Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

ROOTED

Adversity, Vendettas, and the Soil That Holds Us

Sometimes it’s a squirrel. Sometimes it’s something deeper. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how unexpected disruptions—whether in flowerpots or relationships—challenge our resilience and remind us to stay rooted in support systems that nourish us.

Well, I have just observed a bizarre occurrence outside the kitchen window. Our deck holds a pot of newly planted dahlias. They have grown about four inches high, giving lots of promise for beautiful blooms. If you are not familiar with the dahlia, think of a pompom. Remember those things that the cheerleaders used in high school or that you have seen the professional football cheerleaders use? Colorful, puffy! They will sway in the breeze. The thing that you plant looks like a small potato. The blooms are brightly colored puffballs. Anyway, back to the kitchen window. I watch a squirrel hop into the pot and furiously throw dirt around. Up comes the tuber. Oh no! This squirrel is going to eat my dahlia. Nope! The monstrous squirrel throws it on the deck, raises its head in a prideful stance, and hops off the deck. YIKES! Who knew that squirrels had a vendetta against dahlias?

Of course, that makes me wonder with whom I have a vendetta and what it takes to have a vendetta with anyone. A 2022 film starring Bruce Willis, titled “Vendetta,” tells the story of a father seeking retribution for the murder of his daughter and getting caught in a never-ending blood feud. Vendettas have been a part of human history forever. Clan warfare in the 19th century may have popularized the term. The root of the word is Italian, but regardless of the language, it always means a bloody sequence of battles.

I will tell you that I have a vendetta against that squirrel right now! All I can do is replant the tuber and hope that it survives the next attack. When you feel “put upon,” what do you do? Some will say that they pray for guidance and relief. Some will say that they ruminate in hopes that the sting of the injustice will pass. Others will bury the hurt to be kind and forgiving. Some will be able to let it go and offer genuine forgiveness. I am thinking of all the traps I can set for the squirrel.

We all must learn to manage adversity. The dahlia tuber is truly minor in the scheme of things. Life digs into and turns us around, and we must develop a way of responding to these hurts and traumas. None of us is immune. We must figure out how we will respond, what resources we will lean into, and where our supports lie. Your support can be spiritual, physical, interpersonal, intellectual, or a variety of other things. The important part to remember is that you must know your support system because the squirrel will inevitably dig up something of value.

Want to explore how resilience and support systems help us stay rooted? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to building support systems, Harvard’s working paper on resilience and relationships, and PACEsConnection’s Pair of ACEs Tree model.

If you’re ready to strengthen your roots and respond to life’s squirrels with clarity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and personal growth.

“TELL ME MORE”

Mastery, Emotional Growth, and the Power of Letting Others Lead

“Tell me more” may sound supportive, but sometimes it interrupts a deeper process. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional growth, mastery, and autonomy are shaped by our ability to wait, listen, and trust others to find their own way.

This is the standard phrase for many therapists. Perhaps it is the standard phrase for one of your friends as well. But what does it mean? What does it portend? Is the therapist or the friend expecting some grand disclosure? The expectation seems to be high when in actuality, I just want to keep going until I feel finished or done. If you give me a second and don’t jump in, I can pretty much get there on my own. Now, I am not saying that you don’t mean well, but it is a bit like offering help that I don’t really need.

Do you remember those scenes? Someone offers you help that you don’t really need and certainly don’t want. As a result, some little irritation forms, and you are diminished rather than elevated. This happens quite frequently with children. They are in the process of developing mastery. And yes, they are struggling a bit, but they are persistent, and if you just wait, they will accomplish the task on their own and feel quite proud of themselves. However, for some reason, you cannot wait. You jump ahead of them and complete the task for them. That message is powerful.

One of the worst cases of this that I have ever seen is an elementary school boy who is slow to complete written assignments. When he is done, they are appropriate for his age and quite a stable product. However, his mother cannot tolerate the time it takes him to think through what he wants to write and to produce the product. So, she writes the papers for him and sends him out to play. I am not kidding. She writes the papers for him and sends him out to play. The powerful message is that “you are not good at writing things or thinking through things.” That message sticks, and all the way through high school, she writes his papers. Then he goes off to college, and she stays home! He has been robbed of his own intellect. I know he can think. I know he can create. I know he can research and synthesize, but he does not know this. The task of relearning and undoing the damage done by our “well-meaning” parents is a difficult process.

