Category: Blog Posts

HISTORIES

Memory, Emotion, and the Echoes That Shape Us

Our histories don’t just live in the past—they leap, whisper, and sing into the present. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how memory surprises us, repeats itself, and deepens our emotional understanding of self.

Each of us has a personal history. We all know this. Some pay attention to the details, some do not. No matter which camp you fall in, your history pays attention to you and can leap into the present. You don’t have to summon it; your history has a mind of its own and jumps into the present, often when you least expect it. Histories make surprise attacks, and they also make repeat performances.

THE SURPRISE ATTACK
This form of “history jumping” is unexpected. You may think or say, “Where did that come from?” Driving down the road, suddenly, an old rock ‘n roll song pops into your head, and you wonder where that came from. Standing in the shower and practicing your toast for the upcoming wedding, an image of your first dog pops into your head, and you wonder what that is about. Following the thread to find the connection can be interesting. Our brain has just pulled two pieces of history together, and our brain always has a good reason. Trust me. Your brain always has a good reason. Often, we dismiss these as flukes and miss the fun of discovery. When we take time to follow the thread of connection, the insight is always satisfying.

Take a quick look at the rock ‘n roll song as an example. You are barreling down the interstate and listening to some classical music. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot an old barn in a field. On the side of the barn, you glimpse the old advertising sign: “Chew Mail Pouch Tobacco.” The song, of course, was playing on the radio when you took your first date on a country ride. See. Your brain does remember everything.

THE REPEAT PERFORMANCES
Okay. Now that we understand the surprise attack, what is the repeat performance? The most straightforward example is the song you cannot get out of your mind. That one is a real stinker. No matter how hard you wish it to disappear, it keeps jumping back into the present. Whatever the song is, it shows up for a reason. The key is to find the reason. Many people will dismiss this experience as an irritation and will go away or wait for it to exhaust itself. I prefer to be curious and dig into the memory bank for more clues.

Remember “Sherry, Sherry Baby”? The repetition is a killer. And Frankie Valli is an absolute screamer. Yet, there it is, pounding in your head and screaming to get out. Now, just what has triggered this one? I don’t know about you, but I tend to keep things and rarely clean out drawers and closets. So, over the holiday, I did a purge. And at the same time, my sister sent me some old photographs that some distant relative had sent her. In part, the relative was hoping to have some people identified, but my junior high school picture is in the collection. Yep. Sock hops with the white rolled-down socks and “Sherry, Sherry Baby” blasting on the loudspeakers.

As I said, your brain holds onto everything.

Want to explore how memory and emotion shape personal and collective histories? Visit Psychology in Action’s guide to flashbulb memory and historical connection, PSYFORU’s breakdown of episodic memory and emotional recall, and Psychology Today’s reflections on emotional memory and identity.

If you’re reflecting on memory, emotional connection, or personal history, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and emotional clarity.

From Autumn Projects to Personal Passions

Seasons change, and so do our collections. For individuals in Chevy Chase and beyond, this reflection traces the journey from childhood leaf books to adult brooches, and how memory, nature, and personal style intertwine.

Remember elementary school. Those first few grades were the place where you were to acquire the basics necessary for being a viable, functional person in the world you were born in—or in the world at large, eventually.

Remember the fall project of collecting leaves? The assignment was to travel throughout your neighborhood and collect leaf samples. Then, you were to paste them into the pages of a book and mark them with details about the tree from which they came. It was tactile, seasonal, and surprisingly scientific.

I love the fall, though I wonder where it has gone. We are about to head into October, and the temperature today is 70 degrees, with humidity that is giving the temperature a run for its money. Yesterday, it reached a high of nearly 90 degrees with torrential rain. For a moment, I thought the tropics had descended on us and we were doomed.

The leaves on every tree in the neighborhood are still bright green with no sign of changing.

