Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

HAPPINESS NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE

Scarves, Symbolism, and the Joy of Personal Expression

Scarves aren’t just accessories—they’re emotional amplifiers. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how scarves evoke joy, memory, and identity, and why their timeless charm continues to uplift the spirit.

I had lunch with some friends lately and as we are all females the conversation turned to fashion and the wearing of scarves. This practice seems to have gone out of style, though, I can clearly find YouTube clips on How to Wear a Scarf. The Scarf is truly a piece of history. Many women have collections of scarves that they have accumulated over time as they travel.

Scarves take on different meanings all around the world. The scarf can be an announcement of elegance. It can be a cover of necessity and protection. It can be a sign of social position. In some places the scarf is used for modesty. Or it can be a sign of belonging to a group. Scarves can be used for protection or for prayer.

Scarves stir our senses. Their decorations can take us to places we have experienced or long to experience. Have you ever noticed how a woman in a scarf will immediately attract your eye? Something about the color or drape draws attention in a way that a piece of clothing cannot. I think you would have to come to the party in a clown outfit to receive the immediate attention that a beautiful scarf attracts. And, lest you think this is a fashion for women, please remember that a man in a cravat will catch the eye just as quickly. Pity that few men use this mechanism anymore.

How you wear a scarf also matters. I remember an early training experience and a room full of women. The leader draped a large square scarf over her right shoulder and tied it at her waist on the left side. The drama was immediate. Everyone was focused on that scarf first and then their attention drifted to the woman wearing it. Trust me, she had command of the program in a way that no other accessory would have commanded.

The scarf is so simple. In schools or at summer camps, you can often find a group of children tie dying scarves. They can tie fabric in knots or wind rubber bands and string around the fabric in numerous ways and then dip the fabric in a variety of dyes. The final product is always a surprise. Hanging these creations on the clothesline to dry results in a riot of color and joy. Of course, your fingers may be stained as well, but the cost was worth the joy!

For some reason, scarves make us happy. That happiness may be based in a sense of safety as we cover our hair or in a sense of elation as we show off the design that captured our eye while strolling down a Paris street. Regardless, the scarf is a staple of the wardrobe and always brings a sense of lightness and joy to the wearer!

Want to explore how scarves influence mood and emotional expression? Visit Pop Fashion’s guide to the psychology of scarves, Angel Grace Blessing’s reflection on joy as timeless style, and Psychology Today’s article on happiness in small moments.

If you’re exploring joy, identity, or emotional expression, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal growth.

FEAR

Adrenaline, Identity, and the Urgency of Compassion

Fear doesn’t discriminate—and neither should we. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how physiological fear unites us, how hate crimes fracture communities, and how shared humanity can be a powerful antidote to division.

When was the last time that your heart started racing and your mind flipped a switch heading to panic? We do not often experience that kind of fear. Yet, recently, many of our friends and neighbors have had reason to dive into real fear and panic. Hate crimes of all kinds are on the rise. Our Faith histories are triggering fear in communities all around the country.

I have friends who are Jewish, and I have friends who are Muslim. I have sat at the table with them and enjoyed their company, shared family stories, and laughed at their jokes. I have cried with them when they have lost loved ones or failed to get that promotion they wanted. I cherish these friends. We are all capable of these one-on-one relationships and can find common ground easily. We care about our families and have similar concerns about our children. A son’s recent trip to Israel to visit friends ended in a panicked exit when war broke out, and massive anxiety was triggered. We all provided support. His faith base was not an issue. His well-being was primary. A Muslim professional was tongue-lashed during a professional presentation. The audience member was way out of line and escorted out. Shaken but determined, my friend continued his talk and received a standing ovation.

The chemistry for each of these people is the same. When threatened with real physical harm our bodies react. Adrenalin dumps into our system as immediate preparation for alertness and action. Our muscles are prepped for response to protect us from harm. This response happens to every human being. It knows no religion, skin color, or history.

Our commonalities are stronger than our differences.

Want to explore how communities respond to fear and hate crimes? Visit Southern Poverty Law Center’s Community Response Guide, Justice.gov’s overview of hate crime hotlines and support, and Not In Our Town’s action kit for community response.

If fear or trauma is affecting your well-being, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and community healing.

CRISP IN THE FALL

Color, Connection, and the Beauty of Seasonal Change

Fall doesn’t just paint the trees—it stirs something deep within us. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how autumn’s vibrant palette mirrors aging, emotional renewal, and the joy of embracing change with grace.

