Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

HIGH SCHOOL WRESTLING

Strength, Memory, and the Grit to Get Back Up

Wrestling isn’t just a sport—it’s a metaphor for resilience. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how high school wrestling builds emotional strength, how memories resurface through connection, and how girls are redefining the mat.

Ok, I did not participate in high school wrestling, but my brother did, and our house was the place other team members hung out. Watching them spit into a can to make weight for the next day was gross. Now, why am I going back decades to this lovely little vignette? Social media, of course!

I got a call today from one of those wrestlers who spent time at the house. How did he find me? Social media, of course! He found one of my blog posts on Facebook. A flood of high school memories led to the call. When we look back in time, we find some great memories. I was younger than the wrestlers but old enough to sit in the stands and cheer everyone on. I knew all the terminology and was young enough not to be embarrassed when shouting things out! Of course, the favorite was “Pin him!”

Lest you think wrestling is only for the boys, I was recently impressed by a woman speaking at a luncheon event I attended. She was coaching girls and women to wrestle. The organization, of course, is called Wrestle Like a Girl and is based in Washington, D.C. I had no idea such a thing existed! The goal of this organization is to empower girls and women to become leaders. The sport of wrestling is used as a platform to address individual development.

Wrestling is clearly an individual sport, and it takes courage to stand on the corner of that mat waiting to “dance” with your opponent to see who can be taken down first. Once on the mat, the grappling can be fierce and fast. The final slap of the referee’s hand to the mat can be devastating for the one on the bottom. Your shoulders have been pinned to the mat, and everyone knows it. Think about it. You have just been defeated personally, and you must get up and walk off the mat and across the gym to your seat on the bleachers. That walk can be hard. I admire the boy or girl who can return next week and fight to dominate their opponent.

Wrestling not only takes physical strength, but it also takes emotional strength both in the gym and throughout the week as you concentrate on “making weight.” You must fit in a particular weight class to compete. At the same time, you must maintain strength to take down your opponent. The balancing act is clear: hitting your weight target without losing muscle mass.

Isn’t that what aging is about too? Keep your weight in check and strengthen your muscles too so that your body will carry you around efficiently well into your 90s. Do not be fooled by thinking you will not live that long. The lifespan keeps expanding. So, maintaining a fighting weight and the strength to carry that weight around with you is critical.

So, even if you are a guy, think about wrestling like a girl.

Want to explore how wrestling builds emotional resilience? Visit The School of Wrestling’s guide to mental and emotional resilience, Voices of Wrestling’s article on bouncing back from failure, and National Wrestling Hall of Fame’s 10 reasons kids should wrestle.

If you’re reflecting on strength, memory, or emotional grit, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal resilience.

BISCUITS AND GRAVY

Comfort Food, Memory, and the Patterns We Carry

Sometimes a plate of biscuits and gravy is more than breakfast—it’s a portal. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how food evokes memory, how early adaptations shape lifelong habits, and how emotional healing begins with awareness.

A recent pop quiz that jumped into my Inbox showed a picture of a stack of biscuits, and immediately, I remembered my grandmother making biscuits and gravy for breakfast. What a throwback! Her kitchen was huge, probably the biggest room in the house. Of course, her family was huge, too. All those hands were needed for working the farm, and birth control wasn’t even a ‘word’. The stove was fed by wood, and water was hauled in from the well pump in the middle of the backyard. Biscuits and gravy… daily fuel for the work to come.

Memories of early childhood are truly important for us. You may not realize it, but your brain holds on to our life experiences from birth and possibly before birth. Our brains are a huge database. That database fuels our day-to-day experiences. As a college student, I remember working in the computer lab with these cabinet-shaped units that filled a room and these stiff paper cards with little square holes that you had to use to feed the machine data to analyze. Imagine being able to go through these cards and read your history, release the emotional impact, and free yourself from habits, hurts, and traumas. Going back in time to examine an injury has tremendous value. When we carry these earlier traumas and injuries without examining them, they will impact the present in surprising ways.

A simple illustration of this is “the ham story.” Forgive me if you have heard this before, but here goes: A young wife is preparing a boneless ham for a big family dinner. Before she cooks it, she cuts the ends off and then puts it in the oven. Her daughter asks why she wastes the ends. She replies her mother showed her how to do this. So they ask grandmother, who replies her mother taught her to do it this way. On to the great-grandmother, who replies, “I only had one pan, and I had to cut the ends off to make it fit.”

We all have these early experiences where some resource is missing, and we make an adjustment that becomes a process that we repeat ultimately to our detriment. As we move forward in life, we continue to use this method even when it is not necessary, does not apply, or truly undermines us.

