Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

What Is In My Genes

Exploring Emotional Inheritance and Generational DNA

Genes carry more than physical traits—they may also hold emotional echoes from generations past. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how ancestral experiences shape our sensitivities, reactions, and even our fears. Understanding your genetic story can offer insight into your emotional landscape.

Ok. I know when you hear that you are not certain about whether I am asking about your Jeans or Genes. Rest assured that I am asking about the genetic makeup of your being. GENES. Did you know that your genetic makeup has a generational history? Approximately three past generations are present in your current genetic makeup. So, if I trace this for myself. On my father’s side, I am looking at an English pauper farming to sustain his family who put himself on a boat hoping for a better opportunity, an American farmer who found working the dirt in the Midwest as a good gig and a machinist son who left the farm to find his way in the city.

Three past generations are present. What does this mean? I am not just talking about physical characteristics, family stories, or traditions though those are important. I am talking about emotional experiences that get embedded in our DNA and then find their way into the next generation. Studies of DNA have shown that emotional experiences modify the DNA and that these modifications get inherited and can be found to travel forward for at least three generations. Ever wonder why you are afraid of snakes and your neighbor has one as a pet? Given my father’s heritage, I should be a pretty good gardener, and guess what? I am!

Your temperament, reactivity to different stimuli, expression of feelings has a genetic history to it. The more we know about that history in terms of the emotional experiences of our ancestors, the easier it is to address our own emotional habits, reactions, and sensitivities. Perhaps my neighbor’s great-grandfather was a snake charmer!
Yes, I said three past generations. Research has shown us that our genes get modified by experience and that the modification gets passed down to future generations. We can look at this in two directions: the past and the future.

First, let’s examine the past.

How much of your family’s history do you really know? Today we all have the opportunity to learn about past generations through these systems where you spit in a tube and mail it off to receive a detailed description of your ancestry. Researching your family history can be fun. This research can also help you understand yourself and your emotionality. Do you have any old documents gathering dust in the attic? Can you find one of your parent’s report cards? Do old photos stir some emotion for you?

Think about the emotional sensitivities that you have. Have you ever been curious as to why certain people and characteristics get a rise out of you when others do not? I seem to have a vivid, intense reaction to narcissistic qualities, while numerous others can enjoy the flamboyance and not be negatively affected. Hmmm. What lurks in my gene pool? I guess I should spit in a tube and find out.

If you’re curious about your emotional inheritance or family history, therapy can help you explore it with insight and compassion. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional awareness and generational healing. For more on inherited trauma, visit Psych Central’s guide to genetic trauma.

Chinese “New Year”

What the Zodiac Teaches Us About Belonging and Vulnerability

Sometimes, the smallest moments, like learning your Chinese zodiac animal, can reveal deeper truths about connection, identity, and the discomfort of not knowing. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection invites us to embrace curiosity and recognize the universal longing to belong.

Ok, ok. I know it is not Chinese New Year. However, I was just thinking about it And, even though it is out of sync, my brain is going there. Trust me, it will make sense.

During the month of Chinese New Year, I had the privilege of being with a group of elementary school children. Oh! To be in elementary school again. I remember so clearly the square brick building with the concrete playground. The teeter-totter was my favorite spot. The thrill of going up and down was worth the bone crushing bump on the tailbone when you struck the concrete on the down stroke. What shocked me as I spent time with these children, and I do mean “shocked me” was that each of them knew their Chinese animal, and I had no clue of my own. How could this be!

Have you ever been in that place where the “other” knew so easily and comfortably the thing that you should have known and did not?

In just that moment, you are isolated. They know, and you do not.

What next?

Of course, I looked up my animal. The Chinese Zodiac calendar rotates in 12-year cycles. So being born in 1946 makes me a “dog”.

Now, I grew up in a family that always had a dog. There are stories of me as a toddler and the Great Dane that lived with our family. The story goes that he would drag everyone around the block on walks, but if I came along and they put the leash in my hand the giant beast would modify his stride to walk along side of me no matter the distraction. Such a powerful sign of protection. The year of the dog stands for; loyalty, sincerity, and honesty. You may already know your animal, or you may look it up. No matter.

The point is that we all have the experience of being with others who know things that we don’t know. A feeling of fear and shame wells up in us. What happens when you feel afraid in this way? Left out of the loop? Less informed than the others? How do you respond?

One of the hardest things for people to do is to acknowledge that they do not know. In that moment, we experience ourselves as “outside” or “other”.

