Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

ANGER

Signals, Survival, and the Call for Connection

Anger isn’t just a reaction—it’s a request. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how anger functions as a survival tool, how it evolves across the lifespan, and how emotional resilience begins with understanding rather than retreat.

Anger is a normal emotion. At the same time, this emotion can be very confusing and, at times, dangerous. Different theorists have proposed a range of primary emotions. Before we dive into that, I want to challenge you to list your sense of the primary emotions for a human being. What do you think are the basic, hard-wired emotions?

Emotions are hard-wired for survival. As we interact with this new world, we have no ability to speak or to move around on our own. Our survival depends on others. We must communicate with others in some way for our own good. Emotions allow us to do this.

Paul Ekman, a psychologist famous for his work in micro-expressions, suggests that six basic emotions will do for all cultures: happiness, anger, fear, sadness, disgust, and surprise. Robert Plutchik expands this to eight: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, anticipation, anger, and disgust, organized in opposing pairs. His inclusion of trust is especially compelling—how else could an infant attach to another without it?

Anger is on everyone’s list. It’s a primary way of communicating the need for attention and change. Irritation is a low form of anger; rage is its extreme. While anger is vital in infancy, it becomes harder to navigate in adulthood. We tend to fear it, withdraw from it, or misinterpret it.

But what if we saw adult anger the way we see infant anger? A signal that something is wrong. A call for help. A moment of vulnerability masked by intensity. As Psychology Today’s guide to anger and resilience explains, anger often points to unmet needs—justice, safety, love, integrity—and patience is the key to transforming it into growth.

When we respond to anger with curiosity instead of fear, we shift from reaction to connection. We become the resource someone else needs. We become the calm in their storm.

Want to explore how anger can be transformed into emotional resilience? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to anger and patience, NIH’s Emotional Wellness Toolkit, and Mental Health Match’s overview of primary emotions.

If you’re navigating anger or emotional overwhelm, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational healing.

SMALL CHANGES

Intention, Adaptation, and the Power of Tiny Steps

Change doesn’t have to be seismic to be meaningful. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how small shifts—physical, emotional, relational—can lead to lasting transformation when approached with intention and grace.

Change is an interesting topic. Change comes in all shapes and sizes.

A group that I belong to is thinking of changing its dues. A family member has changed jobs. A child has gone off to college with all the myriad changes that come along with that. My body is changing as I grow older. The people in my old neighborhood are dying. That is a momentous change!

Change comes in so many ways. When I let myself focus on change, I experience it all around me. It is as simple as changing my clothes each morning and as complicated as grieving the loss of a friend.

Science tells us that our bodies are in a constant state of change. Our weight can fluctuate from day to day. We are supposed to drink eight 8 oz. glasses of water a day and depending on whether you are diligent about that or not, your weight can jump around. I got tired of counting glasses, so I found a pitcher to hold it all and I drink until it is gone. Of course, that is most days because I am not perfect. Sleep varies from day to day. The recommendation for adults is 7 to 9 hours of sleep per night. Again, a good goal is eight. In my work, I have learned that very few adults hit this target consistently and the lack of a good sleep routine is the cause. If you fall in this category, then I would suggest that you make a change and experiment with a pattern or routine that you can use consistently to induce sleep.

Relationships change over time. When we fall in love and are mesmerized by our mate, we cannot imagine anything ever changing that. We fail to realize that our brains are programmed to make us stupid for a brief period so that we do fall in love, mate, and keep humanity going through reproduction. Our brains then lift the fog and enable us to do multiple assessments of our mate. And, as humans, we can always find room for improvement… in the other!

We have a harder time finding room for improvement in ourselves. Why is that? We know we are not perfect, but assessing the flaws seems to be hard. Once assessed, making the change seems to be harder. Once on the path to change, we encounter roadblocks. Once through the roadblocks, we tend to slow our pace since we have used so much energy to get this far. ‘Change is possible at any age.’ Ok, you have heard it, but executing it is another story. Change requires intention. One step at a time is the mantra. When you master the art of keeping it small, then change will happen.

Want to explore how small habits build emotional resilience? Visit Caritas Behavioral Health’s guide to small shifts and emotional resilience, Mayo Clinic’s article on small changes and stress management, and Brussels Mindfulness’ insights on tiny habits and big impact.

If you’re navigating change and seeking clarity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and intentional growth.

WEATHER

Storms, Shifts, and the Call to Adapt

Weather isn’t just a forecast—it’s a mirror. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how climate change reshapes our seasons, our habits, and our emotional resilience, calling us to respond with awareness and action.