Some children/grownups take up the challenge and have success. Some avoid the challenge and stay stuck in lower-level places where they don’t belong. Some fall further into the hole and cannot get out.

I think of this when I want to jump in and rescue. I ask myself if I am helping them or helping me. That is a serious question that we should all be asking. Sometimes you just must miss the bus to give that child time to tie the shoes. I would much rather see that child’s smile in mastering the shoe-tying exercise than meet the bus driver’s schedule.

Want to explore emotional mastery further? Visit Eggcellent Work’s guide to emotional mastery, Douglas Noll’s 8 steps to emotional mastery, Ryan Zofay’s step-by-step guide to mastering emotions, and Psychology Today’s article on emotional regulation.

If you’re ready to support autonomy and step back from rescuing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that nurture emotional growth and healthy independence.

Share my blog posts with your friends and neighbors. Go to www.drvanderhorst.com to sign up for my blog. At the bottom of the first page, add your email and click on subscribe.

APPRECIATION

Intuition, Reflexes, and the Brain’s Quiet Genius

Appreciation isn’t just a feeling—it’s a neurological symphony. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how gratitude, intuition, and reflexes reveal the brain’s brilliance and how honoring these moments can deepen emotional insight and personal safety.

The recent Memorial Day got me thinking about appreciation. Who do I appreciate and why? Who do you appreciate and why? Appreciation is a feeling. How does it happen, and where do you experience it in your body? All our feelings have an impact on our bodies. In fact, some feelings can send us completely out of our bodies. People in extreme situations of fear often report the experience of being outside their bodies and watching an event take place from a position above. They report a sensation of leaving their bodies and becoming an observer. They watch a scene unfold as though they are not truly present. While this is rare, the phenomenon is of great interest when we think about how feelings are held and processed in our bodies. Observing from above is associated with intense fear. Your brain makes a quick decision and either experiences pain from inside your body or outside. I am amazed at the quick and protective decisions our brains make.

It is important to appreciate our brains’ automatic and quick choices. Sometimes, I think we should have a “Brain Appreciation Moment.” BAM! I marvel at how my brain processes information, reacts before I am fully conscious of the situation, and functions to protect me. One example is the intuition that a car is about to cross into my lane and hit me if I do not slow down. BAM! Reflexes keep us safe. Your brain experiences that object flying towards you and ducks before you realize you are in danger. Your whole body flinches and stops you before you step into that hole. Our bodies seem to have their own “force field” to protect us from harm.

What about intuition? We are all capable of projecting into the future. We have an innate sense of potential danger or future outcomes. I am not saying that we attend to it regularly; however, how many times have you said to yourself or others, “I thought that was going to happen.” Really? That is amazing! We do get these feelings or visions of the future. Think of what our brains must be processing to make those predictions.

Because we live in a community, we also benefit from others’ intuition. Think about the parent who grabs a child’s hand just before they are about to step off the curb and get hit by a passing car. Think about the friend who calls you one morning and asks you to stay home because they just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen. I remember a friend heading off on a safari and looking forward to riding an elephant. Her husband was dragging his feet and caused them to miss the plane to their destination. He just felt like the elephant was not a promising idea, and he was right. The elephant bolted and killed the rider that day. How does intuition work? We really do not know.

Want to explore how appreciation and intuition shape brain function? Visit NeuroLaunch’s guide to the neuroscience of appreciation, PositivePsychology.com’s overview of gratitude and brain health, and Integrity Psychological Services’ article on rewiring the brain through gratitude.

If you’re ready to explore your emotional reflexes and deepen your appreciation for intuition, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and cognitive resilience.

LET YOURSELF EAVESDROP!

Curiosity, Reflection, and the Art of Listening

Eavesdropping isn’t always snooping—it can be a gateway to empathy. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how overhearing public conversations can spark curiosity, deepen understanding, and revive the lost art of human connection.

Ok, I know your mother told you never to eavesdrop. It is not polite. It is none of your business. No one likes a snoop. And many other cautions were directed at you. However, let’s ask….. WHY NOT? They are in public. They are within earshot. How could I not hear them? And if I hear them, is that really eavesdropping or just being present! So, you are at the boarding gate at the airport. Or you are at the neighborhood playground with your toddler, and numerous others are there with their toddlers. Please, do not tell me that you are bringing earplugs and not going to overhear what they are saying! We all eavesdrop. We can’t avoid it.