We all long to belong. We want to be connected. We want to know what the others know.

Look up your Chinese New Year animal and let me know!

If moments like these stir feelings of isolation or curiosity, therapy can help you explore them with compassion. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and belonging. For more on Chinese zodiac meanings, visit ChineseNewYear.net.

My Favorite Month

Why April Feels Like a Gentle Invitation to Begin Again

April is more than a month—it’s a metaphor for renewal. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post reflects on how April’s subtle shifts in light, warmth, and community can inspire personal growth and emotional connection. From crocus blooms to sidewalk smiles, April invites us to reemerge with intention.

Do you have a favorite month? Is that a silly question?

I have a favorite month, and April is it. Growing up in the Midwest and now living in the East, the seasons are so obvious as the weather changes dramatically. April brings so much promise of new life with crocus pushing their way through the hard winter ground and proving once again that they cannot be beaten. They have just been waiting for that gentle shift in temperature to soften the soil and remind them to emerge again. They are encouraging.

After a long winter, and the dark days of February and the cruel temptations of March, I need encouragement. Funny, perhaps, to look to the weather for encouragement, yet, the change that takes place in April seems to be more than the weather. People are moving about again. Bicycles are spinning by the house, and people seem to be happier. They stop to chat on their walks around the block, and they wave at each other when passing. The winter posture of head down and plowing forward has given way to a lighter sense of being and an opening to receive from others.

Just like the flowers pushing up out of the ground to greet the sun, the people are opening to engage each other. They stop and chat with the fellow dog-walker. They ask about the baby in the stroller. They wave at each other with smiles and a sense of openness. April brings a sense of connectedness and the promise of new beginnings.

What will be new for you? How will you emerge from the winter and begin a new thing. I know lots of people make New Year’s resolutions that have long ago fallen by the wayside. I tend to avoid those for that very reason. They never lasted long and seemed to come with shame-based experience anyway. But Spring is somehow different. April holds a promise of growth that is gradual, possible. I can poke through old parts of myself and see the potential for new directions and the gradual, steady reach for changes that will have meaning and sustain me moving forward.

April is my favorite month, and that is not silly at all.

If April inspires you to begin again, therapy can help you explore what’s next. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support seasonal renewal and emotional growth. For more spring reflections, see 71 Inspirational Quotes for the Month of April from Good Good Good.

MARCH

Fresh Starts, Forgotten Promises, and the Power of Extra Space

March is more than a month, it’s a mindset. For individuals in Maryland and DC, it’s a time to shake off winter’s weight and lean into possibility. This post explores how March invites us to begin again, reclaim forgotten promises, and make use of the quiet spaces we often overlook.

Isn’t that a great name! MARCH. You can hear it as a command that you must salute or feel it as the potential for change or enjoy it like a parade. March is the teaser for Spring. We can plant some early flowers and bulbs that will delight us with color and texture and scent. You can leave your winter coat behind on most days and consider waking up to travel ideas and making summer plans. March is a beginning.

What will you begin in March? I am planning on starting a new practice regimen for my music lessons. I am waking up early nowadays, so why not use that time! Funny that I never looked at it like that before. It is this extra space that had no purpose, but now it does.

Where are your extra spaces? Maybe you must go into the office, and that commute is a drag. Why not listen to a podcast. Do you know that there are podcasts about EVERYTHING! Want to learn to cook a Flan? Try the French Food Podcast on Apple Podcast. Want to answer your kid’s question about where light bulbs come from? Listen to Curious Kid Podcast, Episode 37, and you will be viewed as a genius when you get home.

In March, many of the 100 bulbs that we planted to create a Moon Garden will poke through the soil and fulfill their promise to delight us in the evening with reflected moonlight. What promises have you made? When will they poke their way back to your consciousness and begin to reflect who you are as a promise keeper? We make promises with apparent ease and then let them slip under our frontal lobe to be buried in the far reaches of our brain. Did you promise to take your son to the basketball court in the park? Do you own a basketball? Did you promise to fix that squeaky door? Do you own any 3-in-1 oil?

Our promises do not always come with the words “I promise”. In fact, most of the time, they do not. Most of the time, we say: “Sure” or “I will get to that tomorrow or on the weekend”. Then time passes, the world pushes other things to the forefront, and……..

Who is expecting something from you? What action has fallen into the far reaches of your brain? Retrieval is easy. Remember that commute we talked about above? Use it to reflect and summon those promises from deep in the folds of your brain. Make a plan: a real plan!

