Author: Dr. Gloria K Vanderhorst

COVERED BRIDGES

Emotional Reflection, Craftsmanship, and the Charm of Simpler Times

Covered bridges aren’t just structures—they’re storytellers. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how these wooden spans evoke memory, community, and the enduring beauty of rural Americana.

I was raised in the Midwest where the countryside still had a few covered bridges, and the Chew Mail Pouch Tobacco signs were painted on many barns. Fields with fences also had these small signs on fence posts that, when read in order, were little ditties about Berma Shave. Only Nevada and Massachusetts missed the thrill of these signs. The company deemed the traffic in Nevada to be too sparse and the foliage in Massachusetts to be too heavy.

I recently learned that due to copyright laws you cannot put a Mail Pouch Barn in a painting unless you pay a royalty. Go figure. The farmer got his barn painted all over with the advertisement on as many sides as could be seen from the road. Most of the time, that meant one side. The farmer also got paid a whopping $1 a year for accepting the ad. That makes me wonder if current houses could be used for advertising. A Wheaties box could go on the front of your house, or how about a giant Band Aid!

Covered bridges were also wonderful places for advertising. Some were painted on the outside with signs like Coca-Cola or sometimes the bridge would carry the name of the town. Often the inside of the bridge would be plastered with local posters or advertising. Remember that people are riding through these bridges on buggies and horse-drawn wagons. There was no racing through in a Tesla.

The bridge itself had to be covered to extend its life. Since the building material was wood or logs, protection from the elements was necessary unless you wanted to rebuild that thing every couple of years. The survival of the covered bridge is quite remarkable. The oldest covered bridge in the United States was built in 1825 on a private estate. The bridge is now a part of Glimmerglass State Park in New York. You might want to put this on your bucket list. If you are a baseball fan and plan to visit Cooperstown, New York, then you will not be far off from the bridge. In fact, they are only 11 minutes apart according to Google Maps. And, by the way, buckets were also once made of wood.

I have fond memories of covered bridges. Roaming the countryside in Indiana, you were bound to come across one. Stopping in the middle to read the worn posters, carved initials, and other random things was always interesting. I hope they continue to survive.

Want to explore the history and preservation of covered bridges? Visit Historic Sites USA’s timeline of covered bridges, History Facts’ overview of why bridges were covered, and Discover Vintage America’s tribute to covered bridge nostalgia.

If you’re reflecting on memory, place, or the passage of time, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal storytelling.

CLINGING TO THE STATUS QUO

Comfort, Curiosity, and the Courage to Explore

Familiarity feels safe—but growth lives just beyond it. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how our attachment to routine can soothe us, but also limit us, and how small acts of curiosity can unlock new dimensions of joy and resilience.

Yes. You know what I am talking about!

The familiar is so comfy and cozy. I’ll bet you have some favorites. Let’s see.

• Do you have a favorite blanket?
• Do you have a favorite chair or spot in the house?
• Do you have a favorite place that you like to go for food or fun?

See. I knew you had favorites. Now you probably do not think of yourself as “clinging” to these things. That is a verb that conjures up a sense of desperation or some last-ditch effort to meet a need. Clinging smacks of being overly dependent. On the other hand, if you are a fashion model then clinging is a desirable trait. “The gown was clinging to her body in a sensuous and glamorous way.” Now, that is an incredibly positive use of the verb.

Change can be hard, and it can be surprising. Change contains a piece of the unknown and most of us like the familiar. We take a sense of comfort and security out of the familiar. We all need comfort and, in that way, embracing the familiar is truly positive. Yet, we can let that attachment block us from considering something new or innovative. When was the last time you embraced something new? How often have you gone in search of a new method or process? When your friend wants to try a new restaurant, are you excited, or do you wish you did not have to drive that far or adjust to a new place?

Take a moment and think about the “regular” things that you do. How many of you go to the same place for vacation? Buy your clothes from the same store? Order in from the same restaurant? All of these satisfy our need for safety.

We also have a need for adventure and variety. Many of us fail to explore this part of ourselves. Yet, there are numerous ways to do this and still maintain a sense of safety. Think about the book genre that you enjoy. Explore new reading territory. You may be surprised that your taste in literature can change. Think about the TV shows that you gravitate to and explore new types of entertainment. Think about the music you play and try new tunes.

Challenging your brain to address fresh territory is healthy. You are less likely to get Alzheimer’s if you challenge your brain to explore fresh territory. Our brains are huge, and we use so little of that storage and problem-solving space. Learn a new game. Try new types of music. Learn a new language. Explore!

Want to explore how comfort zones shape behavior and how to break free? Visit Made Up Mind’s guide to overcoming status quo bias and Observing Myself’s questions for challenging the status quo.

If you’re ready to stretch beyond the familiar and explore new emotional territory, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal expansion.

BAKED INTO THE CAKE

Mixers, Inclusion, and the Ingredients of Belonging

Some things aren’t just learned—they’re baked in. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how baking becomes a metaphor for emotional connection, and how the kitchen offers a model for inclusion, training, and appreciation in everyday relationships.

I love to bake. That is just one of my favorite things. I also love my KitchenAid Stand mixer, particularly because it is PINK! Equipment is key to a good bake. Don’t you think? When focusing on the kitchen, we tend to take our equipment quite seriously. There is the favorite wooden spoon or maybe a few of them for different purposes. Then comes the pots and pans with their specialty bottoms and just the right one that only gets used for pancakes. In the Kitchen, we tend to be quite thoughtful about our equipment.

What equipment do we use when working with others? If you were to visit a professional kitchen, you might be quite surprised at the language and tone that flies around the room while preparing that special meal for a customer. In your own kitchen, how do the helpers get treated? The opportunity to engage, to train, and to love is so present in the kitchen. When a child is old enough to reach the table is the perfect time to give them the chore of setting the silverware. As they grow, they get to set the plates and napkins. Stools come in handy for reaching the counter to help roll the cookie dough in the sugar or drop batter into the muffin cups. The kitchen is one of the first places where a child gets a sense of responsibility and feels the joy of contributing and being acknowledged. The power of being included, expected, trained, and appreciated cannot be underestimated.

These are experiences that we all long to have. When our friends make plans, we want to be included. When we arrive home from school or work, we want to be expected and greeted with interest. We need that attention. When a challenge is presented, we want to be trained to meet that challenge and become competent. When we have completed the task, we want to be appreciated. These are common to all humans, and we never really lose these desires, no matter how old we are. Our desire to be known, to be of value, and appreciated is baked into us from the beginning.

How are you meeting this need in those that you love and care for?

Want to explore how baking fosters emotional connection and well-being? Visit TableSTL’s guide to baking and emotional connection, Baking Kneads’ article on sharing baked goods, and LifeYourWay’s overview of baking for self-care.

If you’re reflecting on inclusion, appreciation, or emotional nourishment, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support relational growth and emotional insight.

FALL PLANTING

Perennials, Planning, and the Music of the Garden

Fall isn’t the end—it’s the beginning. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how autumn planting sets the stage for spring beauty, and how sensory gardens offer year-round joy, connection, and renewal.

The gardener in you will immediately know what I am talking about. Fall is the perfect time to plant those perennials that you will depend on in the spring. Astilbe, Meadow Sweet, Coreopsis, Arkansas Blue Star, Coneflower, etc. The beauty of perennials is that they return each year to give you pleasure. What else could do that? Consistent beauty. Lovely scents. And many of them attract beautiful butterflies and hummingbirds. The perennials will give pleasure year after year. Of course, you will have to do a bit of weeding as nature always provides a challenge.

One of the joys of a flower garden is that it stimulates all of your senses. Of course, many of the flowers are fragrant, and I suppose that is part of what attracts butterflies and birds. Just like us, they cannot help but stick their noses into the sweet-smelling flowers. The colors are also attractive. Bright yellows, luscious whites, blues, and oranges all come together like a gorgeous painting. The eyes are delighted! And if you have a sweet bench to sit on, you will be rewarded with the sounds of the garden as well. Oh! I bet you did not realize that the garden has its own music to present.

Sit quietly on the bench in the corner of the garden. The Anemones stand tall along the fence and wave their stems in the breeze. As they gently touch each other, a luscious swish rises on the wind. Even though the Clematis is attached to a trellis so that it can climb and climb, the wind moves the vines around, and even the trellis creaks. The sage grass, gorgeous in purple, does a wild swish swish as its tendrils are tossed in the breeze. And even the bees and butterflies make their own music as they move from bloom to bloom.

The garden is a lovely place to sit. The time on your hands and knees was worth it. The sweat dripping off your nose was worth it. The dragging of bags of dirt and mulch was worth it.

Now, you are looking forward to the winter when the catalogs start to roll in, and you can dream and plan for the next growing season. Perhaps that ground cover that you thought was lovely has taken over too much space, and you are going to rip it out. What will take its place? Perhaps the Hollyhock that you were looking forward to because you remember making dolls out of the blooms just could not thrive and must be replaced. How about a rose bush?

The evenings sitting by the fire will be filled with planning and ordering.