What I am saying is that you naturally hear the conversations of others. Now, instead of trying not to hear them, change your perspective and listen. Listen well. Listen with empathy. Listen with passion. Listen with curiosity.

After you listen, stop and reflect. What are you hearing? What does it mean? What are you learning and observing about human nature? The process of reflection seems to be a lost art. When was the last time that you gave yourself time to reflect on what is happening around you? Your 5th grader has announced that she is a vegetarian. Where did that come from? How curious are you? When will you take time to sit with her and hear the story of how she came to this announcement. What are her hopes for herself? For the animals that she will not eat? For the environment that will result? Your 5th grader is thinking deeply. Be curious. Join her in that curiosity. Do some research. Read about vegetarians and the advantages and the health implications. Start a conversation.

Do we even remember how to engage in conversation? We are all so focused on our phones, and watching Snapchat videos and reading Twitter comments that we have lost the art of engaging others.

Want to explore how overhearing and reflection shape empathy? Read [Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst’s original post](https://drvanderhorst.com/let-yourself-eavesdrop/), or explore [Laitman.com’s perspective on human nature and eavesdropping](https://laitman.com/2021/03/human-nature-peep-and-eavesdrop/). For deeper insight into nature and reflection, visit [Center for Humans & Nature’s essay on wide-eyed wonderment](https://humansandnature.org/seeing-ourselves-as-a-part-of-nature-a-reflection-of-wide-eyed-wonderment/) and [Spirituality+Health’s guide to seeing ourselves through nature](https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/articles/2018/04/17/seeing-ourselves-through-nature).

If you’re ready to reconnect with curiosity and conversation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.

DON’T PUT ME ON A TIMER

Questions, Conditioning, and the Emotional Reflexes We Carry

Timers may measure minutes, but our reactions are shaped by years. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how childhood programming influences our responses, how curiosity can be stifled by fear, and how reclaiming the right to ask questions can unlock emotional freedom.

A friend of mine will soon have surgery and has heard that the surgery will take about an hour. He requests, “Do not wake me up until it ends.” Estimating things is an art. How long will it take? How much will it cost? How will I know? When will it happen? When will it end? What will it be like? We could generate many more questions. Our brains are good at coming up with questions. Remember when you were a toddler? Many of us have memories going back that far, and if you do not have memories of your own, you may have experiences of being with toddlers. They are question machines. And unlike a vending machine, you do not have to prompt them or insert coins at all. They must come preprogrammed with questions.

Questions show our interest as well as our ignorance. Sometimes, we fail to ask questions for fear of showing our ignorance. Gearing up to just let the questions fly is a form of art. Let yourself believe that you have a right to ask. I remember a professor telling the class there were no stupid questions, only stupid people who failed to ask. So, do not be stupid. Give yourself permission to ask. Who knows where that could lead?

I am sure each of you has a personal story related to this concept. The stories range from the simple, such as not noticing that the door opens “in” instead of “out,” to the tragic loss of a friend because you failed to ask, “What’s wrong?”

Think about the last time you wanted to ask a question but did not. Examine how that felt. Remember what happened next. We often avoid asking questions because we have been through something before and expect a repeat of our past experience or because we fear no one will care. Imagine going to an event and sitting down with a friend. As you begin chatting, another person comes along, claims that your seat was supposed to be reserved for her, and asks you to move. First, there is the surprise of being interrupted, then the shock of the request. How do you respond? Your early training kicks in here and will determine the next thirty seconds. If your childhood has been seasoned with bullying and insults, you will defer or bristle and push back. If your childhood has been seasoned with the Southern training of politeness and giving way to power over, you will cede your seat and find another spot.

Our early training pops up with frequency. We have these “little programs” from childhood, and they turn on automatically. Only in hindsight do we find other ways of responding. Our early training is programmed in right/wrong and good/bad endpoints. We call this Concrete Reasoning. In many ways, the name is quite appropriate as our solutions are set in stone, and we react before we can think of an alternative. We are either out of the seat or in a fight immediately. Only in retrospect can we think of various alternatives. Our developmental timer goes off before we can think.