I do not know where you live, but things do not seem right when I look at the weather map. On the East Coast, the leaves on the trees have turned beautiful colors, but the temperatures have not fallen as they should in the fall. I am not saying we could sunbathe, but there has been no fire in the fireplace, and we are approaching the “dead of winter.” On the West Coast, rainfall will create flooding, followed by significant drought. What is going on? Forest fires are devastating the West and East Coasts.

Anyone can see that the weather is causing problems everywhere. Several months ago, I watched a television program about vineyards in Europe. The climate change has shifted such that the typical southern European vineyards are experiencing drought, and the northern European vineyards are blessed with great growing seasons. The climate is changing, and we must adjust.

Climate change research took off in the mid-20th century as we experienced the impact of greenhouse gases. Carbon dioxide gases have been increasing, and a global effort to reverse these effects has been studied by the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) since 1988. Many of their recommendations have been taken seriously. When we go further back in history, we realize that these climate changes have been happening for centuries. They come at an excessive cost in terms of human, animal, and plant life. As the price is paid, the planet survives, and all life on the earth adjusts to the changes.

This pattern is much like the cycle of a single human life. An individual life is a microcosm of the grander earth cycle. Circumstances beyond our control invade our lives and challenge us to change or suffer. The beautiful, brilliant doctor who has a loving family and a successful career is diagnosed with breast cancer. The smart rising star of a lieutenant in the army steps on a land mine and loses his leg. The sweet 10-year-old comes down with a cough that will not go away, and the blood tests come back with a diagnosis of leukemia. Storms of all kinds enter our lives and change us dramatically.

Life calls upon us to weather many storms. We are resilient. The planet is resilient. I am sure it will be here for a long time to come. The challenge while we are here is to be responsible for our piece of it. Compost your garbage. Stop buying things in plastic containers or plastic bags. Recycle your paper and plastics that can be reused. Help your neighbors and relatives to do the same. Conserve water. Shut the tap while you are brushing your teeth. Please read about the environment and how to care for it. Watch shows that educate you about the planet you live on.

The environment is changing, and when we adjust to this change, we will be better off. So, what if you can sit on the deck for the first time in decades in mid-December? So, what if you cannot build a snowman in December? So, what if Times Square will find people in shorts within a few years? So, what if you must adjust to this unfamiliar environment? It is just the weather!

Want to explore how climate change and resilience intersect? Visit Center for Climate and Energy Solutions’ guide to climate resilience, UNFCCC’s overview of adaptation and resilience, and Grantham Research Institute’s insights on climate impacts.

If you’re reflecting on change, uncertainty, or emotional resilience, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and adaptive strength.

THANKS

Gratitude, Connection, and the Power of Reflection

Thanks isn’t just a word—it’s a bridge. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how Thanksgiving rituals foster emotional connection, how gratitude transcends borders, and how small gestures carry profound meaning.

In November, everyone gears up for Thanksgiving. Some tables are pretty small with an immediate family only. Some tables are large with extended family and friends. Some tables are enormous, and family, friends, neighbors, and even strangers are found along the way. Regardless of your table, the day is intended to bring people together.

I hope your table will honor the originators of this celebration by retelling their stories. When I think of the hardship suffered by those who crossed an ocean, braved hostility, created a détente, and persisted in creating a new world for themselves and generations to come, I am grateful. My table will be set inside a well-insulated, heat and air-conditioned comfortable building called a house. My family and friends will make it home.

The holiday is celebrated in other countries around the world. In each, the reasons and commemoration are different. Canada has a Thanksgiving holiday to honor the past year. Liberia has a Thanksgiving to celebrate the founding of the country! Even a place in the Netherlands celebrates Thanksgiving. Brazil, the Philippines, and Germany have a Thanksgiving.

Giving thanks does not have to be confined to one day in late November. Families gather around the dinner table on a nightly basis and give thanks for the meal, their safety, and their love. People in the mall say thanks when you open the door for them. Thanks is such a small word. Yet, it carries meaning and feelings that can touch a person deeply at times.

A friend of mine sent a lovely Thanksgiving email celebrating her family, her health, and her gratitude for the friendships that she enjoys. Such a simple gesture popped into my email box. Unexpected. Welcomed. Moving.

When we touch each other emotionally, we stir something in ourselves and the other that only awakens through connection. We were born connected and spend our lives seeking and enjoying connection with others. Those connections need not be extended. The man who opens the door for me with a smile and a greeting is a valuable connection. The friend who stays up late at night with me to listen to my grief is a valuable connection. The husband who takes me to concerts and out to dinner is a precious connection.