If March feels like a fresh start, therapy can help you make the most of it. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support renewal, reflection, and personal growth. For seasonal inspiration, see March Birth Month Symbols and Fun Facts from Farmers’ Almanac.

IT’S FEBRUARY!!!????****

Turning the Cruelest Month into a Creative One

February may be short on daylight, but it’s long on opportunity. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post offers a humorous and heartfelt look at how to reclaim the month with intention, connection, and a little imagination. From Groundhog Day to goal-setting, here’s how to make February work for you.

When they call it the cruelest month, they are not joking. January gets the privilege of being the beginning of a new year. We pop balloons, watch The Ball drop, throw confetti, and all that lulls us into this euphoric state that lets January slip by.

Then comes February. If you live in a part of the world where the seasons change dramatically, you know exactly what I mean. February is cold. February is dark. February is emotionally the longest month of the year.

Alright, so it does start out with Groundhogs Day. Much like the movie by the same name, this month is a repeat of the same dreary experience without the humor of Bill Murray, who was very funny.
The Punxsutawney Groundhog Club that keeps this ridiculous tradition going is a real organization with a website and everything. You can have “lunch with Phil” (the groundhog himself) and attend the Gala to jitterbug or waltz the night away.

But even with all of that, it is still FEBRUARY!

Let’s make the most of it by finding things you can do:

1. Revise your holiday card list because you missed a few cousins and gained a new friend or two, so get their addresses ready for next December.
2. Plan your Spring Break vacation. What? You don’t get Spring Break anymore? Well, you can still have fun pretending you get Spring Break, and hey, it is February.
3. Look at your New Year’s resolutions and get realistic. Take off the lose 30 pounds and leave the walk around the block.
4. Call someone you really care about and tell them what they mean to you.
5. Decide to give up something that is hurting you or holding you down: maybe that 4th beer or the bag of Oreo cookies that seems to disappear in one day.
6. Think about how you want to impact those around you and make a plan that you can implement before you finish reading this.
7. Clean out that kitchen drawer or cabinet that has been bugging you for decades: buy dividers or use old cardboard boxes to organize stuff.
8. Look around and find someone you can help. Giving of ourselves is truly satisfying.
9. Shut off the TV for one night a week and use that time to read a book.
10. Write a book! You might as well; everyone else is.

If February has you feeling stuck, therapy can help you reconnect with purpose and possibility. Explore individual therapy in Maryland and DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support seasonal wellness and emotional clarity. For more February folklore and fun, visit The Old Farmer’s Almanac.

ARE YOU A GARAGE GIRL?

Finding Connection, Comfort, and Community in Unexpected Places

During COVID, creativity became a lifeline for connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this story of the Garage Girls reminds us that friendship, warmth, and purpose can thrive anywhere, even in a chilly garage. This post celebrates the power of intentional gathering and the joy of being expected.

Now you must wonder what I am talking about. COVID has brought about some creative ways of meeting our needs for connection and comradery. Imagine four friends with access to an empty garage. In each corner, there sits a chair waiting for a guest. The garage door is open with plenty of air circulation. If it is a bit chilly, then each spot has a small heater and a blanket. One of those tv tables from the ’50s and 60’s sits beside each chair with a glass of water ready to be consumed. As the friends arrive, they have brought their knitting, and soon the needles will be clicking away as the conversation rises and falls.

Laughter will sometimes fill the garage, and some days tears. The Garage Girls have been friends for a long time, and they hold the heart of the other with respect and care. The knitting needles continue to click as the scarves lengthen. Last year they made over 100 scarves for the homeless. What a cozy thought. The warmth they feel for each other warms a stranger.
Where are your Garage Mates?

We all need to make space for each other. When you are expected, a place is set for you, and your friends know what you will need to be comfortable. Maybe a lawn chair in a garage is not your thing. Maybe you prefer a porch swing like the one on grandma’s porch when you were growing up. Maybe you always want the wing chair, or perhaps your parents have provided a little stool for you in front of the fireplace. Knowing that you are wanted is a beautiful feeling.
Are you making time for them?

We all lead busy lives, and we can easily settle into our own places in the world and forget to make time for those we love, admire, and want to grow with. Friends challenge us to be our better selves, to support our positions with real facts and truth, to do our homework as well as doing our best. All of that takes time and energy. Remember the quiz show that gave you the option to “phone a friend” if you didn’t know an answer? When is the last time that you phoned a friend?

The Garage Girls have the right idea. Make it regular. Make it fun. Make it meaningful. Make it with love. Well done, Girls!