Here on the East coast, we get the full effect of 4 seasons. I know that some of you live in places where this is not your experience. The world is quite complex. Honestly, I cannot imagine living in a place where the weather and atmosphere remains about the same year-round. The other day someone was talking about the Sahara Desert, and I could not imagine being in that part of the world. A fun fact, however, is that the dust from the Sahara contributes to the rain in the tropical forests of South America. We are all connected. Yet neither the desert nor the tropics are a match for the color of Fall.

On the East Coast we have a wide variety of trees. Our property alone has four distinct kinds. When you drive through the streets of Washington, D.C. you will be met with many more varieties of trees.

Trees have this unique ability to change color in the Fall. Why do they do this? Are they seeking attention? Does this have the benefit of increasing longevity? Is this some kind of practice for a future stage of growth or death? Are they seeking attention and shouting at us to take a good look?

Now some of you have already tapped your scientific brains to detail the chemistry involved. I know that as the temperature drops, the flow of life inside the tree slows. As this slow down occurs, the tree produces less chlorophyll. As each leaf loses its ability to draw in sunlight and produce chlorophyll, the coloring in the leaf changes or weakens. As the green drains out, the colors of stress and potential death show. The leaves “pale” turning yellow, gold, orange, red. This is very enjoyable for the viewer but a bit stressful for the tree.

We are all familiar with this cycle. The same thing happens to us as we age. Our hair color changes and unlike trees, we can dye ours, so the color does not appear to fade. I am always amazed when a friend discloses that they dye their hair. I am not sure why that surprises me. I just accept that aging is a process we must all accept, or I think my graying hair announces that I am getting wiser.

Unlike the trees, I do not have this inherent ability to produce more vibrant color. Perhaps that is why I embrace the fall. The world around me comes to life with color, stirring feelings of joy and celebration. I am not getting older, just more colorful!

Want to explore how fall inspires emotional reflection and personal growth? Visit Radiant Inspire Mom’s fall journal prompts, Art of Poets’ inspirational fall color quotes, and Resilient Stories’ autumn quotes and reflections.

If fall is stirring reflection or emotional renewal, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support seasonal insight and personal transformation.

SQUIRRELS

Persistence, Frustration, and the Art of Coexisting

Sometimes the squirrel is just a squirrel—and sometimes it’s a mirror. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how squirrel behavior reveals emotional persistence, how frustration arises from mismatched communication, and how we learn to share space with what we don’t understand.

At this time of year, the backyard is busy with several squirrels looking for places to hide food for the winter. At this point their favorite food comes down from the walnut tree like small, dangerous meteors. No joke. First, the walnut tree is tall. An old walnut tree can grow to 150 feet and this guy has obviously been here for an exceptionally long time. Those green bombs come hurtling down like grenades! Trust me, do not set your picnic blanket up under a walnut tree in the Fall.

I am not sure if I see the same squirrel but for purposes of this essay, I am going to assume it is the same guy. He is desperate to hide these tennis ball sized green covered walnuts in my flowerpots. Now there is barely room in the pot for the roots of the plant, but this guy just will not give up. I have a gardenia plant sunning itself outdoors and this bozo keeps trying to bury walnuts in the pot. Let us leave aside the fact that I fear his weight will tip the pot and destroy it altogether and just look at the basics. The roots of this plant fill the pot. If I am honest, the gardenia is due to be transplanted into a much larger pot but the gardener in me is just not up to the task right now. The squirrel, digging, hanging on the edge of the pot, and failing to find any space for the walnut will just not give up. He fails.

In some ways, he is a model for all of us who need to learn persistence. Failure does not deter him. Day after day he comes back. He must be learning something but for the life of me I cannot imagine what he takes away from the gardenia pot. I might design a sign that says, “the pot is full” or “cut it out stupid.” You see, I can take my frustrations out on the squirrel!

How do you release your frustrations?

I am sure you are familiar with the term, Squirrely. The meaning is varied. We use the term for someone who is odd and makes us feel uncomfortable. We use it to describe someone who is fidgety or restless in a way that makes us uncomfortable. The term is really about our discomfort more than the behavior of the other. What is happening? The demeanor or character of the other impacts us in a way that we are frustrated and uncomfortable. What is the frustration about? It is about the squirrel! The other has come into our space and the behavior grabs our attention in a way that creates discomfort. The communication between us is just not going to work. The squirrel does not speak my language, and I do not speak his. We are at odds and no resolution is available to either of us. We just do not match. Yet, we share the same space and need to respect our differences.

Want to explore how squirrels model persistence and emotional frustration? Visit Berkeley News’ study on squirrel frustration and problem-solving, PBS News’ feature on what squirrels teach us about frustration, and Journal of Comparative Psychology’s full study on squirrel persistence.