Want to explore how comfort food connects to memory and emotion? Visit Cooknight’s history of biscuits and gravy, Southern Foodways Alliance’s podcast on the emotional life of eating, and WFLA’s science behind comfort food cravings.

If you’re ready to examine the patterns you’ve inherited and rewrite your emotional story, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal transformation.

BOYS START WITH A BROADER EMOTIONAL CAPABILITY

Evolution, Expression, and the Case for Emotional Reclamation

Emotional depth isn’t a deficit—it’s a birthright. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how boys enter the world with expansive emotional potential, and how cultural shifts can help reclaim that capacity for connection and growth.

Research consistently shows that boys are born with a broader range of emotional expressions than girls. This may seem counterintuitive given cultural stereotypes, but the data is clear: male infants display more varied emotional responses, especially in early development. So why would this difference exist?

Evolution may offer clues. In early human societies, males often took on roles that required high-stakes decision-making, environmental awareness, and survival strategy. To be a successful hunter, a man needed:

• Stealth: to move undetected
• Accuracy: to strike with precision
• Assessment: to evaluate threats and opportunities

Each of these skills demands emotional nuance—fear, anticipation, empathy, and even restraint. The broader emotional range may have been adaptive, helping males navigate unpredictable terrain and social dynamics. But somewhere along the way, culture began to suppress this range. Boys were taught to “man up,” to hide vulnerability, and to equate emotional expression with weakness.

Today, the environment has changed. Men are no longer required to stalk prey for survival. Instead, they are raising children, creating art, building communities, and navigating complex emotional landscapes. The emotional skills once essential for survival are now essential for connection.

Reclaiming emotional expression isn’t about reversing evolution—it’s about adapting again. It’s about recognizing that boys are born with emotional depth and giving them the space to grow into it. As Psychology Today’s article notes, boys thrive when given safe, supportive environments that validate their feelings and model emotional intelligence.

Want to explore the science behind gender and emotional expression? Visit The Emotional Intelligence Training Company’s meta-analysis of gender differences.

If you’re ready to support emotional growth in boys—or reflect on your own emotional development—therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and gender-informed care.

LEAN INTO NATURE

Rabbits, Gardens, and the Wild Truth Beneath the Cuteness

Nature isn’t always gentle—it’s persistent. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the tension between idyllic wildlife imagery and the gritty reality of gardening, and how leaning into nature means embracing both beauty and chaos.

What could this possibly mean? I am surrounded by nature. Even in the concrete depths of the city, nature abounds: birds in the park, bugs on the screens, rats in the sewers… Oh, and tons and tons of people! Nature is inescapable. The mice that find their way into the kitchen are a part of nature. The squirrels that ravage the potted plants on the porch are a part of nature. And let’s not forget the rabbits invading the garden.

Rabbits get center stage in children’s books. They are cute, sometimes mischievous, and always loved. Remember the mischievous Peter who sneaks into the garden and gets chased all over the place before escaping and returning home to his disappointed mother? And how about the little girl with the bunny that she loses on the way to the laundromat, but she is so young that she cannot make a verbal report. She and her parents must be good sleuths to uncover the mystery and find the bunny. Many children get stuffed bunnies as their first plush toy. Christians have an entire holiday devoted to the Easter Bunny!

Clearly these people have never planted a garden!

Bunnies are the terrorists of the animal kingdom. They come at night! They destroy your plantings while you are sleeping! And they do not actually eat the plant! They saw it off at the base where the stem enters the ground and leave the flower decorating the soil. They even deign to leave “teeth marks on the woodier plants” as an announcement that you are helpless! And they come in crowds. Coming home after dark one night, the headlights shone across the backyard revealing dozens of reflecting beady eyes as the rabbits munched on everything available.

I know that my fellow gardeners will understand that rabbits are just not my favorite animal. Though I will admit that I have purchased them stuffed for numerous little girls! That is their best look! And my front door is graced by a composite stone rabbit. What can I say?

Want to explore how to coexist with rabbits while protecting your garden? Visit Nature’s Mace guide to rabbit-proof gardening, Humane Gardener’s tips for gardening with rabbits, and Farmstand’s permaculture strategies for rabbit management.

If nature’s unpredictability is stirring frustration or reflection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and environmental harmony.

THE LIFE OF A WOMAN

Three Acts, One Voice, and the Power of Reinvention

Womanhood isn’t linear—it’s layered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how gender roles shape each stage of life, and how women continue to redefine identity, purpose, and power across generations.

