Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

VULNERABILITY: WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR?

Dependence, Connection, and the Power of Being Seen

Vulnerability isn’t weakness—it’s the heartbeat of human connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how vulnerability affirms our interdependence, deepens relationships, and anchors us in compassion.

When I write that, I automatically think of the song “War” by Edwin Starr. Remember that punchy beginning? WAR! WHAT IS IT GOOD FOR? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!
Now I bet you remember it.

I admit that my brain can make funny associations, and I have learned to run with them to see where they go. Our brains are fascinating, and their storage capacity seems endless. Following a thought or a thread is always interesting. So, let’s go with this one.

Vulnerability, what is it good for? We are born as vulnerable creatures. Unlike other animals, we cannot stand or walk around right away. That might sound like a cool idea, but it’s not how humans develop. We cannot seek out food on our own. So, we are DEPENDENT on the environment around us. That is true vulnerability. So, what is it good for?

Our vulnerability stirs compassion and protectiveness in others around us. Take a baby anywhere, and the adults will be immediately aware and drawn to this dependent creature. The vulnerability of the infant stirs the adult to orient themselves, attend to, and provide for the baby. Infants are immediately the focus. The instinct to protect and engage kicks in automatically. Even the adult who wants to keep their distance still recognizes that automatic instinct to protect and provide.

So, as humans, we automatically want to protect and provide. We are connected to each other through instinct, whether we act on it or not. That means we are definitely social beings, and we thrive in that context. Vulnerability is good for affirming our social nature and guaranteeing that we continue a social order.

Our families are our first experience of social order. As our parents care for our basic physical needs, we learn that we are valuable. We are wanted, and in the connection with mother and father, we relax and learn to value being dependent. As adults, we rarely think about our dependence as valuable. Many of us are so focused on being independent that we lose track of the importance of our connections and dependence on others.

Take a moment and reflect on who you lean into. How often in the day are you dependent on someone else? When we are brutally honest, we are constantly dependent on others. A team made the computer I am using to write this. The paper I will print this on started out as a tree! Need I keep going? We are so interdependent, that it is crazy. We will never see or meet most of these people, but they serve us in thousands of ways. We are interwoven with so many others worldwide, and we rarely stop to reflect on how dependent we indeed are.

That dependence is vulnerability. If my computer goes on the fritz, I depend on Omar to schedule a time to fix it and get it running again. If my car battery dies, I rely on the tow truck sent by AAA to bring me a new battery and install it safely. You get the picture. We are all vulnerable from day one.

What is it good for? Absolutely everything.

Want to explore how vulnerability and interdependence shape emotional health and connection? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to healthy interdependence, PSYFORU’s breakdown of emotional vulnerability and relationships, and Resilience and Rigor’s insights on authentic communication.

If you’re reflecting on emotional connection, dependence, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and relational strength.

TO BE SEEN COMPLETELY

Parts, Puzzles, and the Power of Self-Awareness

We are not one thing—we are many. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how self-awareness and emotional integration allow us to be seen completely, and why understanding our inner parts is essential to personal growth.

I love talking to friends who are transparent. Now, you might think that this means being able to see through them, but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about being with friends who can see themselves and share the various parts of themselves.

Sometimes, I think of one’s personality as a jigsaw puzzle, full of many parts of different sizes and shapes, colored in shades and hues that are attractive and not yet truly solid and able to fit together to form a whole person.

I like doing jigsaw puzzles. I especially like the ones you find in beach houses when you go on vacation. They tend to be complex with a thousand pieces. I suppose they chose those because if you spend a week or two at the beach, you need a distraction sometimes and the jigsaw puzzle is the perfect fit. You can leave it on the coffee table for long periods. You can still put drinks and bowls of chips on it. You can come and go at all times of the day, and it will be there waiting for you. You can work on it alone or with a collection of others. And when it is done, you can feel a sense of pride regardless of the number of pieces you added. I know a guy who used to put a piece in his pocket so he could always put in the last piece!

A critical theory in mental health demonstrates that we are each made up of many parts. Instead of being one person, we can be viewed as many persons with specific and different personalities that have been formed over time based on our life experiences. We can have child parts that are fearful or adventurous. We can have older controlling parts that try to keep us in line or gain oversight to protect us from fears. We can have teenage parts that spur us to adventure and risk. We can have injured parts that have been abused or frightened. If you reflect on your experiences, you can recognize these parts of yourself. I encourage you to take some time to reflect on your own experiences and see if you can identify these different parts within you. It’s a journey of self-discovery that can lead to a deeper understanding of yourself and your actions.