This season is important because we are called to stop and reflect. Truthfully, though, I am thankful for these people and how they move in and out of my life every day. I do not say it enough. THANKS!

Want to explore the psychology of Thanksgiving rituals and gratitude? Visit Discover Magazine’s roundtable on Thanksgiving rituals, Heather Hayes’ guide to gratitude and family bonds, and Sage Therapy’s reflection on diverse Thanksgiving traditions.

If you’re reflecting on connection, gratitude, or emotional presence, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.

HIGH SCHOOL WRESTLING

Strength, Memory, and the Grit to Get Back Up

Wrestling isn’t just a sport—it’s a metaphor for resilience. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how high school wrestling builds emotional strength, how memories resurface through connection, and how girls are redefining the mat.

Ok, I did not participate in high school wrestling, but my brother did, and our house was the place other team members hung out. Watching them spit into a can to make weight for the next day was gross. Now, why am I going back decades to this lovely little vignette? Social media, of course!

I got a call today from one of those wrestlers who spent time at the house. How did he find me? Social media, of course! He found one of my blog posts on Facebook. A flood of high school memories led to the call. When we look back in time, we find some great memories. I was younger than the wrestlers but old enough to sit in the stands and cheer everyone on. I knew all the terminology and was young enough not to be embarrassed when shouting things out! Of course, the favorite was “Pin him!”

Lest you think wrestling is only for the boys, I was recently impressed by a woman speaking at a luncheon event I attended. She was coaching girls and women to wrestle. The organization, of course, is called Wrestle Like a Girl and is based in Washington, D.C. I had no idea such a thing existed! The goal of this organization is to empower girls and women to become leaders. The sport of wrestling is used as a platform to address individual development.

Wrestling is clearly an individual sport, and it takes courage to stand on the corner of that mat waiting to “dance” with your opponent to see who can be taken down first. Once on the mat, the grappling can be fierce and fast. The final slap of the referee’s hand to the mat can be devastating for the one on the bottom. Your shoulders have been pinned to the mat, and everyone knows it. Think about it. You have just been defeated personally, and you must get up and walk off the mat and across the gym to your seat on the bleachers. That walk can be hard. I admire the boy or girl who can return next week and fight to dominate their opponent.

Wrestling not only takes physical strength, but it also takes emotional strength both in the gym and throughout the week as you concentrate on “making weight.” You must fit in a particular weight class to compete. At the same time, you must maintain strength to take down your opponent. The balancing act is clear: hitting your weight target without losing muscle mass.

Isn’t that what aging is about too? Keep your weight in check and strengthen your muscles too so that your body will carry you around efficiently well into your 90s. Do not be fooled by thinking you will not live that long. The lifespan keeps expanding. So, maintaining a fighting weight and the strength to carry that weight around with you is critical.

So, even if you are a guy, think about wrestling like a girl.

Want to explore how wrestling builds emotional resilience? Visit The School of Wrestling’s guide to mental and emotional resilience, Voices of Wrestling’s article on bouncing back from failure, and National Wrestling Hall of Fame’s 10 reasons kids should wrestle.

If you’re reflecting on strength, memory, or emotional grit, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal resilience.

BISCUITS AND GRAVY

Comfort Food, Memory, and the Patterns We Carry

Sometimes a plate of biscuits and gravy is more than breakfast—it’s a portal. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how food evokes memory, how early adaptations shape lifelong habits, and how emotional healing begins with awareness.

A recent pop quiz that jumped into my Inbox showed a picture of a stack of biscuits, and immediately, I remembered my grandmother making biscuits and gravy for breakfast. What a throwback! Her kitchen was huge, probably the biggest room in the house. Of course, her family was huge, too. All those hands were needed for working the farm, and birth control wasn’t even a ‘word’. The stove was fed by wood, and water was hauled in from the well pump in the middle of the backyard. Biscuits and gravy… daily fuel for the work to come.

Memories of early childhood are truly important for us. You may not realize it, but your brain holds on to our life experiences from birth and possibly before birth. Our brains are a huge database. That database fuels our day-to-day experiences. As a college student, I remember working in the computer lab with these cabinet-shaped units that filled a room and these stiff paper cards with little square holes that you had to use to feed the machine data to analyze. Imagine being able to go through these cards and read your history, release the emotional impact, and free yourself from habits, hurts, and traumas. Going back in time to examine an injury has tremendous value. When we carry these earlier traumas and injuries without examining them, they will impact the present in surprising ways.

