Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

BAKED INTO THE CAKE

Mixers, Inclusion, and the Ingredients of Belonging

Some things aren’t just learned—they’re baked in. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how baking becomes a metaphor for emotional connection, and how the kitchen offers a model for inclusion, training, and appreciation in everyday relationships.

I love to bake. That is just one of my favorite things. I also love my KitchenAid Stand mixer, particularly because it is PINK! Equipment is key to a good bake. Don’t you think? When focusing on the kitchen, we tend to take our equipment quite seriously. There is the favorite wooden spoon or maybe a few of them for different purposes. Then comes the pots and pans with their specialty bottoms and just the right one that only gets used for pancakes. In the Kitchen, we tend to be quite thoughtful about our equipment.

What equipment do we use when working with others? If you were to visit a professional kitchen, you might be quite surprised at the language and tone that flies around the room while preparing that special meal for a customer. In your own kitchen, how do the helpers get treated? The opportunity to engage, to train, and to love is so present in the kitchen. When a child is old enough to reach the table is the perfect time to give them the chore of setting the silverware. As they grow, they get to set the plates and napkins. Stools come in handy for reaching the counter to help roll the cookie dough in the sugar or drop batter into the muffin cups. The kitchen is one of the first places where a child gets a sense of responsibility and feels the joy of contributing and being acknowledged. The power of being included, expected, trained, and appreciated cannot be underestimated.

These are experiences that we all long to have. When our friends make plans, we want to be included. When we arrive home from school or work, we want to be expected and greeted with interest. We need that attention. When a challenge is presented, we want to be trained to meet that challenge and become competent. When we have completed the task, we want to be appreciated. These are common to all humans, and we never really lose these desires, no matter how old we are. Our desire to be known, to be of value, and appreciated is baked into us from the beginning.

How are you meeting this need in those that you love and care for?

Want to explore how baking fosters emotional connection and well-being? Visit TableSTL’s guide to baking and emotional connection, Baking Kneads’ article on sharing baked goods, and LifeYourWay’s overview of baking for self-care.

If you’re reflecting on inclusion, appreciation, or emotional nourishment, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support relational growth and emotional insight.