Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

The Quiet Tension Between Anticipation and Letting Go

Waiting is never just about time. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the emotional weight of waiting, whether for joy, change, or the final chapter of a life well lived.

Waiting. Oh boy. What comes to mind when you read that title?

If you are caring for an elderly parent or friend, you have an immediate reaction to the word “waiting.” You have been waiting in rooms, reading old magazines, or attending doctors’ conferences, taking notes.

Perhaps you are waiting for a call from your daughter and son‑in‑law to welcome a new baby into the world. What a joy!

Perhaps you are waiting for a promotion announcement so you can celebrate with your friends and colleagues.

Perhaps you are waiting to celebrate your 100th birthday. I have a friend making plans for that.

Waiting puts us into a state of alert and anticipation.

I am waiting for a long‑term friend to die. His body has weakened, and he has decided to stop his dialysis treatment, which will surely lead to death. Family and friends are gathering to visit and to tell him how much he has meant to them over the years. For the next few days, his home will fill with visitors, as he has been important to so many.

His kindness to coworkers is legion. Somehow, he could meet people where they were and maintain his composure regardless of the circumstances. That sense of calm and composure was built over years of interaction with others, probably dating back to elementary school. I admire that.

I loved his stories about his father building their family home. The garage was built first, which might sound odd, but was actually brilliant. The family lived in the garage while his father built the house. I can identify with sleeping in the loft as great fun. Clearly, his father’s industry and creativity were a solid foundation for his own sense of responsibility and integrity.

I especially admire his sense of humor. He loves limericks, and whenever I try to write one for his birthday, he says, “Now, wait a minute,” and pulls out his pen to improve the rhyme.

He has a beautiful singing voice, so I imagine that a chorus of angels will welcome him into the tenor section. And he has a great, clever, wry sense of humor. He will fit right in with the choir.

Want to explore more about anticipatory grief, emotional resilience, and the meaning we make during life’s transitions? Visit Psychology Today’s reflections on grief and connection and Greater Good’s research on compassion and end‑of‑life meaning.

If this reflection resonates with your own experience of waiting—whether for joy, change, or loss—therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support grounding, clarity, and emotional presence.

WHAT SHOULD WE TEACH IN SCHOOL?

Memory, Meaning, and the Missing Curriculum

School shapes more than intellect—it shapes identity. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early education leaves lasting impressions, and why life skills, emotional intelligence, and civic engagement deserve a place alongside academics.

Think about your own school experience. What is the first thing that comes to mind? Were you at the head of the class? Last in line? Always headed to the principal’s office? Wearing that cross-body thing on patrol? Chosen first for all the games? Made fun of because you had to carry that big trombone case?

Stirring memories?

We all have them. We have more than a slide carousel bundle of them. For some, these memories start before school, if you were in daycare. Daycare is very much like school. You get dropped off at a building or a different home. A bunch of other small children are there, and you do not know any of them and only see them at this place. The adults vary from sweet to stern. The routine is rigid, and you follow it as precisely as possible. Eat when they say, rest when they say, play when they say. Following the teacher’s routine is not childhood. This is daycare.

From there, you will go to nursery, kindergarten, elementary, and high school. You will have years of experience. For some, the journey through school will be delightful. For others, the journey through school can be frightful. And for all, the journey will shape who we become and how we function in the future. Let’s face it. School is a powerful experience.

School is supposed to prepare us for life. In many ways, it hits this target, and in many ways, it does not. Taking 12 to 16 years (depending on whether you count daycare and preschool) to prepare something is a massive investment in time and energy. By now, you should be reflecting on your own early school experiences. I am grateful that my ancestors gave me an excellent brain that made performing in school easy. I enjoyed learning, memorizing, and reciting. I was a good student and a compliant member of the class. You know the type. I got to clean the erasers and run reports down to the office.

Looking back on that education, I noticed several missing things and wonder if we are doing any better today. I do not spend much time diagramming sentences today, but I would have appreciated knowing how to write a convincing letter to the County to get them to put stop signs in a few places in the neighborhood. I never use trigonometry, but I would have appreciated instruction in opening a bank account, developing a budget, paying bills on time, and figuring out my taxes. Memorizing the state capitals was fun as I was quite good at it, but I would have appreciated knowing more about how our government works and how to get involved.

My public education was quite good. My teachers took their jobs seriously and really cared about turning out young people who could research ideas, communicate well with others, and work in a team. When I look at today’s high school graduates, I wonder what has happened to public education.

Want to explore how life skills and emotional intelligence can transform education? Visit Education Revolution’s guide to life skills in schools, The Grown-Up School’s 12 reasons to teach life skills, and Learning Liftoff’s reflections on life skills and student success.