A simple illustration of this is “the ham story.” Forgive me if you have heard this before, but here goes: A young wife is preparing a boneless ham for a big family dinner. Before she cooks it, she cuts the ends off and then puts it in the oven. Her daughter asks why she wastes the ends. She replies her mother showed her how to do this. So they ask grandmother, who replies her mother taught her to do it this way. On to the great-grandmother, who replies, “I only had one pan, and I had to cut the ends off to make it fit.”

We all have these early experiences where some resource is missing, and we make an adjustment that becomes a process that we repeat ultimately to our detriment. As we move forward in life, we continue to use this method even when it is not necessary, does not apply, or truly undermines us.

Want to explore how comfort food connects to memory and emotion? Visit Cooknight’s history of biscuits and gravy, Southern Foodways Alliance’s podcast on the emotional life of eating, and WFLA’s science behind comfort food cravings.

If you’re ready to examine the patterns you’ve inherited and rewrite your emotional story, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal transformation.

BOYS START WITH A BROADER EMOTIONAL CAPABILITY

Evolution, Expression, and the Case for Emotional Reclamation

Emotional depth isn’t a deficit—it’s a birthright. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how boys enter the world with expansive emotional potential, and how cultural shifts can help reclaim that capacity for connection and growth.

Research consistently shows that boys are born with a broader range of emotional expressions than girls. This may seem counterintuitive given cultural stereotypes, but the data is clear: male infants display more varied emotional responses, especially in early development. So why would this difference exist?

Evolution may offer clues. In early human societies, males often took on roles that required high-stakes decision-making, environmental awareness, and survival strategy. To be a successful hunter, a man needed:

• Stealth: to move undetected
• Accuracy: to strike with precision
• Assessment: to evaluate threats and opportunities

Each of these skills demands emotional nuance—fear, anticipation, empathy, and even restraint. The broader emotional range may have been adaptive, helping males navigate unpredictable terrain and social dynamics. But somewhere along the way, culture began to suppress this range. Boys were taught to “man up,” to hide vulnerability, and to equate emotional expression with weakness.

Today, the environment has changed. Men are no longer required to stalk prey for survival. Instead, they are raising children, creating art, building communities, and navigating complex emotional landscapes. The emotional skills once essential for survival are now essential for connection.

Reclaiming emotional expression isn’t about reversing evolution—it’s about adapting again. It’s about recognizing that boys are born with emotional depth and giving them the space to grow into it. As Psychology Today’s article notes, boys thrive when given safe, supportive environments that validate their feelings and model emotional intelligence.

Want to explore the science behind gender and emotional expression? Visit The Emotional Intelligence Training Company’s meta-analysis of gender differences.

If you’re ready to support emotional growth in boys—or reflect on your own emotional development—therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and gender-informed care.

LEAN INTO NATURE

Rabbits, Gardens, and the Wild Truth Beneath the Cuteness

Nature isn’t always gentle—it’s persistent. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the tension between idyllic wildlife imagery and the gritty reality of gardening, and how leaning into nature means embracing both beauty and chaos.

What could this possibly mean? I am surrounded by nature. Even in the concrete depths of the city, nature abounds: birds in the park, bugs on the screens, rats in the sewers… Oh, and tons and tons of people! Nature is inescapable. The mice that find their way into the kitchen are a part of nature. The squirrels that ravage the potted plants on the porch are a part of nature. And let’s not forget the rabbits invading the garden.

Rabbits get center stage in children’s books. They are cute, sometimes mischievous, and always loved. Remember the mischievous Peter who sneaks into the garden and gets chased all over the place before escaping and returning home to his disappointed mother? And how about the little girl with the bunny that she loses on the way to the laundromat, but she is so young that she cannot make a verbal report. She and her parents must be good sleuths to uncover the mystery and find the bunny. Many children get stuffed bunnies as their first plush toy. Christians have an entire holiday devoted to the Easter Bunny!

Clearly these people have never planted a garden!

Bunnies are the terrorists of the animal kingdom. They come at night! They destroy your plantings while you are sleeping! And they do not actually eat the plant! They saw it off at the base where the stem enters the ground and leave the flower decorating the soil. They even deign to leave “teeth marks on the woodier plants” as an announcement that you are helpless! And they come in crowds. Coming home after dark one night, the headlights shone across the backyard revealing dozens of reflecting beady eyes as the rabbits munched on everything available.

I know that my fellow gardeners will understand that rabbits are just not my favorite animal. Though I will admit that I have purchased them stuffed for numerous little girls! That is their best look! And my front door is graced by a composite stone rabbit. What can I say?

