Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

GOOD COMMUNICATION

Connection, Clarity, and the Courage to Speak

Communication isn’t just a skill—it’s a lifeline. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional health depends on honest expression, and how learning to speak up is an act of self-respect and relational care.

We are dependent on communication with others. If we do not communicate well with others, we tend to withdraw, feel depressed, and isolate ourselves. We are truly social beings, and we crave connection with others. Even shy and withdrawn, we still need connections to maintain our identity.

Poor communication can damage our health. When we avoid communicating our needs and wants, we unknowingly hold tension in our bodies, which can lead to a variety of problems. This tension is a physical manifestation of our emotional state. Our muscles contract slightly, changing our posture, comfort, and bodily orientation. Our bodies are not designed to maintain tension for extended periods. We ‘hold things in’ to our own detriment.

We have not been well trained on how to communicate with others. Think about your habits. When something “bugs” you, how long do you wait before you let the other person know? How do you communicate your experience? Here is what is expected: When you do not like the action of another, you complain to yourself, then you complain to someone else, and then you think that that has given you relief, and you avoid talking to the person who is bugging you. This avoidance is detrimental to both mental and physical health.

Effective communication is risk-savvy. Figure out what you need to share. Look at the relationship with the person you need to talk to. Choose the time and place for effective communication. Think through your story. Share with the expectation that you will be heard and honored and that the two of you will be able to find common ground, respect each other, and generate a new way of communicating. Too often, we fear our needs will not be met and avoid thinking through how to communicate what we need. We do ourselves a disservice, and we do the other a disservice as well.

Honest communication will bring us closer together as we gain clarity on how the other feels, how they experience us, and how we experience them. I think that one of the reasons we avoid honest communication about our needs is that we grow up in families where the parents have not been well trained on how to communicate with young children. We tend not to take children seriously, think their needs carry minimal weight in the face of all adult responsibilities, and set their communications aside. Children are genuinely transparent and deserve to have their voices heard. Problem-solving with a child can be very satisfying. When you were a child, the experience of not being taken seriously can have long-lasting consequences.

Take yourself seriously. Consider how you feel, what you want to say, and what outcome you would like. Prepare to advocate for yourself. That means thinking through the communication, selecting the time and place, and being confident that your request is reasonable. Effective communication is how you value yourself.

Want to explore how communication supports emotional health? Visit Methodist Health’s guide to communication and mental health, Verywell Mind’s overview of mindful communication, and Positive Psychology’s techniques for fostering healthy communication.

If you’re reflecting on communication, boundaries, or emotional clarity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.