If you’re seeking deeper connection or want to create space for meaningful relationships, therapy can help. Explore therapy for adults and families in DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional connection and community. For more inspiration, read Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst’s original Garage Girl post.

DO YOU HAVE A PLACE TO BELONG?

Why Connection Matters, and How We Find It

Belonging is more than a feeling, it’s a fundamental human need. For individuals in Maryland and DC, finding a place to belong can offer emotional grounding, purpose, and resilience. This post reflects on the power of connection, the longing for community, and the ways we discover where we truly fit.

I got a Newsletter in the mail today from a women’s club where I belong. As I was reading about the upcoming year for this group and looking at the pictures of the resolute women who run this group, I was struck by this feeling of “belonging”. I belong here; they expect me; they benefit from my help. What a satisfying feeling it is to have a place where you “belong”.

We are born into a relationship… physically connected to another human being. Our families welcome us with joy and excitement. They may even throw a party, get excited, and jump up and down. Now, I know that for a subset of people, this may not be the opening scene. Yet, even if it is not, we tend to spend our lives looking for that place to belong. We want to be connected to others, and we are not so good at going it alone. Some adventurers out there do daredevil things “alone”: crossing a high wire strung between two skyscrapers; trudging to the north pole; sailing the oceans around the world. Yet, even when we look at these daring feats, we will find a collection of people supporting the preparation, planning, and execution of these feats. Rarely do we truly function alone.

We want to be a part of something. We turn out in droves for all kinds of sports: football, baseball, basketball, soccer, and yes, even cricket! We gather for concerts and raves. We have family reunions, and even if we cannot remember everyone’s name and must ask Uncle Johnnie to give us the history of that tall one over there under the oak tree, we still want to know the connection between us.

Connection is powerful. Just the thought of it can sustain us. Think of the P.O.W.’s in the infamous Hanoi Hilton who sustained each other, even in isolation by a system of taps that let them experience connection. The power of knowing that someone else is there and cares about us can support us through the very worst of experiences.

I am grateful for that simple Newsletter that reminded me that I have a place where I belong. I am expected. Do you have a place where you belong?

If you’re seeking connection or exploring where you truly fit, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support belonging and emotional well-being. For deeper insight, see How to Find Where You Truly Belong from TED Ideas.

SEX DIFFERENCES

Exploring Emotional Developmental and Expression Patterns Across Genders

Why do men and women express emotions so differently? For families and individuals in Maryland and DC, understanding the roots of emotional development can help us challenge stereotypes and foster healthier relationships. This post explores early behavioral differences, cultural influences, and the enduring nature-versus-nurture debate.

Why is there such a difference in men’s and women’s emotional expression? One would think that their humanness would account for more similarities than differences. Also, if you disregard the genitalia, they come into the world looking remarkably similar. How many dozens of times have you cooed or remarked about a baby in a public place and then asked, “Is it a boy or a girl?” The difference is not obvious. So, when do these differences lead to drastically different emotional expressions from each sex?

The infant tradition used to be to dress them in pink or blue. Pink was for girls; blue was for boys. Now, however, Moms seem to have abandoned that tradition, and you find infants in a myriad of colors and patterns, so we can no longer depend on infant clothing for the clue. And no one is going to shout, “Show me your genitals”. Still, the research tells us that behavioral differences are evident by 3 months of age.

Yes, I said 3 months of age! One must wonder if this is a genetic program that at three months, the brain is required to make a momentous change so that children are forever sent on different paths depending on their sex. We know that the three-month mark is a biological milestone called “mini-puberty”. Around this time, the brain goes into hyperdrive in the production of testosterone, and this is associated with a growth spurt in brain development for both sexes. The testosterone serves as a magic boost for brain growth. We also know that at this same 3-month marker, mothers are observed paying more emotional attention to their girls than their boys. The puzzle at this developmental time is the report that emotional expressiveness in boys’ changes at the same time. Are we looking at a natural division or a nurturing difference? The same old question keeps popping up: Nature or Nurture?

Well, I do not think we have to answer that question, per se. However, knowing these facts can help us to accept a broader range of emotional expressions from infant boys. I wonder what would happen if we accepted that boys feel the same emotions as girls? Could we provide equal doses of comfort regardless of their sex?

If you’re exploring emotional development or gender dynamics in your family, therapy can offer insight and support. Learn more about therapy for adults and families in DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional expression across all identities. For further reading, see Gender Differences in Emotional Expression.

