has been an incredible experience to speak honestly about healing, relationships, and the ways we grow, and I am so grateful for all of your support along the way.

You can watch the episode today on e360tv at 1 PM EST.
Click here to watch

Thank you for celebrating this milestone with me. Your support means the world.

With gratitude,

Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
Psychologist, Author, and Speaker
www.drgloriavanderhorst.com

Want to explore how emotional growth and fatherhood shape family connection? Visit Psychology Today’s article on raising emotionally aware sons and Greater Good’s guide to how fathers shape emotional intelligence.

If you’re navigating parenting, emotional healing, or relational growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, connection, and emotional depth.

9%

Context, Compassion, and the Complexity of Homelessness

Numbers don’t speak for themselves—context gives them voice. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how the figure “9%” reveals the shifting landscape of homelessness, and why empathy and action must follow understanding.

That is a small percentage. Yet the average return on investments in the stock market is about 10.5%, considered particularly good. If your money grew steadily at that rate year after year, you should be content with your broker. However, if your mortgage loan carries a 9% interest rate, you should immediately shop for a lower rate and fire your mortgage broker. On the other hand, if you receive a 9% raise on your salary, you should be over the moon, as the average raise currently hovers at 3 to 5%.

The point is that the number by itself means nothing. You must have context. Recently, reports from the U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development showed that the homeless population has increased by 9%. The actual percentage of people experiencing homelessness in the United States is 0.2%. At first glance, 0.2% may seem like a very small number. But in a country of more than 330 million people, it represents hundreds of thousands of men, women, and children without shelter. That is why accuracy matters. Numbers alone do not tell the story until we give them context. With the recent influx of immigrants, there is an expectation that this figure could rise further.

Our homeless population is made up of many different groups. Some are emotionally unstable, and since the closing of many mental institutions, the streets have become their home. Some are displaced residents because inner cities are being revitalized with condominiums and shops, causing lower-priced housing to disappear. We no longer have boarding houses or small, inexpensive apartments for those on the economic margin. Some are unemployed for a period and rely on shelters and support agencies to help them return to the workforce.

The makeup of our homeless population is diverse. In the late 1800s, the “homeless” person often traveled around the country doing itinerant work. This “open road” lifestyle was more a preference than a necessity. The itinerant worker was not wealthy but was comfortable moving from place to place, being self-supportive, and exploring the country. This person or group of people was productive citizens. In the 1880s, the collective name for these mainly men was “hobo,” which has since been romanticized as an adventurous approach to life. We no longer romanticize the homeless traveler. World War II put everyone to work, and when the mass return of soldiers flooded breadlines and soup kitchens, homelessness grew again.

So, what does 0.2% mean today? When President Obama’s administration launched an initiative to end homelessness in 2010, they anticipated a process that would take approximately 10 years to complete. At that time, the percentage of the homeless population was already 0.2%. Today, that same figure remains, but with a troubling 9% increase in the total number of people affected.

Want to explore how housing costs and policy shape homelessness? Visit Pew’s analysis of housing costs and homelessness, National Alliance to End Homelessness’ guide to rising rents and risk, and Homeless Garden Project’s breakdown of structural causes.

If you’re reflecting on social justice, emotional resilience, or systemic change, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, compassion, and advocacy.

Gratitude, History, and the Power of Persistence. Thanks!

Thanks is more than a word, it’s a legacy. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the roots of Thanksgiving, the influence of quiet heroes, and the enduring impact of gratitude in relationships and community.

Thanks is such a simple word. Today, we celebrate a group of people who were truly thankful to have survived. In 1621, a small group of English settlers came together in their new land to express gratitude for survival and to share that gratitude with the Wampanoag people who had helped them. The event between these two groups lasted for three days. In a way, we continue the tradition with Thanksgiving on Thursday and relatives staying until Saturday or Sunday.

The Pilgrims and the Wampanoag ate together, danced, and celebrated the harvest and the survival of the Plymouth colony. Without the help of the Wampanoag, the settlers might not have made it through that first year. They were taught how to cultivate native crops such as corn and squash, and how to fish and hunt in the region.

