Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

TELEVISION ADS

Roles, Reversals, and the Cultural Mirror We Watch

Ads don’t just sell products—they sell perceptions. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how television advertising has evolved from domestic idealism to gendered satire, and how the pendulum of representation continues to swing.

I have been paying attention rather than zoning out during the ads. As I watch, I notice the roles played by men. I have concluded that the “Ad Men” have decided that “turnabout” is fair play.

I remember early television ads because the introduction of the television into the American home was a huge deal. The first television commercial aired in 1941, so television advertising has a long history. My family could not afford a television until the early 1950s, when I would have been in elementary school. The big, big box in the living room was fascinating. On Sunday evenings, everyone would gather on the couch or the floor to watch the Lawrence Welk Show. The champagne music was the closest we could get to alcohol. The bubble machine and the Lennon Sisters were our favorites. We were all excited and mesmerized by this box.

The television ads in the ’50s and ’60s focused on products that women would use in the home or on cars for men. I remember the Jolly Green Giant, wishing I were an Oscar Mayer Wiener, and Rice-A-Roni, but I could never figure out what it had to do with San Francisco. Yes, women were at home and not in the workforce. However, I remember they were not demeaned for being at home. They were valued as being in charge, making critical decisions about the care of their families, and being delighted to do so. Fiction? Perhaps, but that was still the landscape at the time. Now, women dominate college campuses and are C-suite participants or coaches to C-suite males. The landscape has changed dramatically.

The television ads have changed as well. You will not find any women in aprons. However, as I pay attention to the presentation of men, I become concerned. Men are either giant athletes or cast as buffoons. What are we doing? The vast majority of our boys will never be professional athletes, let alone giants. And we certainly do not want them aspiring to be buffoons. What is the impact when a young boy sees the man’s idea laughed at while the same idea from a woman is celebrated? Why would the advertising industry take this approach to selling products? Because it works!

We must be realistic. We are in an era where men are being put down. Now, if you are in the camp where “turnabout is fair play,” you will accept this as just. However, if all we can muster is to move the pendulum from one extreme to another, then one must question what progress is all about. Traditional roles where a dichotomy exists are no longer necessary. Any adult can do any job at any time if they are trained and prepared. Any adult can raise any child if they are educated and motivated. The only thing that has not changed is that so far only women can have babies.

Yet, the ad agencies must be reflecting something important. They must understand something about the way that we function. After all, their advertisements have been successful in selling products. Perhaps we are petty. Maybe the pendulum must swing from one side to the other. Will it ever come to a resting place where we accept each person as human and do not get hyper-focused on sexual categories?

Want to explore how advertising shapes gender roles and cultural norms? Visit ExploreAnthro’s critical look at gender stereotypes in ads, PubAdmin Institute’s guide to challenging gender roles in advertising, and Common Good Ventures’ analysis of gender bias in TV commercials.

If you’re reflecting on media influence, identity, or cultural shifts, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and societal awareness.

BABIES SEE THE REAL YOU

Empathy, Intuition, and the Emotional Genius of Infants

Before they speak, they sense. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how babies intuitively read emotional cues, and how empathy is not learned—it’s inherited, nurtured, and expressed in the smallest gestures.

I have written before about a newborn’s ability to sense safety, which is clearly a way of “seeing the real you”. This early sense is about their survival instinct. Today, I want to talk about their “intuition”. Babies, or shall we say toddlers, have the ability to feel another person’s emotions. At about the time that they start to move around on their own and gain the ability to access others, they also develop the ability to “read the room”. We call this empathy or insight. Toddlers can accurately read the emotional signals that the adult sends out and develop emotions that are reactive to those feelings. They connect with others by experiencing the adult’s emotions in a smaller way. We do this with our friends as well. When a friend shares a moment of grief or a moment of joy, we automatically recall a similar experience that we have had. So, how do infants and toddlers do this? Isn’t their range of personal experiences pretty limited or circumspect? They don’t travel around independently or have extensive friend experiences that would build such a database. It is not like they could think: “Oh, I remember stubbing my toe too, and that really hurt.” What is going on? These small beings appear to be brilliant.

Think about the meaning of this. Empathy is natural. We come programmed to develop empathy for others. About the time that we are learning to move around on our own, which will naturally give us more access to other people, we are also developing the capacity for empathy. Wow! That is a mind-blowing piece. God designed this brain to be able to “see” others accurately right at the time that we can begin to interact with others on our own! I am impressed! If you watch carefully, you will see this at the park, on the playground, and in daycare. Toddlers “see” others and offer emotional support and care. I remember one little girl in a preschool setting running around the playground and bumping into a little boy playing with trucks. She knocked him over and could have kept going. But, I watched her stop and help him up. Neither said anything. They didn’t have to. The act in itself was the message.

