Written by Online therapist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst, Ph.D.

THE LIFE OF A WOMAN

Three Acts, One Voice, and the Power of Reinvention

Womanhood isn’t linear—it’s layered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how gender roles shape each stage of life, and how women continue to redefine identity, purpose, and power across generations.

A friend of mine recently described the life of a woman as a three-act play. Act 1 is childhood where your fathers and mothers guide you to understand your role in life as a female. Act 2 is adulthood, where you begin to live out the training, get challenged, and modify the path or not. Act 3 is retirement, where you seek to find your role while aging and leaving your stamp on the world around you or the broader universe.

What act are you in?

Act 1
Our parents have clear ideas of how boys and girls should be, and they communicate those ideas to us in subtle and direct ways. Think for a minute about how your role as a female was prescribed in childhood. As I work with families now, I see some changes from when I was a girl, but surprisingly the changes are less than I imagined or hoped for. Yes, girls are active in sports and get scholarships to college; however, their parents are still concerned about how they look, what they wear, and whether they are liked by their peers. Now, those things are of value, but they still smack of compliance and deference. The sons and brothers get little to none of these comments. Why not challenge your girl to be strong, questioning, defiant, and aggressive? Where is the creativity, the challenge to the ordinary, the adventure, and risk-taking?

Act 2
Now that she has her college degree, what is the conversation at home? How much time do the parents spend on her boyfriend and his prospects? Too often, the conversation turns to marriage and children. Yes, I realize that women have a limited time to procreate, and men have virtually no time clock. However, women now have a strong interest in careers, and they have become exceptional multi-taskers. They advance in their chosen fields while managing the home and children. Yes, men participate more than they used to, but in most families, the female remains the organizer and go-to person for domestic plans. Too often, women talk about having two full-time jobs: one outside of the home and one inside. Women sit on the highest court in the land and still manage the grocery list.

Act 3
Upon retiring from their full-time jobs, women are continuing to look for meaning and purpose. Volunteer work, social clubs, and community service begin to dominate. In some ways, these are holding places while the woman figures out what Act 3 will really be. Some find themselves back in school and preparing for a new phase of life. One of my friends is pursuing her interest in art because as a girl, she was discouraged from pursuing her talent for fear that she would never be able to support herself. I have seen a piece of her recent work in progress, and her parents were so very wrong! With our lifespans extended, Act 3 is truly possible. Many women will come close to spending as much time in their retirement as they spent in their careers or raising a family. Yikes! If you fall in this age category, what is your Act 3?

Want to explore how gender roles evolve across life stages? Visit A Doll’s House: A Feminist Critique of Gender Dynamics, BookBrief’s summary of A Doll’s House, and IPL.org’s analysis of gender roles in Ibsen’s play.

If you’re reflecting on identity, purpose, or transitions, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and life-stage transformation.