A friend of mine recently described the life of a woman as a three-act play. Act 1 is childhood where your fathers and mothers guide you to understand your role in life as a female. Act 2 is adulthood, where you begin to live out the training, get challenged, and modify the path or not. Act 3 is retirement, where you seek to find your role while aging and leaving your stamp on the world around you or the broader universe.

What act are you in?

Act 1
Our parents have clear ideas of how boys and girls should be, and they communicate those ideas to us in subtle and direct ways. Think for a minute about how your role as a female was prescribed in childhood. As I work with families now, I see some changes from when I was a girl, but surprisingly the changes are less than I imagined or hoped for. Yes, girls are active in sports and get scholarships to college; however, their parents are still concerned about how they look, what they wear, and whether they are liked by their peers. Now, those things are of value, but they still smack of compliance and deference. The sons and brothers get little to none of these comments. Why not challenge your girl to be strong, questioning, defiant, and aggressive? Where is the creativity, the challenge to the ordinary, the adventure, and risk-taking?

Act 2
Now that she has her college degree, what is the conversation at home? How much time do the parents spend on her boyfriend and his prospects? Too often, the conversation turns to marriage and children. Yes, I realize that women have a limited time to procreate, and men have virtually no time clock. However, women now have a strong interest in careers, and they have become exceptional multi-taskers. They advance in their chosen fields while managing the home and children. Yes, men participate more than they used to, but in most families, the female remains the organizer and go-to person for domestic plans. Too often, women talk about having two full-time jobs: one outside of the home and one inside. Women sit on the highest court in the land and still manage the grocery list.

Act 3
Upon retiring from their full-time jobs, women are continuing to look for meaning and purpose. Volunteer work, social clubs, and community service begin to dominate. In some ways, these are holding places while the woman figures out what Act 3 will really be. Some find themselves back in school and preparing for a new phase of life. One of my friends is pursuing her interest in art because as a girl, she was discouraged from pursuing her talent for fear that she would never be able to support herself. I have seen a piece of her recent work in progress, and her parents were so very wrong! With our lifespans extended, Act 3 is truly possible. Many women will come close to spending as much time in their retirement as they spent in their careers or raising a family. Yikes! If you fall in this age category, what is your Act 3?

Want to explore how gender roles evolve across life stages? Visit A Doll’s House: A Feminist Critique of Gender Dynamics, BookBrief’s summary of A Doll’s House, and IPL.org’s analysis of gender roles in Ibsen’s play.

If you’re reflecting on identity, purpose, or transitions, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and life-stage transformation.

WALKING THE HARDWOOD

Emotional Reflection, Precision, Patriotism, and the Ground Beneath Our Choices

Some floors are built to last—and some moments ask us to stand firm. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection draws on the legacy of wartime manufacturing and the metaphor of hardwood stability to explore civic responsibility and emotional grounding.

Walking the Hardwood: Serving the Fleet from 21st and Arlington 1942–1996 is a compact but powerful book by Barbara Biersdorfer and Deborah Edwards that chronicles the story of a Navy manufacturing plant in Indianapolis during World War II. In a landlocked state, far from the coasts, precision metal parts were crafted by skilled machinists—many of whom, like the author’s father, served with honor even if they couldn’t enlist.

The plant’s success hinged on one unexpected element: the floor. To stabilize massive metalworking machines, layers of hardwood were laid in alternating directions and polished to a gleam. This flooring wasn’t decorative—it was foundational. It allowed for infinitesimal precision, consistency, and reliability. It was, quite literally, the ground that made excellence possible.

As we approach a national election, the metaphor becomes poignant. The ground beneath us feels unstable. The machinery of democracy—our institutions, our discourse, our leadership—can’t function with precision if the foundation is shaky. We need hardwood. We need integrity, clarity, and civic craftsmanship.

Want to explore the historical significance of hardwood in American manufacturing and architecture? Visit American Hardwood Information Center’s tribute to hardwood in U.S. history, Hardwood Floors Magazine’s feature on industry evolution, and Calabrese Flooring’s overview of hardwood’s legacy.

If you’re reflecting on legacy, stability, or civic responsibility, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and historical reflection.

COVERED BRIDGES

Emotional Reflection, Craftsmanship, and the Charm of Simpler Times

Covered bridges aren’t just structures—they’re storytellers. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how these wooden spans evoke memory, community, and the enduring beauty of rural Americana.