How often do we stop to pick someone else up? When did you last have the opportunity? Did you take it? Or did you keep walking? Empathy is programmed into us. It comes with our DNA.

Want to explore how babies perceive emotions and develop empathy? Visit NeuroLaunch’s guide to baby empathy and mirror neurons, Parenting Science’s research on infant emotional contagion, and Psychology Today’s insights into emotional development in infancy.

If you’re reflecting on emotional connection, parenting, or intuitive development, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.

LEARNING FROM THE BUTTERFLY

Memory, Metamorphosis, and the Lessons We Carry

Butterflies don’t just transform—they remember. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how metamorphosis mirrors emotional growth, and how memory becomes a bridge between past and present, even in the smallest of creatures.

Butterflies are beautiful. They come in assorted colors and sizes, and they are great fun to watch. Butterflies belong to the insect order called Lepidoptera. Moths get included in this group as well. Lepidoptera means “scaly wings” in Greek. The Monarch butterfly has a migration path that takes them through Cape May, New Jersey. Every year, people come from miles around to be present for this migration. The bushes in every yard are covered with butterflies. Sometimes, if you stay still, they will land on you. Experiencing this close is a marvel.

I had the privilege of experiencing this phenomenon several years ago and would encourage you to go. Cape May is a cute small town with some old hotels along the beach that are inviting and comfortable. The beach is a flat sandy strip that seems to go on for miles. If you like long walks, you will be delighted. This east coast location is perfectly situated as the stopping place for hundreds of species of birds. Birdwatchers from all over come here in the late summer and early fall to take advantage of watching more than four hundred species of migrating birds.

The migration of the Monarch Butterflies is equally amazing. The number of butterflies that invade this town is a sight to behold. What I did not realize is that in some ways, these creatures are very much like humans. They transform from caterpillars to butterflies after going through a difficult growth period in a chrysalis. Humans go through a similar process: childhood, puberty and teen years, adulthood. We make dramatic changes as well and come out of the teen years to be quite different people than the children we started as. What I did not realize is that the butterfly retains the memories/experiences of the previous two stages. Butterflies remember being caterpillars—even after metamorphosis.

Holding onto memories is important for a variety of reasons. I want to highlight two of those. First, memories give us context for living. Second, memories give us opportunities for repair. Context enables us to appreciate our history. We know that we carry genetic material from the past three generations. That is a lot of context! Also, when families gather for celebrations, the presence of three generations is common. Being able to tell the stories of three generations is an important part of family tradition. As we experience the stories of three generations, we have a database that enables us to understand where we have come from and why we function the way that we do. The experiences that we have had in various parts of our childhood often need to be repaired. Neglect as infants, shocks as preschoolers, and hurts as middle schoolers and teens can impact our functioning in adulthood. Being able to revisit past hurts and injuries is important. Healing can take place when we can revisit these injuries.

Learning that even butterflies retain memories from when they were crawling along the ground is a welcome surprise. I wonder how many other insects, birds, and animals have similar capabilities. I do not know how they use these memories, but I do know that humans use them for healing and growth.

Want to explore how butterfly metamorphosis mirrors emotional transformation? Visit Insect Lore’s guide to personal change through metamorphosis, Butterfly Bee Garden’s life lessons from butterflies, and Monarch Butterflies’ reflections on imperfection and growth.

If you’re reflecting on memory, transformation, or emotional healing, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal renewal.

BLOOMING

Rain, Renewal, and the Garden Within

Rain doesn’t just feed the soil—it awakens the soul. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how nature’s rhythms mirror emotional renewal, and how blooming begins beneath the surface, long before the petals appear.

Today, the rain is falling steadily. I could quickly be soaked within the first 15 minutes if I were out in it. I am grateful that it is raining and not snowing. This time around, New England will get snow, and one of my relatives will mount his roof and shovel snow to the ground to avoid damage to the roof and potential collapse. Perhaps homes in the New England states should be required to have metal roofs so the snow will slide off. I dread the call when he falls off.

Rain is a blessing. I am particularly interested in how it will nurture the garden where bulbs and plants prepare to break through the ground and delight us with Spring bloom. The cycle of nature is fascinating. In the Fall, we watch the plants turn brown, get mushy, and fall to the ground like dead. They disappear before our eyes, shrinking as though they are sucked back into the earth from which they came. One would think they are dead and will never be seen again.

