Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

ANCIENT ROME HAD FEMALE GLADIATORS

Violence, Spectacle, and the Psychology of Entertainment

From the Colosseum to the football field, human culture has long been captivated by combat. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the surprising history of female gladiators and the deeper emotional and societal reasons we consume violence as entertainment.

Yep. You read that right. Women were gladiators! Huge crowds came to see the gladiators. This was a well-attended sport, much like football today in that people come to see strong muscled individuals face off against each other and crash into each other and stop their opponent from advancing. Typically, just like today on the gridiron, the opponents fought a bloody battle and then resigned from the field. No one died. They live to fight another day and to please the crowd again as they cheer and shout in hopes that the opponent will be crushed and humiliated. And just like the Romans, we call this sport.

Why do we enjoy watching people face off against each other and work to destroy each other? Why keep this in the Coliseum ring or the Football field? What do we gain by watching people face off, shove each other around, swing weapons, and dominate the other? Clearly, this is an important part of human culture, or it would not have been going on for centuries and show little or no sign of abating.

The culture must benefit from these shows of strength and threats of death. We also have many other entertainment venues that are based on threats and violence. Murder mysteries can be intellectual, like Agatha Christie or Sherlock Holmes, or they can be violent contests like The Hunger Games, which has a whole series of films with murderous challenges.

The female gladiators show us that women can entertain with violence just as easily as men. Shows of violence must serve a purpose as they have been popular for centuries. The spectator may have the experience of releasing thoughts and feelings of aggression by watching shows of violence, thus leading to a smaller probability that the spectator will commit acts of violence. However, I wonder where the cost/benefit analysis breaks down or crosses a threshold.

Surveys within the last few years indicate that young children today typically watch approximately 4 hours of “screen” time on average per day. That is a lot of screen time. Televisions were just coming into being when I was a child, and often, they were reserved for evening programs with the family and then morning programs for kids before going to school and afternoon programs for kids as a kind of built-in babysitter until dinner time. Now, screens are available to children 24/7. The long-term impact of that is being studied by The National Institutes of Health, which points out one obvious consequence: screen time leads to less physical exercise, which has health consequences, social consequences, and psychological consequences.

We have reached the threshold where an extended diet is just too much. Apparently, we do benefit from a dose of violence that we can identify with and not participate in, but we may also be going too far.

If you’re reflecting on the emotional impact of media or the role of aggression in culture, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional regulation and media awareness. For historical insight, see [The Female Gladiator: History of Women Warriors in Ancient Rome](https://roman-empire.net/people/the-female-gladiator-history-of-women-warriors-in-ancient-rome), [World History Encyclopedia’s article on female gladiators](https://www.worldhistory.org/article/35/female-gladiators-in-ancient-rome/), and [History.com’s overview of women in Roman combat](https://www.history.com/articles/women-gladiators-ancient-rome).

SNOW

Nature’s Metaphor for Relationships, Identity, and Presence

Snow isn’t just a weather event—it’s a mirror. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how snowfall evokes wonder, complexity, and emotional insight. From the science of flakes to the weight of relationships, snow invites us to examine how we show up in the world and who we shelter along the way.

As the snow falls, the sight is quite mesmerizing. Do you ever wonder where those flakes come from or how far they have fallen? Snow develops when the atmosphere is cold enough to form ice crystals around dust particles in the air. As the snow falls, we get entertained by the sense of floating and dancing in the air as it falls. Once on the ground, the snow provides protection for small plants against the cold! I had no idea. Once accumulated, the snow entertains the children and some adults and frightens others as it is a real inconvenience.

I wonder why the snowfall is mesmerizing. The shape of those flakes is fascinating, and snow comes in different forms as well. Today’s snow is light and fluffy. Others are wet and heavy. People can be like that as well. Who do you find fascinating in your life? Who is heavy and weighs you down? Do you sometimes wish they would melt away and leave you alone? You are not alone. Many people have relationships that weigh them down. Often, we fail to give ourselves permission to let the heavy ones melt away, particularly if they are family members.

As the snow falls, it sticks to the trees and bushes and piles up on the outdoor furniture. This morning, I was fascinated by the snow piled on the slats of the outdoor rocker. The snow accumulated in perfect prisms on each slat. Fascinating! I was momentarily reminded of science experiments in elementary school with prisms and bending light into an array of colors. This reminds me of how complicated we can all be. We may present as simple, and the truth is that we are all full of complications and different shades that blend together in fascinating ways. As the snow accumulates, I wonder how my presence is accumulating. When I am with my family, do I present as an interesting “shape” with a history that can mesmerize or entertain? Can I change shape for different atmospheres and be attractive to others? Does my presence provide protection for others? Who do I know that needs my protection or will benefit from my protection?

