Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

THE COLOR OF FALL

How Autumn’s Palette Reflects the Beauty of Friendship

Fall isn’t just a season—it’s a metaphor for transformation, connection, and appreciation. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection draws parallels between the changing leaves and the enduring qualities of friendship. As nature turns vibrant, so do the relationships that color our lives.

I live in a part of the country where the chill of fall brings the leaves on the trees to change to beautiful colors of yellows, oranges, and reds. The display is quite smashing, and one must be careful not to crane your neck while driving and run off the road. I love the colors of fall. In fact, I cannot imagine living in any part of the country or the world where these changes would be missed.

Then I think that these trees are quite marvelous. For months, they are green with leaves that blow in the wind and provide cooling shade. Some bear beautiful flowers, like the pink cherry tree in the front yard. When the breeze comes, the pink petals flow to the ground like tiny pink snowflakes. Some trees drop fruit and nuts to feed the squirrels and other creatures. And then, as the temperatures drop, the leaves turn and delight us with a range of colors.

Sometimes, I think people do the same thing. They are steady and predictable. They bring beauty and sustenance into our lives. They care to cover us when we need it, just like the shade of the tree. They drop hints to benefit us and help us to change and grow. They rustle us up when we just want to wallow and know we should not. They will drop everything for us when we need it and rake through their resources to be sure we get what we need.

Sometimes, they can flare up and turn red with anger or embarrassment. Or they may chicken out and disappoint us. Sometimes, they just surprise us by appearing around a corner to delight and distract us. Our friends are flexible just like the trees, and grow along with us throughout our lives. If you are fortunate enough to have a friend who has been planted in your life for some time, take a moment to marvel at them and appreciate them as fall continues to color your world.

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HUMMINGBIRDS

Migration, Memory, and the Call to Connection

Hummingbirds may be solitary by nature, but their visits often spark reflection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how these tiny creatures prompt us to consider our own rhythms, relationships, and readiness for connection. Whether migrating or rooted, we all seek meaningful movement.

Every summer, we put out a hummingbird feeder. It is positioned so that we can see it from the kitchen table. The interesting part is that it always takes them a few weeks to find the thing. Once they do, they are regular visitors. They are predictable. As the summer comes to a close, they frequent the feeder more often. I understand they are “bulking up” for their migration. They will soon be headed to the Caribbean, and I truly envy them.

This morning, one of them came right up to the sliding glass door and hovered there staring at me as if to say: “Why are you sitting still? Why don’t you get ready?” Then, I had to wonder what am I ready for? I no longer go to school, so I can’t get ready for that like all the kids in the neighborhood. I am not migrating anywhere. In fact, I am likely to be planted here forever, like the giant Sycamore tree in the yard. I have deep roots and am not likely to move any time soon. So where does this bird expect me to go?!

Where do I expect myself to go? I am old, so my “go machine” may be rusty. Then I remembered that I go for connection. I want to be with others and enjoy their company. I want to laugh and tell stories and share the books I have been reading and the places I have been. I may not be headed to the Caribbean, but I am surely headed toward friends and comradery.

I know I have said this before, but it bears repeating. We are born connected to another person, and we spend our lives seeking connection to others. We are social beings, and we need connections to strengthen ourselves and prepare for the journey ahead. Our connections with others energize us, comfort and sustain us. We are social beings.

I am guessing that my curious hummingbird is also a social being, and just wanted to see if his inquiry would stir me to action.

If you’re feeling the nudge to reconnect or reflect on your own migration path, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional movement and meaningful connection. For insights into hummingbird behavior and human interaction, see Understanding Hummingbird Recognition.

On the Porch

Reflections, Memories, and the Comfort of Outdoor Retreats

Porches are more than architectural features—they’re emotional sanctuaries. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores the history, nostalgia, and restorative power of porches as places to pause, connect, and unwind. Whether built new or remembered fondly, porches offer timeless comfort.

I love a porch. This extension of the home may have its roots in the Greek and Roman buildings where porticos served a valuable function, providing shelter, gathering spots, and the ever-welcome breeze and escape from the heat inside of the home.

Porches invite you to pause, to sit awhile, and to contemplate. In home building in the United States, they disappeared in the post World War I era when housing was in high demand for returning soldiers and their families. The brick boxes that went up quickly were focused on efficient completion so they could be occupied and not on aesthetics. I live in one of those 1940s boxes, and trust me, everything was efficient. The goal was to get it done. Make it quick, make it affordable, and get it sold. So, we have added a porch to the back of the house to satisfy the need for this place to relax and enjoy the essence of the outdoors without getting rained on.