Want to explore fall planting and sensory garden design? Visit The Garden Magazine’s guide to fall sensory gardens, Brooklyn Botanic Garden’s advice on fall perennials, and Nature Hills’ tips for designing a fall sensory garden.

If gardening stirs reflection or emotional renewal, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support seasonal insight and personal growth.

HAPPINESS NEVER GOES OUT OF STYLE

Scarves, Symbolism, and the Joy of Personal Expression

Scarves aren’t just accessories—they’re emotional amplifiers. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how scarves evoke joy, memory, and identity, and why their timeless charm continues to uplift the spirit.

I had lunch with some friends lately and as we are all females the conversation turned to fashion and the wearing of scarves. This practice seems to have gone out of style, though, I can clearly find YouTube clips on How to Wear a Scarf. The Scarf is truly a piece of history. Many women have collections of scarves that they have accumulated over time as they travel.

Scarves take on different meanings all around the world. The scarf can be an announcement of elegance. It can be a cover of necessity and protection. It can be a sign of social position. In some places the scarf is used for modesty. Or it can be a sign of belonging to a group. Scarves can be used for protection or for prayer.

Scarves stir our senses. Their decorations can take us to places we have experienced or long to experience. Have you ever noticed how a woman in a scarf will immediately attract your eye? Something about the color or drape draws attention in a way that a piece of clothing cannot. I think you would have to come to the party in a clown outfit to receive the immediate attention that a beautiful scarf attracts. And, lest you think this is a fashion for women, please remember that a man in a cravat will catch the eye just as quickly. Pity that few men use this mechanism anymore.

How you wear a scarf also matters. I remember an early training experience and a room full of women. The leader draped a large square scarf over her right shoulder and tied it at her waist on the left side. The drama was immediate. Everyone was focused on that scarf first and then their attention drifted to the woman wearing it. Trust me, she had command of the program in a way that no other accessory would have commanded.

The scarf is so simple. In schools or at summer camps, you can often find a group of children tie dying scarves. They can tie fabric in knots or wind rubber bands and string around the fabric in numerous ways and then dip the fabric in a variety of dyes. The final product is always a surprise. Hanging these creations on the clothesline to dry results in a riot of color and joy. Of course, your fingers may be stained as well, but the cost was worth the joy!

For some reason, scarves make us happy. That happiness may be based in a sense of safety as we cover our hair or in a sense of elation as we show off the design that captured our eye while strolling down a Paris street. Regardless, the scarf is a staple of the wardrobe and always brings a sense of lightness and joy to the wearer!

Want to explore how scarves influence mood and emotional expression? Visit Pop Fashion’s guide to the psychology of scarves, Angel Grace Blessing’s reflection on joy as timeless style, and Psychology Today’s article on happiness in small moments.

If you’re exploring joy, identity, or emotional expression, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and personal growth.

FEAR

Adrenaline, Identity, and the Urgency of Compassion

Fear doesn’t discriminate—and neither should we. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how physiological fear unites us, how hate crimes fracture communities, and how shared humanity can be a powerful antidote to division.

When was the last time that your heart started racing and your mind flipped a switch heading to panic? We do not often experience that kind of fear. Yet, recently, many of our friends and neighbors have had reason to dive into real fear and panic. Hate crimes of all kinds are on the rise. Our Faith histories are triggering fear in communities all around the country.

I have friends who are Jewish, and I have friends who are Muslim. I have sat at the table with them and enjoyed their company, shared family stories, and laughed at their jokes. I have cried with them when they have lost loved ones or failed to get that promotion they wanted. I cherish these friends. We are all capable of these one-on-one relationships and can find common ground easily. We care about our families and have similar concerns about our children. A son’s recent trip to Israel to visit friends ended in a panicked exit when war broke out, and massive anxiety was triggered. We all provided support. His faith base was not an issue. His well-being was primary. A Muslim professional was tongue-lashed during a professional presentation. The audience member was way out of line and escorted out. Shaken but determined, my friend continued his talk and received a standing ovation.

The chemistry for each of these people is the same. When threatened with real physical harm our bodies react. Adrenalin dumps into our system as immediate preparation for alertness and action. Our muscles are prepped for response to protect us from harm. This response happens to every human being. It knows no religion, skin color, or history.

Our commonalities are stronger than our differences.

Want to explore how communities respond to fear and hate crimes? Visit Southern Poverty Law Center’s Community Response Guide, Justice.gov’s overview of hate crime hotlines and support, and Not In Our Town’s action kit for community response.

If fear or trauma is affecting your well-being, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional resilience and community healing.