If snow reminds you of the weight or wonder of relationships, therapy can help you explore those dynamics with clarity and compassion. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational health. For a deeper look at snowflake formation and symbolism, visit National Geographic’s guide to snowflakes and Psychology Today’s reflection on snowflakes as symbols of identity.

COLLEGE BOUND

Stress, Identity, and the Emotional Journey to Independence

College isn’t just an academic milestone—it’s a psychological leap. For families in Maryland and DC, this post explores the emotional complexity of college admissions, the stress of launching a child into adulthood, and the identity shifts that come with being truly “college-bound.”

For those of you who are waiting to receive decision letters and have been through the rigors of applying, January is the time that college decisions get made.

What factors into these decisions? In this day and age, families that can afford it have hired a college consultant to walk their adolescent through the process of reviewing colleges, writing essays, ranking their admission chances, and completing the applications. These teens have been through multiple rounds of test-taking using one of the standard tests that colleges trust to help them select their incoming class. The tension is high in these households even if all looks smooth on the surface. So many factors go into this decision and into the next phase of a child’s life.

I have had many opportunities to see this play out in families. And I remember my own stress as a parent during this time. Launching a child into the “outer” world is just as difficult as launching a rocket into space. Years of preparation have gone into this moment. Some parents are thinking about this day when they send their child to kindergarten. Some had not thought about it until the high school counselor sent home some forms. Many have been setting money aside in some form; a state savings plan designated for higher education, an investment account that they nurture in the evenings as they watch the market fluctuate, a drawer where they squirrel away cash. Some have not faced the reality of this expense and find themselves either panicking or grieving.

This next phase of life is stressful all around.

There is a good reason that it is called “college-bound.” Someone in this child’s life is bound to pay the price. Recently, the government will be covering millions of college loans with a debt forgiveness plan. The taxpayer is bound to feel the consequence of that in some way. The student is bound to show up for class and give their best effort, though the temptation of freedom, Greek life, new relationships, new places, and the opportunity to make decisions with no immediate oversight are truly tempting. This freshman year catches many of these teens off guard. Some wash out early. Some struggle to make it past their first year and take their new insights seriously.

College is a rite of passage in our culture. Those who choose to take this path forward will be challenged intellectually but more importantly, they will be challenged emotionally and socially to discover who they are and who they want to be separate from their family of origin.

If your family is navigating the emotional transition to college, therapy can help. Explore family therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support teens and parents through life transitions. For expert guidance on emotional readiness, see Child Mind Institute’s guide to preparing for college emotionally and Phases Virginia’s mental health tips for college-bound teens.

Calendar Joke

Rest, Recovery, and the Power of Human Touch

“I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.”

This one made me chuckle—a clever pun with a deeper truth. When was the last time you took a day off and truly allowed yourself to rest? Not because you were sick or swamped, but because your body and mind simply needed a break. We’re often trained to view productivity as a badge of honor, but rest is not a luxury—it’s an essential part of emotional and physical health.

The science backs this up. Recovery time reduces stress, improves immune function, and enhances emotional regulation. According to NCBI research on touch and health, positive physical contact—like massage, hugs, or even a light stroke on the arm—can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, lowering cortisol and helping us feel safe and connected. UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center echoes this with studies showing that touch is a powerful regulator of emotional stress and mood.

But we’re not just talking science—we’re talking soul. That cup of tea in solitude. That moment with a friend where silence says more than words. That kind gesture or affirming hand on your shoulder. These moments re-center us.

Your skin—yes, your largest organ—is biologically designed to feel and respond to these micro-experiences. Infants who don’t receive touch fail to thrive, and elders often describe a deep sense of disconnection when physical contact fades. If you’re caring for aging parents or loved ones, this reminder is for you. Psychology Today’s guide to the power of touch highlights how even casual physical contact improves mood, bonding, and overall well-being.

So if the calendar factory joke feels a little too real, consider this your invitation to take a day. To rest. To recharge. To connect. Whether it’s booking a massage, going for a slow walk, or reaching out to someone you care about—let the “day off” be a reset, not a regret.

Need help learning how to give yourself permission to rest? Therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional balance and self-care. And if you’re looking for more work humor, browse Humor That Works’ joke collection for a quick laugh.

FIVE HUNDRED TWENTY-FIVE THOUSAND SIX HUNDRED MINUTES

Leap Year, Time, and the Power of Choice

“Seasons of Love” from RENT asks how we measure a year in life. In 2024, we get 527,040 minutes—an extra day to reflect, reset, and redefine. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how Leap Year offers a rare opportunity to correct our personal universe and choose how we spend our time.

Do you know what that is? Yes, a famous song from RENT, the Broadway show, and the total number of minutes in a year. However, 2024 will see 527,040! Why? 2024 is a Leap Year! What is a Leap Year, and why do we need it, have it, and want it? This day lets us correct the universe. Imagine that! We get to correct the universe!

What needs correcting in your universe? First, you need to define your universe. This could be family, community, work, friendships, obligations… Need I go on? About anything can fit into your universe, and the cool thing is that you get to decide what fits, what stays, and what goes. Take a moment and figure this out. Here, at the beginning of 2024 with an extra day to boot, you get to decide what will fit into your days. What purposes will take your attention? What causes will you support? What obligations will you accept? What time will you devote to the things that you choose?

When you look at the options, the fact that you have a choice is utterly amazing! Too often, we move through life responding without choosing. Here, at the beginning of a Leap Year, you get to leap into the things that you choose. Reflect on the past year and write down the moments that were your greatest highlights. Take note of the choices you made and how you chose to spend your time, your energy, your attention, your money, and all your other resources. This will tell you important things about who you have been. Now, think about who you want to be in this coming Leap Year. The choice is yours!

A Leap Year corrects the universe so that time is standardized and we move forward at a consistent pace. If we apply this principle to looking at how you will spend the coming year, we are looking for standards. The beginning of the year is an exciting time to reflect on our standards. Now, just what is a standard? A standard is defined as a level of quality, an idea used as a model, or a tree growing straight and erect to full height.

What defines your quality? For whom do you serve as a model? How tall do you stand in your family, your community, your work? How straight are you with yourself and others? This year, you will have an extra 24 hours to add to your standard. Think about how to use that time to be clear about who you are, where you are going, and how you will get there.

HAPPY LEAP YEAR!

If you’re ready to make meaningful choices in 2024, therapy can help you clarify your values and direction. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support intentional living. For reflections on time and meaning, see Song Meanings and Facts’ analysis of “Seasons of Love”.

SEX AS A CONTINUUM

Understanding Sexuality Beyond the Binary

Sexuality isn’t just anatomy—it’s identity, attraction, and experience. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how human sexuality functions on a continuum, challenging traditional binaries and embracing the complexity of who we are.

I am a “baby boomer” and grew up with very traditional notions of sex as a dichotomy: boys and girls. Yet nearly a decade before I was born, the research of Alfred Charles Kinsey at Indiana University in Bloomington, Indiana was proving that sex is not binary but much more complex than that. Kinsey was a zoology professor, so one can imagine that his original interest was in species and organisms other than humans, yet his career is clearly defined by his research and understanding of human sexuality.

Given that his research starts a decade before my birth, one must wonder why it has taken us so long to understand that sexuality functions on a continuum. Change is hard. Insight is even harder, and acceptance can be close to impossible.

I live outside of Washington, D.C., and every year in the early summer, there is an annual Pride Parade celebrating and announcing the fact that sex is on a continuum. I know this is hard for many people to understand because anatomically the sexes look different in a dichotomy and not in a range of physicality. So, how is it possible that sex is a continuum and not the dichotomy that our anatomy would imply? Because the organs that we use to reproduce are not the only parts of our sexuality. Sexuality is a brain thing more than an anatomical thing. In your brain, sexuality exists on a continuum and not as a binary thing. As humans, we can have an attraction to others in a continuous range from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual and to all attractions in-between.

The Pride Parade is announcing this continuum and this complexity. Wrapping your head around this truth can be hard. However, if you think about it, most things about humans exist on a continuum. Our physical features are on a continuum. Even identical twins have subtle differences that enable us to tell them apart. Our personalities are on a continuum. We are unique, and typically we enjoy and take pride in that uniqueness. As we accept this fact that sex is on a continuum and that our brains show us where we land on that continuum, we will be better able to accept the range of sexuality just like we accept the range of physical appearance and personality differences.