If you’re reflecting on education, identity, or emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and lifelong learning.

This Is What Emotionally Disconnected Boys Need Most

Boys are not “too much.” They are too often misunderstood. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how boys experience emotion, why their emotional lives are frequently misread, and how caregivers can support them with clarity and compassion.

Boys are often labeled as too much or difficult when what they are really asking for is emotional understanding.

I recently joined host Lisa Urbanski on the podcast Rewire & Rise: Healing in Real Time for an important conversation about how boys experience emotion, why that emotional range often gets misunderstood, and how parents and caregivers can support boys without shutting them down.

With nearly fifty years of experience as a psychologist working with boys, men, couples, and families, I have seen how early emotional messages shape a boy’s sense of safety, connection, and self‑worth. When boys are told to stop crying or toughen up, they do not lose their feelings. They lose permission to express them.

In this episode, we explore how emotional development in boys is often unintentionally disrupted by cultural expectations, overscheduling, and constant screen exposure—and what healthy emotional support actually looks like.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why telling boys to stop crying teaches them it is not safe to feel
• How boys often show a broader emotional range than we expect, and why that matters
• How overscheduling and screen time reduce social and emotional growth
• What healthy emotional development in boys truly looks like
• How to support men’s emotions without fixing, defending, or shutting them down
• Five practical parenting shifts that help boys connect, communicate, and thrive

This conversation is about seeing boys more clearly and responding to what they actually need—not what we have been taught to expect from them. It is about creating emotional safety early, so boys can grow into men who know how to feel, relate, and connect.

🎧 Listen to the full episode:
Raising Emotionally Strong Boys: Stop Shutting Down Their Feelings
Rewire & Rise: Healing in Real Time

Want to explore more about boys’ emotional development and how to nurture emotional safety? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on boys and emotional growth and Greater Good’s research on emotional resilience in children.

If this conversation resonates with your experience raising or caring for boys, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional development, connection, and resilience.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria K. Vanderhorst
Psychologist

The Season We Love to Hate, and Somehow Still Accept – Winter

Winter tests our patience, our mood, and sometimes our sanity. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the frustrations of the season and the quiet beauty that keeps us from fleeing south permanently.

Whose idea was it to have four seasons?

Could we blame it on Vivaldi? His The Four Seasons could be to blame. What if he had only written three? Would that have eliminated this dastardly time of year? Vivaldi’s work from the mid-1700s is lovely, but really, Winter!

There are so many strikes against this season.

One: The lack of light over time has consequences on one’s mood. Many people suffer from seasonal affective disorder. Some have serious problems with mood and motivation. Some have periodic bouts of depression, sadness, or lack of energy. We are apparently made, like most plants, to be bathed in sunlight for our health. I really understand the “snowbirds” who head south for the winter.

Two: The precipitation can be deadly. I have very vivid memories of traveling through Pennsylvania in a blinding snowstorm. One could not see the car’s hood ornament. The snow was falling rapidly and blindingly. Getting off the Turnpike was the only wise thing to do, but finding that way off was truly a challenge. And then, just like Joseph and Mary, all of the inns were full of other snow-weary travelers. As you may have experienced, sleeping in a car is not really restful.

Three: Even if you are safe at home, that safety may be short-lived. I recall two instances of being “at home” in a heavy storm. One involved refilling the oil tank that powered the house furnace. You guessed it. Delivery was due, but the snow arrived first. The tank ran out, and I will tell you that a fireplace does not do a good job of heating a house.

The second was a monster storm that downed power lines in the neighborhood. The electric company responded promptly, and we were all grateful, except for our small house. Unlike anyone else on the block, the snow had put so much weight on the power line from the pole to the house that it snapped. Guess what? The power people restoring the lines on the street do not service individual houses! You have to get a special team out to rewire from the pole to the house, and that takes days. Again, we were dependent on the fireplace; grateful, but dependent. I now have a deeper appreciation for the homesteader who had only a fireplace. That took real courage.

I know we could move to some place where winter disappears or is less of a problem. Folks in Florida seem very happy with their sunshine year-round. However, there is a season I would truly miss: Fall. The beauty of the leaves is heartwarming, leaving me to accept the season that follows.

If winter has you reflecting on stress, resilience, or emotional well‑being, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, balance, and seasonal resilience.

The Joy, the Nonsense, and the Sheer Commitment Behind This Ridiculous Tradition

Some celebrations are profound. Some are historic. And some, like Groundhog Day, are simply delightful nonsense. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection celebrates the playful spirit that brightens a dreary February.

Oh, this day is marvelous. Such fun. Such idiocy.