I was raised in the Midwest where the countryside still had a few covered bridges, and the Chew Mail Pouch Tobacco signs were painted on many barns. Fields with fences also had these small signs on fence posts that, when read in order, were little ditties about Berma Shave. Only Nevada and Massachusetts missed the thrill of these signs. The company deemed the traffic in Nevada to be too sparse and the foliage in Massachusetts to be too heavy.

I recently learned that due to copyright laws you cannot put a Mail Pouch Barn in a painting unless you pay a royalty. Go figure. The farmer got his barn painted all over with the advertisement on as many sides as could be seen from the road. Most of the time, that meant one side. The farmer also got paid a whopping $1 a year for accepting the ad. That makes me wonder if current houses could be used for advertising. A Wheaties box could go on the front of your house, or how about a giant Band Aid!

Covered bridges were also wonderful places for advertising. Some were painted on the outside with signs like Coca-Cola or sometimes the bridge would carry the name of the town. Often the inside of the bridge would be plastered with local posters or advertising. Remember that people are riding through these bridges on buggies and horse-drawn wagons. There was no racing through in a Tesla.

The bridge itself had to be covered to extend its life. Since the building material was wood or logs, protection from the elements was necessary unless you wanted to rebuild that thing every couple of years. The survival of the covered bridge is quite remarkable. The oldest covered bridge in the United States was built in 1825 on a private estate. The bridge is now a part of Glimmerglass State Park in New York. You might want to put this on your bucket list. If you are a baseball fan and plan to visit Cooperstown, New York, then you will not be far off from the bridge. In fact, they are only 11 minutes apart according to Google Maps. And, by the way, buckets were also once made of wood.

I have fond memories of covered bridges. Roaming the countryside in Indiana, you were bound to come across one. Stopping in the middle to read the worn posters, carved initials, and other random things was always interesting. I hope they continue to survive.

Want to explore the history and preservation of covered bridges? Visit Historic Sites USA’s timeline of covered bridges, History Facts’ overview of why bridges were covered, and Discover Vintage America’s tribute to covered bridge nostalgia.

If you’re reflecting on memory, place, or the passage of time, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal storytelling.

CLINGING TO THE STATUS QUO

Comfort, Curiosity, and the Courage to Explore

Familiarity feels safe—but growth lives just beyond it. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how our attachment to routine can soothe us, but also limit us, and how small acts of curiosity can unlock new dimensions of joy and resilience.

Yes. You know what I am talking about!

The familiar is so comfy and cozy. I’ll bet you have some favorites. Let’s see.

• Do you have a favorite blanket?
• Do you have a favorite chair or spot in the house?
• Do you have a favorite place that you like to go for food or fun?

See. I knew you had favorites. Now you probably do not think of yourself as “clinging” to these things. That is a verb that conjures up a sense of desperation or some last-ditch effort to meet a need. Clinging smacks of being overly dependent. On the other hand, if you are a fashion model then clinging is a desirable trait. “The gown was clinging to her body in a sensuous and glamorous way.” Now, that is an incredibly positive use of the verb.

Change can be hard, and it can be surprising. Change contains a piece of the unknown and most of us like the familiar. We take a sense of comfort and security out of the familiar. We all need comfort and, in that way, embracing the familiar is truly positive. Yet, we can let that attachment block us from considering something new or innovative. When was the last time you embraced something new? How often have you gone in search of a new method or process? When your friend wants to try a new restaurant, are you excited, or do you wish you did not have to drive that far or adjust to a new place?

Take a moment and think about the “regular” things that you do. How many of you go to the same place for vacation? Buy your clothes from the same store? Order in from the same restaurant? All of these satisfy our need for safety.

We also have a need for adventure and variety. Many of us fail to explore this part of ourselves. Yet, there are numerous ways to do this and still maintain a sense of safety. Think about the book genre that you enjoy. Explore new reading territory. You may be surprised that your taste in literature can change. Think about the TV shows that you gravitate to and explore new types of entertainment. Think about the music you play and try new tunes.

Challenging your brain to address fresh territory is healthy. You are less likely to get Alzheimer’s if you challenge your brain to explore fresh territory. Our brains are huge, and we use so little of that storage and problem-solving space. Learn a new game. Try new types of music. Learn a new language. Explore!

Want to explore how comfort zones shape behavior and how to break free? Visit Made Up Mind’s guide to overcoming status quo bias and Observing Myself’s questions for challenging the status quo.

If you’re ready to stretch beyond the familiar and explore new emotional territory, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal expansion.