My shy part developed in a large, raucous family where getting attention was difficult. Being quiet and staying in the background was a safe place to be. Pushing to gain attention or status at the dinner table was tough, so watching the show was much safer. I also have this authoritarian part. As I have studied a subject and gained mastery, I want to present that part to colleagues. I can get pretty animated and loud to give that part space.

Reflect on your various parts and how they have evolved. We all have many parts. Those voices in your head that guide you or take charge in different situations are all parts of you. Understanding their development and roles is crucial. If we are honest, there are parts we would like to change and some we would like to eliminate. But remember, the power of personal growth lies in understanding and accepting all parts of yourself. This empowerment is within your reach if you are willing to take the risk to get to know these parts and uncover their origins.

Want to explore how self-awareness and internal parts support emotional growth? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to building self-awareness, Loving Life’s examples of self-awareness for growth, and Lotus Theory’s insights on self-awareness and emotional integration.

If you’re reflecting on identity, emotional complexity, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and wholeness.

Rugged Roots, Bug Battles, and the Beauty of a Flyover

New England is a study in contrasts, stunning from the air, challenging on the ground. For individuals in Bethesda, MD and beyond, this reflection explores the seasonal extremes, cultural grit, and enduring charm of a region built on resilience.

I have never lived in New England, but I have relatives who do, and at one point, my parents spent a couple of years there. I keep asking myself, what is the attraction? Winter seems to be the permanent season.

Oh, I know you will object and tell me about the wonderful times on Martha’s Vineyard, at least in the one or two months that you can reach the island without freezing to death on the trip. You will no doubt point out the lush forest that covers most of Maine. Yes, I have been there, and the forests do go on forever.

The place I visited in upper Maine was exceptionally remote. The nearest gas station was at least a half-day’s drive away. The camp was well-equipped, and the bugs were plentiful as well. A walk in the woods was a survival challenge. Who will live, black flies or man? Not my cup of tea, so to speak.

Visiting in the summer, when you can open the cabin wide to let breezes flow through and when the lake is not frozen solid, is the only time I can imagine being there. Winter would be brutal.

My parents retired to New England to be close to their young grandchildren, to help out as they could, and to be helped as well. However, they had a small dog that required walking at least twice a day. Imagine that you are pushing 90 and your small dog has exuberance for the snow, and the sidewalks are covered in ice. Get the picture? That adventure did not last long before a move to sunny Florida.

At the same time, I do have a favorite view of New England. I love flying into the airport in the fall. Bright oranges, deep yellows, a hint of peach, and vibrant reds cover the landscape. The best way to see New England in the fall is from the air. Stunning! Gorgeous!

But once on the ground, you must contend with the bugs. Even though the black fly season has passed, there still may be some of these guys hanging around, and the stink bugs are very popular in the fall. All of this makes a colorful walk in the woods a time to cover up thoroughly. That means long sleeves regardless of the temperature, gloves, and one of those hats with the netting. Sound good?

Still, I have to admire the New Englander. They have a reputation for being rugged. They deserve it. As a break from the crushing snowfall, you could join a quilting party that will satisfy the need for friendship. You might even find a rug-hooking group to fill the time.

The New Englander has always been rugged, and I am grateful for the significant role they played in the start of this country. I imagine the ruggedness of the place prepared them for persistence and stubbornness.

I will do a “flyover” in the fall, but prefer the beach.

Want to explore how geography shapes personality and emotional resilience? Visit Psychology Today’s article on place and personality and National Geographic’s feature on climate and behavior.

If you’re reflecting on seasonal transitions, family dynamics, or emotional adaptation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and connection.

Thermostats, Sweatshirts, and the Art of Staying Warm

When the chill creeps in, the furnace becomes more than a machine, it becomes a test of patience, memory, and modern technology. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the seasonal dance between warmth, frustration, and family ingenuity.

You have one of those because you are probably not living in a tent. Just how is yours doing?

You know that feeling when a chill starts outside and you haven’t activated your furnace for months? You think it’s a bit cool in the house today. Then you think it’s way too early to turn the heat on. The weatherman predicts sunny skies and higher temperatures tomorrow. You have tons of sweaters in your drawers and could choose any one to take the chill off. You even got a new sweatshirt from your granddaughter the other day with her college logo on it. You have plenty of choices before you have to flip that switch on the thermostat and activate the furnace. But you do it anyway.

You wait for that “hummm” sound that accompanies the beginning of the heat cycle. And you wait. Wait, the thing is not working! Maybe it’s the thermostat. Remember that you put in one of those smart things that you cannot operate. It has all of these remote features that you do not understand. There is an app on your phone that you struggle to open. Then, when it does open, it has all of these symbols and jargon, so you close it in frustration.

