Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

GEORGE WASHINGTON WAS A REDHEAD!

Hair, History, and the Identity We Carry

Hair isn’t just style—it’s story. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how hair color shapes identity, how historical figures like George Washington defy our assumptions, and how personal memories are braided into strands of meaning.

I am a redhead! Well, let’s say that for several years I was a redhead, and then the grey set in. However, I still think of myself as a redhead! I had no idea that George Washington was a redhead. You always see him with this long white hair, which was his real hair, by the way. It is pulled back in a ponytail and powdered to make it appear whiter! I imagine that made him look wise!

What color is your hair? Have you ever thought of the importance of this fact? Of course, your driver’s license has your hair color on it, and your passport picture is in color. If your hair color changes because of age or because you dye your hair there may be some questions to answer when traveling. The style can easily change, but the color is important.

Our hair is a source of pride for us. Both men and women care about how their hair looks. The one exception to that in history must be Albert Einstein! That guy’s hair looked like it had been managed by a lawnmower! He did not care about how his hair looked, and I can offer him grace since his intellect provided scientific advances. Most men and women do care about their hair. They spend time and money taking care of their hair.

If we do not like the natural color of our hair, we can pay to change the color. Some people even like to put unusual colors in their hair, like blues, greens, or oranges. Most of that coloring tends to take place in adolescence. People wear their hair in many ways, and they have fun experimenting with different hairstyles. Short hair can be moussed into spikes. Long hair can be plated into braids. In one decade, women piled their hair into a beehive shape, standing several inches above their heads. Boys and men went through a phase of getting the “flat top” cut where the hair would stand straight up and be cut to look like a flat tabletop on your head. Then there is the mohawk that was popular for a while, with the sides of the head shaved and a row of hair standing straight up from the forehead to the back of the neck.

Many people do a “sports” cut by having the emblem of their favorite team carved into their hairline. This is typically a male thing, but don’t think that it is only a male thing. Hair is really important. Women going through breast cancer will lose their hair. Men heading into the service will have their heads shaved. Wigs and toupees can be made of real or synthetic hair. Wigs for women going through breast cancer treatment can be extremely important.
When I was an early teen, I wanted to cut my long hair, so the woman at the salon braided it into two braids and then cut them off. My parents kept those braids in tissue paper in the cedar chest. I had the pleasure as an adult of sending those braids off to an organization that made hair pieces for cancer survivors. I took a picture of those braids to remind me of the bronze-red color that topped my head as a child. I don’t think I have ever seen a picture of George Washington with red hair, and I wonder why not.

Want to explore the truth behind Washington’s hair color? Visit Missed History’s deep dive into Washington’s reddish-brown hair and Mount Vernon’s myth-busting facts about Washington’s appearance.

If you’re reflecting on identity, memory, or personal transformation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and life-stage growth.

SPORTS

Play, Profit, and the Price We Pay

Sports are more than games—they’re culture, economy, and identity. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early athletic exposure shapes national obsession, and how the youth sports industry rivals professional leagues in scale and consequence.

The Super Bowl is over. We will reorganize for the next season and look forward to supporting our favorite team. In the meantime, we will wear jerseys, sweatshirts, and caps.

My neighborhood has a great small park for all the families. The park is designed for the toddler age group with safe swings, slides, climbing, and hanging things. A single tennis court is on one side, and a large playing field is on the other. The field is used for a variety of sports or for kite flying on windy days when sports practice is finished.

I am struck by the number of preschoolers who gather on the field to begin learning soccer when the ball is about a third of their size. No wonder this country is addicted to sports. We start the interest and attachment at an incredibly early age. We are either playing or watching. Talk to any parent, and they will tell you they spend most of their time in the car taking their children to various practices, meets, games, and tournaments. This sports industry is big time. If you thought the NFL was a powerhouse of money, think of the millions of families delivering their precious children to sports training, sports practice, sports games, meets, and tournaments. Parents spend precious time delivering, watching, and cheering on their offspring. Perhaps this will shock you, or maybe not. The youth sports industry is a $30-to-$40-billion enterprise annually. Yes, I said BILLION! Compare that to the NFL.