My favorite porch memory is of the farmhouse porch on my Uncle Johnnie’s house. That porch followed the walls and turns around five sides of this complicated 7-sided house with gazebo-like structures at the middle corners or turns. As a child, you imagined that the porch went on forever. There were porch swings, rockers, and benches all along the way. The filigree in the railings was filled with spindles and cut-out designs of flowers and leaves. That porch was a marvelous playground. We made cornhusk dolls there, and if you know what a milking filter is, you will recognize the multi-layered dolls made from milking filters with their wide-flowing skirts and corn cob heads.

A porch is a place to retreat and a place to meet with friends. Regardless of the stressors of the day, the porch seems to remove them. Perhaps the breeze that passes through the porch serves to sweep them away. Or maybe the sway of the swing moves them to another place where they will not concern you. I hope you have a porch or a favorite Inn in the countryside where you can retreat to their porch and release the tensions of the day.

If you’re seeking a space to reflect, connect, or simply breathe, therapy can help you create that inner porch. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional restoration and personal peace. For porch design inspiration, see Casolia’s Cozy Porch Ideas.

WEATHER

How External Storms Reflect Our Internal Moods and Attachments

Weather isn’t just atmospheric—it’s emotional. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how our moods mirror the climate around us, and how attachments to people, places, and things shape our emotional forecasts. Just as we prepare for storms, we can learn to navigate our inner weather with care and clarity.

The Weatherman on our local station is quite handsome and seems to be passionate about all things weather. I think he particularly likes this east coast part of the country. Apparently, we are situated to receive all kinds of weather but none so severe as to cause the devastation that we witness in other parts of the country. So that got me thinking about a different form of weather. As humans, we have our own internal weather that we call moods.

As humans, we are capable of a full range of moods. The loss of a loved one can bring us to devastation and fear. What will happen next? How will we be able to keep going and move forward? I believe that each one of us has experienced this mood. Perhaps you were grieving the loss of a spouse or a dear friend. One of the worst losses is the loss of a child. That loss is just out of sync with reality. Children are not supposed to die. They are supposed to live, experience life, enjoy relationships and grow old. The loss of other things that are precious to us can be equally difficult. Losing a pet can be extremely painful. Sometimes, we do not realize how powerful that relationship is until we cannot experience it anymore.

We were born connected to another human being, and we spend our lives continuing to make connections. We get attached to people, places, or things. The point is that attachment is natural and necessary. When we lose our sense of attachment, we lose our will to continue living. We move into a dark storm that can overwhelm us. Look at your attachments. Set some time aside to consider each of those three categories: people, places, things. Write down the attachments that are of value to you in each of those categories.

I find when working with people that their attachments are incredibly valuable. The primary attachment is a bellwether, a leader of their life. The original meaning of bellwether was the bell on the lead sheep in a flock. The leader showing the path ahead is a good way to think about your attachments. Where are you headed? What do your primary attachments do to move you further ahead?

If your emotional weather feels unpredictable, therapy can help you find steadiness. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional regulation and attachment healing. For insights into how weather affects mood, see The Psychology of Weather from the Bureau of Meteorology.

BACK TO SCHOOL!

How Childhood School Memories Shape Our Present

Back-to-school season isn’t just for kids, it’s a powerful emotional marker for many adults. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how early school experiences continue to influence our routines, relationships, and emotional responses. Whether joyful or anxious, these memories matter.

How many of you still organize your year around the school calendar? If you were a good student, the end of August was a time of excitement and a time to gear up for a new year. You looked forward to seeing your schoolmates and telling all the summer tales of adventure.

If you were a not-so-good student, your anxiety started to gear up about mid-August, and you looked for ways to escape. Suddenly your clothes did not fit, and your backpack was nowhere to be found. You prayed for snow, even knowing that the thermometer was in the 90’s.

If you have school-aged children, you need to function on the school calendar. However, many still organize their year around that activity and have a deep emotional response to this time of year. You may be aware of this cycle and take it to heart, or you may be completely unaware and wonder why this time of year is disquieting.

Whether we realize it or not, our early school experiences stay with us in some way.

Some of us have maintained friends from elementary school. You may not have regular contact, but when you do meet or call, the sense of connection reappears automatically as though you were young again and no time has passed.