I find it delightful when adults are enthusiastic about something stupid.

Nothing could be more ridiculous than Groundhog Day. Well, I suppose someone will think of something and send me a message, or perhaps multiple messages, about things that are more ridiculous. However, you must admit that this tradition is a top runner for the most ridiculous celebration ever.

Still, love it you must.

February is a dreary month, and I am grateful to these Pennsylvania folk for kicking it off with a ridiculous tradition. Of course, the tradition did not start in Pennsylvania. This is a Celtic festival, a form of Christian celebration blended with Celtic traditions that originated in the British Isles around the 5th century. The timing is the midpoint between the winter solstice and the spring equinox. Look, as a people, we take any opportunity to celebrate and find a reason to party.

The folks in Pennsylvania have been doing this since 1886. Think of it. This is a big deal, and it takes an organization of people to do this every year. The Groundhog organization in Pennsylvania is a big deal. They have events in the week leading up to Groundhog Day, including a Groundhog Ball. I wonder what people wear to the Ball. They have music and a talent show the week before. They have tours. They have dueling pianos and fireworks. This is a big, big deal. On television, we only get the reveal, but the town is hopping for days before.

German settlers brought Groundhog Day to Pennsylvania, and the tradition has taken root.

Thanks to the Groundhog Organization, you can start your own chapter anywhere. Just get a group of friends together and make an application to the Groundhog Club. Your chapter can now participate in all of the official events and have your own celebrations wherever you are, as well as have articles published in the “Groundhogese” newsletter.

If you ever doubted that these people are serious, don’t.

Want to explore more about traditions, joy, and the psychology of celebration? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on why we need silly traditions and Greater Good’s research on how celebrations support well‑being.

If this playful reflection sparks thoughts about joy, connection, or emotional balance, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and a more joyful life.

What Boys Need, What We Miss, and How We Can Do Better

Boys are not broken, they are often misunderstood. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection highlights why boys struggle emotionally and how families and schools can better support their natural development.

Boys are struggling in ways many families and schools do not see until it becomes urgent.

I recently joined The Advisor: Health and Healing with Stacey Chillemi for a deep and necessary conversation about what research and real life both tell us about raising boys—and how we can do better starting now.

After fifty years as a psychologist working across the lifespan, from preschool boys to adults and couples, I have seen the same pattern repeat itself. Boys are born with a full and broad emotional range, yet very early on they receive subtle and not‑so‑subtle messages about which feelings are acceptable and which are not.

In this episode, we talk about why boys often struggle in school, relationships, and emotional expression—not because something is wrong with them, but because the environments around them often fail to support how boys naturally develop.

We explore:

• Why boys are born with a wider emotional range than girls, and how that range gets narrowed
• How early caregiving interactions unintentionally teach boys to suppress tenderness, sadness, and vulnerability
• The difference between typical boy behavior and a true signal that a boy needs support
• Why physical movement, play, and reflection matter so deeply for boys’ emotional health
• How screens and constant busyness rob boys of connection and self‑awareness
• Why questions often shut boys down—and what to say instead
• How to help boys name feelings without shame using practical tools
• Why boys open up more in parallel connection, like car rides and bedtime
• How to advocate for boys in classrooms that may not be built for them
• Five concrete actions families can take this week to better support the boys they love

We also talk honestly about the long‑term cost of telling boys to toughen up, stop crying, or man up. Those lessons do not disappear with age. They show up later as emotional distance, difficulty with intimacy, anger, withdrawal, and disconnection.

This conversation is an invitation to slow down, get curious, and create emotional safety for boys so they can grow into emotionally healthy, connected men.

🎧 Watch the full episode:
The Advisor: Health & Healing – Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys

Want to explore more about boys’ emotional development and connection? Visit Psychology Today’s insights on how boys learn about emotions and Greater Good’s research on supporting boys’ emotional well‑being.

If this conversation inspires you to support the boys in your life with more clarity and compassion, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that nurture emotional growth, resilience, and connection.

Warmly,
Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
Psychologist

Understanding Boys, their Emotional Development, and the Stories That Shape Us

Our earliest experiences shape the way we connect. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this conversation explores how boys develop emotionally, how history influences relationships, and how therapy helps transform old patterns into healing.

Good to see you,

What if the patterns shaping your relationships today began long before you had words for them? How do early emotional experiences quietly influence the way boys grow into men, and the way we all learn to connect?