Want to explore how childhood programming shapes adult behavior? Visit iNLP Center’s guide to healing childhood programming and Janet Lansbury’s reflection on timers and child development. For parenting insights, see Huckleberry’s guide to using timers with kids.

If you’re ready to examine your reflexes and rewrite your responses, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and behavioral change.

HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION

Friendship, Growth, and the Journey Ahead

Graduation isn’t just a ceremony—it’s a turning point. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the emotional complexity of high school graduation, the shifting nature of friendships, and the bittersweet beauty of moving forward while honoring the past.

Remember this experience? Several families around me are preparing for this event. Caps and gowns are ordered. Practicing walking across the stage in some schools has begun. Proms are scheduled, and many schools have planned elaborate after-parties that will go on until the early morning. A safe venue for graduates to hang out, get silly, and celebrate a milestone is a wonderful idea. Teens are also making plans to go to the beach, the lake, the mountains, or any place where they can get a bit wild and let out the emotions that have been building as high school ends.

It is a bittersweet reality that your friends will scatter across the globe. The familiar connections in the halls, on campus, and in your neighborhoods will now stretch thin, becoming less frequent and often spanning different time zones. One friend might be off to college in Ireland, another to Canada, and a few more to the West Coast. Some have chosen colleges in the Midwest, while others are heading to the Deep South. The map of your friends’ locations resembles a sprawling spider web, a testament to the vastness of the world and the diversity of your friendships.

Perhaps it reminds you of “Charlotte’s Web” by E.B. White. In the story, a friendship is built between a little piglet and a spider in the barn. The spider advocates for saving the pig from becoming pork chops, and they build a loving relationship. Charlotte, the spider, devises a way to save Wilbur from slaughter by making him famous. Her plot is pure genius. Even though they are an unlikely pair, they delight us with schemes and warm our hearts with their care for each other. Many times, our high school friends feel this way, too. We develop a bond that we swear will last a lifetime. Alas, Charlotte, though saving Wilbur, cannot save herself from succumbing to the natural life cycle. Just like some of your high school relationships will also die.

Just like your high school friends will leave, Charlotte must go. Others come to take her place, and new bonds are formed. The same happens as you move from high school to college, where new friends will emerge, and bonds will be formed. Some of us are fortunate to keep a connection or two from high school and carry those friendships forward. Others form strong bonds in college and have periodic reunions with their college friends. Building and rebuilding connections is the pattern of our lives. You marry, and suddenly, your friend group shifts again to include more couples and fewer singles. You have children, and now you are off on big camping trips with several families so the children can be watched by many, and the adults can relax in clumps.

Examine where you are now. Page back to your high school days. Bring those memories forward. If you have your yearbook, drag it out and look through the book and the signatures and notes that classmates left. Reflection is a healthy exercise. Let your curiosity about any of those teens be satisfied. Surely, you can find one or two just by searching the web. When we go back in time, we can validate our history and reflect on how we have come to this current place. Developmentally, high school was the launching pad. Enjoy!

Want to celebrate high school friendships or reconnect with classmates? Explore Friendshipsy’s graduation quotes for high school friends. If graduation is stirring reflection or emotional shifts, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support transitions, identity, and emotional growth.

ARE YOU YOUR OWN CON ARTIST?

Self-Deception, Transparency, and the Courage to Change

Con artists don’t just live in headlines—they sometimes live in our own minds. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how subtle self-deception can keep us stuck, and how transparency, though risky, can lead to emotional clarity and personal growth.

Whoa! Why would I ever imagine that you are a con artist? Those people go around fooling others and taking advantage of them. Bernie Madoff was a con artist, and I am surely not in his category. He took conning others to an art level. Isn’t his name hilarious? He “made off” with so many people’s money for so long! But I am not talking about that kind of deceit. I am talking about self-deception. We tend to have ways of conning ourselves that are subtle and not so pretty or successful. We long for the stable, the predictable, the comfortable. Yet, if we take a step back and look at our lives as they unfold, we will have difficulty finding those elements without noticing the inconvenient, frustrating, irritating, disappointing, and yes, deceptive.

We tend to call the deceptive “little white lies”. How often have you told someone that you are not available for lunch or that you are not feeling well and will catch them next time? Oh, now you know what I am talking about. We all struggle to be transparent. Why do we want to protect ourselves so much? What would happen if we were transparent?