Early school experiences can make a deep impression. I remember my second-grade teacher because she put a large wire cage in the center of the room and placed a hen in the cage. We watched in awe as that hen laid eggs and sat on them until these little chicks hatched. We had a lottery to see who would get to take the chicks home. Of course, our parents were not as excited as we were, but that teacher was brilliant. We learned about the circle of life and about caring for another creature. And yes, we were required to clean out the cage!

What school memories stand out for you? As a young child, your school experience can be powerful and set the stage for future experiences and feelings. Take a moment to go back in time and ponder the influences of early childhood on who you are now.

If back-to-school season stirs up old emotions or questions about identity, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal growth. For nostalgic reflections, see Education Elements’ Top 20 Back-to-School Memories.

Anesthesia and Sleep!

How Surgery Reveals the Brain’s Hidden Storage Systems

Sleep after anesthesia isn’t just rest—it’s recovery from a chemical storm. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how anesthesia affects memory, sleep, and the brain’s preferred ways of storing information. From picture reels to lullabies, it’s a journey through cognition and healing.

If you have had surgery recently, you know the effects of flushing this stuff out of your body for a few days afterward. I don’t think that the anesthesiologist does a proper job of explaining what is going to happen in your brain over the next few days. He talks about the potential physical effects, maybe some nausea, drowsiness, or sleeplessness, but he does not tell you that your brain may function differently and will be weird for a few days.

Anesthesia puts you to sleep, but this is not normal sleep. This is a chemical sleep that bathes the cells in your brain in such a way that they are pickled in something new and different. After surgery, this “pickling juice” must be washed out of your brain. No one prepares you for this transition. The IV in your arm is part of this flushing mechanism. Drinking lots of water is an important part of this flushing system, and that plastic breathing thing that you struggle to suck out of is a part of this too.

The interesting part for my brain was the exposure to the system that my brain uses to store information. I did not do much sleeping after surgery. Again, a part of the information you should know is that sleep changes with these chemicals trying to run out of your brain. But when I did close my eyes the show was really weird. I know that I store information in pictures. That has always been my preferred processing format. Ask me if I know someone and their picture pops into my brain. When I try to communicate that I know someone, I see them but cannot find their name. If you could watch this on a screen, you would know immediately who I am talking about. So, with these chemicals activating my brain, the photos of others were wild. I went through a movie screen role of 38mm film of every person I have ever encountered. Trying to sleep, and the pictures just kept rolling. Saw my 3rd-grade teacher and remember that she raised a hen in a cage in the middle of the room all year: “Biddy Hen” but have no idea of the teacher’s name but a great pic.

When I taught college, I made a very strong effort to learn a student’s name on day one. I went around the room and asked everyone to say their name and tell one important or unusual thing about themselves. I could picture them and use the detail to grab their first name. I required them to stay in the same seat all semester. Rolls and rolls of those students went through my head.

Trust me. I am going someplace. I have a sleep system that I have used for decades to quickly and easily put myself to sleep, but it is based on music and not on pictures.

We encode data in 3 main ways: images, sounds, and motion. The first two are easy to understand. The third is something like this: you move through space, and let’s say you are walking someplace, and your brain records the action, or you are learning to swing a bat, and your brain has to focus on the motion and nothing else to make you a good batter.

We each have preferences for the storage of information. As I have said, mine is picture storage. Did you know that emails can be stored as images? Recovering from anesthesia, I close my eyes, and a white circle appears filled with fast-moving images of emails. Come on! Who knew?

My storage systems are first pictures, then motion, and the last is sound. So, of course, the best sleep process for me is the weakest system. If I focus on sound, then the other two busy systems get lulled to sleep. The anesthesia completely blocked my access to the sound system. When that path was opened again, I could drift off to sleep.

Lullabies that my mother sang to me as a child, that I sang to my child, and that she sang to hers. Lovely to know what works. Try figuring out how your brain encodes things and pick the weaker one to start a sleep routine.

If anesthesia has disrupted your sleep or memory, therapy can help you recalibrate. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support cognitive recovery and emotional clarity. For more on how anesthesia affects memory and sleep, see MedicalHubNews’ guide to reversing memory loss after anesthesia.

THE HEAT, THE HEAT!

Facing the Temperatures Outside—and the Ones Within

Extreme weather can feel overwhelming, but sometimes it mirrors the emotional heat we carry inside. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how oppressive temperatures and childhood memories both challenge us—and how facing them can lead to healing and relief.

I don’t know where you live, but in the Washington, DC area the heat has been constant and oppressive. I have this great deck and patio, and they stand empty, day after day, because it is too hot to sit outside. I am convinced that global warming is real. Also, when I see the huge floods and storms in the Midwest, I know the climate is changing. This is not the first time that the weather has been devastating. Remember the dust storms of the 1930’s? The pictures of walls of dirt traveling across the Plains are frightening. Houses were buried, and people died when they could not outrun the walls of dust and dirt or find safety in their homes.

What are you trying to outrun or avoid? We all do it.

One of the most common things to outrun is our childhood history. Before we reach puberty, our brains think in binary terms: yes/no, right/wrong, good/bad. We divide our experiences into absolute opposites. That means that early life experiences get stuck in that place of absolute negative or absolute positive. Each of these can lead to problems later on. For now, I want to focus on the absolute negative.

When the first child in a family is replaced by the second, danger lurks. The sense of loss and rejection that can overwhelm the first child is akin to a form of panic. When you move from receiving the full attention of both parents to having to share that attention, the hurt and loss are real. Many times, parents do not realize how powerful this loss is, and they fail to find ways to continue the older child’s experience of being special. When we are replaced by another, we are in pain. The accompanying confusion and grief are disorienting. The older child is destabilized.

That sense of “I can be replaced” stays with you even if it is buried in your memory bank. The fear and instability associated with that thought can cause us to fear connection or overreach for connection and importance. When we fear connection, we miss out on opportunities to build friendships and support networks. When we overreach for connection, we alienate others and become burdens. Facing the early childhood injury can help us to reorient and change our view of ourselves and others.

We all carry early childhood memories with us, and they influence how we behave in the present. We cannot outrun them, but we can turn and face them without the fear of being buried. Understanding our early experiences and their influence on the present opens us up leading to cooler times.

If you’re ready to explore the emotional heat you’ve been carrying, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity and healing. For more on the connection between climate and emotional stress, see Psychology Today’s reflection on The Heat and connection.

Baseball

Memory, Emotion, and the Mental Game Behind America’s Pastime

Baseball isn’t just a sport, it’s a soundtrack, a ritual, and a mirror for emotional resilience. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection on transistor radios, childhood giggles, and the ups and downs of pitching reminds us that the game is as much about heart as it is about skill. This post explores how baseball shapes memory and how emotional coaching might just be the next great strategy.

I have always liked baseball. I have no idea why. Maybe it was the invention of the transistor radio. The transistor was invented in 1947, and I would not have been old enough to know what it was. But by 1957, when the transistor radio was invented, my parents might have been able to afford one. The radio at that time would have been expensive and truly a luxury item at about $130. I know we had one.

How do I know? My sister and I shared a room, and we managed to sneak the radio in at night and listen to the ball games under the covers. I don’t think we really understood the game itself, but the sneaking was great fun. “Settle down, girls!”. “Don’t make me come up there!” would echo up the stairs and lead to more giggles under the covers. I do not remember my Dad ever following through on those threats, but they sounded serious.

The baseball announcer was a hoot. Big voice with lots of crescendos and excitement, and I remember an organ playing at certain times. Of course, they played the National Anthem at the beginning and “Take Me Out to the Ball Game”. The 7th inning stretch was usually “God Bless America” so we learned all the words by heart. George Steinbrenner is credited with making it a tradition as he instructed the organist to play it at every ball game for the New York Yankees until other clubs adopted it. Of course, we all wanted to sound like Aretha Franklin. Watch her on YouTube and tell me if it does not make you cry.

As an adult, my husband and I lived in Baltimore, and it was easy to find a balmy night to go to the park, and at that time, it was cheap to get box seats on the first base line and watch Jim Palmer pitch. Sometimes I think about how a pitcher needs to be trained to handle the ups and downs of performance. I think I would like to be an emotional trainer for high school pitchers. I would sit on the sidelines and yell, “Great pitch” when they are doing well, and “You stink” with the throw one way outside. I think that would be good training and serve them well in college and beyond. The pitcher has to take in the good stuff and let it fill him up and strengthen him and sluff off the bad at the moment but not forever. The pitcher needs to hold a place for the bad stuff, like putting it in a spot behind home plate where it can be picked up later but not affect his game. Later he can sort through it for the good stuff to work on.

Maybe we all need hecklers and cheerers for that very reason.

If you’re exploring emotional resilience or want to coach others through performance highs and lows, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional regulation and growth. For insights into the mental game of baseball, see The Mental Game of Baseball from OurBallSports.