The child in me mourns their passing, believing that they are gone forever. The loss is palpable. The garden design delights the senses. The colors have been carefully chosen for a purpose. We have designed a Moon Garden. Most blooms are white, ready to reflect the moonlight when the sun goes down. The flowers around the edges are yellows of different hues, as though the sun were blessing every inch of the garden and welcoming the lilies and daisies as they bloom.

My favorite part of the garden is not the flowers at all. My favorite part is the serenity bell that hangs in the center and softly caresses the wind with a deep, ringing hum. Peace lives here, and problems melt in the wind. The garden beckons to all my senses. Watching the blooms develop through stages of bud to bloom is exciting. Anticipating the moonlight reflecting on the white blossoms is mesmerizing. The scent of the lilies is intoxicating, drawing you closer. My body relaxes, and my breathing slows as the garden enters my soul.

The parts of me that have been dormant are beginning to rise to the surface again. Movement is evident in my thoughts, and the synapses in my brain are firing and clicking with new life. As the plants push through the soil barrier, my sluggishness begins to move aside. I will write or paint or sing or dance. Perhaps I will lie on the ground in the grass and feel the energy beneath the ground and let it move through me. But for now, I listen to the rain and am grateful I am inside.

Want to explore how rain nurtures emotional and spiritual blooming? Visit Spiritual Ark’s guide to rain as renewal and healing, Soulful Meanings’ 13 interpretations of rain’s spiritual significance, and Spiritual Mojo’s reflections on rain as divine intervention.

If you’re reconnecting with creativity, nature, or emotional renewal, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and seasonal transformation.

GEORGE WASHINGTON WAS A REDHEAD!

Hair, History, and the Identity We Carry

Hair isn’t just style—it’s story. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how hair color shapes identity, how historical figures like George Washington defy our assumptions, and how personal memories are braided into strands of meaning.

I am a redhead! Well, let’s say that for several years I was a redhead, and then the grey set in. However, I still think of myself as a redhead! I had no idea that George Washington was a redhead. You always see him with this long white hair, which was his real hair, by the way. It is pulled back in a ponytail and powdered to make it appear whiter! I imagine that made him look wise!

What color is your hair? Have you ever thought of the importance of this fact? Of course, your driver’s license has your hair color on it, and your passport picture is in color. If your hair color changes because of age or because you dye your hair there may be some questions to answer when traveling. The style can easily change, but the color is important.

Our hair is a source of pride for us. Both men and women care about how their hair looks. The one exception to that in history must be Albert Einstein! That guy’s hair looked like it had been managed by a lawnmower! He did not care about how his hair looked, and I can offer him grace since his intellect provided scientific advances. Most men and women do care about their hair. They spend time and money taking care of their hair.

If we do not like the natural color of our hair, we can pay to change the color. Some people even like to put unusual colors in their hair, like blues, greens, or oranges. Most of that coloring tends to take place in adolescence. People wear their hair in many ways, and they have fun experimenting with different hairstyles. Short hair can be moussed into spikes. Long hair can be plated into braids. In one decade, women piled their hair into a beehive shape, standing several inches above their heads. Boys and men went through a phase of getting the “flat top” cut where the hair would stand straight up and be cut to look like a flat tabletop on your head. Then there is the mohawk that was popular for a while, with the sides of the head shaved and a row of hair standing straight up from the forehead to the back of the neck.

Many people do a “sports” cut by having the emblem of their favorite team carved into their hairline. This is typically a male thing, but don’t think that it is only a male thing. Hair is really important. Women going through breast cancer will lose their hair. Men heading into the service will have their heads shaved. Wigs and toupees can be made of real or synthetic hair. Wigs for women going through breast cancer treatment can be extremely important.
When I was an early teen, I wanted to cut my long hair, so the woman at the salon braided it into two braids and then cut them off. My parents kept those braids in tissue paper in the cedar chest. I had the pleasure as an adult of sending those braids off to an organization that made hair pieces for cancer survivors. I took a picture of those braids to remind me of the bronze-red color that topped my head as a child. I don’t think I have ever seen a picture of George Washington with red hair, and I wonder why not.

Want to explore the truth behind Washington’s hair color? Visit Missed History’s deep dive into Washington’s reddish-brown hair and Mount Vernon’s myth-busting facts about Washington’s appearance.

If you’re reflecting on identity, memory, or personal transformation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and life-stage growth.

SPORTS

Play, Profit, and the Price We Pay

Sports are more than games—they’re culture, economy, and identity. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early athletic exposure shapes national obsession, and how the youth sports industry rivals professional leagues in scale and consequence.

The Super Bowl is over. We will reorganize for the next season and look forward to supporting our favorite team. In the meantime, we will wear jerseys, sweatshirts, and caps.

My neighborhood has a great small park for all the families. The park is designed for the toddler age group with safe swings, slides, climbing, and hanging things. A single tennis court is on one side, and a large playing field is on the other. The field is used for a variety of sports or for kite flying on windy days when sports practice is finished.

I am struck by the number of preschoolers who gather on the field to begin learning soccer when the ball is about a third of their size. No wonder this country is addicted to sports. We start the interest and attachment at an incredibly early age. We are either playing or watching. Talk to any parent, and they will tell you they spend most of their time in the car taking their children to various practices, meets, games, and tournaments. This sports industry is big time. If you thought the NFL was a powerhouse of money, think of the millions of families delivering their precious children to sports training, sports practice, sports games, meets, and tournaments. Parents spend precious time delivering, watching, and cheering on their offspring. Perhaps this will shock you, or maybe not. The youth sports industry is a $30-to-$40-billion enterprise annually. Yes, I said BILLION! Compare that to the NFL.

The NFL teams together generate more than $20 billion a year. Professional basketball comes in at around $12 billion. Women’s sports combined have hit $1 billion lately. These are figures that are hard to imagine. The truth is that they are also continuing to increase each year. As a country, we are increasingly interested in and even addicted to sports. The professional sports industry pales in comparison to the youth sports industry. What are we doing?

What happened to running out your back door and meeting up with the other kids in the neighborhood to make up games, dig for worms, wade in the creek, race our bikes, play chalk games on the sidewalk, or just bum around? Our tastes have moved from the more casual, creative, or even intellectual to the more carnal and brain-damaging. Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) has become common in both male and female athletes. Participants in competitive sports seem to be guaranteed an eventual future with some degree of brain damage. A Boston University study of former NFL players examined 376 volunteers and found CTE in 345! If we had a drug on the market that caused this kind of damage, we would remove it immediately. This kind of damage is not sustainable. We have not changed from the time of the gladiators.

We still have a class of gladiators. We pay them a ton rather than imprisoning them. We are not likely to make any changes. In the future, perhaps robots will compete so that humans will be saved from these damaging injuries. I remember seeing a TV program where robots were teaching themselves to play soccer! If they can do that, football and basketball cannot be far behind. Will we be cheering for our favorite robot team? Probably. We are flexible, and we love to compete or watch others compete. We pay others to compete for us so we can eat nachos and watch from the stands or our favorite couch.

Want to explore the health and cultural impact of youth sports? Visit the National Youth Sports Strategy, read Julie Stamm’s The Brain on Youth Sports, and review the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity’s meta-analysis on youth sport outcomes.

If you’re reflecting on sports culture, parenting, or brain health, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and family wellness.

AARDVARK

Promises, Parenting, and the Power of Follow-Through

Sometimes the most unexpected creatures carry the deepest lessons. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how honoring promises to children builds trust, and how the “missing aardvark” becomes a metaphor for emotional accountability in parenting.

This may be a rather odd title, but the story bears telling. When our daughter was 3 or 4 years old, we went to a large indoor crafts fair at the Fair Grounds. The space was huge and filled with booth after booth of wonderful handmade things. As a small child, she was mesmerized and, of course, found numerous things that attracted her eye: paintings, glass, furniture, and on and on. To help her focus and stop requesting everything that she saw, her father told her that if she found an aardvark he would buy it for her. Now, this was a pretty safe deal as none of these craftsmen were likely to have an aardvark.

She was now laser-focused, and we could enjoy browsing. As we oohed and awed over many different things, she politely went about requesting an aardvark at each booth. Then we came to a booth with a variety of stuffed animals, but thankfully, no aardvarks on display. Just when we thought we would skate free, our daughter politely asked the vendor if she had an aardvark. With a look of surprise and shock, the woman asked why in the world would she want an aardvark. Our daughter proceeded to explain the contract. “Ahh,” said the vendor. Then, she bent down, and from under the front table, she pulled a large 5-foot-long aardvark! There it was! A stuffed aardvark. I love my husband, but here, I truly admired him. True to his word, he bought a very large and very expensive aardvark!

How we treat our children is critical. Keeping a promise and fulfilling a contract is an act of pure respect. There was no waffling or backpedaling. The deal was done, and the aardvark had a new home.

What are your aardvarks? When have you made promises and then tried to back away, or compromise or just flat-out refuse? We often think we can renege on our promises to children in particular. They are small. They are young. They will get over it. They are not likely to remember. WRONG! Too often, children are dishonored. Then, for some reason, we are disappointed and irritated when they do not listen or follow our direction. The relationship with a child is critical. As we honor our promises, we show them that being trustworthy is important. We show them that being connected is important.

In my work, I often see the dynamics between parents and teenagers. They come into the office when the parents have exhausted all their other options. The parents complain that their teen will not listen to them and easily breaks rules, and escalates to doing things that are risky and dangerous. I see the pain and fear that the parents are experiencing, and I know that this dynamic did not start in adolescence. This present dynamic has a history to it. So, I begin to look for the “missing aardvark”. Invariably, one exists, and often, several of them exist. The parents have not given these earlier dynamics any weight. After all, the child was just young, and why would a promise or agreement need to be honored? What if it was inconvenient? Or perhaps it was just too expensive, just like the aardvark. Our relationships with our children, just like our relationships with adults, are cumulative. How we treat our children accumulates. The defiant teen is not an anomaly. Mom and Dad have been working on this over time. Repairing the damage is difficult. It would have been so much easier just to buy the aardvark to begin with.

Want to explore the emotional impact of promises in parenting? Visit [Dr. Vanderhorst’s original blog post on the Aardvark](https://drvanderhorst.com/aardvark/), [Lotus Psychotherapy’s guide to keeping promises to children](https://www.lotuspsychotherapymy.com/post/mom-dad-but-you-promised-the-importance-of-keeping-promises-to-your-children), and [Reality Pathing’s parenting vows for lasting impact](https://realitypathing.com/what-to-include-in-your-parenting-vows-for-lasting-impact/).

If you’re reflecting on parenting, trust, or emotional repair, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support relational healing and family dynamics.

GRIEF AND HOPE

Loss, Flight, and the Courage to Rise Again

Grief grounds us. Hope lifts us. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how tragedy and resilience coexist, and how aviation safety and emotional recovery are intertwined in the wake of loss.

How do these two experiences go together?

I live outside of Washington, D.C., and I have flown in and out of the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport numerous times. The parking is horrible, but I never once worried about the flight, departure, or landing. In fact, I absolutely love watching the approach over the water out of the little window on the plane. The feeling of being a bird coming home is palpable.

I would like to know if I can do it again.

The recent crash of a plane and a helicopter. The loss of life. The long, lonely job of recovery.

I would like to know if I can board another flight and risk rising over that water again.

Todd Inman, the NTSB representative, has done an exceptional job on television of keeping the public informed and updated. I am impressed with his poise and compassion. Yes, he has given us the facts as they are known, but more importantly, to me, he has been caring and sensitive in his treatment of the victims and of their loved ones. He speaks with respect and compassion. His caring is evident in his words, his tone, and his posture. This man relates to the loss and takes his responsibility seriously.

At one point, early on, he briefly referenced the numerous recommendations that the NTSB has passed up the chain to be considered and implemented. His posture and facial expression communicated frustration with our government as he said this. He never spoke of this frustration, but his non-verbal’s were clear. The organization entrusted to research and make recommendations to increase safety and protect us has done its job and passed its recommendations along to the next level. Is the next level doing its job to take these recommendations seriously and make changes to provide the public with greater safety?

I wonder. I hope this loss will be the catalyst the NTSB needs.

Want to explore how aviation safety and emotional resilience intersect? Visit the Flight Safety Foundation’s Building Personal Resilience Program for aviation professionals, CommPRO’s interview with Rossana D’Antonio on grief and airline safety reform, and First Aviation Academy’s guide to pilot mental health.

If you’re navigating grief, fear, or emotional recovery, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and trauma healing.

THE PLACES YOU’LL GO

Daydreams, Detours, and the Journey That Shapes Us

Adventure isn’t just a destination—it’s a mindset. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how childhood dreams evolve, how unexpected detours shape our path, and how slow, steady growth leads us to the places we’re meant to go.

Do you remember daydreaming? Sitting in the cool shade or whizzing round the block on your bicycle? Dreaming of catapulting off to the places you had seen on TV or read about in books. The call of adventure was real, present, and just slightly beyond your reach. Yet, you knew that someday, somehow that expectation would become real.