The NFL teams together generate more than $20 billion a year. Professional basketball comes in at around $12 billion. Women’s sports combined have hit $1 billion lately. These are figures that are hard to imagine. The truth is that they are also continuing to increase each year. As a country, we are increasingly interested in and even addicted to sports. The professional sports industry pales in comparison to the youth sports industry. What are we doing?

What happened to running out your back door and meeting up with the other kids in the neighborhood to make up games, dig for worms, wade in the creek, race our bikes, play chalk games on the sidewalk, or just bum around? Our tastes have moved from the more casual, creative, or even intellectual to the more carnal and brain-damaging. Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy (CTE) has become common in both male and female athletes. Participants in competitive sports seem to be guaranteed an eventual future with some degree of brain damage. A Boston University study of former NFL players examined 376 volunteers and found CTE in 345! If we had a drug on the market that caused this kind of damage, we would remove it immediately. This kind of damage is not sustainable. We have not changed from the time of the gladiators.

We still have a class of gladiators. We pay them a ton rather than imprisoning them. We are not likely to make any changes. In the future, perhaps robots will compete so that humans will be saved from these damaging injuries. I remember seeing a TV program where robots were teaching themselves to play soccer! If they can do that, football and basketball cannot be far behind. Will we be cheering for our favorite robot team? Probably. We are flexible, and we love to compete or watch others compete. We pay others to compete for us so we can eat nachos and watch from the stands or our favorite couch.

Want to explore the health and cultural impact of youth sports? Visit the National Youth Sports Strategy, read Julie Stamm’s The Brain on Youth Sports, and review the International Journal of Behavioral Nutrition and Physical Activity’s meta-analysis on youth sport outcomes.

If you’re reflecting on sports culture, parenting, or brain health, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and family wellness.

AARDVARK

Promises, Parenting, and the Power of Follow-Through

Sometimes the most unexpected creatures carry the deepest lessons. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how honoring promises to children builds trust, and how the “missing aardvark” becomes a metaphor for emotional accountability in parenting.

This may be a rather odd title, but the story bears telling. When our daughter was 3 or 4 years old, we went to a large indoor crafts fair at the Fair Grounds. The space was huge and filled with booth after booth of wonderful handmade things. As a small child, she was mesmerized and, of course, found numerous things that attracted her eye: paintings, glass, furniture, and on and on. To help her focus and stop requesting everything that she saw, her father told her that if she found an aardvark he would buy it for her. Now, this was a pretty safe deal as none of these craftsmen were likely to have an aardvark.

She was now laser-focused, and we could enjoy browsing. As we oohed and awed over many different things, she politely went about requesting an aardvark at each booth. Then we came to a booth with a variety of stuffed animals, but thankfully, no aardvarks on display. Just when we thought we would skate free, our daughter politely asked the vendor if she had an aardvark. With a look of surprise and shock, the woman asked why in the world would she want an aardvark. Our daughter proceeded to explain the contract. “Ahh,” said the vendor. Then, she bent down, and from under the front table, she pulled a large 5-foot-long aardvark! There it was! A stuffed aardvark. I love my husband, but here, I truly admired him. True to his word, he bought a very large and very expensive aardvark!

How we treat our children is critical. Keeping a promise and fulfilling a contract is an act of pure respect. There was no waffling or backpedaling. The deal was done, and the aardvark had a new home.

What are your aardvarks? When have you made promises and then tried to back away, or compromise or just flat-out refuse? We often think we can renege on our promises to children in particular. They are small. They are young. They will get over it. They are not likely to remember. WRONG! Too often, children are dishonored. Then, for some reason, we are disappointed and irritated when they do not listen or follow our direction. The relationship with a child is critical. As we honor our promises, we show them that being trustworthy is important. We show them that being connected is important.

In my work, I often see the dynamics between parents and teenagers. They come into the office when the parents have exhausted all their other options. The parents complain that their teen will not listen to them and easily breaks rules, and escalates to doing things that are risky and dangerous. I see the pain and fear that the parents are experiencing, and I know that this dynamic did not start in adolescence. This present dynamic has a history to it. So, I begin to look for the “missing aardvark”. Invariably, one exists, and often, several of them exist. The parents have not given these earlier dynamics any weight. After all, the child was just young, and why would a promise or agreement need to be honored? What if it was inconvenient? Or perhaps it was just too expensive, just like the aardvark. Our relationships with our children, just like our relationships with adults, are cumulative. How we treat our children accumulates. The defiant teen is not an anomaly. Mom and Dad have been working on this over time. Repairing the damage is difficult. It would have been so much easier just to buy the aardvark to begin with.