Want to explore how to coexist with rabbits while protecting your garden? Visit Nature’s Mace guide to rabbit-proof gardening, Humane Gardener’s tips for gardening with rabbits, and Farmstand’s permaculture strategies for rabbit management.

If nature’s unpredictability is stirring frustration or reflection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and environmental harmony.

THE LIFE OF A WOMAN

Three Acts, One Voice, and the Power of Reinvention

Womanhood isn’t linear—it’s layered. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how gender roles shape each stage of life, and how women continue to redefine identity, purpose, and power across generations.

A friend of mine recently described the life of a woman as a three-act play. Act 1 is childhood where your fathers and mothers guide you to understand your role in life as a female. Act 2 is adulthood, where you begin to live out the training, get challenged, and modify the path or not. Act 3 is retirement, where you seek to find your role while aging and leaving your stamp on the world around you or the broader universe.

What act are you in?

Act 1
Our parents have clear ideas of how boys and girls should be, and they communicate those ideas to us in subtle and direct ways. Think for a minute about how your role as a female was prescribed in childhood. As I work with families now, I see some changes from when I was a girl, but surprisingly the changes are less than I imagined or hoped for. Yes, girls are active in sports and get scholarships to college; however, their parents are still concerned about how they look, what they wear, and whether they are liked by their peers. Now, those things are of value, but they still smack of compliance and deference. The sons and brothers get little to none of these comments. Why not challenge your girl to be strong, questioning, defiant, and aggressive? Where is the creativity, the challenge to the ordinary, the adventure, and risk-taking?

Act 2
Now that she has her college degree, what is the conversation at home? How much time do the parents spend on her boyfriend and his prospects? Too often, the conversation turns to marriage and children. Yes, I realize that women have a limited time to procreate, and men have virtually no time clock. However, women now have a strong interest in careers, and they have become exceptional multi-taskers. They advance in their chosen fields while managing the home and children. Yes, men participate more than they used to, but in most families, the female remains the organizer and go-to person for domestic plans. Too often, women talk about having two full-time jobs: one outside of the home and one inside. Women sit on the highest court in the land and still manage the grocery list.

Act 3
Upon retiring from their full-time jobs, women are continuing to look for meaning and purpose. Volunteer work, social clubs, and community service begin to dominate. In some ways, these are holding places while the woman figures out what Act 3 will really be. Some find themselves back in school and preparing for a new phase of life. One of my friends is pursuing her interest in art because as a girl, she was discouraged from pursuing her talent for fear that she would never be able to support herself. I have seen a piece of her recent work in progress, and her parents were so very wrong! With our lifespans extended, Act 3 is truly possible. Many women will come close to spending as much time in their retirement as they spent in their careers or raising a family. Yikes! If you fall in this age category, what is your Act 3?

Want to explore how gender roles evolve across life stages? Visit A Doll’s House: A Feminist Critique of Gender Dynamics, BookBrief’s summary of A Doll’s House, and IPL.org’s analysis of gender roles in Ibsen’s play.

If you’re reflecting on identity, purpose, or transitions, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and life-stage transformation.

WALKING THE HARDWOOD

Emotional Reflection, Precision, Patriotism, and the Ground Beneath Our Choices

Some floors are built to last—and some moments ask us to stand firm. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection draws on the legacy of wartime manufacturing and the metaphor of hardwood stability to explore civic responsibility and emotional grounding.

Walking the Hardwood: Serving the Fleet from 21st and Arlington 1942–1996 is a compact but powerful book by Barbara Biersdorfer and Deborah Edwards that chronicles the story of a Navy manufacturing plant in Indianapolis during World War II. In a landlocked state, far from the coasts, precision metal parts were crafted by skilled machinists—many of whom, like the author’s father, served with honor even if they couldn’t enlist.

The plant’s success hinged on one unexpected element: the floor. To stabilize massive metalworking machines, layers of hardwood were laid in alternating directions and polished to a gleam. This flooring wasn’t decorative—it was foundational. It allowed for infinitesimal precision, consistency, and reliability. It was, quite literally, the ground that made excellence possible.

As we approach a national election, the metaphor becomes poignant. The ground beneath us feels unstable. The machinery of democracy—our institutions, our discourse, our leadership—can’t function with precision if the foundation is shaky. We need hardwood. We need integrity, clarity, and civic craftsmanship.

Want to explore the historical significance of hardwood in American manufacturing and architecture? Visit American Hardwood Information Center’s tribute to hardwood in U.S. history, Hardwood Floors Magazine’s feature on industry evolution, and Calabrese Flooring’s overview of hardwood’s legacy.

If you’re reflecting on legacy, stability, or civic responsibility, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and historical reflection.