Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

MAKING BETTER BAD CHOICES

Growth, Reflection, and the Wisdom of Mistakes

“Making better bad choices” may sound like a punchline, but it’s actually a powerful framework for growth. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how missteps, when examined with honesty and curiosity, can become stepping stones toward emotional resilience and personal evolution.

This phrase is all over the Internet and it just makes me laugh. At the same time, this is such a good idea. Anyone on the path to growth can be found making better bad choices. That is how each of us grows! When I think about this for myself and my clients, I see how it fits. Every bad choice helps us to do better the next time. If you pay attention, real progress and growth are possible! If we do not pay attention, we are doomed to repeat those bad choices.

Stop and reflect on your bad choices. I know that often we just want to move on and sweep these bad choices away. However, these bad choices are rich in information, detail, and guidance. What is the last bad choice that you made? Perhaps you are on a diet and decided to get a Big Mac from the drive-through or thought that the Grande White Mocha from Starbucks was a necessary treat. Perhaps you bought that cute skirt even though you could not afford it and did not need it. Maybe you had one more beer before you drove home, even though you knew you would be over the limit. Oh, there are all sorts of bad choices we can make. If we really spent a day paying attention, we would be surprised.

How did you feel after those bad choices? Was your reflection helpful? Often, we need to make a wrong turn to find the right way. When we make bad choices, the challenge is to accept that we are human, which means flawed. We are not perfect, and we will never be perfect. We are people who can grow, change and learn. That is our real strength!

Making bad choices is an essential part of growth. The choices themselves may not be the “bad” part. Not learning from the choice is the “bad part”. We must make mistakes to learn to take risks and develop new skills. Think of the toddler. What if this character never took the risk of pulling up on furniture and falling, dragging the doily and little china figurines with him?

Taking risks and learning how to recalibrate is an important part of growth. Every successful person has their stories of tragedy and failure. So, keep going. Keep “making better bad choices”.

If you’re ready to turn missteps into momentum, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional growth and self-reflection. For practical strategies, visit Develop Good Habits’ 7-step guide to learning from mistakes, Psychology Today’s leadership insights on supporting growth through error, and Growth Tactics’ tips for maximizing learning from mistakes.

TOOTHBRUSHING

Water, Wisdom, and the Brain’s Quiet Work

Brushing your teeth may seem mundane, but it’s a moment where conservation meets cognition. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how small routines like toothbrushing reveal our environmental impact and the quiet brilliance of our brains at work—even when we’re not paying attention.

The other morning, I was brushing my teeth, and I remembered my sister’s story of doing the same in California. She reported that you never leave the water running while brushing your teeth. In fact, you barely wet your brush and barely rinse your brush when you finish and take a sip of water to rinse your mouth. The watertable in California is being depleted. Between city development, population growth, and farming, the watertable is being sucked dry. The watertable in California has been dropping for the past two decades. Water conservation is a priority in the State, yet ultimately it will probably not be enough to divert a disaster. As a result, they are going beyond their borders to draw water from other states. The outcome of such could be disastrous for more than California.

We all have watertables of a sort…..our emotional and intellectual resources. How are you using your “watertables”? When you face simple tasks like toothbrushing, dishwashing, or laundry, how are you using your resources? Our brains are quick to process the environment around us, and sometimes they get stuck on repeating one attitude or demeanor. Check yourself the next time that you do a common task. When doing mundane chores our brains are frequently processing problems and puzzles that are completely unrelated to the chore. Pay attention to what your brain is doing. Have you ever wondered why that organ is protected by a round bone vault? This is a very special organ! No other part of the body has such protection.

While doing mundane tasks like emptying the dishwasher, your brain is busy solving complex problems or creating new designs for that house project you are planning. You might say the brain has a mind of its own. Many times, I have heard someone say that a solution to a complex problem came to them while taking a shower. Maybe the brain likes the rush of water or the sound of rain. Our brains are always busy. Even when we are sleeping, they are processing the events and stressors of the day. Sometimes I encourage clients to keep a notebook at their bedside so they can write down snippets of dreams. Our dreams are the way in which our brains organize, react to, and sort out the events of the day and the trials in our lives. They can be quite helpful in showing us the feeling states that we may have dismissed in our busy day.

When you wake up and go to brush your teeth, think about what your brain may be telling you about the strains of the day and your resources for addressing them.

Want to conserve water while brushing your teeth? Try Colgate’s five water-saving tips or explore CDHP’s guide to reducing water usage. For broader sustainability ideas, visit Southern Sustainability Institute’s water waste overview and Terra & Co.’s sustainable oral hygiene tips.