If you’re exploring identity or seeking clarity around sexuality, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support gender and sexual diversity. For deeper insight into cultural and psychological perspectives, see OpenStax’s overview of sex, gender, and sexuality in anthropology.

PATTERNS

How Routines and Relationships Anchor Our Lives

Patterns aren’t just stitched into fabric—they’re woven into our emotional lives. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how routines, relationships, and rituals offer comfort, structure, and resilience. From feed sack dresses to morning coffee, patterns help us feel grounded and connected.

My granddaughter is an excellent seamstress. That is a talent that may be a lost art. My mother was taught by her mother for pure necessity. Sewing was necessary in the rural farm country where she grew up. The clothes of the older children were modified for the younger ones in turn. The suits of men were recycled into quilts and comforters. Sometimes they actually used feed sacks to make dresses. Now, I bet you thought that was an old wife’s tale, but I can tell you for sure that not so long ago, feed sacks were definitely recycled into clothing, though never comfortable.

As human beings, we need patterns. Patterns provide comfort and a sense of stability. If you look at your life, you will find many patterns that provide structure. Our daily routines are a form of structure. Recently, I heard a friend describe her enjoyment of a morning cup of coffee. Even in the heat, she would take her cup onto the balcony and enjoy those early morning sights and sounds.

Routines provide anchors for us. We are born connected to another, and we spend our lives seeking connections and places to anchor ourselves. Sometimes, we anchor ourselves with others. You may have a friend who plays that role for you. This person you call when you have news to share or just need a listening ear can be a wonderful anchor. You may have an activity that provides an anchor. The early morning workout in the gym, the after-dinner stroll around the block, or the hike on the trail are all examples of anchors.

Because we are born connected to others, we thrive in relationships and need emotional connection to stay healthy. I have heard several stories of lifelong partners, who when one person dies, the other is soon to follow despite being seemingly in good health. Connection is powerful and precious. Reach out to those who serve this role for you and let them know they are valued.

If you’re exploring the patterns that shape your emotional life, therapy can help you reflect and realign. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional connection and resilience. For insights into how routines foster emotional well-being, see Upscale Living’s guide to identifying emotional patterns.

HIGH HEELS…..

From Persian Cavalry to Runway Status Symbols

High heels weren’t always about fashion—they began as tools of war. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection traces the surprising history of high heels, their cultural symbolism, and how footwear can shape our sense of presence, power, and connection.

I have a recent interest in fashion. Not current fashion, but some of the history of fashion, particularly as it relates to men. High-heeled shoes were originally designed for men! They were a sign of wealth and stature. Of course, they made the man taller, and the stress on the calf made them look stronger as well. The lore of the shoe states that they were first designed and used in Persia in the 10th century. The horse brigade of the Persian Army in the 10th century is credited with the invention of the high-heeled shoe to help the horsemen keep their feet in the stirrups. Brilliant!

If you have ever ridden horseback, the importance of keeping your feet in the stirrups will immediately be evident. The heels will also help your feet come out of the stirrups should you fall off the horse. You will not be dragged across the field with your foot caught in the stirrup. The high heel is a very thoughtful invention, indeed. A recent celebration of the shoe took place in 2022 at the Fashion Institute of Technology in New York City.

So, how do high heels migrate from a man’s fashion statement to a woman’s? Leave that to the courts of Europe. As men in court began to wear these high heels to make them taller and appear more powerful the natural transition to women desiring similar attention took place somewhere between the 1600s and the 1800s. By the 1800s, the transition was complete, and men were back on the ground while women were teetering on skinny heels in the air. The skinny heel is symbolic of position. Look at me. I don’t have to move fast or carry heavy things or work for a living. I can just teeter around and be served by others.

The high-heeled shoe has always been a symbol of status. From men on horseback to women on runways, the shoe has garnered attention and helped the wearer feel a sense of heightened importance. Yet, the oldest shoe in existence is a moccasin, a working man’s shoe to walk long distances, move swiftly and quietly while hunting prey and be able to feel your foot on the ground. I think we should go back to moccasins to stay grounded and in touch with things happening around us.

The moccasin lets you feel reality and respond to it appropriately. Somewhere along the way, we have lost the ability to be present in the moment and connect with the world and the people around us. We need to hit pause and spend time on the ground, touching our family and friends and truly being present for them. Perhaps we need to go barefoot!

If you’re exploring identity, symbolism, or the stories behind everyday objects, therapy can help you reflect with clarity and purpose. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and cultural awareness. For a deeper dive into the history of high heels, see Fashion-Era’s timeline of high heels.