CRISP IN THE FALL

Color, Connection, and the Beauty of Seasonal Change

Fall doesn’t just paint the trees—it stirs something deep within us. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how autumn’s vibrant palette mirrors aging, emotional renewal, and the joy of embracing change with grace.

Here on the East coast, we get the full effect of 4 seasons. I know that some of you live in places where this is not your experience. The world is quite complex. Honestly, I cannot imagine living in a place where the weather and atmosphere remains about the same year-round. The other day someone was talking about the Sahara Desert, and I could not imagine being in that part of the world. A fun fact, however, is that the dust from the Sahara contributes to the rain in the tropical forests of South America. We are all connected. Yet neither the desert nor the tropics are a match for the color of Fall.

On the East Coast we have a wide variety of trees. Our property alone has four distinct kinds. When you drive through the streets of Washington, D.C. you will be met with many more varieties of trees.

Trees have this unique ability to change color in the Fall. Why do they do this? Are they seeking attention? Does this have the benefit of increasing longevity? Is this some kind of practice for a future stage of growth or death? Are they seeking attention and shouting at us to take a good look?

Now some of you have already tapped your scientific brains to detail the chemistry involved. I know that as the temperature drops, the flow of life inside the tree slows. As this slow down occurs, the tree produces less chlorophyll. As each leaf loses its ability to draw in sunlight and produce chlorophyll, the coloring in the leaf changes or weakens. As the green drains out, the colors of stress and potential death show. The leaves “pale” turning yellow, gold, orange, red. This is very enjoyable for the viewer but a bit stressful for the tree.

We are all familiar with this cycle. The same thing happens to us as we age. Our hair color changes and unlike trees, we can dye ours, so the color does not appear to fade. I am always amazed when a friend discloses that they dye their hair. I am not sure why that surprises me. I just accept that aging is a process we must all accept, or I think my graying hair announces that I am getting wiser.

Unlike the trees, I do not have this inherent ability to produce more vibrant color. Perhaps that is why I embrace the fall. The world around me comes to life with color, stirring feelings of joy and celebration. I am not getting older, just more colorful!

Want to explore how fall inspires emotional reflection and personal growth? Visit Radiant Inspire Mom’s fall journal prompts, Art of Poets’ inspirational fall color quotes, and Resilient Stories’ autumn quotes and reflections.

If fall is stirring reflection or emotional renewal, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support seasonal insight and personal transformation.

SQUIRRELS

Persistence, Frustration, and the Art of Coexisting

Sometimes the squirrel is just a squirrel—and sometimes it’s a mirror. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how squirrel behavior reveals emotional persistence, how frustration arises from mismatched communication, and how we learn to share space with what we don’t understand.

At this time of year, the backyard is busy with several squirrels looking for places to hide food for the winter. At this point their favorite food comes down from the walnut tree like small, dangerous meteors. No joke. First, the walnut tree is tall. An old walnut tree can grow to 150 feet and this guy has obviously been here for an exceptionally long time. Those green bombs come hurtling down like grenades! Trust me, do not set your picnic blanket up under a walnut tree in the Fall.

I am not sure if I see the same squirrel but for purposes of this essay, I am going to assume it is the same guy. He is desperate to hide these tennis ball sized green covered walnuts in my flowerpots. Now there is barely room in the pot for the roots of the plant, but this guy just will not give up. I have a gardenia plant sunning itself outdoors and this bozo keeps trying to bury walnuts in the pot. Let us leave aside the fact that I fear his weight will tip the pot and destroy it altogether and just look at the basics. The roots of this plant fill the pot. If I am honest, the gardenia is due to be transplanted into a much larger pot but the gardener in me is just not up to the task right now. The squirrel, digging, hanging on the edge of the pot, and failing to find any space for the walnut will just not give up. He fails.

In some ways, he is a model for all of us who need to learn persistence. Failure does not deter him. Day after day he comes back. He must be learning something but for the life of me I cannot imagine what he takes away from the gardenia pot. I might design a sign that says, “the pot is full” or “cut it out stupid.” You see, I can take my frustrations out on the squirrel!

How do you release your frustrations?

I am sure you are familiar with the term, Squirrely. The meaning is varied. We use the term for someone who is odd and makes us feel uncomfortable. We use it to describe someone who is fidgety or restless in a way that makes us uncomfortable. The term is really about our discomfort more than the behavior of the other. What is happening? The demeanor or character of the other impacts us in a way that we are frustrated and uncomfortable. What is the frustration about? It is about the squirrel! The other has come into our space and the behavior grabs our attention in a way that creates discomfort. The communication between us is just not going to work. The squirrel does not speak my language, and I do not speak his. We are at odds and no resolution is available to either of us. We just do not match. Yet, we share the same space and need to respect our differences.