If you’re navigating emotional frustration or mismatched communication, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.

“DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD”

Moral Imperatives, Parental Power, and the Courage to Question

Not all lessons are loving. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how moral imperatives passed down through generations can mask harm, and how questioning inherited beliefs is a vital step toward emotional clarity and healing.

Did someone ever tell you that they were “doing this for your own good”? The implication here is that pain will soon be inflicted and that for some higher reason, you should welcome the pain because it will bring a positive lesson into your life. I work with adults who have been victimized by this philosophy. The parent who says, “This is going to hurt me more than you,” and then proceeds to whale on a child with a stick or strap is justifying their abuse and not educating the child. And, trust me, it does not hurt the parent worse than the child. Parental abuse leaves scars that are mental and not just physical. However, this form of child training used to be quite common and was accepted all over the globe. I am sure that it remains the standard in many places. The most insidious form of this comes when the parent or authority honestly believes that they have a moral imperative to victimize a child.

C.S. Lewis put it this way:
“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.”

As parents, we train our children in moral imperatives that fit our belief systems. As these imperatives are passed from one generation to the other, the new recipients rarely question them. Why? What happens to us that we accept the imperatives of our parents and never stop as we get older to ask: “Why?” or “How does that work?” or “Why would that make sense or be good practice?”

Take out a piece of paper and list the moral imperatives you were taught. Ask yourself how many of these have you passed on to your children. Do they really make sense? What would happen if you questioned them?

Want to explore how moral development and parenting intersect? Visit MGH Clay Center’s guide to raising moral children, Reality Pathing’s overview of ethical parenting practices, and Psychology Today’s article on moral development in parenting.

If you’re ready to examine inherited beliefs and reshape your parenting legacy, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and generational healing.

LETTERS

Paper, Postage, and the Power of Connection

Letters aren’t just paper—they’re presence. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the fading art of handwritten correspondence, the emotional resonance of mail, and the timeless joy of sending and receiving something real.

You may not remember what these are. Of course, the alphabet is made up of letters but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about these paper things that get delivered to your door or mailbox at the curb by a person in a uniform. Oh, those things!

The computer has come close to eliminating those paper things that travel by truck and air from a friend or relative to your own mailbox. Computers and text on your smart phone have become the main route of communication with friends and family. I miss the letter. Fortunately, my grandchildren still go to summer camp where computers and smart phones are not allowed so letters abound! I love writing letters. You can do so many things with a sheet of paper. Thanks to the computer I can put pictures on the page and copy silly recipes, like Cricket Bacon Carbonara, a pasta dish with crunch! I can draw diagrams of plans for the garden or ideas for sewing projects when they return from camp.

Letters are still used for some formal purposes. Requests for records tend to come in the mail. We used to file our taxes through the mail but that seems to have gone by the wayside. Letters and cards of sympathy are still appropriate, but birthday greetings seem to come from these online services that do fancy animation and tunes. If your grandchildren still make hand made cards for your birthday then you are truly fortunate.

Most of the things that come in the mail are advertisements for a variety of services and catalogues of all kinds. There are tons of catalogues for clothing and trinkets as well as home décor and there are even catalogues of books and other catalogues.

I have a friend who receives a letter from his 90-year-old Aunt and manages to write back just before the next one arrives a few weeks later. These are treasures. I hope he keeps her letters and passes them along to his children. I remember going through boxes of letters from my mother-in-law to her brother. They were separated in childhood and reconnected as adults. Those letters let them fill in years of history and connect with each other in ways that could not happen without the mail.

Letters are special. Movies about romance will often have a piece where a box of letters comes out of the closet or an old chest to show the devotion of the lovers to each other. These scenes are poignant.

How long has it been since you sat down and wrote someone a letter, put it in an envelope, put a stamp on it and dropped it in a mailbox? Who do you know who would be delighted to receive such a missile?

Want to explore the emotional power of handwritten letters? Visit Yellow Letters Complete’s guide to the psychology of handwritten letters, BrainWiseMind’s article on what handwritten letters symbolize, and World Letter Writing Day’s 10 reasons handwritten letters are making a comeback.

If you’re reflecting on connection, nostalgia, or emotional expression, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.

Humidity – Swamps, Sweat, and the Science of Sticky Air

Humidity isn’t just uncomfortable—it’s a physiological challenge. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how swampy summers affect our bodies, our buildings, and our moods, and why staying cool is more than a luxury—it’s a necessity.