As you sit at the kitchen table sipping your coffee, where are those places? What did you dream of experiencing and doing?

I remember talking with middle school friends about what we would do when we “grew up” and could be on our own. I wanted to go to France, see Paris, and walk down the street with a parasol in my hand. I imagined twirling it around as it bathed me in light shade and protected me from the heat of the day. My best friend wanted to do a solo sail to the Caribbean. Now, I must remind you that I grew up in the Midwest and water came out of the tap, and sailing was nowhere in sight. Still, you could have this dream. If she had imagined skiing or climbing a snow-covered mountain that would have been more appropriate as the Midwest gets its fair share of snow in the winter. But no, landlocked as we were, she wanted to sail.

Where did you want to go when you were younger? Put yourself on that bicycle with the wind flowing through your hair and billowing your shirt. As you cycled around the neighborhood, where did you imagine going? Now that you clearly have that in mind, did you ever make it there? If not, what got in the way?

Often, we have plans and things get in the way. I wanted to go to Florida a few weeks ago, and Milton got in the way. What kind of name is that anyway? I remember Milton Berle, a very funny comedian who started in showbiz as a child in silent films. Imagine that! I certainly cannot imagine a child being “silent.” Then we could look up Milton Friedman, a famous economist (yes, they exist), who received the 1976 Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences. Now what does someone have to do to get such an award? Make a deep dive into the economy! This Milton advocated for a slow, steady stream of money flowing into the economy instead of rapid unexpected changes.

I like his idea of slow and steady. Isn’t that how most of us grow? Year after year, making adjustments and changes that move us forward and give us new views of the world. Where are your changes taking you?

Want to explore how daydreams and detours shape personal growth? Visit Hooked to Books’ inspiring quotes from Oh, The Places You’ll Go!, Poem Analysis’ breakdown of Dr. Seuss’s journey poem, and Tag Vault’s reflections on optimism and resilience.

If you’re reflecting on dreams, detours, or personal transformation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and life-stage growth.

SIBLINGS

Family, Identity, and the Emotional Blueprint We Inherit

Siblings aren’t just companions—they’re co-authors of our emotional story. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how sibling dynamics shape identity, resilience, and the lifelong patterns we carry from our first community.

A man and woman fall in love. Sometimes the experience is a magical sense of love at first sight. Something in the brain of each person recognizes the other in a way that makes an immediate connection. Sometimes the experience is a building of friendship over time that bursts into a deep loving connection. Sometimes the connection is arranged and over time you learn to love and appreciate the other in deep ways.

This couple will inevitably decide to have a child. Some couples will stop there and enjoy an only child. Statistics say that 20% of the population are only children. That means the rest of us grow up in a gaggle of other beings. Eighty percent of us have siblings.

The Brady Bunch image from the late sixties and early seventies shows a blended family with a combined 6 children, three girls from the mother and three boys from the father. Their process of blending together covers awkwardness, rivalries, coalescing and adventure. They present the “ideal” showing that even strangers can come together and form bonds that lead to support, comradery, pleasure, and sustainability.

In my work with families, I have rarely, if ever, found this scenario in real families. Often the oldest sibling is not thrilled with the ones that follow. Many times, the family favors one child over the others. Sometimes a child has special needs that limit the resources available to others. When the oldest is jealous, depending on the number that follows, the oldest may become a substitute parent in large families or a distant member in smaller families. Our siblings can be difficult. Jealousies can be present. Hierarchies are established. Alienation and enmeshment can be present. Unlike friendships, we do not get to choose our siblings. When a parent favors one child over the others, the emotional cost is high for both the favored and the unfavored. Parents rarely recognize the price that all the children pay for this special treatment. Something in the history of the parent draws them to favor one child over the other. When the family has a special needs child, all members are impacted. Priorities must be honored leading to limited attention and concern for the other children.

We are made to be in community. Our family of origin is our first community. In this system we learn about our value, our place, our expectations and our possibilities. Take a moment and place those four words at the top of a page, heading a column. Value, Place, Expectations, Possibilities. Be honest with yourself and list what you learned in each category from your family of origin. Now draw a big thick line across the page beneath your writing. Look at those words again and write who you are today.

Want to explore how sibling dynamics shape identity and emotional development? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to sibling identity formation, BetterHelp’s overview of sibling relationships and mental health, and NeuroLaunch’s deep dive into sibling psychology.

If you’re reflecting on family roles, sibling relationships, or emotional identity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational healing.