If you’re curious about how your brain processes stress or want to explore emotional resources more deeply, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional clarity and cognitive wellness.

Like, I mean Like…

The Rise of a Linguistic Locust

“Like” has become the Swiss Army knife of modern speech—versatile, persistent, and occasionally maddening. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how a simple word evolved into a cultural phenomenon, shaping how we express uncertainty, connection, and rhythm in everyday conversation.

“Like” has become an inseparable and essential component of our modern-day conversations, be it face-to-face meetings or social media interactions. Its use of “like” has pervaded “like” all spheres and cannot be “like” ignored. Sometimes, I think of it as the return of the “seven-year locusts” but as an everyday occurrence. Do you really want to step on those things everywhere you go?

“Like; Like”

Language is an ever-evolving part of human existence; eloquent speech can be considered an artful composition of words that express our thoughts, feelings, and imagination. However, as language evolves, certain words, which seem to pervade contemporary discourse, can drive one crazy. Once used solely as a verb or prepositional content within written English dialogue, “like” has evolved into multifunctional content heard among younger generations, with conversations often beginning with “Like; Like; I mean like”. Where are they going? Why does the brain take such priming? This reminds me of starting a Model T.

“Like” has also become an invaluable aid for teens explaining something. Every explanation is peppered with “like” as though it is punctuation and vital for communication. Sometimes, I think of it as the skewer that carries the meat on a kabob. Different, but do you really need to string meat together to cook it? Is it necessary or meaningful? And have you ever tried to get those chunks off of the stick?

“I like appreciate that you like read this like Blog and like I said, like thank you, like.”

So what’s going on here? Linguists suggest that “like” functions as a discourse marker, a quotative, a hedge, and a filler—sometimes all at once. It helps speakers signal uncertainty, soften opinions, or buy time while formulating thoughts. According to Readable’s analysis, filler words like “like” are mental placeholders that help maintain conversational flow and social rapport.

Historically, “like” has been around far longer than the Valley Girls of the 1980s. Its use as a conversational tool dates back to the 1700s and appears in literature from authors like Frances Burney and Robert Louis Stevenson. Linguist Alexandra D’Arcy has traced its evolution across generations, showing that even elderly speakers born in the 1800s used sentence-initial “like” to emphasize or connect ideas. You can explore this further in Psychology Today’s history of “like”.

Still, overuse can dilute clarity. As Sankin Speech Improvement notes, excessive “like” usage can distract listeners and undermine credibility. Speech coaches recommend recording yourself and practicing cleaner phrasing to reduce reliance on filler words.

If you’re curious about your own communication style or want to refine how you express yourself, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support self-awareness, language habits, and emotional clarity.

YOU CAN MAKE FRIENDS WITH A FLY*

Connection, Curiosity, and the Brain’s Quiet Genius

Sometimes, the smallest encounters spark the biggest reflections. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how fleeting moments—like sharing a windshield with a fly—can reveal our deep desire for connection, our emotional instincts, and the quiet brilliance of our problem-solving minds.

A lovely friend of mine tells me that this was her mother’s description of her as a child. When I heard it, I laughed. I could not help myself. Then, as life often does, a fly came into my life. Traveling from Chevy Chase, MD to Tysons, VA, which is about a 35-minute drive, a fly was on the windshield in the driver’s direct view when we pulled out of the driveway. That fly was still there when we pulled into the parking garage. And yes, he was alive and proceeded to fly away. Did we make friends? Did he like me?

I know you have had this experience where you meet someone for the first time. You have a brief chat and feel some sense of connection. As the conversation ends, you think: “That was lovely. I would like to get to know that person.” Something inside of us gives us a nudge to gravitate to one person or another.

When I work with couples, I see that the nudge is often to be attracted to someone with the character qualities that you experienced in one parent or the other. We are driven to replay the family drama and make it turn out better. For some couples, this is productive and healing. For others, it is a disaster leading to pain and separation or a life of constant stress and misery.

The sense that a new person would make a good friend is in a completely different category. Some part of us just resonates or even vibrates with the sense that “they would be interesting to know or great fun or really important in my life.” Our brains are marvelous organs. They are constantly problem-solving and seeking connection and resolution. Even when we are sleeping, our brains are problem-solving. They seem to be redecorating the room all the time. They move bits and pieces around to see how they fit together until they find the better sequence or the greater idea.