I remember raking leaves as a kid and creating giant piles that my dad would burn in the alley. That was tons of fun as you could watch individual flaming leaves float up into the sky. Of course, cities all over the country banned leaf burning long ago, and that is probably a good thing, as some of those flaming wind chimes could have menaced the neighbor’s house.

Now, the menace takes an entirely different form as the leaves are blown about by giant gas-powered leaf blowers that drone on hour after hour. Our neighborhood, like some others, has decided to ban these gas-guzzling noise machines on the weekend. Thank you, neighborhood association!

Do children still have to do leaf collections? I have no idea. I suppose they do not, though I imagine some children with a penchant for the outdoors might take this on as a personal challenge or a special school project.

My association with collecting leaves has evolved into a passion for collecting brooches. You know, those fancy pins that women wear and collect. Remember how Madeleine Albright used brooches as a diplomatic tool? Some of her ideas were downright aggressive. She used her jewelry to “school” others in her views. Who knew jewelry could be so powerful?

My jewelry will never have that kind of impact. At the same time, I love the compliments I get when the polished gold leaf or the bejeweled little Japanese bonsai pin gets noticed.

Want to explore how collecting connects to memory and identity? Visit Psychology Today’s article on why we collect and NPR’s feature on Madeleine Albright’s brooch diplomacy.

If you’re reflecting on nostalgia, personal meaning, or emotional expression, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, creativity, and connection.

MUSIC FOR BABY

Sound, Emotion, and the Symphony of Early Connection

Music isn’t just background noise—it’s a blueprint for emotional development. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how prenatal music exposure shapes brain growth, emotional bonding, and lifelong preferences.

One of the popular trends is playing music in utero for your fetus. The ears develop around 20 weeks, so you have plenty of time to introduce your baby to classical, rock, new age, ancient, and any other form of music you like. However, I advise caution. Despite the television imagery, the baby’s ears are sensitive, and blasting music by placing earphones on the mother’s abdomen is not recommended. If you are lucky enough to have one still, playing your record player or using your Sonos system at a reasonable volume will do quite well. Thank you. Blasting a baby with high-volume headphones on your belly could lead to deafness. The recommendation is to NEVER place earphones directly on the mother’s belly. Despite the ads to the contrary, you must learn what is right for your growing baby. Really! Don’t you realize that advertisers are selling products and not the truth?

What you play will have a lasting impact on your child. I am an absolute fan of Baroque music. Others will prefer classical or rock. What you play could have an effect on the baby in the future. We research everything so data exists to guide your choices and decisions.

The music you play for a baby in utero will establish a preference. Your baby will be more responsive to the music you have played and other similar music. Choose wisely!

Music has a deep history in relationship to humans. The centers for processing music and emotion are in the same part of the brain. Stop a moment and take this in. Music and emotion are housed in the same part of the brain. Regardless of your philosophy or religious orientation, you must be impressed by this fact! Music triggers dopamine in the brain, the “feel good” hormone. Think about this for a moment. Sound waves are vibrations. They are motion. As they come into our lives, we not only experience sound, but we also experience motion. That is why listening to a song and sitting still is so difficult. We want to move. We want to move or dance or leap about.

Studies of the connection between music and emotion have been conducted for at least 45 years. These two topics are woven together in research. Scholars study the connection between music and emotion. In 1961, the University of Chicago Press published an important book by Leonard B. Meyer, focusing on the intricate connection between music and emotion. His philosophy will make a good read for all music lovers. The focus is the connection between sound and emotion. How does this connection function? What is the impact of this connection on the person?

Somehow, music becomes challenging to describe as our vocabulary for the emotions evoked is limited. Think about the pieces of music that stir feelings in you. Our language seems to lack the complexity or intensity necessary to communicate about the piece being experienced. Our whole bodies respond to music, indicating that the connection is multi-layered.

Ultimately, the research suggests that a strong connection exists and that explaining it is nearly impossible. So, play what you like and invite your baby to like it too.

