What Boys Need, What We Miss, and How We Can Do Better
Boys are not broken, they are often misunderstood. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection highlights why boys struggle emotionally and how families and schools can better support their natural development.
Boys are struggling in ways many families and schools do not see until it becomes urgent.
I recently joined The Advisor: Health and Healing with Stacey Chillemi for a deep and necessary conversation about what research and real life both tell us about raising boys—and how we can do better starting now.
After fifty years as a psychologist working across the lifespan, from preschool boys to adults and couples, I have seen the same pattern repeat itself. Boys are born with a full and broad emotional range, yet very early on they receive subtle and not‑so‑subtle messages about which feelings are acceptable and which are not.
In this episode, we talk about why boys often struggle in school, relationships, and emotional expression—not because something is wrong with them, but because the environments around them often fail to support how boys naturally develop.
We explore:
- Why boys are born with a wider emotional range than girls, and how that range gets narrowed
- How early caregiving interactions unintentionally teach boys to suppress tenderness, sadness, and vulnerability
- The difference between typical boy behavior and a true signal that a boy needs support
- Why physical movement, play, and reflection matter so deeply for boys’ emotional health
- How screens and constant busyness rob boys of connection and self‑awareness
- Why questions often shut boys down—and what to say instead
- How to help boys name feelings without shame using practical tools
- Why boys open up more in parallel connection, like car rides and bedtime
- How to advocate for boys in classrooms that may not be built for them
- Five concrete actions families can take this week to better support the boys they love
We also talk honestly about the long‑term cost of telling boys to toughen up, stop crying, or man up. Those lessons do not disappear with age. They show up later as emotional distance, difficulty with intimacy, anger, withdrawal, and disconnection.
This conversation is an invitation to slow down, get curious, and create emotional safety for boys so they can grow into emotionally healthy, connected men.
🎧 Watch the full episode:
The Advisor: Health & Healing – Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys
Want to explore more about boys’ emotional development and connection? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on how boys learn about emotions and Greater Good’s research on supporting boys’ emotional well‑being.
If this conversation inspires you to support the boys in your life with more clarity and compassion, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that nurture emotional growth, resilience, and connection.
Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
Psychologist
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst
