Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

RAIN

Drizzles, Downpours, and the Dance of Hydration

Rain isn’t just weather—it’s a lifeline. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the wonder of rainfall, the science behind hydration, and the childhood joy of getting soaked while nature does its thing.

This is truly a part of nature that we take for granted. The Summer of 2024 on the East Coast has been parched and we are all looking for rain clouds. One day we got the weirdest rain I have ever seen. The songs about running between the raindrops would have been perfect for this one. I work where I can see the rain falling on the deck outside and I was shocked to observe about 4 to 5 feet between each rain drop. Really! The rain also came down so slowly that you could have literally run between the rain drops and not gotten wet! I like warm weather, but I am excited for winter for the first time in my life!

Water is essential for life. A person can survive without water for approximately 3 days. Think of that. If I were a plant in the garden or had to depend on the rainfall for my survival, I would be dead, dead, dead. Do you know what parts of your body are more “water” intensive? Your brain tops the charts at 95% water. Wow! I would never have imagined that. All of those brain cells that house all of our experiences are drowning in water. Lungs and blood come next on the chart being made of 80 to 90% water. Now, let’s just stop there and think about this. No wonder we are encouraged to drink a lot of water each day. The rule of thumb is one ounce of water for every 2 pounds of body weight. So, at 130 pounds, I should be knocking back slightly more than 8 glasses of water every day to keep my body afloat. And the rules say nothing about wine!

As I write this, miraculously, we are getting a 5-minute monsoon. Raining hard and fast, making it difficult to see across the yard. Then disappearing as fast as it came. The guy mowing the lawn is running for shelter and abandoning his mower for the lower porch. He is smart enough not to take refuge under the big tree. About a year ago, the paper reported the deaths of 3 visitors to the White House being killed by lightning as they sought shelter from the rain under a large tree. When lightning strikes a tree the current spreads through the ground around the tree turning it into a dangerous electrical grid. Stay away from trees folks. Opt to get soaked while heading for the house.

I remember running around the backyard as a kid and getting soaked while my mother was yelling at me to “get my butt inside!” If I could have separated my butt from my body, I would have sent it inside pronto. Do you remember trying to catch raindrops on your tongue? Being a kid in the rain is tons of fun.

Today, I will just have to settle for a drizzle.

Want to explore the science and significance of rain? Visit Sciencing’s overview of rainwater’s importance, European Wilderness Society’s guide to rain’s role in ecosystems, and USGS’s water science school on rain and precipitation.

If you’re reflecting on nature, hydration, or the rhythms of life, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and seasonal wellness.

BUILDING A RESERVE WITH OTHERS

Patience, Frustration, and the Currency of Connection

Relationships aren’t built on perfection—they’re built on grace. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how patience becomes a reserve we invest in others, and how emotional resilience helps us navigate the inevitable frustrations of group dynamics and human connection.

How often do you get frustrated with someone else? How does that frustration show in your relationship with the other?

Working in a group can sometimes be particularly problematic and frustrating. When each person is vested in their idea and plan, the tension can increase, and the frustration can lead to conflict or hard feelings. You have probably been there more than once. I know that I have, and frankly, sometimes it makes me wonder if the group process is worth the aggravation. Organizations can be unwieldy and complicated. They can sometimes seem like mazes that you have to get through, and there are so many dead ends that you get tired of retracing your steps and trying a new path. Now, I know we were born connected to one another and that we seek out connection with others as our natural state of being.

People always advise patience. Yes, I get it, but what does that really look like? What does it really mean? How often do I experience a model of patience that I can adopt? One of my dear friends has found the solution to frustrating interactions. She has a commitment to others and to herself that I truly admire.

Here is her sage advice:

“None of us is perfect, so we have patience with others to build up a reserve with others, hoping that reserve will be used towards us when we need it.”

Oh, what a beautiful sentiment and such wisdom. I want to practice having patience with others and envision the reserve that I am building. Perhaps seeing it as nuggets of gold will help me to accept the frustrations that come with being misunderstood, left out, or confused. I do not have to lean into frustration or worry. I can imagine those deposits building up and envision my own little Fort Knox that I can draw on in the future. Thank you, friend,* for that sage advice.

Share my blog posts with your friends and neighbors. Go to www.drvanderhorst.com to sign up for my blog. At the bottom of the first page. Add your email and click on subscribe.

*Thank you, Robyne

Want to explore how patience builds emotional resilience and strengthens relationships? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to transforming anger through patience, PositivePsychology.com’s overview of emotional resilience, and Science of Mind’s strategies for building emotional reserves.

If you’re ready to build your own reserve of patience and emotional strength, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.

HEAT

Brownouts, Breezes, and the Battle for Comfort

Heat isn’t just a temperature—it’s a test of patience, creativity, and community. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how we cope with scorching summers, from porch memories to modern AC debates, and how self-care evolves with each wave of warmth.

Here in the Washington, DC area, we are experiencing a heat wave. Even the electrical grid is complaining about rolling brownouts to keep the entire grid from exploding or imploding. What would a grid do? Now I know why the colonials died so young. The weather can be brutal, and sap energy from your body, so your electrical grid gives out early. Any time you start complaining about advancements like AI, remember that we do not have it so bad with all these advancements.

But the heat! How does one take loving care of the body in this heat? I remember Mother telling all of us to drink lots of fluids. As a kid, that meant lots of water. Many adults avoid water because they were forced to drink so much as kids. Remember Kool-Aid? I suppose it still exists. That was my mother’s “go-to” to push water. The little powder packets were easy to use, and the flavors were better than the plain water. Toss in a bunch of ice cubes that you could crunch until some adult told you that you would break a tooth, and you were good to hydrate!

Another cooling trick was to soak a hand towel in icy water and drape that around your neck. I always thought it looked gross, and I avoided it because the boys used it. I am not sure why I assign a sex preference to that one, but I do. I do not think I liked the inconvenience of the towel, and when it fell off in the dust or dirt, the boys would just put it back on! Yuck! What is it with boys, anyway?

Of course, wearing light, breezy clothing was a help. It would be even better if it could be made of mesh or something holey. I especially remember Seersucker. Men’s suits for summer were always Seersucker, and since all of the girls sewed, we made seersucker shorts and shirts. Something about the ripples in that cloth made the breezes come through.

Now we are all stuck inside with the Air Conditioning. Do not get me wrong. I am grateful for the AC, but yesterday, I put on the sweater hanging on a chair in the kitchen. Really! Even as I put it on, I thought this was stupid, but I felt better! What is one to do with these modern conveniences? Of course, you will tell me to adjust the thermostat, but if you live with other humans, you know where that is going. I will choose the sweater every time.

I also hope for a break in this heat wave. Be grateful for the invention of the Air Conditioner. Make a pitcher of iced tea anyway. Avoid the Kool-Aid. And suffer through the corrections that AI will make to this essay.

Want practical ways to stay cool and care for your body during a heat wave? Explore Gentle Place Wellness Center’s heat wave self-care tips, Real Simple’s guide to protecting your body and brain, and Almanac’s 10 tips for surviving extreme heat.

If the heat is stirring reflection or discomfort, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and seasonal self-care.

ICED TEA

Porch Swings, Party Lines, and the Sweetness of Connection

Iced tea isn’t just a drink—it’s a ritual. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how a simple pitcher of tea evokes memories of community, conversation, and the quiet joy of slowing down together.

I remember summers on the porch, and invariably, the pitcher of iced tea would come out. In the heat of the summer, nothing tasted better. The tea was Lipton, of course, and it had been steeped for exactly 3 minutes and then poured into the big pitcher filled with ice. There were no tea bags. Those came along later. So, you have to be careful to confine the tea leaves to this mesh ball with a hinge on it so you can put the loose tea inside. Then, you filled a pitcher with ice to the top. When you poured in the hot tea, it made a crackling sound that was quite satisfying. While some of the ice melted with the hot liquid, plenty remained to cool the beverage for a good long time.

The porch was the place to gather. Of course, your porch had a porch swing and some other casual chairs. I think every house on the block had a front porch with a swing. Of course, our house also had a big back porch with another swing, but that is a story for another day. As the day cooled down and the neighbors came out, people would wander down the sidewalk and up onto the porch for a chat and a taste of your iced tea.

The visiting would last from a few minutes to close to an hour before the neighbor moved on depending on the neighbor and the topic of conversation. These evenings were better than the party line. Do you have any memory of the party line, or do you even know what it is? When I was a child, the telephone was affordable because you shared a telephone line with a few neighbors. Each neighbor had their own ring on the party line, so you would not pick it up unless the number of rings was for your house. Now, I know what you are thinking, and yes, it did happen. If you wanted to listen in on your neighbor’s call you would very carefully pick up the receiver. If you picked it up quickly, it would make a noise, and the neighbor would be able to tell you to get off the line. If you were successful, the results could be quite juicy!

Of course, there were times when the neighbor would “hog” the line, and some pretty heated conversations were had. But most of the time the phone was a great convenience. Now, we carry a phone around in our pockets. It seems like everyone has one, and the age for getting one keeps getting younger and younger. They make these simple flip phones for toddlers where you can put a picture of mom, dad, grandma, or someone else, and all the child must do is press the picture to start a call. That is real early training on using a phone.

Modern phones are amazing. In fact, I think most young people never use them for calling. They use them to text their friends or surf the various platforms that exist where you can watch little snippets of someone doing something silly or stupid. Many times I have seen two teenagers sitting next to each other with each typing away on their phones. When I asked one dyad what they were doing, I discovered they were texting each other! Yikes.

I prefer the iced tea on the front porch, where the neighbors can sit and visit for as long as they want.

Want to explore the nostalgia of iced tea and community connection? Visit Kitchen Journal’s guide to the Nostalgia Iced Tea Maker, Trend Hunter’s feature on Ryl Tea’s nostalgic flavors, and MeatChefTools’ article on brewing memories with a nostalgia tea maker.

If you’re reflecting on connection, memory, or slowing down, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.

GUILT

Conscience, Courage, and the Power of Repair

Guilt isn’t just a burden—it’s a signal. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how guilt helps us navigate social life, how it can be transformed into growth, and how sincere apology can lead to healing and reconnection.

Let’s face it: There are times when we feel guilty, and that is a good thing. Where does this feeling come from? Did you ever wonder why your brain has this ability to experience something that you are doing and immediately start wagging its finger at you and telling you that this is a very, very bad idea. Who programmed this brain to know? How does it know? Can I shut this part off?

Apparently, we come into this world with this innate ability to know when we have crossed the line and are doing something wrong. Great programming. Still, I wonder why we have this program automatically loaded in our brains. This is great preparation for being in a social environment. Without it, we might be committing mayhem with regularity. Think of this as a skill. How can we use this skill to help us? We know when we have offended others or shamed them, and we feel bad about doing that. Still, at times it can be just what we want to do even if we do feel bad.

This form of aggression is always available to us. As teens, we tend to use this with regularity. Boys make fun of each other in the locker room. Girls tease each other about romantic interests. We get our licks in. As adolescence wanes, and we come out of the hormonal fog, we look back with regret. I remember a friend who was a talented musician talking about the torture that he delivered to some peers in high school. He was one of the cool guys who played guitar well and attracted the girls. He enjoyed picking on the lesser guys who were nerdy or had no particular talent to set them apart. As an adult, he felt true grief about those teen interactions. I admired the next move that he made. He actually found the guys he tortured and apologized. That took courage.

That also relieved his guilt and led to healing for him and the guys he had shamed and tortured. I admire his courage and willingness to make amends. When we truly embrace ourselves and take responsibility for who we have been and what we have done, we grow into ourselves and become the people we were designed to be. Who do you owe an apology to? Make it soon.

Want to explore how guilt can lead to emotional growth? Visit Thoughts from a Therapist’s guide to resilience and apology, Psychology Today’s article on the power of apology, and The PBT Institute’s guide to transforming guilt into growth.

If you’re ready to turn guilt into healing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal transformation.

ROOTED

Adversity, Vendettas, and the Soil That Holds Us

Sometimes it’s a squirrel. Sometimes it’s something deeper. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how unexpected disruptions—whether in flowerpots or relationships—challenge our resilience and remind us to stay rooted in support systems that nourish us.

Well, I have just observed a bizarre occurrence outside the kitchen window. Our deck holds a pot of newly planted dahlias. They have grown about four inches high, giving lots of promise for beautiful blooms. If you are not familiar with the dahlia, think of a pompom. Remember those things that the cheerleaders used in high school or that you have seen the professional football cheerleaders use? Colorful, puffy! They will sway in the breeze. The thing that you plant looks like a small potato. The blooms are brightly colored puffballs. Anyway, back to the kitchen window. I watch a squirrel hop into the pot and furiously throw dirt around. Up comes the tuber. Oh no! This squirrel is going to eat my dahlia. Nope! The monstrous squirrel throws it on the deck, raises its head in a prideful stance, and hops off the deck. YIKES! Who knew that squirrels had a vendetta against dahlias?

Of course, that makes me wonder with whom I have a vendetta and what it takes to have a vendetta with anyone. A 2022 film starring Bruce Willis, titled “Vendetta,” tells the story of a father seeking retribution for the murder of his daughter and getting caught in a never-ending blood feud. Vendettas have been a part of human history forever. Clan warfare in the 19th century may have popularized the term. The root of the word is Italian, but regardless of the language, it always means a bloody sequence of battles.

I will tell you that I have a vendetta against that squirrel right now! All I can do is replant the tuber and hope that it survives the next attack. When you feel “put upon,” what do you do? Some will say that they pray for guidance and relief. Some will say that they ruminate in hopes that the sting of the injustice will pass. Others will bury the hurt to be kind and forgiving. Some will be able to let it go and offer genuine forgiveness. I am thinking of all the traps I can set for the squirrel.

We all must learn to manage adversity. The dahlia tuber is truly minor in the scheme of things. Life digs into and turns us around, and we must develop a way of responding to these hurts and traumas. None of us is immune. We must figure out how we will respond, what resources we will lean into, and where our supports lie. Your support can be spiritual, physical, interpersonal, intellectual, or a variety of other things. The important part to remember is that you must know your support system because the squirrel will inevitably dig up something of value.

Want to explore how resilience and support systems help us stay rooted? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to building support systems, Harvard’s working paper on resilience and relationships, and PACEsConnection’s Pair of ACEs Tree model.

If you’re ready to strengthen your roots and respond to life’s squirrels with clarity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and personal growth.

“TELL ME MORE”

Mastery, Emotional Growth, and the Power of Letting Others Lead

“Tell me more” may sound supportive, but sometimes it interrupts a deeper process. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional growth, mastery, and autonomy are shaped by our ability to wait, listen, and trust others to find their own way.

This is the standard phrase for many therapists. Perhaps it is the standard phrase for one of your friends as well. But what does it mean? What does it portend? Is the therapist or the friend expecting some grand disclosure? The expectation seems to be high when in actuality, I just want to keep going until I feel finished or done. If you give me a second and don’t jump in, I can pretty much get there on my own. Now, I am not saying that you don’t mean well, but it is a bit like offering help that I don’t really need.

Do you remember those scenes? Someone offers you help that you don’t really need and certainly don’t want. As a result, some little irritation forms, and you are diminished rather than elevated. This happens quite frequently with children. They are in the process of developing mastery. And yes, they are struggling a bit, but they are persistent, and if you just wait, they will accomplish the task on their own and feel quite proud of themselves. However, for some reason, you cannot wait. You jump ahead of them and complete the task for them. That message is powerful.

One of the worst cases of this that I have ever seen is an elementary school boy who is slow to complete written assignments. When he is done, they are appropriate for his age and quite a stable product. However, his mother cannot tolerate the time it takes him to think through what he wants to write and to produce the product. So, she writes the papers for him and sends him out to play. I am not kidding. She writes the papers for him and sends him out to play. The powerful message is that “you are not good at writing things or thinking through things.” That message sticks, and all the way through high school, she writes his papers. Then he goes off to college, and she stays home! He has been robbed of his own intellect. I know he can think. I know he can create. I know he can research and synthesize, but he does not know this. The task of relearning and undoing the damage done by our “well-meaning” parents is a difficult process.

Some children/grownups take up the challenge and have success. Some avoid the challenge and stay stuck in lower-level places where they don’t belong. Some fall further into the hole and cannot get out.

I think of this when I want to jump in and rescue. I ask myself if I am helping them or helping me. That is a serious question that we should all be asking. Sometimes you just must miss the bus to give that child time to tie the shoes. I would much rather see that child’s smile in mastering the shoe-tying exercise than meet the bus driver’s schedule.

Want to explore emotional mastery further? Visit Eggcellent Work’s guide to emotional mastery, Douglas Noll’s 8 steps to emotional mastery, Ryan Zofay’s step-by-step guide to mastering emotions, and Psychology Today’s article on emotional regulation.

If you’re ready to support autonomy and step back from rescuing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that nurture emotional growth and healthy independence.

Share my blog posts with your friends and neighbors. Go to www.drvanderhorst.com to sign up for my blog. At the bottom of the first page, add your email and click on subscribe.

APPRECIATION

Intuition, Reflexes, and the Brain’s Quiet Genius

Appreciation isn’t just a feeling—it’s a neurological symphony. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how gratitude, intuition, and reflexes reveal the brain’s brilliance and how honoring these moments can deepen emotional insight and personal safety.