If I Need Help…

Why Connection Matters More Than Ever, Especially for Men’s Mental Health

“If I need help every time, then I am not self-checkout.” This viral quote may have started as a joke, but it carries a powerful truth. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this post explores how cultural norms around masculinity and emotional suppression contribute to mental health struggles—and how connection, awareness, and support can change the story.

I recently saw a post on a social media platform that made me laugh so hard that it brought up tears. Unfortunately, I do not recall what venue it came through, so I can not give this guy credit, but I loved his post: He stands against a large brick wall that you can imagine is the outside of a big box store. He holds a large cardboard sign over his head that reads: “If I need help every time, then I am not self-checkout”.

Oh, that we all understood the essence of that message. None of us are self-checkout! We come into this world connected to another human, and we need that connection over and over and over again. Too often, we are told to go on our own, especially when it comes to our mental health needs. This is particularly true of boys and men. Because men buy this message of “go it alone”, “don’t show your feelings”, “big boys don’t cry” and many others. Men commit suicide in far greater numbers than women. Males die by suicide three to four times more often than females.

According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) report in 2020, suicide ranks 12th in the leading causes of death in the United States. TWELFTH! Middle age white men have the highest rate of all classes of people. According to the CDC, we are looking at 130 suicides per day, and men are about four times more likely to be the victims than women.

Now, I am not laughing at all. Our men have been trained to deny their emotions and to be “self-checkout”, literally. The new hotline for mental health crises (988) may help in the long run. A cultural shift is the only thing that will make a real difference.

How we raise our boys must change. They come into this world with a full range of emotional capability, and before they can walk or talk, the culture has communicated that their feelings don’t matter and should be kept to themselves. Observational research shows that mothers encourage emotional expression in girls and discourage it in boys. I do not think for a minute that this is intentional. I think it is cultural, and we continue the pattern because we are not aware that we are doing it.

“If I need help every time, then I am not self-checkout”.

Thank you, sir, whoever you are.

If you or someone you love is struggling, help is available. Explore therapy for adults and families in DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support emotional expression and healing. For additional guidance, see My Mental Health: Do I Need Help? from the National Institute of Mental Health.

BACK TO SCHOOL

Traditions, Safety, and the Changing Landscape of Education

Back-to-school season brings a mix of nostalgia and concern. For families in Maryland and DC, the return to classrooms invites reflection on how traditions have shifted, and how safety and values continue to evolve. This post explores personal memories, cultural changes, and the challenges facing today’s students and parents.

I know that many schools have started classes in late August; however, others are beginning at the traditional time in September. When I was a girl, school always started the day after Labor Day. Mother made new dresses for each of us, and a picture was always in order. I imagine you may have a collection of those first day of school pics.

Today, unless you are in a system that uses uniforms, anything seems to go. The jeans with rips and tears in them are extremely popular. Those would have gone in the rag bag, and parts of them would have been used to wash the car. Oh yes, we washed the car each week. I guess people do not do that anymore either. The local carwash is grateful that the suds bucket and old scraps of jeans have gone by the wayside.

What else has gone by the wayside? Grammar? Manners? Safety?

I often wonder where the use of “like” started. Teens and young adults seem to punctuate every 3 or 4 words with this dreaded syllable. What does it mean? “I am going to like make plans with like my friends for like Saturday, Mom, if that is like ok with you, like”

It does not even make sense as punctuation. Please, I am serious. If you have the history of the insertion of this dreaded word, please “like” drop me a line.

Do you remember “Miss Manners”? This was an entertaining and enlightening newspaper column written by Judith Martin for the Washington Post. You could send her any type of question or situation. She would publish your story and then give you clear, concise and sage advice on how to proceed. The stories were often funny, and the advice was truly ingenious. Who provides that older, wiser advice for you now? To whom do you go when you need guidance on the next best thing to do?

As our children and grandchildren head back to school this fall, I imagine that many of us are wondering if they will be safe. Violence inside the school has become common place. Parents worry if their child’s school will be the next news flash where a person with an assault rifle sprays bullets all over the classroom. How can we feel safe when we protect the right of people to bear assault rifles?

Some part of me wants to go back to the time that children had their picture taken on the first day of school and looked forward to getting back into the routine of learning and having recess on the playground.

If you’re navigating back-to-school transitions or concerned about safety and emotional well-being, therapy can help. Explore therapy for adults and families in DC or learn more about therapeutic approaches that support families through change. For practical safety tips, visit the National Safety Council’s Back to School Safety Checklist.