I AM BEAUTIFUL, AND HE IS HANDSOME
Memory, Connection, and the Enduring Lens of Love
Beauty isn’t just seen—it’s remembered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how love shapes perception, and how emotional connection outlasts time, vision, and even cataracts.
One of my relatives and her handsome husband were aging, and each had cataracts. Facing eye surgery, they were cautious about moving forward. They loved each other. They fell in love as teens. They now see the other in their memories as beautiful, young, and physically gorgeous. Should the cataracts stay?
What are you seeing in your memories? Where does your mind wander as you sit quietly on the couch or cozy up next to the fire? I hope you have memories of being loved and loving. Some loves are brief and exciting, like the dreamy one you met on a teen vacation. You knew that the two of you would never see each other again. Yet, the excitement was exhilarating and such fun. Your diary entries were wild. Some loves are deep and not romantic, like your love for the little girl that you babysat when you were a teen. You felt so responsible and grown up. Or the love for your favorite relative who always takes time to listen to your stories and go for long walks or sing silly songs at the end of the day. Perhaps you had a teacher who really understood you and guided you through some tough times. That love is strong and supportive.
Love can come in so many forms. The period can be brief, like the summer love at a sleepaway camp, or it can be long, like the college beau who was great fun but would never make a proper husband. It can be generational, like your love for a grandparent or a special aunt. I remember a conversation with a bartender in New Hampshire who spoke so tenderly about her time with her grandmother and how she always felt welcome no matter the time of day or reason. We all long for this type of acceptance. To know that we will be welcome at any time, regardless of the cause, is truly special.
I remember overhearing an elderly couple in a restaurant talking about how they loved to sit on the porch and watch the clouds drift by. Oh, to be so relaxed and so connected that the clouds symbolize your love. We all need to be connected. We are born connected and spend our lives seeking connection with others. Connections can be lifelong. Connections can be brief encounters on a plane. I know some women who are still friends with their kindergarten chums. I know one woman who married her kindergarten sweetheart and lived a long, deep life together. Connection is essential and powerful.
To whom are you connected? How often do you validate that connection? Who is your oldest friend? Who is your most profound friend? Call them. Write them a genuine note and send it snail mail. Check in on them. Remember that you are beautiful, and they are handsome.
Want to explore how emotional memory and lasting connection shape love? Visit Greater Good’s guide to how love alters memory, Psychology Today’s breakdown of emotional memory and bonding, and OpenCounseling’s reflections on communicating enduring love.
If you’re reflecting on memory, connection, or emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and lasting connection.
By Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst