Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

I AM BEAUTIFUL, AND HE IS HANDSOME

Memory, Connection, and the Enduring Lens of Love

Beauty isn’t just seen—it’s remembered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how love shapes perception, and how emotional connection outlasts time, vision, and even cataracts.

One of my relatives and her handsome husband were aging, and each had cataracts. Facing eye surgery, they were cautious about moving forward. They loved each other. They fell in love as teens. They now see the other in their memories as beautiful, young, and physically gorgeous. Should the cataracts stay?

What are you seeing in your memories? Where does your mind wander as you sit quietly on the couch or cozy up next to the fire? I hope you have memories of being loved and loving. Some loves are brief and exciting, like the dreamy one you met on a teen vacation. You knew that the two of you would never see each other again. Yet, the excitement was exhilarating and such fun. Your diary entries were wild. Some loves are deep and not romantic, like your love for the little girl that you babysat when you were a teen. You felt so responsible and grown up. Or the love for your favorite relative who always takes time to listen to your stories and go for long walks or sing silly songs at the end of the day. Perhaps you had a teacher who really understood you and guided you through some tough times. That love is strong and supportive.

Love can come in so many forms. The period can be brief, like the summer love at a sleepaway camp, or it can be long, like the college beau who was great fun but would never make a proper husband. It can be generational, like your love for a grandparent or a special aunt. I remember a conversation with a bartender in New Hampshire who spoke so tenderly about her time with her grandmother and how she always felt welcome no matter the time of day or reason. We all long for this type of acceptance. To know that we will be welcome at any time, regardless of the cause, is truly special.

I remember overhearing an elderly couple in a restaurant talking about how they loved to sit on the porch and watch the clouds drift by. Oh, to be so relaxed and so connected that the clouds symbolize your love. We all need to be connected. We are born connected and spend our lives seeking connection with others. Connections can be lifelong. Connections can be brief encounters on a plane. I know some women who are still friends with their kindergarten chums. I know one woman who married her kindergarten sweetheart and lived a long, deep life together. Connection is essential and powerful.

To whom are you connected? How often do you validate that connection? Who is your oldest friend? Who is your most profound friend? Call them. Write them a genuine note and send it snail mail. Check in on them. Remember that you are beautiful, and they are handsome.

Want to explore how emotional memory and lasting connection shape love? Visit Greater Good’s guide to how love alters memory, Psychology Today’s breakdown of emotional memory and bonding, and OpenCounseling’s reflections on communicating enduring love.

If you’re reflecting on memory, connection, or emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and lasting connection.

HOW HARD IS IT TO BE A BABY?

Emotional Radar, Implicit Memory, and the Work of Early Survival

Babies may look carefree, but their brains are working overtime. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how infants absorb emotional environments, store implicit memories, and carry early experiences into adulthood.

In many ways, babies have it easy. They get fed, changed, bathed, rocked, and sung to, and they are easily the center of attention when anyone comes to visit. You get to sleep whenever you want. You get to eat whenever you want. You can command attention at any time of the day or night and expect to get it. You receive gifts and presents on an ongoing basis. Even strangers make a fuss over you. So, how hard can it be to be a baby?

Pretty darn hard!

You see, what we fail to realize is that babies come into the world with one marvelous survival mechanism: they understand the environment perfectly. Let me say that again—perfectly! If you think that is easy, think again. Babies are designed to be accurate assessors of the surrounding environment. They are “mood cops.” They immediately sense the tone in the room and track it perfectly. These creatures are like emotional detectives. You cannot fool them. You cannot schmooze them. You cannot distract them from this chore. They are designed to read the atmosphere continuously, and they do it perfectly.

Survival for this helpless creature depends on its ability to accurately read the world around it and announce distress when it experiences it. This must be arduous work. No wonder they take tons of naps and get fussy. Monitoring every emotion in the world around you would be exhausting. Gratefully, they lose this skill over time. If we maintained this accurate reading ability, none of us could survive. We would be constantly overwhelmed by the emotional tones all around us: Grandma is uncomfortable because you got her tea too hot; Dad is upset because the ball game has been replaced with the parade; Mom is frustrated because she wants more help in the kitchen; the children are tired of being well-behaved and have started to wrestle with each other. There are just too many emotional things happening to be aware of and responsive to all of them. So, we lose this skill over the first year of life. Thank goodness.

However, we retain all our experiences from that early stage of life. All those memories are packed into our brains. That means they are available for access, and it also means they can pop out and take over at different points in time. Without realizing it, you will be pushed or influenced to repeat an “infant thought or behavior” in the present. You will have no idea that your current behavior is based on infancy. If you were neglected as an infant, you will be sensitive to certain behaviors or voice tones of others and get a flash of irritation or anger that seems out of proportion to the present experience.

These “memories” are important signals of early trauma experiences that need to be addressed. The next time one of those flashes of emotion happens, find some private time to be curious about what you might have experienced as an infant and help that part of you dig deeper.

Want to explore how early emotional experiences shape memory and behavior? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to implicit memory in infancy, Natural Parenting Center’s insights on infant trauma and emotional development, and Evergreen Psychotherapy Center’s breakdown of memory and core beliefs.

If you’re reflecting on early experiences, emotional triggers, or healing from past patterns, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and developmental healing.

SELF LOVE

Knowing Yourself, Remembering Deeply, and Loving Anyway

Self-love isn’t just kindness—it’s curiosity. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how emotional insight begins with knowing yourself, and why the journey inward is both complex and essential.

Help me out. Does anyone know what this really means? I know you can look it up online and get lots of good ideas like being nice to yourself and trusting yourself and taking care of yourself. These all sound terrific. However, to do any of these, don’t I have to know myself? Does anyone realize how hard this is?

To know something means to do a careful study of that thing and to make a deep dive into understanding that thing. You must look at this thing with intent and not just glance. You must examine this thing from a variety of angles. Remember the joke where people are touching different parts of an elephant and deciding that this “thing” is a wide range of different things?

The person at the trunk thinks they are holding a hose. The person at the tail is convinced they have a hold of a rope. The person at the leg is convinced it is a large post. And so forth. Actually, it is none of these things. This is also true for a person. The co-worker thinks you are efficient and sensible. The neighbor thinks you are mean and aggressive. The cousin thinks you are arrogant and stuck up. The children think you are funny. The boss thinks you are devoted and can be told to stay late on multiple occasions. The religious leader thinks you are pious but should be giving more. The school principal thinks your parenting could use a tune up.

We are very complicated beings and at some point in time we may have been all those things and more. The hard part about knowing ourselves is that our brains actually retain all of our experiences. Let me say that again. Our brains retain ALL of our experiences. The problem with that is that many of our experiences are encoded in language that we cannot easily access. Before we learn to speak our brain encodes touch, sight, sound, movement, etc. Those memories are really hard to access. Those memories also have strong influences on the present.

Our brains also have this clever way of “hiding” experiences so that we cannot easily access them. I do not know exactly how they decide what to hide and what not to hide, I only know that our brains perform this function. This can be as simple as forgetting that our spouse told us their schedule for tomorrow or as complicated as forgetting a shameful or frightening experience so as not to retraumatize ourselves.

Knowing myself is not an easy task. I believe that the storage spaces in our brains can be accessed, even those non-verbal experiences from infancy can be unearthed. Doing so, however, is not an easy task. When you go rooting around in memories and mental storage lockers, you need to be prepared, and you need to be supported. I see the value in knowing myself at a deeper level and understanding why looking down a long flight of stairs makes my stomach do a flip, but opening every box in the attic may not be the way I want to spend my summer.

Want to explore how self-love and emotional insight are shaped by memory and self-awareness? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to the neuroscience of self-love, Brainz Magazine’s breakdown of knowing yourself and emotional intelligence, and Calm’s 7-step guide to practicing self-love.

If you’re reflecting on self-awareness, emotional healing, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, compassion, and self-love.

LABUBU

Cultural Craze, Emotional Attachment, and the Power of “Thing”

Labubu isn’t just the latest plush obsession—it’s a playful symbol of how deeply we crave connection. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how fad culture, emotional attachment, and identity come together in one mischievous little collectible.

Okay, I don’t care if you don’t know how to pronounce it or have no idea what it is.
Remember Gnomes? Remember Barbie? Remember Cabbage Patch Dolls?
Get it?
Now you are in the right space. A Chinese-born artist, Kasing Lung invented this plush thing after spending time in the Netherlands and enjoying Nordic lore.
They come in all sizes and are known to be friendly and supportive. Hey! Who would not like that? We all need friendly and supportive characters in our lives. You may find them as plush toys for your kiddos or as a talisman to hang on your purse, belt, or bicycle handlebars.
My bicycle handlebars had streamers running out of them, and the spokes had these cards in them that would make flapping noises as you sped through the neighborhood. With the wind in your hair, you could let go of the handlebars as you shot down the hill. Nothing beats that thrill.
The current craze with the LABUBU is to hang these things on your body. If you have a belt, that is great. See how many you can pile around your waist. If you carry a purse, get one of different sizes. See how many little ones you can dangle on the purse strap. The bigger the purse, the better. Do they have contests for how many of these things you can attach to your body? They should. What would the prize be? You guessed it! More LABUBUS!
Why do we need these fads? How do they get started?
Something inside of us longs for attachment. Of course, we were born attached to our mothers, and many times I have repeated the fact that we spend the rest of our lives seeking attachment. So, the toy industry provides the perfect way to make money. Give us something we can attach to!!
We will grab it, make it wildly popular, and ultimately abandon it for the next craze. Attachment is the key. We attach to PERSON, PLACE, OR THING. This is our natural bent. We have to be attached to survive. The fact that we were born attached dominates throughout life. So, attaching to “thing” can not only be healthy, but it can also be quite lucrative for the inventor and manufacturer of the thing.
Please keep ‘em coming. What will be the next “thing”?

Want to explore why attachment fuels trend culture? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to Labubu and emotional attachment, Psychologs’ breakdown of Labubu and trend psychology, and Fabric Academy’s insights on Labubu as a fashion accessory.

If you’re reflecting on identity, emotional connection, or consumer behavior, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, grounding, and self-expression.

CUPCAKE

Sweet Invention, Cultural Delight, and the Joy of Tiny Cakes

Small in size, mighty in charm. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how cupcakes became a beloved American invention, a cultural icon, and a source of joy across generations.

Ahhh! What just came to mind for you? These small treats that fit in your hand and sometimes go fully formed into your mouth can be a true delight. Whoever thought of these? Was it a mistake or intentional?

The United States of America can lay claim to the cupcake. Now, there is something to be proud of! A 1796 cookbook by Amelia Simmons contains a recipe for these small cakes. That clearly indicates that they were popular at the time. They have remained so to this very day. The baking tin with individual wells makes it easy to develop these “pop in your mouth” treats.

The cupcake is in good company with other American inventions:

• The Telephone by Alexander Graham Bell
• The Telegraph by Samuel Morse
• The Light Bulb by Thomas Edison
• The Airplane by the Wright Brothers

Now, you may be wondering about the comparisons. After all, we could not have gotten along without the telephone. Everyone seems to have one in their pocket, if not always in their hand. They even make them for toddlers, where you can put Mom, Dad, or Grandma’s picture on the phone so the little tyke can punch their faces to call. The telegraph is long gone, except, apparently, in Italy!! However, you must admit that it was a marvelous way to send messages far and wide at the time. And the lightbulb is a real winner. They now come in all shapes and sizes. We could not get along without this invention. They are outside, inside, underground, in tunnels. They are everywhere. Of course, the airplane is the ultimate. You can leave Washington, DC, in the early morning and have afternoon tea in Hawaii. Who wouldn’t like that?!!

Ah, but back to the cupcake.

Children love to make and eat these. The recipes are simple and easy. The process is quick, and placing a scoop of goo into the paper cup is an appropriate challenge for little hands. Now, you may get a dribble or two on the edge of the tin, but that is fun, too. You can use your little finger to wipe it off and pop it in your mouth.

They do not take long to bake, and they smell delicious while you are waiting. The most challenging part is not grabbing one when it comes out of the oven. Hey! They are HOT!

Still, the temptation is there, and a few of them will no doubt disappear immediately. So, to the wonderful American who thought of making these tiny cakes, I say Thank You! To the cupcake store that will ship them all over the place, I say BRAVO! I can now send this treat to anyone!

Want to explore the history and cultural rise of cupcakes? Visit The Delicious Journey’s history of cupcakes, Restaurant Web Experts’ guide to cupcakes as cultural icons, and Mashed’s tribute to Amelia Simmons and cupcake origins.

If you’re reflecting on joy, creativity, or the sweetness of everyday life, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and celebration of self.

THE HEAT AND EMOTIONAL TRANSFORMATION

Lowlands, Legacy, and the Fires That Shape Us

Heat doesn’t just scorch, it softens, reshapes, and reveals. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how the metaphor of bottom lands and rising temperatures mirrors emotional transformation, relational deposits, and the discomfort of transformation.

I live outside Washington, DC, and when they call it a swamp, they are not just referring to the politics. Now we could go in that direction, and it might be pretty entertaining. But NO.

Our Founders did not build Washington, DC on an actual swamp. But! Factually, the area was not a real swamp. The land was what my father would call “lowlands” or “bottom lands.” He grew up farming the lowlands of southern Indiana. The lowland areas are flat and quite fertile because the rivers and streams that run through them flood the land periodically, depositing the richness of the stream on the land as the water recedes. Crops grow beautifully in these lowlands.

What are you depositing on the ground around you? Look at your family, your neighbors, your friends, your colleagues, and yes, your enemies. Name the deposits you are making. My family deposits food regularly, and we are truly grateful for that. As I age, I am less interested in cooking or eating. My dinner favorites have narrowed quite a bit, and I seem to be content with repeating the same things regularly. The variety from my family is a welcome treat. Our neighbors are friendly, and we cover each other when we are away by looking out for packages or mail that didn’t quite make it through the mail slot. My friends are the best. Regular lunches, engaging lectures, shared books, and just plain good company are the parts of life that sustain one and lead to more good stories to share and remember. Colleagues always serve to challenge your intellect and keep you sharp. Enemies are a challenge as well. Sometimes they can cause us to reflect deeply on how we think and function. That is not pleasant, but it is necessary.

Growth takes both support and challenge. A confrontation is not pleasant, but the heat can lead to a melting of old thoughts and processes, giving way to new ideas and understanding. This type of growth can be itchy and painful. We look at the landscape that has been familiar and don’t want to change. Confrontation is often necessary to shake us loose from our way of thinking and being. We can get stuck in the mud. When the bottom land floods, you do not want to go walking in that muck. When the surface water is gone, wait for the mud to dry out a bit before you wade in.

Want to explore how swamp metaphors and heat reflect emotional transformation? Visit GradesFixer’s analysis of Mary Oliver’s “Crossing the Swamp”, National Trust’s breakdown of DC’s swamp myth, and Algor Cards’ concept map of swamp symbolism.

If you’re reflecting on emotional heat, relational deposits, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and transformation.

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN STUNG?

Bees, Barns, and the Buzz of Unexpected Lessons

Sometimes pain comes with pie. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how bee stings—literal and metaphorical—can spark resilience, humor, and even a deeper connection to nature and family lore.

I can safely report that I have never been stung by a bee or wasp. However, I have watched this happen to others. I was home from college one summer and my parents had this huge fenced backyard. I was on the screened porch and my mother had taken a basket to collect rhubarb from the corner garden at the edge of the property because making a rhubarb pie was on the menu! Suddenly, screams erupted and she ran for the porch. A hoard of bumblebees had made a nest underground in the garden. They, of course, perceived her as a threat and attacked immediately. Fortunately, my mother can run really fast. She was stung a lot but the outcome was not as bad as it could have been.

Later, my father was summoned to smoke them out and kill them. Which he did quite successfully. As a result, rhubarb pie was on the menu the next night!

My second observance takes a bit more explanation. First, you must be able to identify with “farm folk.” Their humor tends to be more on the physical, embarrassing side. Both of my parents come from a long line of farmers so bear with me. I have an adult cousin who loves to pull practical jokes, but they always have this physical consequence as the outcome. When visiting him with my new husband, we went treasure hunting in the hayloft of a barn that my cousin had recently purchased. He reported that an old spinning wheel was housed in the hayloft. I wanted that object! Think of it. An old spinning wheel! The perfect conversation starter in the front hall of our new home. I had to have it!

Here is where my cousin’s sense of twisted humor enters the picture. He had of course spotted this gem and let me know about it. The part that he left out is that he had also spotted a hornet’s nest in the hayloft as well. So, when he and my husband went to retrieve the wheel, he, of course, sent my husband up the ladder first.

I do not need to describe the outcome. Husband: badly stung. Cousin: bent over in laughter.

Outcome: Cousin had to remove the nest and retrieve the spinning wheel on his own.

Where do these relatives come from?

Want to explore the deeper meaning behind bee stings and emotional resilience? Visit Soulful Creature’s guide to the spiritual meaning of bee stings, Wisdom of the Spirit’s reflections on transformation through pain, and Spiritual Mojo’s insights on boundaries, sacrifice, and growth.

If you’re reflecting on family dynamics, emotional resilience, or unexpected life lessons, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational healing.