I have decided that humidity is my enemy. Yes, you heard that right. I have chosen a form of weather as my enemy. I live just outside of Washington, D.C. Our nation’s capital is a swamp. I am not referring to the political climate or politicians though that could be a discussion for another time. I am referring to the actual, physical characteristics of this part of the country. Washington, D.C was built on a swamp. Perfect! What better place to put the nation’s capital.

The swamp land along the Potomac River was drained to create space for buildings and roads and homes. Trust me. No matter how you drain a swamp, it is still a swamp. The slightest elevation in humidity results in stifling air and pollution. And again, I am not talking about the politicians. The land, the air, the area along the Potomac River is still a swamp.

This summer the swamp has been performing overtime. The temperature has been high and as it climbs the swamp works to keep up by providing humidity that competes with the temperature. The weather people on the television give warnings to stay inside, assuming you have air conditioning. I had no idea that air conditioning was a universal thing! Without the AC you should not stay inside! That is exactly why most homes used to be built with porches and porticos so that you had a chance to catch a breeze occasionally. Many of these older homes had sleeping porches on the second floor, screened in to keep the bugs out and high up to get a better shot at catching a breeze.

That is exactly why every church had these cardboard fans in the pews so that during the time you were stuck in the building you could generate some air circulation. Windows in office buildings were made to open because most of those buildings were constructed before air conditioning.

Humidity is a serious thing. Being outdoors in high humidity is difficult on your system. Breathing is harder and fatigue sets in earlier. You can get muscle cramps, suffer from hyperthermia and in extreme cases you can get heat stroke. The latter can be deadly. Your body temperature spikes, and you become a furnace causing your body to speed everything up to the point that you cannot tolerate it.

No wonder humidity is my enemy!

Want to explore how humidity affects your health and environment? Visit Verywell Health’s guide to humidity and health risks, HealthPartners’ blog on humidity-related illness, and Houston Methodist’s overview of humidity’s impact.

If the weather is wearing you down emotionally or physically, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support seasonal resilience and emotional clarity.

BACK TO SCHOOL!

Memory, Emotion, and the Calendar That Never Leaves Us

Back-to-school season isn’t just for students—it’s a rhythm many of us still feel. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early school experiences shape our emotional cycles, friendships, and sense of self, even decades later.

How many of you still organize your year around the school calendar? If you were a good student, the end of August was a time of excitement, and a time to gear up for a new year. You looked forward to seeing your schoolmates and telling all the summer tales of adventure.

If you were a not-so-good student, your anxiety started to gear up about mid-August, and you looked for ways to escape. Suddenly your clothes did not fit, and your backpack was nowhere to be found. You prayed for snow, even knowing that the thermometer was in the 90’s.

If you have school-aged children, you need to function on the school calendar. However, many still organize their year around that activity and have a deep emotional response to this time of year. You may be aware of this cycle and take it to heart, or you may be completely unaware and wonder why this time of year is disquieting.

Whether we realize it or not, our early school experiences stay with us in some way.

Some of us have maintained friends from elementary school. You may not have regular contact, but when you do meet or call, the sense of connection reappears automatically, as though you were young again and no time has passed.

Early school experiences can make a deep impression. I remember my second-grade teacher because she put a large wire cage in the center of the room and placed a hen in the cage. We watched in awe as that hen laid eggs and sat on them until these little chicks hatched. We had a lottery to see who would get to take the chicks home. Of course, our parents were not as excited as we were, but that teacher was brilliant. We learned about the circle of life and about caring for another creature. And yes, we were required to clean out the cage!

What school memories stand out for you? As a young child, your school experience can be powerful and set the stage for future experiences and feelings. Take a moment to go back in time and ponder the influences of early childhood on who you are now.

Want to explore the emotional impact of school memories? Visit Psychologs Magazine’s article on emotional attachment to school memories, Education Elements’ top 20 back-to-school memories, and Psychology Today’s guide to back-to-school stress.

If this season stirs reflection or emotional shifts, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal growth.

HOT, HOT, HOT

Scorched Gardens, Inventive Cooling, and the Art of Daydreaming

When the lilies wilt and the porch becomes a furnace, it’s time to honor the inventors who gave us relief. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the intensity of summer heat, the history of cooling innovations, and the quiet joy of escaping into conversation and imagination.

I do not know your stance on Global Warming, but I sure know my stance on the weather for this summer of 2024: hot, hot, hot. The east coast has been hot and dry with some weird rains that are barely keeping the plants alive. I have already told you about the rain drops falling three feet apart. A few days ago, a deluge lasted about 15 minutes and came down so fiercely that you could not see straight ahead. I have a garden with a lovely section of lilies. Annually they open with large white blooms and a gorgeous scent. They last for days, and I can barely stand to leave the porch as their scent is mesmerizing. They are planted by the side of the screened-in porch so when you sit on the porch, the scent fills the air. Well, this summer the heat was so intense that every bud was scorched and turned brown. Not a single bud was allowed to mature. This is a first and hopefully a last!