BAKED INTO THE CAKE

Mixers, Inclusion, and the Ingredients of Belonging

Some things aren’t just learned—they’re baked in. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how baking becomes a metaphor for emotional connection, and how the kitchen offers a model for inclusion, training, and appreciation in everyday relationships.

I love to bake. That is just one of my favorite things. I also love my KitchenAid Stand mixer, particularly because it is PINK! Equipment is key to a good bake. Don’t you think? When focusing on the kitchen, we tend to take our equipment quite seriously. There is the favorite wooden spoon or maybe a few of them for different purposes. Then comes the pots and pans with their specialty bottoms and just the right one that only gets used for pancakes. In the Kitchen, we tend to be quite thoughtful about our equipment.

What equipment do we use when working with others? If you were to visit a professional kitchen, you might be quite surprised at the language and tone that flies around the room while preparing that special meal for a customer. In your own kitchen, how do the helpers get treated? The opportunity to engage, to train, and to love is so present in the kitchen. When a child is old enough to reach the table is the perfect time to give them the chore of setting the silverware. As they grow, they get to set the plates and napkins. Stools come in handy for reaching the counter to help roll the cookie dough in the sugar or drop batter into the muffin cups. The kitchen is one of the first places where a child gets a sense of responsibility and feels the joy of contributing and being acknowledged. The power of being included, expected, trained, and appreciated cannot be underestimated.

These are experiences that we all long to have. When our friends make plans, we want to be included. When we arrive home from school or work, we want to be expected and greeted with interest. We need that attention. When a challenge is presented, we want to be trained to meet that challenge and become competent. When we have completed the task, we want to be appreciated. These are common to all humans, and we never really lose these desires, no matter how old we are. Our desire to be known, to be of value, and appreciated is baked into us from the beginning.

How are you meeting this need in those that you love and care for?

Want to explore how baking fosters emotional connection and well-being? Visit TableSTL’s guide to baking and emotional connection, Baking Kneads’ article on sharing baked goods, and LifeYourWay’s overview of baking for self-care.

If you’re reflecting on inclusion, appreciation, or emotional nourishment, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support relational growth and emotional insight.

FALL PLANTING

Perennials, Planning, and the Music of the Garden

Fall isn’t the end—it’s the beginning. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how autumn planting sets the stage for spring beauty, and how sensory gardens offer year-round joy, connection, and renewal.

The gardener in you will immediately know what I am talking about. Fall is the perfect time to plant those perennials that you will depend on in the spring. Astilbe, Meadow Sweet, Coreopsis, Arkansas Blue Star, Coneflower, etc. The beauty of perennials is that they return each year to give you pleasure. What else could do that? Consistent beauty. Lovely scents. And many of them attract beautiful butterflies and hummingbirds. The perennials will give pleasure year after year. Of course, you will have to do a bit of weeding as nature always provides a challenge.

One of the joys of a flower garden is that it stimulates all of your senses. Of course, many of the flowers are fragrant, and I suppose that is part of what attracts butterflies and birds. Just like us, they cannot help but stick their noses into the sweet-smelling flowers. The colors are also attractive. Bright yellows, luscious whites, blues, and oranges all come together like a gorgeous painting. The eyes are delighted! And if you have a sweet bench to sit on, you will be rewarded with the sounds of the garden as well. Oh! I bet you did not realize that the garden has its own music to present.

Sit quietly on the bench in the corner of the garden. The Anemones stand tall along the fence and wave their stems in the breeze. As they gently touch each other, a luscious swish rises on the wind. Even though the Clematis is attached to a trellis so that it can climb and climb, the wind moves the vines around, and even the trellis creaks. The sage grass, gorgeous in purple, does a wild swish swish as its tendrils are tossed in the breeze. And even the bees and butterflies make their own music as they move from bloom to bloom.

The garden is a lovely place to sit. The time on your hands and knees was worth it. The sweat dripping off your nose was worth it. The dragging of bags of dirt and mulch was worth it.

Now, you are looking forward to the winter when the catalogs start to roll in, and you can dream and plan for the next growing season. Perhaps that ground cover that you thought was lovely has taken over too much space, and you are going to rip it out. What will take its place? Perhaps the Hollyhock that you were looking forward to because you remember making dolls out of the blooms just could not thrive and must be replaced. How about a rose bush?

The evenings sitting by the fire will be filled with planning and ordering.

Want to explore fall planting and sensory garden design? Visit The Garden Magazine’s guide to fall sensory gardens, Brooklyn Botanic Garden’s advice on fall perennials, and Nature Hills’ tips for designing a fall sensory garden.

If gardening stirs reflection or emotional renewal, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support seasonal insight and personal growth.