It is interesting that turkey became the centerpiece of the modern Thanksgiving table, since there is no clear evidence it was served in 1621. They likely ate venison, wild fowl, and fish, but probably not cranberries as we know them today. The Wampanoag were skilled teachers of horticulture, hunting, and survival, and their knowledge made all the difference for the newcomers.

Without the persistence of one woman, we might not have this national holiday at all. Sarah Josepha Hale, a magazine editor in the mid-19th century, spent decades campaigning for a national day of thanksgiving. She was the editor of Godey’s Lady’s Book, one of the most widely read magazines of its time, with over 150,000 subscribers. It amazes me that the dedication of one determined person could shape a tradition that still endures generations later.

Who is helping you? Take time to thank them in writing. Notes and letters carry meaning far beyond the day they are written.

In what way will you persist to create a change that lasts long after you are gone? Who or what are you influencing? As you sit around the table, enjoying the food and the people, make a plan to have influence and make a difference.

Want to explore how gratitude shapes emotional health and community connection? Visit Psychology Today’s article on the science of gratitude and Greater Good’s definition and research on gratitude.

If you’re reflecting on legacy, emotional connection, or relational growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, purpose, and emotional depth.

Empathy, Anesthesia, and the Brain’s Relentless Archive

Whether you’re recovering from a procedure or reflecting on how trauma shapes behavior, this post explores the emotional and neurological impact of surgery. For those in Maryland and DC, it’s a reminder that healing begins with curiosity and compassion—for your body and your mind.

First, I have tremendous empathy for anyone who has gone through surgery, no matter how small or how critical. Having someone take a knife (I know surgeons call them scalpels, but let’s face it, they are sharp knives) to you will never be fun, easy, or desirable. I guess it can be desirable when they are removing something that should not be there and is causing you a lot of trouble. In that case, I will say, “Bravo!”

I have written about anesthesia before, and you can look that up. Anesthesia is truly a wild ride, but a clear indication of the truth that our brains hold onto everything. You might think of your brain as a hoarder. Hoarders collect things, find places for them, and do not want to let go of them. Most of us collect junk and stuff, but periodically we sort, let go, donate, or throw away the things we no longer value. The hoarder keeps everything regardless of its value. Well, that is your brain. Trust me. This organ has folds for a reason. Every one of those nooks and crannies is storing details. Some of it is valuable and some of it is junk, but in some way, all of it is important.

It is essential because it makes up your history. We are a collection of our interactions with others and our experiences with the world around us. Your brain is the storage facility that keeps all of this stuff. I know it is hard to believe, but every interaction, every experience, every piece of your life is in safe storage.

Let’s stop and ask, “Why?” If your brain does this for you, then a purpose must exist.

The purpose is to be helpful to you. As we grow and have experiences, we develop ways of functioning. Some of these are strengths and some are weaknesses. Right now, the failings are my focus. If you have a weakness, it has a history. If you can access that history, then you can address the weakness and make changes. If you could not access the history or understand how this weakness came about, then you could not create change. Thank your brain for holding onto the details.

I am not saying that your brain does a great job of helping you to assess these weaknesses and work toward change. In my experience, you have to be motivated to ask your brain to give you the history and to help you understand the weakness before it will give up its treasure. However, when you dare to ask, your brain stands ready to provide.

Look at how you function. Be curious about the history of this behavior or way of thinking. Everything has a history. Open yourself to this curiosity and welcome the challenge of figuring out why you do certain things, why you think specific ways, and why you react with certain feelings. Your brain holds the details, history, and sequence of events that have resulted in this behavior, way of thinking, or way of being. Let your brain give you a surgical view.

Curious about how surgery and anesthesia affect cognition? Explore JAMA’s insights on cognitive decline after surgery, or read about Dr. Charuta Furey’s compassionate approach to brain surgery. For recovery strategies, check out NeuroLaunch’s guide to post-operative cognitive dysfunction.

If you’re navigating emotional recovery after surgery or seeking clarity on behavioral patterns, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support healing and insight.