Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

AFTER SCHOOL

Memory, Risk, and the Roots of Who We Become

Childhood isn’t just a chapter—it’s the blueprint. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how after-school adventures shape emotional patterns, and how revisiting those moments can unlock healing, insight, and transformation.

Where would we find you after school? What talents did you pursue as a child? I remember one little girl who loved to climb trees until one day, she accepted the challenge of a giant fir tree and found herself stuck at the top. The view was beautiful, but the climb down looked impossible. A few cries for help brought her father with the tall ladder he used to clean the house’s second-story gutters. Being rescued is excellent!

Being adventurous is even greater. Sometimes, we fail to take the risk of climbing tall trees for fear of failure or fear of falling. When have you failed to climb your cedar tree? Who would come to your rescue?

Take a moment and imagine yourself back in childhood, finding that challenge you wanted to take on. Imagine the scene of that first thought. I could… Remember the sequence of events, thoughts, and feelings as you play this through. Do you go forward? Do you hesitate? Do you share the adventure with anyone? How we approach these pieces of childhood is enormously important as they lay the foundation for how we will approach other choices, decisions, and actions in the rest of our lives.

The tree climber will take risks. Sometimes, the tree climber will assess the risks, and sometimes not. Going just for the thrill and the adventure can be motivation enough. Reflecting on outcomes can come with age, but the risk-taker may ignore the potential fall.

Find that younger person inside of you and see what they need. Unbelievably, that part of you has been influencing decisions and behaviors for a long time without your conscious awareness. It is high time to meet this part of you and accept that history. Have a conversation with that part. Learn how it has been holding you back or impelling you forward into some dangerous places. The younger parts of us continue to influence us because they do not know that we got older or grew up in any way. Bringing those younger parts forward is critical. Make friends with your history.

You may remember that I have a friend whose mother told her that she could make friends with “a fly.” So, find those small events and pieces of history impacting your current thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Get to know them. Only then can you decide if you want to keep thinking and behaving in the ways they have programmed for you. You may have thought that the things you did after school were unimportant. However, they form a path that determines where you have ended up. The challenge for all of us is to page back in time, find those crucial pieces of history, and ask how that is showing up in the present for me. We are an incredible collection of our experiences, which influence the present. Learn about them so that you can decide if you want to keep them, modify them, or dismiss them.

Want to explore how childhood experiences shape adult emotional patterns? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to secure attachment and childhood adversity, Neuroscience News’ study on emotional neglect and body trust, and Mayo Clinic’s framework for overcoming adverse childhood experiences.

If you’re reflecting on childhood, emotional patterns, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and developmental healing.