This week, I joined The Randomness of Nothing Podcast with Rashad Woods for a thoughtful conversation about emotional development, personal history, and the long arc of healing across a lifetime. We explored how the brain records experience from the very beginning, how unresolved early stories show up in adult relationships, and what it takes to bring awareness and change to patterns that no longer serve us.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How boys develop emotionally and why early experiences matter
• The role of fathers and caregivers in shaping emotional safety
• Why relationships struggle when history goes unexamined
• How music, connection, and reflection support emotional growth
• Ways therapy helps transform old patterns into insight and healing

If you have ever wondered why certain patterns keep repeating in your life or relationships, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and a deeper understanding of where change begins.

🎧 Listen to the Full Episode: Understanding Boys, Relationships, and the Stories That Shape Us | The Randomness of Nothing Podcast

Want to explore more about emotional development and healing? Visit Psychology Today’s article on how early experiences shape emotional growth and Greater Good’s guide to how reflection and connection support relationships.

If you’re reflecting on personal history, relationships, or emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and connection.

WE ALL NEED A VISUAL PATH

Instinct, Intention, and the Power of Mental Mapping

Visualizing the future isn’t just daydreaming—it’s strategic survival. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how instinct and imagination work together to guide us forward, and why creating a visual path can transform uncertainty into clarity.

Where do you want to go?

When we ask ourselves that question, a path to the future opens. In our mind’s eye, we can see possibilities. If we are lucky, we will take time to explore this vision and flesh out parts of it. Regardless of your age or life situation, you have a future. What happens in the future depends on your participation.

Take a moment and let your brain show you the possibilities for the future. Yes! Your brain will be able to do that. In some ways, it has just been waiting for you to ask. Brains tend to be polite and not intrusive unless we are in immediate danger, and then they take over everything to jettison us to safety. Brains want us to survive.

Now, back to the path forward. We each have a future, and no matter its length, our brain gives us dominion over planning and executing that future. Maybe you only need to think about the next few minutes. Perhaps you should focus on the next few years or decades. Seeing the possibilities and making choices is essential. We naturally think ahead. Sometimes we do it automatically. Our reflexes on the highway save us from crashing into the erratic driver in front of us. Even our bodies can do this for us without thinking when we throw up food that is toxic for us. We are constructed to look into the future and provide a safe path forward.

That safe path does not have to be easy or risk-free. Sometimes, the risk is the whole point. We want to challenge ourselves and see if we can do it. Our challenge is maybe hiking the Appalachian Trail or taking that first step after hip surgery. We want to move forward.

Where do you want to go? How often do you entertain this question? Do you recognize when your brain does this automatically? Yes, it does. Of course, the most obvious time is when our impulse and instinct move us out of the way of the oncoming bus. But our brain does this at other times, too. Our brains warn us of people who are not entirely safe and of decisions that could lead to danger.

I remember one woman telling me the story of her family vacation trip to join an elephant safari. Her husband got sick on one leg of the journey to join the group, and they contemplated stopping. Her desire to complete the trip kept them moving. On the next leg of the journey, they were late to arrive at the departure gate because, again, her husband was reluctant to push forward. They were not allowed to board the plane. Of course, they missed the elephant safari. The next day, they learned that the lead elephant they were scheduled to ride bolted from the group, throwing and killing its passengers. Her husband’s “instinct” kept them safe.

If you’re reflecting on direction, instinct, or emotional clarity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, resilience, and purposeful living.

Father’s and Emotional Health

Emotional strength is not about shutting down, it’s about connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this conversation explores how cultural myths around “toughness” shape boys’ emotional lives and how families can nurture resilience without shame or fear.

Good to see you,

What happens when boys are told to “man up” instead of being encouraged to feel, express, and process their emotions? How do we raise boys who are resilient, connected, and emotionally strong without shame or fear?

This week, I joined Stacey Chillemi on The Advisor: Health & Healing to explore the myths around “toughness” and show practical ways families can nurture emotional intelligence in boys. We talked about the subtle patterns at home and school that shape emotional health, how to recognize when boys are truly struggling, and strategies to guide them toward confidence and connection.

In this episode, we talk about:

• How to spot the difference between typical boy behavior and a real cry for help
• Early experiences that wire boys for emotional strength or emotional shutdown
• Simple scripts to coach boys through big feelings without shame
• Better ways to manage conflict, school struggles, and screen time
• Five practical steps you can take this week to support the boy you love

If you’re raising a son, or care about the next generation of men, this conversation offers compassionate guidance for fostering resilience, emotional depth, and connection.

🎧 Tune In On YouTube: Is Traditional Masculinity Harming Your Son’s Emotional Health?

Want to explore more about boys’ emotional development? Visit Psychology Today’s article on why traditional masculinity harms boys’ emotional health and Greater Good’s guide to raising emotionally resilient boys.

If you’re reflecting on parenting, emotional literacy, or family connection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and emotional growth.