Your son-in-law, who lives a few miles away, can control your furnace, but you can’t. Nope, you are not going to call him. You can surely figure this out. After all, it is just a furnace. Furnaces have been around for a very, very long time. How complicated can this be?

Fortunately, you have kept the manual for everything. I mean, everything in this house has a manual. Two full drawers of your file cabinet are filled with these manuals. Some of them are at least an inch thick, and some are minuscule with print that you cannot possibly read, even with the magnifying glass on your smartphone. And oh, do not get me started on that one. Do you know how many times I have wanted to use that app and cannot find it? What happens to it? It was there when I turned my phone on, and now it is nowhere to be seen.

Anyway, back to the furnace. Ah, finally, there it is. The furnace manual is in Chinese! You have to be kidding me?! I tried Chinese in college, and it made no sense to me. My granddaughter is taking Chinese in high school, but I cannot imagine that she has the skill at this point to decipher the manual. Useless! Not the granddaughter, the manual!

OK, we can call the furnace guy; he will come out sometime next week. Remember, we do have drawers full of sweaters, and the weatherman has predicted a warming spell. I also have that school sweatshirt!

Want to explore how seasonal discomfort and tech frustration affect emotional well-being? Visit Psychology Today’s article on everyday stress and Wirecutter’s guide to staying warm at home.

If you’re navigating seasonal transitions, tech overwhelm, or emotional stress, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and comfort.

HISTORIES

Memory, Emotion, and the Echoes That Shape Us

Our histories don’t just live in the past—they leap, whisper, and sing into the present. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how memory surprises us, repeats itself, and deepens our emotional understanding of self.

Each of us has a personal history. We all know this. Some pay attention to the details, some do not. No matter which camp you fall in, your history pays attention to you and can leap into the present. You don’t have to summon it; your history has a mind of its own and jumps into the present, often when you least expect it. Histories make surprise attacks, and they also make repeat performances.

THE SURPRISE ATTACK
This form of “history jumping” is unexpected. You may think or say, “Where did that come from?” Driving down the road, suddenly, an old rock ‘n roll song pops into your head, and you wonder where that came from. Standing in the shower and practicing your toast for the upcoming wedding, an image of your first dog pops into your head, and you wonder what that is about. Following the thread to find the connection can be interesting. Our brain has just pulled two pieces of history together, and our brain always has a good reason. Trust me. Your brain always has a good reason. Often, we dismiss these as flukes and miss the fun of discovery. When we take time to follow the thread of connection, the insight is always satisfying.

Take a quick look at the rock ‘n roll song as an example. You are barreling down the interstate and listening to some classical music. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot an old barn in a field. On the side of the barn, you glimpse the old advertising sign: “Chew Mail Pouch Tobacco.” The song, of course, was playing on the radio when you took your first date on a country ride. See. Your brain does remember everything.

THE REPEAT PERFORMANCES
Okay. Now that we understand the surprise attack, what is the repeat performance? The most straightforward example is the song you cannot get out of your mind. That one is a real stinker. No matter how hard you wish it to disappear, it keeps jumping back into the present. Whatever the song is, it shows up for a reason. The key is to find the reason. Many people will dismiss this experience as an irritation and will go away or wait for it to exhaust itself. I prefer to be curious and dig into the memory bank for more clues.

Remember “Sherry, Sherry Baby”? The repetition is a killer. And Frankie Valli is an absolute screamer. Yet, there it is, pounding in your head and screaming to get out. Now, just what has triggered this one? I don’t know about you, but I tend to keep things and rarely clean out drawers and closets. So, over the holiday, I did a purge. And at the same time, my sister sent me some old photographs that some distant relative had sent her. In part, the relative was hoping to have some people identified, but my junior high school picture is in the collection. Yep. Sock hops with the white rolled-down socks and “Sherry, Sherry Baby” blasting on the loudspeakers.

As I said, your brain holds onto everything.

Want to explore how memory and emotion shape personal and collective histories? Visit Psychology in Action’s guide to flashbulb memory and historical connection, PSYFORU’s breakdown of episodic memory and emotional recall, and Psychology Today’s reflections on emotional memory and identity.

If you’re reflecting on memory, emotional connection, or personal history, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and emotional clarity.

From Autumn Projects to Personal Passions

Seasons change, and so do our collections. For individuals in Chevy Chase and beyond, this reflection traces the journey from childhood leaf books to adult brooches, and how memory, nature, and personal style intertwine.

Remember elementary school. Those first few grades were the place where you were to acquire the basics necessary for being a viable, functional person in the world you were born in—or in the world at large, eventually.

Remember the fall project of collecting leaves? The assignment was to travel throughout your neighborhood and collect leaf samples. Then, you were to paste them into the pages of a book and mark them with details about the tree from which they came. It was tactile, seasonal, and surprisingly scientific.

