Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

THE PARTY LINE

Connection, Courtesy, and the Lost Art of Waiting

Before smartphones, there was shared silence. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how party lines taught patience, cooperation, and emotional intelligence—lessons we still need in our hyper-connected world.

Anything can be fixed with good communication. I grew up in the era of party lines for the telephone. For those of you who do not know what that means, I will explain. In the forties and beyond, telephone lines were shared among several households, and real people sat at switchboards in specific locations to facilitate these calls as necessary. The phones themselves were large contraptions that you hung on the wall or sat on a table or telephone stand that had a small chair attached. You would commonly pick up the receiver and find a conversation between two other people. You either hung up quickly and waited a while before trying again, or you asked the current parties how long they would be or told them you had an emergency and needed to use the line. You could not use that last one very often, or you would get completely ignored.

Kids often liked to quietly sneak the receiver off the hook and listen to the conversations. Invariably, they would give themselves away by giggling or snickering. The parties would chastise them and yell at them to get off the line. When you got caught by your parents, you would really be in trouble for breaking the telephone etiquette. Party lines taught you to wait and be patient, courteous to others even if you did not know them, and cede time to others.

The elements of effective communication are illustrated in the party line. One: You were connected to others, even if you did not know them personally. Boy, is that true today! We are connected to and dependent on others for everything. Go to the grocery store. Fruit, vegetables, meat, and cheese are trucked in from various places. Fruit used to come from the orchard in the backyard, vegetables from the garden in the side yard, and meat from the cow in the field. Without the dependence on others that exists today, we could not feed ourselves. Garden spaces are exceedingly rare. Some neighborhoods and high rises have garden plots that you can rent or use, but there would never be enough vegetables if the delivery trucks were not coming to the grocery store.

Second, the party line required cooperation and courtesy. Today, our sense of cooperation is present but often not obvious. We depend on others for many things, but we often do not have direct connections. I know that in my neighborhood, I wave to others as we cross paths, but I rarely know who they really are or have extensive conversations. We are connected by covenants and respect for the streets and properties. We tend to apply our sense of cooperation to organizations beyond our immediate locations by supporting non-profits or volunteering at the soup kitchen. As we build relationships through organizations, we expand our reach beyond our neighborhoods. Helping others takes on a new dimension.

Third, the party line taught us respect and patience. Waiting for others to complete their conversation and taking your turn is never easy, and respecting the needs and timing of others can be difficult. Patience is often difficult, especially with young children. Remember when they wanted to tie their shoes or put their coat on alone? That was hard. You could always do it faster, yet the wait was more respectful.

Want to explore the history and etiquette of party lines? Visit Wikipedia’s overview of party line telephony, Southern Living’s reflections on shared phone lines, and Country Adventures’ list of forgotten party line etiquette rules.

If you’re reflecting on communication, connection, or emotional patience, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.