Often, I have awoken with a new idea or with the solution to a problem that seemed unsolvable the day before. I am so glad that my brain works on my behalf. Even though I could make friends with a fly, I would much prefer making friends with my brain.

*Thank you to Renee’s mom for this quote.

If you’re exploring emotional connection or want to better understand your relational instincts, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth. For reflections on friendship and emotional resonance, visit Psychology Today’s guide to “good enough” friendships, Verywell Mind’s conversation starters for new friendships, and Scientific Origin’s tips for building meaningful connections.

GROUNDHOG DAY

Tradition, Identity, and the Longing for Spring

Groundhog Day may seem quirky, but it’s deeply rooted in cultural heritage. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how traditions—whether ancient or playful—help us feel connected, grounded, and hopeful for what’s ahead.

Ok. You know about Groundhog Day, right? If you grew up in the United States, you have celebrated this (or not) for years. But do you know why? This tradition has been going on for 138 years as of this February. Do you also know that it is celebrated in Canada? Right! Apparently, we are longing for spring and need a predictor of when it will arrive. The chosen groundhog lives in Gobbler’s Knob, Pennsylvania, and is called Punxsutawney Phil. Every year, this town goes wild for the event that will predict spring. Apparently, the whole town gathers at sunrise to observe this groundhog emerge from its winter sleep, crawl into the present, and observe whether it sees its shadow or not. If he sees his shadow, then we are in for six more weeks of winter. Brrrr.

Of course, this is not a 138-year-old groundhog. Perhaps he is a relative of the original. Who knows! German immigrants brought this tradition with them, and even though they depended on the badger in Germany and other European countries used the bear, the immigrants found the groundhog to be an excellent substitute. You can read more about the history and facts of Groundhog Day from History.com or explore its ancient origins and folklore from the Library of Congress.

Traditions are an important part of our identity and a way that we pass on our heritage from one generation to the next. We all have traditions, no matter how small or big. Think for a moment about the traditions in your family. Describe them. Do you know the history of these family traditions? I hope these stories have been passed down from one generation to the next. Traditions give us a sense of grounding and belonging. Talk to the keepers of the traditions in your family. Find out the background story.

We all need to feel connected, and regardless of how serious or silly the tradition is, remember that the bonding that we experience helps us to feel important and valuable even if the tradition is somewhat silly. For more on how traditions shape identity and community, visit DayHist’s overview of Groundhog Day or explore Greek Reporter’s look at its cultural significance.

If you’re reflecting on your own traditions or seeking deeper connection, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and cultural belonging.

FRIENDS

Being Known, Staying Connected, and Honoring Boundaries

Friendship is more than companionship—it’s the experience of being truly known. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how friendships evolve, how emotional intimacy is built, and how boundaries help us stay connected with authenticity and care.

I love having friends! They send you these marvelous things that you would never find on your own. I like the email messages with some small article attached or the funny pictures or the serious ones of their child’s wedding. My friends expand my world, and I so appreciate the growth. We are born connected to another person, and we spend the rest of our lives working on making connections with others. Remember your first friend in school or your neighborhood? I know people who have friends from the toddler group that their mothers took them to. I admire the ability to keep in touch with someone who met you when you were in diapers. From playing with blocks and soft squishy toys through the angst of teen years and the separation of college to adulthood is a remarkable history.

Who is your longest friend? Maintaining friendships takes time and energy. The payoff is that you are “known”. How often do we all want to be known or seen? From the small parts of life where we want to get our turn in line at the grocery store to the big scenes where we want our boss to mention our work and effort on the latest project and how well it turned out. We all want to be “known”.

How does this “knowing” happen? Have you ever wondered if you are sharing too much? Can you see others shrinking when you go into deeply personal places that they are not ready to receive? Or do you hold back and not tell your stories for fear that others will distance themselves from you or not be interested or even go so far as to behave as though you have not shared at all? I know you have had one or maybe all of these experiences. We want to be “known” yet the process is not always clear.

The key is taking risks and being transparent while respecting that your friend has wants and needs as well. Recognizing the boundaries of the other is an important part of building a friendship. When you cross your friends’ boundaries, you also need to be able to receive feedback respectfully. Each of us has boundaries that enable us to feel safe, confident, and whole.

Your friendships are a vital part of your life whether they start when you were a toddler or just this past week when new neighbors arrived. We all need to be connected.

If you’re exploring how to deepen friendships or navigate emotional boundaries, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional connection and relational growth. For insights into friendship psychology, visit NeuroLaunch’s guide to emotionally strong friendships.