Want to explore how squirrels model persistence and emotional frustration? Visit Berkeley News’ study on squirrel frustration and problem-solving, PBS News’ feature on what squirrels teach us about frustration, and Journal of Comparative Psychology’s full study on squirrel persistence.

If you’re navigating emotional frustration or mismatched communication, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.

“DOING THIS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD”

Moral Imperatives, Parental Power, and the Courage to Question

Not all lessons are loving. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how moral imperatives passed down through generations can mask harm, and how questioning inherited beliefs is a vital step toward emotional clarity and healing.

Did someone ever tell you that they were “doing this for your own good”? The implication here is that pain will soon be inflicted and that for some higher reason, you should welcome the pain because it will bring a positive lesson into your life. I work with adults who have been victimized by this philosophy. The parent who says, “This is going to hurt me more than you,” and then proceeds to whale on a child with a stick or strap is justifying their abuse and not educating the child. And, trust me, it does not hurt the parent worse than the child. Parental abuse leaves scars that are mental and not just physical. However, this form of child training used to be quite common and was accepted all over the globe. I am sure that it remains the standard in many places. The most insidious form of this comes when the parent or authority honestly believes that they have a moral imperative to victimize a child.

C.S. Lewis put it this way:
“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies.”

As parents, we train our children in moral imperatives that fit our belief systems. As these imperatives are passed from one generation to the other, the new recipients rarely question them. Why? What happens to us that we accept the imperatives of our parents and never stop as we get older to ask: “Why?” or “How does that work?” or “Why would that make sense or be good practice?”

Take out a piece of paper and list the moral imperatives you were taught. Ask yourself how many of these have you passed on to your children. Do they really make sense? What would happen if you questioned them?

Want to explore how moral development and parenting intersect? Visit MGH Clay Center’s guide to raising moral children, Reality Pathing’s overview of ethical parenting practices, and Psychology Today’s article on moral development in parenting.

If you’re ready to examine inherited beliefs and reshape your parenting legacy, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and generational healing.

LETTERS

Paper, Postage, and the Power of Connection

Letters aren’t just paper—they’re presence. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the fading art of handwritten correspondence, the emotional resonance of mail, and the timeless joy of sending and receiving something real.

You may not remember what these are. Of course, the alphabet is made up of letters but that is not what I am talking about. I am talking about these paper things that get delivered to your door or mailbox at the curb by a person in a uniform. Oh, those things!

The computer has come close to eliminating those paper things that travel by truck and air from a friend or relative to your own mailbox. Computers and text on your smart phone have become the main route of communication with friends and family. I miss the letter. Fortunately, my grandchildren still go to summer camp where computers and smart phones are not allowed so letters abound! I love writing letters. You can do so many things with a sheet of paper. Thanks to the computer I can put pictures on the page and copy silly recipes, like Cricket Bacon Carbonara, a pasta dish with crunch! I can draw diagrams of plans for the garden or ideas for sewing projects when they return from camp.

Letters are still used for some formal purposes. Requests for records tend to come in the mail. We used to file our taxes through the mail but that seems to have gone by the wayside. Letters and cards of sympathy are still appropriate, but birthday greetings seem to come from these online services that do fancy animation and tunes. If your grandchildren still make hand made cards for your birthday then you are truly fortunate.

Most of the things that come in the mail are advertisements for a variety of services and catalogues of all kinds. There are tons of catalogues for clothing and trinkets as well as home décor and there are even catalogues of books and other catalogues.

I have a friend who receives a letter from his 90-year-old Aunt and manages to write back just before the next one arrives a few weeks later. These are treasures. I hope he keeps her letters and passes them along to his children. I remember going through boxes of letters from my mother-in-law to her brother. They were separated in childhood and reconnected as adults. Those letters let them fill in years of history and connect with each other in ways that could not happen without the mail.

Letters are special. Movies about romance will often have a piece where a box of letters comes out of the closet or an old chest to show the devotion of the lovers to each other. These scenes are poignant.

How long has it been since you sat down and wrote someone a letter, put it in an envelope, put a stamp on it and dropped it in a mailbox? Who do you know who would be delighted to receive such a missile?

Want to explore the emotional power of handwritten letters? Visit Yellow Letters Complete’s guide to the psychology of handwritten letters, BrainWiseMind’s article on what handwritten letters symbolize, and World Letter Writing Day’s 10 reasons handwritten letters are making a comeback.

If you’re reflecting on connection, nostalgia, or emotional expression, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and relational growth.