WATCHING THE WIND

Resilience, Flexibility, and the Wisdom of Trees

River Birch trees don’t just sway—they teach. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection draws inspiration from nature’s quiet strength, reminding us that resilience isn’t about resistance—it’s about movement, recovery, and grace under pressure.

My thanks to a client for giving me this phrase as it applies to looking into the future. We have two beautiful River Birch trees in our backyard, and I love the way the wind moves through them. With a breath of a wind, the leaves tend to wiggle, reminding me of a hula skirt. As the wind picks up, the branches sway as though inviting one to dance. The big gusts bend the branches, and they are limber enough to bounce back with ease. I envy that tree.

That tree models the flexibility that we should all aspire to. The winds of life can be gentle or rough, and we all need to learn how to wiggle, dance, and bounce back. Think about the stressors and pressures that face you. Some are coping with irritation of minor changes or needs. The clock in the kitchen that hangs above the sink needs a new battery. That means climbing on the step ladder to remove the clock and making sure we have the right battery. Do I want to do this chore? No. Do I want the clock to work? Yes. Out comes the ladder.

Taking care of my health is important, and the New York Times reminds me that there are three vaccinations that are required before winter. Do I want to get shot in the arm three times? Can I get them altogether, or do I need to make separate trips? Will there be side effects with these shots? I really would like to say “Pass”. However, I don’t want to be taken down by any one of these nasty things, so I will make the time, find the places, and tolerate the side effects.

I admire that Birch tree’s ability to take deep bends and return to normal. Some parts of life are just heavy, and they push us to our limits, and then we discover that we still have a little bend left. The tree’s resilience is in its core, and so is mine and so is yours. We are stronger than we think. Our cores are made of the kindness of our friends, the support of our families, the lessons from past struggles, and our desire for the future. So, bring on the wind.

If you’re navigating life’s gusts and seeking steadiness, therapy can help you build emotional flexibility and resilience. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support growth through change. For more on nature-inspired resilience, see The Palm Tree Model of Resilience by Amy Sweezey.

PINK IS FOR…..​

Color, Culture, and the Emotional Coding of Gender

Pink may seem like a simple color, but its history is anything but. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how pink has shifted from a symbol of masculine strength to a marker of femininity—and what that says about our cultural expectations for boys and girls.

For most of the time that I have been alive, the color pink has been associated with feminine character. In fact, I just bought a pink baby swing for the cherry tree in the front yard, hoping to entice the many young families that walk through the neighborhood to stop and swing their little girls in the baby swing. Of course, boys are welcome too, but my family is full of girls, sooooo…..

A friend of mine recently told me that Pink was originally associated with boys. That was a shocker, so I had to research this. The history makes sense when you hear it. Red is a masculine color standing for strength and courage. The association to blood on the battlefield is real as fighting for territory and survival was common. Soldiers wear their “red badges of courage” with pride. The thought was to prepare little boys for the “red life” of courage by dressing them in pink.

In the 17th century, boys wore pink in preparation for taking their place in the adult world of battle and mayhem. The association of pink with boys lasted for centuries. Then in the 1920s, in the United States, a type of Department Store war broke out. Some stores kept the tradition of associating pink with boys, and some made the switch to associating pink with girls. The motivation for this is unclear though I would venture to say that any controversy in marketing is likely to draw attention and lead to higher sales. Mothers across America were no doubt purchasing pink clothes to assert their preference.

I sort of wish the pink for boys would have stuck because then we might have a better opportunity to help boys see that they can be soft sometimes as well as bloody. Our boys have lost the ability to use the softer parts of their psyche, and maybe “color coding” is a part of that. If we had made them “green”, would they be more grounded? More interested in growing things than destroying things? Or, more environmentally aware? Or, if we had made them “orange”, would they be aspiring to more complicated and juicy ways of solving problems? Or, have the ability to blend more aspects of life together and not be so rigid.

“OOPs!” did I offend with that last musing? Boys and men are emotionally limited and narrowed by our social norms. Just watch the news. How many mass shootings are committed by boys? By girls? Maybe clothing and color coding have nothing to do with it; however, something in our culture is creating this desire to explode and to finally “be seen”.

Buy your boys pink shirts!

If you’re exploring gender norms or emotional expression, therapy can help unpack cultural expectations and support personal growth. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support identity and emotional resilience. For a deeper dive into the history of pink and gender, see Wikipedia’s overview of gendered color associations.