“Susan, we have hung out together for a long time, and in the course of that time, I have changed and grown, and you have stayed the same. I must make a change and am not interested in our weekly chats anymore.”

Wow, would that blow you away? Or would that open space for you? Space that you could use to be more productive, or more social, or more relaxed. Being transparent is hard. It comes with risks. And it also comes with rewards. My friend Susan has a choice: she can accept some modification to our friendship. It does not have to end. It just must change. Or she can walk away from the friendship, which may not be my intent, or my need. I just can’t spend 2 hours a week listening to the same stories and providing the same empathy.

Change is risky. But if you stay in that rut, you are conning yourself and your friend.

Want to explore the psychology of self-deception and emotional honesty? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to self-deception, Inc.com’s breakdown of why we believe lies, and Truity’s article on emotional manipulation and transparency.

If you’re ready to stop conning yourself and start living with clarity, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional honesty and personal transformation.

Share my blog posts with your friends and neighbors. Go to www.drvanderhorst.com to sign up for my blog. At the bottom of the first page. Add your email and click on subscribe.

MY TEEN NEEDS COUNSELING

Respecting Resistance, Reframing Support, and Rebuilding Connection

When a teen refuses therapy, it’s not the end of the road—it’s an invitation to shift the approach. For families in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how parental involvement, emotional respect, and therapeutic modeling can open the door to healing, even when teens say “no.”

I have received calls from parents with that message on several different occasions. The next sentence is: “My teen is refusing to speak to someone. What do I do?”

Let us look at the situation. Mom and/or Dad have identified a problem and generated a solution. This sounds perfectly normal and rational. If your teen has a fever, you call the doctor and report the symptom to get help. If your teen breaks a bone, you call the ambulance and take a ride to the hospital. Your teen is isolating, acting out, constantly nervous, sad, you call a therapist and say that your teen needs therapy. You are, of course, correct; however, your teen is refusing to go to therapy. Unless your teen is suicidal, there is no ambulance for emotional symptoms that interfere with successful functioning.

Most parents in this situation try to “force feed” therapy or bribe their teen into therapy. I get the emotional intensity that the parent feels. They are afraid, and they have good reason to be afraid. In 2022, 14 out of every 100,000 teens committed suicide. While that statistic may be considered small as a number: .01 percent. I would say that no percentage of teen suicides is acceptable. Teens are just beginning to explore their personalities and how they fit in the world. We want all of them to complete the experiment and find their place.

At the same time, we want to respect where they are emotionally. If we teach them to “just say no” to drugs, alcohol, and unprotected sex, shouldn’t we be able to respect their “no thank you” to therapy? Now, yes, I am a therapist. I know that therapy is effective and that in some cases it is critical and necessary, and in those cases the person should be hospitalized to receive proper treatment.
I also know that respecting the adolescent’s “no” is important. So, what am I advising?

When your adolescent needs treatment and is refusing to go that is the time for the parents, both parents, to put themselves in therapy with a competent and well-trained therapist who has a strong history of helping adolescents. That therapist will be able to guide the parents in modifying their parenting and examining what they are doing that contributes to the emotional distress of their teen. As the parents change, I have seen the teens open-up to the idea of using therapy for themselves.

Want to learn more about how parental involvement can support teen therapy? Explore Katy Counseling’s guide to the role of parents in teen counseling, Collier Psychological Services’ strategies for effective support, and Eddins Counseling Group’s guide to teen therapy.

If you’re navigating resistance or want to model emotional growth for your teen, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support family healing and adolescent development.

GRAY WHALE

Extinction, Passage, and the Power of Memory

When a gray whale swims into the Atlantic after centuries of absence, it’s more than a biological anomaly—it’s a metaphor for resilience, rediscovery, and the emotional journeys we all undertake. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how unexpected returns—whether of whales or memories—can stir healing and transformation.

Did you see the excitement on the news over the Gray Whale spotted swimming in the Atlantic? This whale was thought to be extinct in the Atlantic and rare in the Pacific. Imagine! Extinct means gone! Dead! Disappeared! Nada! Then suddenly, there it is, swimming leisurely in the waters of the Atlantic. Where has this guy been? How did this whale get to the Atlantic? Thanks to global warming and the melting of the polar ice cap, scientists believe that it could have come through the Northwest Passage, which previously would only have been accessible to a submarine.