Want to explore how music influences fetal development and emotional bonding? Visit Stork Advisor’s guide to prenatal music exposure, Tarang Gongs’ insights on sound healing and bonding, and Open Association of Research’s reflections on music and prenatal emotion.

If you’re reflecting on emotional development, prenatal bonding, or sensory connection, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and relational growth.

BAKING

Tradition, Labor, and the Sweet Memory of Yeast Rolls

Baking isn’t just about flour and heat—it’s about heritage. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how baking connects generations, nourishes communities, and preserves the emotional rhythms of rural life.

I grew up in a family that baked. My mother came from a farm family where baking was a necessity. To keep a farm going, you had to have either a passel of children or a group of farmhands. Cows do not milk themselves, and in the early 1900s, no milking machines existed. You sat on a three-legged stool with a bucket on the floor and milked each cow by hand. Then you poured the bucket of warm milk into a large milk can with a fabric filter on top to strain out any odd bits floating in the milk.

Milk cans were made of galvanized metal and had an odd shape. The bottom was a perfect tube about 30 inches tall, with a top that narrowed and flared out again. The thing was probably 10 to 12 inches in diameter. The cap was like an inverted soup bowl. I am sure this shape had a purpose, but I cannot think of what it might be.

Milking a cow is an intense job. I remember being in elementary school and spending a weekend with my cousin and his wife on a big dairy farm. She rose early to start cooking an elaborate breakfast so that when the farmhands came in from the barn, the table was filled with ham, bacon, biscuits, eggs, and beans. A hearty breakfast for grateful workers was always waiting. This scene repeated every day: early morning and late afternoon. Dairy cows get milked twice a day—every day of the year. A dairy farmer doesn’t take long leisurely vacations to the Bahamas to soak up the sun. If they do, their herd will die in the field.

Feeding a crew required baking. The main bake was biscuits. Biscuits and gravy were staples; of course, the gravy was chipped beef. To this day, I cannot stand chipped beef gravy. But I love to bake, and one of my favorites is yeast rolls. These were always present on the table, and even though they took a few hours to create, they were worth the effort. The entire process from flour to mouth is about 3.5 to 4 hours. You must have the end goal in mind and a few things to read while parts of the process are resting or rising. Trust me; the product is worth it.

While waiting for the rise, you can always make cakes and pies. Fruit pies were easy because farms often had fruit trees and berry bushes. The children picked apples or peaches and gathered gooseberries or blueberries. Have you ever had gooseberry pie? I imagine few of you have heard of it, but it is delicious. The berries are plump green orbs that cluster together and can be quite tart before they are ripe and turn pink. Some states have outlawed gooseberries because they spread white pine blisters, which damage trees. Nonetheless, if you ever have the chance, give gooseberry pie a try.

Want to explore how baking fosters emotional connection and family tradition? Visit Also the Crumbs Please’s guide to baking traditions, Cooking School Guide’s reflections on baking and memory, and TableSTL’s insights on baking and happiness.

If you’re reflecting on tradition, emotional memory, or the joy of creating, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support emotional insight and creative healing.

A SPECIAL MILESTONE I’M HONORED TO SHARE

Read, Reflect, Respond Featured in the New York Times Book Review

Some moments take your breath away. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection celebrates a major milestone for Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst—her book’s feature in the New York Times Book Review and a billboard in Times Square.

Dear Friends,

I’m very pleased to share some exciting news. My book, Read, Reflect, Respond, was recently featured in the New York Times Book Review on September 7, 2025. Seeing it in print in such a respected publication is truly humbling.

Even more astonishing, the promotion was also displayed on a Times Square billboard. It is a little surreal to think my work was visible in one of the busiest, most recognizable places in the world. Holding the magazine in my hands and seeing the book there reminds me of why I wrote it in the first place—to encourage readers to pause, reflect, and respond thoughtfully in their own lives.