THE FED HAS RAISED INTEREST RATES

What Economic Shifts Can Teach Us About Personal Balance

When the Federal Reserve raises interest rates, it’s not just about inflation, it’s about restoring equilibrium. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this moment offers a metaphor for personal reflection. Just as the economy adjusts to new pressures, so can we. This post explores how financial policy mirrors our need for emotional and relational balance.

This week the Federal Reserve decided to raise interest rates in an effort to stave off rising inflation. The process goes like this. When prices are climbing, a rise in interest rates makes purchasing those things more difficult. The idea is that as purchasing goes down, the producers of things will lower prices so more things will be bought. The ebb and flow of the economy depends on this balance. How is this balance maintained? How is it helpful?

Balance in the economy is important and perhaps critical. The same is true for our lives. Balance is life-giving. When we are out of balance, we are in trouble. We are at risk for falling. Who or what will be there to catch us? The Federal Reserve trusts that when they raise interest rates, there will be a corrective response, and prices will adjust and come down, consumers will start buying again, and then interest rates can come down, and the merry-go-round continues.

This is all about balance. How do you put balance into your life? If we were to do a factual report of your time for the past week, what would we see? Take that challenge and lay out a timeline on the page. Where did you go? What did you do? Who did you experience? What drew your attention? What did you accomplish? How we invest our time can give us clear information about our priorities.

You say you love your family, and your calendar shows that you never made it home for dinner in the past week. You missed your daughter’s swim meet for a client call. You value your physical health, and the treadmill in the basement is a place to hang coats. You fancy yourself an intellectual, but you have not read a book in the past 6 months, and you fall asleep in front of the television every night.

How would you rate your interest in you? Your family? Your spouse? Your children? Your health? Your intellect? Examine these carefully. It is time to raise your own interest rates.

If you’re feeling out of balance, therapy can help you recalibrate. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity and intentional living. For more on how interest rates affect your financial life, see Forbes’ explainer on Fed rate hikes.

CAN’T SLEEP?

Why Sleep Routines Matter—For Children and Adults Alike

Sleep is essential for physical and emotional health, yet many struggle to get enough of it. For families in Maryland and DC, this post explores how early sleep routines shape lifelong habits, and how intentional rituals can help both children and adults find rest.

Our bodies need sleep for a variety of reasons: development, energy conservation, brain waste clearance, modulation of immune responses, cognition, performance, vigilance, disease, and psychological state. That is quite a list. In fact, that is intimidating enough to keep you awake!

Think of everything that is going on in your body while you sleep. Yet, many of you have trouble falling asleep and cannot figure out why. One would think that this is a simple task. Lie down. Close your eyes. Count sheep. Remember the mattress commercial that had all those sheep jumping over fences? Seems simple enough.

Sleep training takes place very early in life. If you have children, you remember this process vividly. You feed the baby, rock the baby, and gently put the baby in the bassinet. Voila! Well, almost. For some parents this process is easy, and the baby cooperates. For others, this process is its own nightmare followed by various attempts, conversations with the relatives, and feelings of utter failure. Each of us has our own story.

Helping your child find a sleep routine is important. The key here is routine. Children benefit from repetition. The order of events is not as important as the fact that there is an order: a ritual that can be depended on. There are only a few don’ts: no screens at least one hour before bedtime, no overstimulation prior to bedtime, and no conflict prior to bedtime. There are some really important do’s: do the same thing every time in the same order, do spend time so that your child feels your attention and interest, do relax and expect your child to cooperate, do calming activities, do make it special for you and your child.

Here is a simple example: start with a bath because they probably need one and good conversations happen; keep the same hygiene routine of tooth brushing, hair brushing, etc.; talk, read a story, sing a song; have a special way of saying good night; leave!

Your child does not have to fall asleep. A mistake that many parents make is that they stay until the child falls asleep. That teaches a child that they must have you nearby to fall asleep. Your message should be that you are a grown-up, and you now need time off from being a parent. They do not have to fall asleep. They do have to stay in their bed so that you can have time to yourself, time with your partner, time to work or play or just do nothing.

Sleep training is an important responsibility and can serve your child for a lifetime. You would be surprised how comforting it is to have a routine that leads to sleep regardless of how old you are!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

If sleep struggles are affecting your family, therapy can help. Explore therapy for adults and families in DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support healthy sleep routines and emotional wellness. For practical tips, see Restful Solutions’ guide to things to do when you can’t sleep.