Want to explore the emotional impact of promises in parenting? Visit [Dr. Vanderhorst’s original blog post on the Aardvark](https://drvanderhorst.com/aardvark/), [Lotus Psychotherapy’s guide to keeping promises to children](https://www.lotuspsychotherapymy.com/post/mom-dad-but-you-promised-the-importance-of-keeping-promises-to-your-children), and [Reality Pathing’s parenting vows for lasting impact](https://realitypathing.com/what-to-include-in-your-parenting-vows-for-lasting-impact/).

If you’re reflecting on parenting, trust, or emotional repair, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support relational healing and family dynamics.

GRIEF AND HOPE

Loss, Flight, and the Courage to Rise Again

Grief grounds us. Hope lifts us. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how tragedy and resilience coexist, and how aviation safety and emotional recovery are intertwined in the wake of loss.

How do these two experiences go together?

I live outside of Washington, D.C., and I have flown in and out of the Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport numerous times. The parking is horrible, but I never once worried about the flight, departure, or landing. In fact, I absolutely love watching the approach over the water out of the little window on the plane. The feeling of being a bird coming home is palpable.

I would like to know if I can do it again.

The recent crash of a plane and a helicopter. The loss of life. The long, lonely job of recovery.

I would like to know if I can board another flight and risk rising over that water again.

Todd Inman, the NTSB representative, has done an exceptional job on television of keeping the public informed and updated. I am impressed with his poise and compassion. Yes, he has given us the facts as they are known, but more importantly, to me, he has been caring and sensitive in his treatment of the victims and of their loved ones. He speaks with respect and compassion. His caring is evident in his words, his tone, and his posture. This man relates to the loss and takes his responsibility seriously.

At one point, early on, he briefly referenced the numerous recommendations that the NTSB has passed up the chain to be considered and implemented. His posture and facial expression communicated frustration with our government as he said this. He never spoke of this frustration, but his non-verbal’s were clear. The organization entrusted to research and make recommendations to increase safety and protect us has done its job and passed its recommendations along to the next level. Is the next level doing its job to take these recommendations seriously and make changes to provide the public with greater safety?

I wonder. I hope this loss will be the catalyst the NTSB needs.

Want to explore how aviation safety and emotional resilience intersect? Visit the Flight Safety Foundation’s Building Personal Resilience Program for aviation professionals, CommPRO’s interview with Rossana D’Antonio on grief and airline safety reform, and First Aviation Academy’s guide to pilot mental health.

If you’re navigating grief, fear, or emotional recovery, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and trauma healing.

THE PLACES YOU’LL GO

Daydreams, Detours, and the Journey That Shapes Us

Adventure isn’t just a destination—it’s a mindset. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how childhood dreams evolve, how unexpected detours shape our path, and how slow, steady growth leads us to the places we’re meant to go.

Do you remember daydreaming? Sitting in the cool shade or whizzing round the block on your bicycle? Dreaming of catapulting off to the places you had seen on TV or read about in books. The call of adventure was real, present, and just slightly beyond your reach. Yet, you knew that someday, somehow that expectation would become real.

As you sit at the kitchen table sipping your coffee, where are those places? What did you dream of experiencing and doing?

I remember talking with middle school friends about what we would do when we “grew up” and could be on our own. I wanted to go to France, see Paris, and walk down the street with a parasol in my hand. I imagined twirling it around as it bathed me in light shade and protected me from the heat of the day. My best friend wanted to do a solo sail to the Caribbean. Now, I must remind you that I grew up in the Midwest and water came out of the tap, and sailing was nowhere in sight. Still, you could have this dream. If she had imagined skiing or climbing a snow-covered mountain that would have been more appropriate as the Midwest gets its fair share of snow in the winter. But no, landlocked as we were, she wanted to sail.

Where did you want to go when you were younger? Put yourself on that bicycle with the wind flowing through your hair and billowing your shirt. As you cycled around the neighborhood, where did you imagine going? Now that you clearly have that in mind, did you ever make it there? If not, what got in the way?