I am deeply grateful for the support of so many friends, family, and readers who have encouraged me along the way. Your notes, reflections, and stories make this milestone even more meaningful.

A few copies of the New York Times Book Review will be arriving soon, and I look forward to having them as a tangible reminder of this journey.

Thank you again for celebrating this with me. It means more than words can say.

If you haven’t yet explored the book, you can find Read, Reflect, Respond on Amazon.

Curious about the themes behind the book? Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support reflection, emotional clarity, and personal growth.

WINTER IS COMING

Seasonal Shifts, Idioms, and the Art of Getting It Right

Winter brings more than cold, it brings reflection, adaptation, and a few curious turns of phrase. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores seasonal transitions, emotional preparation, and the quirky idioms that shape how we talk about change.

If you are a TV buff, you will immediately think of Game of Thrones as this was the title of the premiere show. However, that is not my reference, and no blood will be shed.

I am still thinking about how awful this past summer was, with little to no rain and heat that scorched your skin the moment you stepped outside. Then the fall has been luscious with just the right amount of cool and rain to nurture the plants and have us outside constantly. Wonderful!

But this weather will not last. Winter is coming. This is the time when the sun seems to disappear. If you need that sunshine to nurture your brain and create positive feelings, you will likely head to the hardware store to buy full-spectrum light bulbs for every lamp in the house, all in an effort to maintain your sanity during this low-light time of the year.

The morning walks with or without the dog will suddenly become treacherous with unseen patches of ice on the blacktop, and the evening will fade all too quickly as the sun sets earlier and earlier. Of course, you can comfort yourself with a warm fire. We still have a real fireplace, and the smell of the wood and the warmth of the flames are delightful in the evening. There have been times when we have been genuinely grateful for this wood burner, such as the week that Pepco struggled to restore power to the house after an ice storm.

Ice storm. The thought of it brings spooky chills. Of course, there are those neighbors who look forward to winter and love to “hit the slopes.” That is such a funny phrase. What is its origin? Of course, this is an idiom, as no one actually goes out to hit the snow or the mountains covered with the stuff. But why “hit”? In fact, if you hit it hard enough, you could cause an avalanche, and that would not be good. Even AI cannot fully explain it. The effort is to clarify how skis or snowboards make contact with the snow. Give me a break. A toddler could have come up with that explanation. So, from now on, I refuse to “hit” the slopes.

Now, “hit the road” is different. This idiom comes from the sound of horses’ hooves hitting the road in a “clop, clop” sound. That one makes sense.

Now we are on a roll. What about “hit the trail”? That one seems to mean to head out on a journey. Or what about “hit the nail on the head”? This means to get something exactly right! With this idiom, we are describing getting something exactly right.

I hope you are ready to get winter exactly right!

Want to explore how seasonal changes affect mood and mental health? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to Seasonal Affective Disorder and NIMH’s overview of winter-related mood shifts.

If you’re preparing for emotional shifts or seasonal transitions, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support resilience, warmth, and emotional clarity.

LINENS

Tablecloths, Cicadas, and the Mystery of Memory

Some linens carry elegance. Others carry stories. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how tablecloths become emotional artifacts—whether they’re embroidered with roses or, unexpectedly, cicadas.

I am talking about tablecloths. When a holiday rolls around, I want to set a fancy table. That requires a fancy tablecloth. So, on what holiday would you need a tablecloth covered with cicadas? Yep, you heard it right. If you look them up, they belong to a SUPERFAMILY of insects! Yikes. I know they are noisy. I know they are numerous when they decide to invade. I know they are all over the world. But what other insects are all over the world? I also know they hide in the ground and emerge every 13 to 17 years. Who does that? What is the matter with these bugs?

