MY “SELF”
Innate Brilliance, Emotional Strategy, and the Journey Back to Connection
Your “Self” isn’t something you earn—it’s something you remember. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how our innate brilliance becomes obscured by emotional defenses, and how reconnecting with our true self restores clarity, courage, and connection.
Ok, I get it. You are used to seeing these two words together as Myself, meaning the person you are or how you function, think, and react. You have ownership of you. So, when these two words are separated, what does it mean? Is the “self” something that develops over time? Is the “self” innate and natural? Is the “self” an accumulation of experiences over time or a fully formed part of you from the very beginning?
I KNOW THE ANSWER!!
Infants come into the world with a brilliance that enables them to understand everything happening around them. This brilliance is an innate knowledge of how humans function. We call this brilliance the “Self.” You are born smart. You are not just smart; you are born brilliant. The design of a human is to be intuitively brilliant. Being a brilliant reader of the world around you is your survival mechanism, and this makes perfect sense. If you did not have brilliance, you would immediately be at risk and unlikely to survive. This brilliant “Self” stays with you forever. Think of it as a guiding light or a magical force that can send you signals to help you make good choices, take the right risks, and repair when you fall off track. However, the world around you can cause you to build defenses or obscure access to your brilliant self.
YOUR SELF IS BRILLIANT
This part of you provides guidance and protection. Your “Self” is always working for your benefit and can support you regardless of circumstances. As we go through life, we develop scars. We get hurt, hold onto those hurts, and develop strategies to avoid the same type of hurt in the future. These strategies that we generate for protection are rarely productive. Yet, they tend to become permanent ways of thinking or acting. These strategies are our solutions to problem-solving on an emotional level. For example, if a sibling teases us, we may develop a strategy of avoiding close relationships with others. Some of us fear that closeness will eventually lead to teasing or making fun of us. As a result, we are suspicious of others and reluctant to let ourselves get close to them. We may develop social skills that keep us distant or put us above others. In either one of these scenarios, we can avoid closeness. By avoiding closeness, we experience safety. However, we also end up being lonely. The part of us that works to protect us has also created a significant loss for us.
Understanding these different parts of our personality is essential. We were born connected to another person, and that connection was in a safe environment that nurtured and allowed us to grow. After birth, we want to find other safe environments to grow. Our fear of being injured can cut us off from these possibilities. Look at your ways of functioning in a social setting and be willing to seek help to learn how to open yourself to relationships and community.
You were born connected and deserve to continue to have loving, successful connections with others.
Want to explore how self-connection and emotional clarity shape personal growth? Visit Lifengoal’s guide to connecting with self, Psychology Today’s reflections on your true self, and Touchstone Psychology’s breakdown of self-connection and emotional awareness.
If you’re reflecting on identity, emotional resilience, or relational healing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, integration, and connection.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