ANCIENT ROME HAD FEMALE GLADIATORS

Violence, Spectacle, and the Psychology of Entertainment

From the Colosseum to the football field, human culture has long been captivated by combat. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the surprising history of female gladiators and the deeper emotional and societal reasons we consume violence as entertainment.

Yep. You read that right. Women were gladiators! Huge crowds came to see the gladiators. This was a well-attended sport, much like football today in that people come to see strong muscled individuals face off against each other and crash into each other and stop their opponent from advancing. Typically, just like today on the gridiron, the opponents fought a bloody battle and then resigned from the field. No one died. They live to fight another day and to please the crowd again as they cheer and shout in hopes that the opponent will be crushed and humiliated. And just like the Romans, we call this sport.

Why do we enjoy watching people face off against each other and work to destroy each other? Why keep this in the Coliseum ring or the Football field? What do we gain by watching people face off, shove each other around, swing weapons, and dominate the other? Clearly, this is an important part of human culture, or it would not have been going on for centuries and show little or no sign of abating.

The culture must benefit from these shows of strength and threats of death. We also have many other entertainment venues that are based on threats and violence. Murder mysteries can be intellectual, like Agatha Christie or Sherlock Holmes, or they can be violent contests like The Hunger Games, which has a whole series of films with murderous challenges.

The female gladiators show us that women can entertain with violence just as easily as men. Shows of violence must serve a purpose as they have been popular for centuries. The spectator may have the experience of releasing thoughts and feelings of aggression by watching shows of violence, thus leading to a smaller probability that the spectator will commit acts of violence. However, I wonder where the cost/benefit analysis breaks down or crosses a threshold.

Surveys within the last few years indicate that young children today typically watch approximately 4 hours of “screen” time on average per day. That is a lot of screen time. Televisions were just coming into being when I was a child, and often, they were reserved for evening programs with the family and then morning programs for kids before going to school and afternoon programs for kids as a kind of built-in babysitter until dinner time. Now, screens are available to children 24/7. The long-term impact of that is being studied by The National Institutes of Health, which points out one obvious consequence: screen time leads to less physical exercise, which has health consequences, social consequences, and psychological consequences.

We have reached the threshold where an extended diet is just too much. Apparently, we do benefit from a dose of violence that we can identify with and not participate in, but we may also be going too far.

If you’re reflecting on the emotional impact of media or the role of aggression in culture, therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional regulation and media awareness. For historical insight, see [The Female Gladiator: History of Women Warriors in Ancient Rome](https://roman-empire.net/people/the-female-gladiator-history-of-women-warriors-in-ancient-rome), [World History Encyclopedia’s article on female gladiators](https://www.worldhistory.org/article/35/female-gladiators-in-ancient-rome/), and [History.com’s overview of women in Roman combat](https://www.history.com/articles/women-gladiators-ancient-rome).

SNOW

Nature’s Metaphor for Relationships, Identity, and Presence

Snow isn’t just a weather event—it’s a mirror. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how snowfall evokes wonder, complexity, and emotional insight. From the science of flakes to the weight of relationships, snow invites us to examine how we show up in the world and who we shelter along the way.

As the snow falls, the sight is quite mesmerizing. Do you ever wonder where those flakes come from or how far they have fallen? Snow develops when the atmosphere is cold enough to form ice crystals around dust particles in the air. As the snow falls, we get entertained by the sense of floating and dancing in the air as it falls. Once on the ground, the snow provides protection for small plants against the cold! I had no idea. Once accumulated, the snow entertains the children and some adults and frightens others as it is a real inconvenience.

I wonder why the snowfall is mesmerizing. The shape of those flakes is fascinating, and snow comes in different forms as well. Today’s snow is light and fluffy. Others are wet and heavy. People can be like that as well. Who do you find fascinating in your life? Who is heavy and weighs you down? Do you sometimes wish they would melt away and leave you alone? You are not alone. Many people have relationships that weigh them down. Often, we fail to give ourselves permission to let the heavy ones melt away, particularly if they are family members.

As the snow falls, it sticks to the trees and bushes and piles up on the outdoor furniture. This morning, I was fascinated by the snow piled on the slats of the outdoor rocker. The snow accumulated in perfect prisms on each slat. Fascinating! I was momentarily reminded of science experiments in elementary school with prisms and bending light into an array of colors. This reminds me of how complicated we can all be. We may present as simple, and the truth is that we are all full of complications and different shades that blend together in fascinating ways. As the snow accumulates, I wonder how my presence is accumulating. When I am with my family, do I present as an interesting “shape” with a history that can mesmerize or entertain? Can I change shape for different atmospheres and be attractive to others? Does my presence provide protection for others? Who do I know that needs my protection or will benefit from my protection?