If you take the time to inspect one rather than running away, you will notice their big buggy eyes set on the sides of their heads. And they make this weird, scary sound by using tymbals in their abdomens. Tymbals are like drumheads that vibrate. If you were a drummer, I imagine you’d use fan sticks—not the hard wooden ones but the ones that look like brushes—whisking them across the top of the drum to create a kind of “whoosh” sound. Cicadas emerge from the ground in hoards. Yes, hoards. They land on you. They cover the sidewalks and the ground. It feels as though they want to cover you in insect bodies and drag you underground. Their noise is constant and creepy. Yikes!

Oops, I’ve gotten off track. This story is about linens, but cicadas play an essential part. When setting the holiday table, we dive into the China closet for the proper tablecloth. Now, remember, this happens only once or twice a year, so no one remembers the number, style, or design of the tablecloths. They all come out for inspection. Thankfully, they’re all in good condition, and a little touch-up with the iron makes any of them presentable.

But then, there’s one covered with cicadas. I don’t mean that those 13 to 17-year creatures have been hiding in the China closet. This is a tablecloth with repeated designs of cicada bugs! Good grief! Where did this come from? Who the… bought this and put it in my China closet? Fortunately, the linen is dark green and cream, so the details are limited. But still… Who bought—or worse, sent me—this tablecloth? Trust me, I did not buy a cicada-covered tablecloth. And I certainly don’t remember receiving such a thing.

But here it is. In my China closet! How did it sneak in here? Surely, I would have remembered getting something like this. Did a friend drop it by? Did I smile and say, “Oh, thank you so much, what a lovely gift. I adore bugs”? Did it come in one of those boxes from dead relatives, the kind where you shove things into closets and don’t look? Did an evil spirit sneak it into the closet when I wasn’t paying attention?

Would you like a cicada tablecloth?

Want to explore how linens evoke emotional connection and storytelling? Visit Zigpoll’s guide to emotional comfort in linens, FADFAY’s reflections on fabric and mood, and Laumė Linen’s insights on textiles and mental wellness.

If you’re reflecting on memory, emotional connection, or the stories hidden in everyday objects, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support insight, healing, and personal storytelling.

HOW DO WE KNOW WHO WE ARE?

Curiosity, Environment, and the Journey of Self-Understanding

Knowing ourselves isn’t a destination—it’s a lifelong exploration. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how early experiences, relationships, and creative freedom shape our evolving sense of identity.

Is that a silly question or a powerful challenge to self-understanding?

We come into the world with a unique personality. As we interact with the family around us, we modify that personality. If we are fortunate to live in a loving family, those modifications will be supported and explored. Infants are, by nature, very curious people. They are excellent observers and read the environment around them accurately. They have brilliant instincts, as this is their survival mechanism. Oh, to recapture that talent.

The people around us shape our personalities. When we are safe, we will explore. When we are in danger, we retreat or protest. Think of an infant as having infinite possibilities. The easiest way to demonstrate this is to think of “language.” We come into the world with the ability to speak any language. The environment determines which one or more we speak and understand. My parents speak English, so I speak English. If one of my parents had been Chinese and spoken that native language, I would have been bilingual. Our brains are capable of so much, and the early stages of exposure are critical.

Think about your early stages and your language, music, art, and knowledge exposure. I remember a client describing a special treat at his grandfather’s house. To occupy the toddler, Grandfather presented him with a volume of the Encyclopedia Britannica. Now, you might think that to be quite odd and dangerous as well, given that Grandfather would not have liked the books to be torn or drawn in. However, Grandfather took some precautions. The boy felt the privilege of being trusted with these large volumes of pictures and illustrations that made him curious. His love of books and knowledge began with this early privilege. A scholar was born in the den of his grandfather.

Many children are exposed to music and art early on. Remember finger painting? Finger painting is a messy endeavor, so many parents skip this craft. However, putting your hands in paint and feeling the wet, oozing substance move across the paper is well worth the mess. I have this image of a kindergartener moving that paint across the page, onto the table, and down the table leg. Many teachers would have stopped the exploration. Fortunately, this child had a wise and insightful teacher who was curious about the exploration and facilitated a conversation about touch and color and, eventually, about water and clean-up rags. How we relate to young children is critical.