Often, we have plans and things get in the way. I wanted to go to Florida a few weeks ago, and Milton got in the way. What kind of name is that anyway? I remember Milton Berle, a very funny comedian who started in showbiz as a child in silent films. Imagine that! I certainly cannot imagine a child being “silent.” Then we could look up Milton Friedman, a famous economist (yes, they exist), who received the 1976 Nobel Memorial Prize in Economic Sciences. Now what does someone have to do to get such an award? Make a deep dive into the economy! This Milton advocated for a slow, steady stream of money flowing into the economy instead of rapid unexpected changes.

I like his idea of slow and steady. Isn’t that how most of us grow? Year after year, making adjustments and changes that move us forward and give us new views of the world. Where are your changes taking you?

Want to explore how daydreams and detours shape personal growth? Visit Hooked to Books’ inspiring quotes from Oh, The Places You’ll Go!, Poem Analysis’ breakdown of Dr. Seuss’s journey poem, and Tag Vault’s reflections on optimism and resilience.

If you’re reflecting on dreams, detours, or personal transformation, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and life-stage growth.

SIBLINGS

Family, Identity, and the Emotional Blueprint We Inherit

Siblings aren’t just companions—they’re co-authors of our emotional story. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how sibling dynamics shape identity, resilience, and the lifelong patterns we carry from our first community.

A man and woman fall in love. Sometimes the experience is a magical sense of love at first sight. Something in the brain of each person recognizes the other in a way that makes an immediate connection. Sometimes the experience is a building of friendship over time that bursts into a deep loving connection. Sometimes the connection is arranged and over time you learn to love and appreciate the other in deep ways.

This couple will inevitably decide to have a child. Some couples will stop there and enjoy an only child. Statistics say that 20% of the population are only children. That means the rest of us grow up in a gaggle of other beings. Eighty percent of us have siblings.

The Brady Bunch image from the late sixties and early seventies shows a blended family with a combined 6 children, three girls from the mother and three boys from the father. Their process of blending together covers awkwardness, rivalries, coalescing and adventure. They present the “ideal” showing that even strangers can come together and form bonds that lead to support, comradery, pleasure, and sustainability.

In my work with families, I have rarely, if ever, found this scenario in real families. Often the oldest sibling is not thrilled with the ones that follow. Many times, the family favors one child over the others. Sometimes a child has special needs that limit the resources available to others. When the oldest is jealous, depending on the number that follows, the oldest may become a substitute parent in large families or a distant member in smaller families. Our siblings can be difficult. Jealousies can be present. Hierarchies are established. Alienation and enmeshment can be present. Unlike friendships, we do not get to choose our siblings. When a parent favors one child over the others, the emotional cost is high for both the favored and the unfavored. Parents rarely recognize the price that all the children pay for this special treatment. Something in the history of the parent draws them to favor one child over the other. When the family has a special needs child, all members are impacted. Priorities must be honored leading to limited attention and concern for the other children.

We are made to be in community. Our family of origin is our first community. In this system we learn about our value, our place, our expectations and our possibilities. Take a moment and place those four words at the top of a page, heading a column. Value, Place, Expectations, Possibilities. Be honest with yourself and list what you learned in each category from your family of origin. Now draw a big thick line across the page beneath your writing. Look at those words again and write who you are today.

Want to explore how sibling dynamics shape identity and emotional development? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to sibling identity formation, BetterHelp’s overview of sibling relationships and mental health, and NeuroLaunch’s deep dive into sibling psychology.

If you’re reflecting on family roles, sibling relationships, or emotional identity, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational healing.

OPPORTUNITY

Breath, Bravery, and the Joy of Reaching Higher

Opportunity isn’t just a word—it’s a launchpad. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how moments of risk and wonder shape emotional growth, and how childhood adventures remind us to climb, breathe, and believe.

This is a marvelous word. Take a moment and pronounce it aloud. You must push air out of your mouth to create the sound. Think about that. Here is a word with real potential and as you say it you are pushing air out between your lips. The air just explodes! Isn’t that what you want when you are facing a new challenge? You want to explode and jettison yourself forward to take advantage of new space or a new time.

What have been your opportunities to explode? I mean this in a good way, please. I love it when small children explode with joy or excitement. I bet you have a favorite memory of watching this happen. I remember the ice skates for Christmas when I was about 10 years old. Everyone in the family got ice skates and we lived close enough to the reservoir to use them on a regular basis. That is one winter that we were all praying for freezing temperatures. Skating on the ice is such a joyous experience. We were not Hans Brinker, but our blades were silver!

Children understand “opportunity” in ways that adults never do. There is a tree in the backyard that just begs to be climbed. Fir trees—even though sticky and prickly—are clearly designed for this. You can walk up the branches until you reach the top. The question is “Can you walk back down?” The answer is “generally not.” You should not have been there in the first place so that is one level of panic. You can see about a mile in the distance and that is another level of panic. Your fingers and toes are sticky from the sap and that is disgusting. Ok. You know you should not have done that, but it was so inviting and so easy. Then you look down.

You are about seventy-five feet off the ground. Your hands, feet and other parts of your body are sticky and gooey, and you clearly are no longer comfortable. Somehow the process of going up, headfirst and just grabbing one limb after another was easy. But let us face it, you do not have eyes in your butt. Going down will not be the same. What if you miss a limb? What if you slip? What if your gooey hands get stuck and throw you off balance? What if your foot misses a limb? Time to call for help.

Fortunately, your father has a two-story ladder and a steady countenance. As he climbs carefully up to you, he is calm and reassuring and admiring your success. He asks what you can see from there because he has never been to the top of the fir tree. You struggle to answer that question because you are focused on looking down, down, down, and not out. Then, he is there, and you are on the ladder. Breathe. One rung at a time, lower, lower, lower until the solid ground appears.

As you take in a deep breath and push it out, your muscles relax, and you remember the opportunity to climb to the top and reach for the sky and experience the landscape from more than seventy feet above the ground. The scene was glorious. You are an adventurer. And you are safe.

Want to explore how opportunity fuels emotional growth and resilience? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to emotional healing and growth, NeuroLaunch’s overview of emotional development, and Raising Families’ windows of opportunity in childhood.

If you’re reflecting on risk, resilience, or emotional expansion, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal transformation.

ETC. &C,

Lists, Language, and the Ritual of Renewal

Et cetera—and so much more. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how shorthand symbols like “etc.” and “&c,” mirror our emotional shorthand, and how the New Year invites us to expand, revise, and reimagine our lists.

Are you familiar with these abbreviations? I am sure the first one is very familiar, and the second means the same. The second is just an older version. Etc. stands for et cetera, which means “and other similar things.” We use this abbreviation to indicate that the list we are making has other members, and they are too numerous to enumerate. This is a shorthand. If the reader wishes to find other members on the same list, they can seek them out for themselves.

What are you seeking? What lists are you making? What lists are you sending to others? What lists are coming to you?

At this time, when we begin a new year, everyone tends to focus on lists. Some are making lists for the future. Some are making lists of accomplishments from the past. A few are making lists of things to avoid moving forward. Your lists may be physical things that you put in a journal. Perhaps you have kept a record of your ideas for the beginning of the new year for decades. Or you may have one or two that have become good family stories. Those are the best. Remember the time…

We treat the new year as a time of respect by rethinking and starting over. Of course, we could choose any time of the year to begin something new or make resolutions, yet we tend to cram all of these into early January. How many of you have resolved to treat your body better? You promise to lose weight, or you spend the month of January with no alcohol. How did that work out?

Change is hard. Change requires support. We publish these resolutions to get the support we need to fulfill them. My New Year’s resolution is to return to a book I have been writing about the emotional development of boys and men. I want to confront how we raise boys and help people take a closer look at their own parenting and teaching of boys. I want to engage men in understanding why emotional expression seems so difficult. I want families to try new things as they parent their boys. I want organizations like schools, scouts, and sports activities to consider how they relate to boys and make some critical changes.

And, etc.

Want to explore meaningful New Year’s resolutions and how to make them stick? Visit The Everygirl’s list of realistic resolutions, Bright Color Mom’s 100 ideas for 2025, and Good Mind and Body’s most popular resolutions.

If you’re reflecting on change, intention, or emotional growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal transformation.