Now given the weather reports from other parts of the country, I know I should not complain. Multiple tornadoes within days of each other, torrential rains and floods, parched woods up in flames and I am complaining about the heat. But complain I must. This is the nature of being human. Yes, we can have empathy for other parts of the country and the world. Yes, we can join organizations and send donations to support work in other parts of the country. Believe me, my bank account is tapped multiple times each month to show my care for others. Still, I live in this previous swamp known as Washington, D.C. and it is hot and dry!

But I only live in one place. I only experience one set of circumstances in my day-to-day life. And this summer is miserable for one who loves to be outside. While fanning myself, my mind wanders to the past centuries where there was no real escape from the weather. No wonder the life span was shorter. Working in this heat is brutal. I can go into an air-conditioned home and separate myself from the reality of the heat. Before 1902 no such thing existed. Willis Haviland Carrier was the man responsible for inventing air conditioning that could cool large buildings.

In the mid 1700’s Benjamin Franklin experimented with cooling as well. He was focused on cooling objects and not environments. Along with his co-experimenter, John Hadley who was a chemist, they managed to cool an object to freezing temperatures or below. In the 1800’s Michael Faraday experimented with liquifying ammonia to chill the air. Successful but not too practical.

Thanks to all these inventors we can now keep cool no matter the outdoor temperatures. So, while the garden fries, I can explore many things inside. The shelves are full of books, my musical instrument is readily available, watercolors and paints are handy, my checkbook needs to be balanced and I still have some tax things to do and of course my computer is here which could lead me in many different directions. For some reason none of those are calling me today. A glass of iced tea and a conversation are beckoning. No hot topics, however. Just reminiscing and planning for the future. This heat wave is perfect for daydreaming and future casting.

Want to explore how people stayed cool before air conditioning? Visit History.com’s guide to pre-AC cooling strategies, National Trust’s historic cooling tactics, and Smithsonian Magazine’s roundup of cooling inventions.

If the heat is stirring reflection or restlessness, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity and seasonal resilience.

PARENTS

Transitions, Reflections, and the Power to Rebuild

Parenting doesn’t end—it evolves. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the emotional complexity of launching children while caring for aging parents, and how personal growth and connection remain possible at every stage of life.

Many of you have aging parents and are in that space in life where you are launching your children and losing your parents. Perhaps you have looked to your parents for wisdom or support and are now realizing that soon they will be gone. You will be the generation expected to provide wisdom and support. This is an interesting transition for many reasons.

If you are fortunate to have parents that you love and admire, you will be soaking in their wisdom, reminiscing, and enjoying their company. If your parents have been difficult, you will be managing and negotiating around responsibility and obligation while preserving your own sanity. That is not an easy role to play. If your parents have been distant, you will probably be in avoidance mode, hoping that someone else will pick up the end-of-life responsibilities. Regardless of your role, this is not an easy time.

In this space, you look to your resources, both internal and external. When you reflect on your history and look for your emotional strengths and social supports, what do you find? What are the principles of relationships that sustain you? How have you built connections with others? What is your support system? We seem to address these areas of our lives in crisis times. Yet, we have the opportunity to be proactive and thoughtful about these areas of our lives. Even if you have not been proactive previously, you can start now.

Perhaps you have been self-contained, kept to yourself, or related only to your pet or your favorite cocktail. Moving forward does not have to be a re-run of the same. Look at your resources. Decide to make changes and take risks. I celebrate the people who look at their lives to date and decide to make changes that will better meet their needs. Maybe you have been abused or taken advantage of and used that as a reason to withdraw and avoid relationships. Yet, if you examine the past you will see that you could have made different choices and better choices. You can make a change. Join your local bridge club and build new relationships. Take water aerobics at your local YMCA and build connections with fellow water lilies!

Life has opportunities at every turn. You are not bound by the structures that your parents set up. You can start a new path, a new direction at any point in time. The key is being thoughtful about the direction you want to take. You can make changes in your life at any point in time.

Want to explore how to navigate aging parents and emotional transitions? Visit Care Indeed’s guide to coping with aging parents, Montana State University’s tips for speaking to aging parents, and BetterHelp’s strategies for managing changing dynamics.

If you’re navigating this transition and seeking clarity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and relational growth.