Think of the difference between: “Oh, the paint has taken you off-road and down the table leg.” OR “Stop, what are you doing? You’re supposed to stay on the paper!”

How many of us have learned to “stay on the paper”? Going off-road is the way we learn who we are.

Want to explore how self-understanding supports emotional growth and authenticity? Visit Psychology Today’s guide to knowing yourself, Positive Psychology’s breakdown of self-knowledge and identity, and Psych Central’s creative approaches to self-discovery.

If you’re reflecting on identity, early experience, or emotional insight, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support self-awareness and personal growth.

The Hidden Strain of Multigenerational Caring

What happens when you find yourself in the middle, caring for aging parents while also raising children of your own? For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores the emotional toll of multigenerational caregiving and how awareness can lead to healing and connection.

This week, I joined Brian Sacks on the Stuck in the Middle Podcast to share insights from my work as a psychologist and from my own reflections on how family stress shapes us.

Together, we explored how journaling, reflection, and awareness can open space for growth and deeper connection.

In this episode, we talk about:

• The challenges of balancing caregiving and parenting without losing yourself
• How journaling can uncover hidden memories and emotions stored beyond words
• Why men are often socialized to suppress their feelings and how it affects relationships
• The ways family stress influences the emotional needs of children and teens

If you have ever felt pulled in two directions, or wondered how cultural expectations and family dynamics shape emotional life, this conversation offers both understanding and practical ways to move forward.

🎧 Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts

If you’re navigating caregiving, parenting, or emotional overwhelm, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, resilience, and connection.

COLLEGE

Expectations, Alternatives, and the Many Roads to Success

College isn’t the only path—it’s one of many. For individuals in Maryland and DC, this reflection explores how postsecondary decisions are shaped by pressure, personality, and possibility, and why success can take many forms.

In your Senior year of High School, the repeat conversation is about going to college. Your relatives want to know if you are planning to go to college, where you want to go and what you want to study. The pressure is on to figure out your future. Hey, you are in high school! What is the rush? I am just a teenager, and the prom is months away. Lighten up. Or the scenario could be that you have been planning this since elementary school and cannot wait to get those applications in (implying that you are ready to get out of here).

Then there are your friends, who, for whatever reason, are not thinking of college, cannot afford college, have no goals in mind, and want to avoid the conversation altogether. Some will drop out and go the GED route later. Some will get a job after school, leading to full-time work when they graduate. Some will follow a parent or relative into a trade and build a career path before graduation. Some will shrink in fear and confusion until someone grabs a hold of them to set them on a better path.

Regardless of your group, college is a factor in everyone’s life. The dividing line for the future seems to be planted here. We have the idea that college is the ticket to a better life. In many ways, this is true. Look at your friends. Your best girlfriend in high school became a dentist. Your friend on the soccer team is a high school counselor. The fringe friend is an author and does speaking gigs about dating relationships. But your friend from the camp went into the family construction business and is now running the place. And your friend from music camp is making records and never spent a day in class.

Your parents will not want to hear this, but some of the most successful entrepreneurs do not have college degrees:
Mark Zuckerberg
Steve Jobs
Richard Branson
Bill Gates
Michael Dell
Larry Ellison
Walt Disney
Henry Ford

I am not advocating that everyone leave school. I have a college degree and use it every day. I am just saying that looking at the person and their capability may be more important than looking at the expectation that a college degree is necessary for success. The facts do not always support that.

Want to explore how college readiness and success are shaped by academic and nonacademic factors? Visit The U.S. Department of Education’s predictors of postsecondary success, Inside Higher Ed’s six factors shaping student success, and AACRAO’s student-defined success framework.

If you’re reflecting on education, career paths, or personal growth, therapy can help. Learn more about individual therapy in Maryland and DC or explore therapeutic approaches that support clarity, confidence, and purpose.