I love the fall, though I wonder where it has gone. We are about to head into October, and the temperature today is 70 degrees, with humidity that is giving the temperature a run for its money. Yesterday, it reached a high of nearly 90 degrees with torrential rain. For a moment, I thought the tropics had descended on us and we were doomed.

The leaves on every tree in the neighborhood are still bright green with no sign of changing.

I remember raking leaves as a kid and creating giant piles that my dad would burn in the alley. That was tons of fun as you could watch individual flaming leaves float up into the sky. Of course, cities all over the country banned leaf burning long ago, and that is probably a good thing, as some of those flaming wind chimes could have menaced the neighbor’s house.

Now, the menace takes an entirely different form as the leaves are blown about by giant gas-powered leaf blowers that drone on hour after hour. Our neighborhood, like some others, has decided to ban these gas-guzzling noise machines on the weekend. Thank you, neighborhood association!

Do children still have to do leaf collections? I have no idea. I suppose they do not, though I imagine some children with a penchant for the outdoors might take this on as a personal challenge or a special school project.

My association with collecting leaves has evolved into a passion for collecting brooches. You know, those fancy pins that women wear and collect. Remember how Madeleine Albright used brooches as a diplomatic tool? Some of her ideas were downright aggressive. She used her jewelry to “school” others in her views. Who knew jewelry could be so powerful?

My jewelry will never have that kind of impact. At the same time, I love the compliments I get when the polished gold leaf or the bejeweled little Japanese bonsai pin gets noticed.

Want to explore how collecting connects to memory and identity? Visit Psychology Today’s article on why we collect and NPR’s feature on Madeleine Albright’s brooch diplomacy.

If you’re reflecting on nostalgia, personal meaning, or emotional expression, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, creativity, and connection.

MUSIC FOR BABY

Sound, Emotion, and the Symphony of Early Connection

Music isn’t just background noise—it’s a blueprint for emotional development. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how prenatal music exposure shapes brain growth, emotional bonding, and lifelong preferences.

One of the popular trends is playing music in utero for your fetus. The ears develop around 20 weeks, so you have plenty of time to introduce your baby to classical, rock, new age, ancient, and any other form of music you like. However, I advise caution. Despite the television imagery, the baby’s ears are sensitive, and blasting music by placing earphones on the mother’s abdomen is not recommended. If you are lucky enough to have one still, playing your record player or using your Sonos system at a reasonable volume will do quite well. Thank you. Blasting a baby with high-volume headphones on your belly could lead to deafness. The recommendation is to NEVER place earphones directly on the mother’s belly. Despite the ads to the contrary, you must learn what is right for your growing baby. Really! Don’t you realize that advertisers are selling products and not the truth?

What you play will have a lasting impact on your child. I am an absolute fan of Baroque music. Others will prefer classical or rock. What you play could have an effect on the baby in the future. We research everything so data exists to guide your choices and decisions.

The music you play for a baby in utero will establish a preference. Your baby will be more responsive to the music you have played and other similar music. Choose wisely!

Music has a deep history in relationship to humans. The centers for processing music and emotion are in the same part of the brain. Stop a moment and take this in. Music and emotion are housed in the same part of the brain. Regardless of your philosophy or religious orientation, you must be impressed by this fact! Music triggers dopamine in the brain, the “feel good” hormone. Think about this for a moment. Sound waves are vibrations. They are motion. As they come into our lives, we not only experience sound, but we also experience motion. That is why listening to a song and sitting still is so difficult. We want to move. We want to move or dance or leap about.

Studies of the connection between music and emotion have been conducted for at least 45 years. These two topics are woven together in research. Scholars study the connection between music and emotion. In 1961, the University of Chicago Press published an important book by Leonard B. Meyer, focusing on the intricate connection between music and emotion. His philosophy will make a good read for all music lovers. The focus is the connection between sound and emotion. How does this connection function? What is the impact of this connection on the person?

Somehow, music becomes challenging to describe as our vocabulary for the emotions evoked is limited. Think about the pieces of music that stir feelings in you. Our language seems to lack the complexity or intensity necessary to communicate about the piece being experienced. Our whole bodies respond to music, indicating that the connection is multi-layered.

Ultimately, the research suggests that a strong connection exists and that explaining it is nearly impossible. So, play what you like and invite your baby to like it too.

Want to explore how music influences fetal development and emotional bonding? Visit Stork Advisor’s guide to prenatal music exposure, Tarang Gongs’ insights on sound healing and bonding, and Open Association of Research’s reflections on music and prenatal emotion.

If you’re reflecting on emotional development, prenatal bonding, or sensory connection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and relational growth.