The recent Memorial Day got me thinking about appreciation. Who do I appreciate and why? Who do you appreciate and why? Appreciation is a feeling. How does it happen, and where do you experience it in your body? All our feelings have an impact on our bodies. In fact, some feelings can send us completely out of our bodies. People in extreme situations of fear often report the experience of being outside their bodies and watching an event take place from a position above. They report a sensation of leaving their bodies and becoming an observer. They watch a scene unfold as though they are not truly present. While this is rare, the phenomenon is of great interest when we think about how feelings are held and processed in our bodies. Observing from above is associated with intense fear. Your brain makes a quick decision and either experiences pain from inside your body or outside. I am amazed at the quick and protective decisions our brains make.

It is important to appreciate our brains’ automatic and quick choices. Sometimes, I think we should have a “Brain Appreciation Moment.” BAM! I marvel at how my brain processes information, reacts before I am fully conscious of the situation, and functions to protect me. One example is the intuition that a car is about to cross into my lane and hit me if I do not slow down. BAM! Reflexes keep us safe. Your brain experiences that object flying towards you and ducks before you realize you are in danger. Your whole body flinches and stops you before you step into that hole. Our bodies seem to have their own “force field” to protect us from harm.

What about intuition? We are all capable of projecting into the future. We have an innate sense of potential danger or future outcomes. I am not saying that we attend to it regularly; however, how many times have you said to yourself or others, “I thought that was going to happen.” Really? That is amazing! We do get these feelings or visions of the future. Think of what our brains must be processing to make those predictions.

Because we live in a community, we also benefit from others’ intuition. Think about the parent who grabs a child’s hand just before they are about to step off the curb and get hit by a passing car. Think about the friend who calls you one morning and asks you to stay home because they just have this feeling that something bad is going to happen. I remember a friend heading off on a safari and looking forward to riding an elephant. Her husband was dragging his feet and caused them to miss the plane to their destination. He just felt like the elephant was not a promising idea, and he was right. The elephant bolted and killed the rider that day. How does intuition work? We really do not know.

Want to explore how appreciation and intuition shape brain function? Visit NeuroLaunch’s guide to the neuroscience of appreciation, PositivePsychology.com’s overview of gratitude and brain health, and Integrity Psychological Services’ article on rewiring the brain through gratitude.

If you’re ready to explore your emotional reflexes and deepen your appreciation for intuition, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and cognitive resilience.

LET YOURSELF EAVESDROP!

Curiosity, Reflection, and the Art of Listening

Eavesdropping isn’t always snooping—it can be a gateway to empathy. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how overhearing public conversations can spark curiosity, deepen understanding, and revive the lost art of human connection.

Ok, I know your mother told you never to eavesdrop. It is not polite. It is none of your business. No one likes a snoop. And many other cautions were directed at you. However, let’s ask….. WHY NOT? They are in public. They are within earshot. How could I not hear them? And if I hear them, is that really eavesdropping or just being present! So, you are at the boarding gate at the airport. Or you are at the neighborhood playground with your toddler, and numerous others are there with their toddlers. Please, do not tell me that you are bringing earplugs and not going to overhear what they are saying! We all eavesdrop. We can’t avoid it.

What I am saying is that you naturally hear the conversations of others. Now, instead of trying not to hear them, change your perspective and listen. Listen well. Listen with empathy. Listen with passion. Listen with curiosity.

After you listen, stop and reflect. What are you hearing? What does it mean? What are you learning and observing about human nature? The process of reflection seems to be a lost art. When was the last time that you gave yourself time to reflect on what is happening around you? Your 5th grader has announced that she is a vegetarian. Where did that come from? How curious are you? When will you take time to sit with her and hear the story of how she came to this announcement. What are her hopes for herself? For the animals that she will not eat? For the environment that will result? Your 5th grader is thinking deeply. Be curious. Join her in that curiosity. Do some research. Read about vegetarians and the advantages and the health implications. Start a conversation.

Do we even remember how to engage in conversation? We are all so focused on our phones, and watching Snapchat videos and reading Twitter comments that we have lost the art of engaging others.

Want to explore how overhearing and reflection shape empathy? Read [Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst’s original post](https://drvanderhorst.com/let-yourself-eavesdrop/), or explore [Laitman.com’s perspective on human nature and eavesdropping](https://laitman.com/2021/03/human-nature-peep-and-eavesdrop/). For deeper insight into nature and reflection, visit [Center for Humans & Nature’s essay on wide-eyed wonderment](https://humansandnature.org/seeing-ourselves-as-a-part-of-nature-a-reflection-of-wide-eyed-wonderment/) and [Spirituality+Health’s guide to seeing ourselves through nature](https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/articles/2018/04/17/seeing-ourselves-through-nature).

If you’re ready to reconnect with curiosity and conversation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.