The first submarine to travel this path had to go deep under the ice with the fear that a way back to the surface may not have been found. Imagine that experience! Or have you already had that experience? Our lives can sometimes take us into deep, dark places where we question whether we will surface again. Losses can put us under the sea. A friend of mine recently gave a speech about her loss of a child. Just hearing the story came close to putting me under the sea, and she lived it. The loss of a child shakes us to the core. This is not the way that life is supposed to go.

The natural path of life is to be born, cared for, released to be on our own, grow up, grow old, and then leave. That is the natural order of things. When that natural order is disturbed, we are thrown off course. Some manage to find a new passage, and some are lost forever. That new passage may take many different forms. We hear on the news about parents who have lost a child and started a charity to help other families with similar problems. We see scholarships dedicated to others who have been lost or memorials established as reminders of those we love.

Remembering those we have loved is powerful and important. That person may be a part of your family, a friend that you depended on, or a colleague that you truly admired. Memories are powerful. They can give us comfort. They can spur us to action. They can surround us with love.

Who are the ones that you have lost? How do you honor them? In what way are they swimming back into the present and stirring you to act? You may not have traversed the North Pole, but the loss you have experienced has shaken you to the core. Honoring that loss is important. Recently, I helped a family honor the loss of a loved one. When we lose someone we love, we need to process that loss. This can be an exceedingly challenging task. I asked the family to collect things that reminded them of their attachment and place those things together in a prominent place in the house. They chose a small table in the front hall. One by one, they brought things to place on the table: pictures, rocks collected on a hike, a wooden spoon, and old birthday cards.

As the collection grew, their conversations grew as well. The pain of loss was being replaced by the stories of engagement, prowess, and silliness. A healing process was unfolding.

Want to learn more about the gray whale’s return to the Atlantic? Read about the recent sighting near Nantucket in ABC News.

If you’re navigating grief or seeking ways to honor someone you’ve lost, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support healing, remembrance, and emotional resilience.

BODY OF WORK

Resilience, Reflection, and the Legacy You’re Building

Your “Body of Work” isn’t reserved for the famous—it’s the sum of your choices, relationships, and contributions. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how your BOW (Body of Work) shapes your legacy, tests your resilience, and invites you to grow through both strength and surrender.

Do you realize that each of you has a “Body of Work”? We tend to think that only famous people have Bodies of Work: books, poems, inventions, discoveries. However, the truth is that each and every one of us is building a “Body of Work” every day. Now is the time to take responsibility for yours. You have a body of work in your profession, even if that is staying home and caring for your family. You have a body of work in your community. How will your neighbors talk about you, share their understanding of who you are, and remember you when you move? You have a body of work in your social interactions outside of your community. When people encounter you in the larger world, how will they share those encounters?

In the current world of acronyms your “Body of Work” is your BOW. Now, depending on the pronunciation, we can go in one of two directions. Let us start with the one that describes the front of a boat. The bow is upfront and takes the lead, which also means that it takes the brunt of the forces the boat is encountering. What forces are you encountering? How are you “taking” them? The bow is designed to cut through these forces and carry the boat forward in search of better places. When you encounter waves of challenge, pushback, and confrontation, I hope your bow can face them with dignity, security, and fortitude.

Now let us look at a different definition: Bow… to yield or bend. What happens to you in relationships when you are placed in the position of bending to the other? When you must yield on the highway, you do it with ease and grace. When you must yield in a relationship, the pause to wait and the deference to the other does not seem so easy. Discerning when to bow and when to fight can be exceedingly difficult. Yet, we are capable of it. At the same time, the emotion that tends to flood us is often a powerful resistance, as though we will be completely swept away if we bend. We should be more aware of our resilience in these moments and recognize that in discerning when to bend, we are gaining an opportunity to examine ourselves more closely. Personal growth comes from knowing when to stand strong and when to step aside. Both are valuable.

Want to explore how your personal growth contributes to resilience? Visit Aspire Atlas’s 12 strategies for building resilience and Psychology Today’s guide to unlocking resilience. For workplace insights, see PositivePsychology.com’s overview of resilience at work.

If you’re ready to shape your Body of Work with intention, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity, resilience, and legacy-building.