EXPECTATIONS

Reflection, Resilience, and the Power of Renewal

As the calendar turns, so does our perspective. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how year-end rituals foster emotional growth, and how resilience transforms challenges into new beginnings.

As the New Year approaches, everyone begins to review the past year and make resolutions for the coming one. Hopefully, a connection exists between what you have experienced over the past year and what you hope to experience moving forward. Connecting these two is essential.

The categories are standard: Family, Health, Friends, Work, Country, Faith. Perhaps you add one or two more. Each of us can elaborate on the various elements of each category. I am also sure that challenges and personal trials are on the list as we express gratitude for the support of others and the resources that have appeared just when we needed them.

The routine of reviewing the past year and planning for the next is a magical thing. What if we did not have this cycle of years? Would we keep drifting and never stop to reflect or plan anew? This annual ritual is valuable. Yes, there are other times when life grabs us, and we stop, reflect, and regroup. The transitions in life are times of reflection: high school graduation, college graduation, transitioning from apprentice to master, birth of a child, marriage, divorce, death of any kind, serious illness, to name a few. Life can and does disrupt us, requiring that we do some hard work of reflection and reorganization.

Yet, we are resilient. Humans are adaptable in ways that other creatures are not. We can change directions and regroup after devastating losses. When you review your past, you will see what I mean. Each of us had to change directions. Hitting that brick wall hurts. Changing direction takes energy and courage. Give yourself an embrace for taking the time it takes and doing the work it took to change.

One of the most beautiful things about humans is their ability to rise from the ashes like a phoenix and begin anew. Remaking yourself and renewing yourself is laudable. Humans are created with this capacity; watching it happen is truly moving. Look at your history of rising from the ashes of a bad experience. Look at the history of your ancestors and progeny. Humans are amazing.

As we transition to a new year, journal about the past year and be grateful for the changes and challenges. Give yourself the credit you deserve for working with and through these experiences. Don’t just say you were lucky. Look at how you managed these difficult experiences and credit yourself for rising from the ashes to fly again.

Want to explore structured year-end reflection and resilience practices? Visit Forbes’ guide to year-end clarity and leadership, SEB’s reflection and planning toolkit, and Quantum Living Mastery’s journaling prompts for renewal.

If you’re reflecting on change, resilience, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and life-stage transformation.

WALKING AT NIGHT

Visibility, Vulnerability, and the Unspoken Rules of the Road

Darkness doesn’t forgive oversight. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the tension between pedestrian rights and nighttime safety, and how visibility can mean the difference between life and tragedy.

This essay will be a divergence from previous ones as this is a rant and not an essay. So, stop reading here if you wish.

It is dark and it is about 10 pm. We are leaving our daughter’s home to go home to our place. The roads are narrow, with parking on both sides, so meeting a car requires that one driver give way by finding a spot on the curb for the other to pass. The space naturally increases when you come to a crossroads as you cannot park by the 4-way stop sign.

The oncoming car has the right-of-way because they arrived at the stop sign first, so we must give way and move to the right for them to pass. Yet, we have plenty of room to continue our journey through the intersection.

THEN

Appearing in the headlights is a woman walking, dressed all in black, walking on a blacktop road and expecting to be seen clearly. She is waving her arms wildly as though it is evident she is there and, as a pedestrian, must have the right of way! My husband’s lightning reflexes propel the swerve that saves her life. Again, she does not make any effort to move toward the curb. She is marching furiously forward, waving her arms like crazy. REALLY!!

When my heart stops pounding, I am furious. I have no desire to kill pedestrians. But!!

• Pitch black.
• No streetlights.
• Black clothing head to toe, including a hoody showing only a whisp of grey hair.
• Waving wildly that she has the right of way as a pedestrian.

Does she have a death wish and is suddenly conflicted?

Is she so self-absorbed that the recommendation to wear a reflective vest at night does not apply to her?

Does she go home complaining that some driver almost hit her?

Will my heart stop pounding?

Want to explore how to walk safely at night and improve visibility? Visit Safety Technology’s guide to nighttime walking safety, ReflecToes’ tips for pedestrian visibility, and Guardian Angel Devices’ winter night-walking safety guide.

If you’re processing fear, frustration, or emotional intensity after a close call, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional regulation and trauma recovery.