If snow reminds you of the weight or wonder of relationships, therapy can help you explore those dynamics with clarity and compassion. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational health. For a deeper look at snowflake formation and symbolism, visit National Geographic’s guide to snowflakes and Psychology Today’s reflection on snowflakes as symbols of identity.

COLLEGE BOUND

Stress, Identity, and the Emotional Journey to Independence

College isn’t just an academic milestone—it’s a psychological leap. For families in Maryland and DC, this post explores the emotional complexity of college admissions, the stress of launching a child into adulthood, and the identity shifts that come with being truly “college-bound.”

For those of you who are waiting to receive decision letters and have been through the rigors of applying, January is the time that college decisions get made.

What factors into these decisions? In this day and age, families that can afford it have hired a college consultant to walk their adolescent through the process of reviewing colleges, writing essays, ranking their admission chances, and completing the applications. These teens have been through multiple rounds of test-taking using one of the standard tests that colleges trust to help them select their incoming class. The tension is high in these households even if all looks smooth on the surface. So many factors go into this decision and into the next phase of a child’s life.

I have had many opportunities to see this play out in families. And I remember my own stress as a parent during this time. Launching a child into the “outer” world is just as difficult as launching a rocket into space. Years of preparation have gone into this moment. Some parents are thinking about this day when they send their child to kindergarten. Some had not thought about it until the high school counselor sent home some forms. Many have been setting money aside in some form; a state savings plan designated for higher education, an investment account that they nurture in the evenings as they watch the market fluctuate, a drawer where they squirrel away cash. Some have not faced the reality of this expense and find themselves either panicking or grieving.

This next phase of life is stressful all around.

There is a good reason that it is called “college-bound.” Someone in this child’s life is bound to pay the price. Recently, the government will be covering millions of college loans with a debt forgiveness plan. The taxpayer is bound to feel the consequence of that in some way. The student is bound to show up for class and give their best effort, though the temptation of freedom, Greek life, new relationships, new places, and the opportunity to make decisions with no immediate oversight are truly tempting. This freshman year catches many of these teens off guard. Some wash out early. Some struggle to make it past their first year and take their new insights seriously.

College is a rite of passage in our culture. Those who choose to take this path forward will be challenged intellectually but more importantly, they will be challenged emotionally and socially to discover who they are and who they want to be separate from their family of origin.

If your family is navigating the emotional transition to college, therapy can help. Explore family therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support teens and parents through life transitions. For expert guidance on emotional readiness, see Child Mind Institute’s guide to preparing for college emotionally and Phases Virginia’s mental health tips for college-bound teens.

Calendar Joke

Rest, Recovery, and the Power of Human Touch

“I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.”

This one made me chuckle—a clever pun with a deeper truth. When was the last time you took a day off and truly allowed yourself to rest? Not because you were sick or swamped, but because your body and mind simply needed a break. We’re often trained to view productivity as a badge of honor, but rest is not a luxury—it’s an essential part of emotional and physical health.

The science backs this up. Recovery time reduces stress, improves immune function, and enhances emotional regulation. According to NCBI research on touch and health, positive physical contact—like massage, hugs, or even a light stroke on the arm—can activate the parasympathetic nervous system, lowering cortisol and helping us feel safe and connected. UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center echoes this with studies showing that touch is a powerful regulator of emotional stress and mood.

But we’re not just talking science—we’re talking soul. That cup of tea in solitude. That moment with a friend where silence says more than words. That kind gesture or affirming hand on your shoulder. These moments re-center us.

Your skin—yes, your largest organ—is biologically designed to feel and respond to these micro-experiences. Infants who don’t receive touch fail to thrive, and elders often describe a deep sense of disconnection when physical contact fades. If you’re caring for aging parents or loved ones, this reminder is for you. Psychology Today’s guide to the power of touch highlights how even casual physical contact improves mood, bonding, and overall well-being.

So if the calendar factory joke feels a little too real, consider this your invitation to take a day. To rest. To recharge. To connect. Whether it’s booking a massage, going for a slow walk, or reaching out to someone you care about—let the “day off” be a reset, not a regret.

Need help learning how to give yourself permission to rest? Therapy can help. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional balance and self-care. And if you’re looking for more work humor, browse Humor That Works’ joke collection for a quick laugh.